You aren't always going to get support
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My husband is supportive in a hands off way. He congratulates me, tells me I look good, and does stuff like measure my food if I'm late getting home from work and miss supper and he's making me a plate, etc. That is the perfect level of support for me. He is counting his calories now but I've never expected that of him or expected him to exercise or change what he eats. A supportive partner is nice. A fitness twin is unnecessary.8
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Well, also, they just get tired of it. I mean how many times can a person say "Wow, that's great" when you tell them you lost another pound, and how interesting is it to hear about this week's macros compared to last week and how upping your protein has helped with appetite control?
My brother-in-law's girlfriend manages to work stats on the amazing curative powers of each of her specially prepared dishes and how they keep her so "fit" into every family gathering conversation. Oh my God she is a snore. Everybody's eyes glaze over, even those of us who ARE into nutrition and or weight loss.7 -
Well, also, they just get tired of it. I mean how many times can a person say "Wow, that's great" when you tell them you lost another pound, and how interesting is it to hear about this week's macros compared to last week and how upping your protein has helped with appetite control?
My brother-in-law's girlfriend manages to work stats on the amazing curative powers of each of her specially prepared dishes and how they keep her so "fit" into every family gathering conversation. Oh my God she is a snore. Everybody's eyes glaze over, even those of us who ARE into nutrition and or weight loss.
:laugh: :laugh:
Well said!
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atypicalsmith wrote: »Motivation has to come from within. Otherwise, it's just pressure from other people.
Exactly! So true.
Also, motivation only gets you so far. Habit and discipline get you the rest of the way.5 -
I have found this to be very true. I also have found that I have "lost" friends since I have gotten healthier, lost weight, and workout bc I no longer have enough in common with them. I dont go out and drink with them anymore or go out to eat to socialize. HOWEVER, I am closer with my Hub bc he has recently decided to lift too. I am loving that he wants to lift and get healthier himself! Makes cooking easier
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All very true - I am trying very hard to sneak it by my husband that I am trying to lose weight. I have learned the hard way that if I tell him, not only will he not support me, he will downright go into sabotage mode!
So, I am on a very secretive mission that includes rummaging through food packets, secretly weighing my food, working out recipes etc, just to get into the ballpark without being caught by the park keeper....
I know some will think I should just stand up for myself and say this is what I want to do etc.....but it damned difficult when you feeling snacky/stressed and he has brought all the stuff you like into the damned house! Discretion for me is the best course of action.....he doesn't think to present me with my favourite lemon cheesecake on my second day of 'dieting' if he doesn't know I am 'dieting'.........
PS. I have tried the direct route, in case you were wondering......so much bluddy hassle!! Caused more stress than it worth!3 -
My hubby is a saboteur
He doesn't want me to lose anymore weight, so he sneaks extra oil on my food, brings me chocolate which most times i refuse anyway. I thought he was worried about me losing TOO much weight. But i recently pushed him further, and his number 1 reason is.........
He doesn't want me to lose my boobs :huh:
They are still a decent size mind you, and I've only got 6lbs left to my goal weight, so i doubt they are going to shrink alot between now and then....5 -
christinev297 wrote: »My hubby is a saboteur He doesn't want me to lose anymore weight, so he sneaks extra oil on my food, brings me chocolate which most times i refuse anyway. I thought he was worried about me losing TOO much weight. But i recently pushed him further, and his number 1 reason is.........
He doesn't want me to lose my boobs :huh:
They are still a decent size mind you, and I've only got 6lbs left to my goal weight, so i doubt they are going to shrink alot between now and then....
Unless most of the six lbs comes from zha ta tas! :laugh:
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christinev297 wrote: »My hubby is a saboteur He doesn't want me to lose anymore weight, so he sneaks extra oil on my food, brings me chocolate which most times i refuse anyway. I thought he was worried about me losing TOO much weight. But i recently pushed him further, and his number 1 reason is.........
He doesn't want me to lose my boobs :huh:
They are still a decent size mind you, and I've only got 6lbs left to my goal weight, so i doubt they are going to shrink alot between now and then....
Wow. That's just... wow.
I mean, not the not wanting you to lose your boobs part. Lots of men think like that, even though it's not rational. But he's allowed to have an opinion. But the sneaking extra oil on your food or bringing you extra chocolate part? NOT cool. That's poor respect for your boundaries. If any guy tried that with me, I'd seriously lose my *kitten*.8 -
mamapeach910 wrote: »Yup. I never get the "I need motivation, please" requests at all.
None of us are children any more. We don't need mom and dad to give us a little push to step out and do something for ourselves.
Adults take responsibility and take action. If they can't find the motivation themselves for taking that action, they're not ready to play the game.
Well if it's really a game a lot of those are played in teams...
Just because you may not have people who are interested doesn't mean you shouldn't seek out like minded people if that's your cup of tea. IMO that's a marker of an adult - to realize what they need and go out and get it
Nice attempt to play a word game and stray from the point.
Weight loss is an individual journey. We might all be doing the same thing, but each person's issue with food is different from the next person's.
How can someone else motivate you? That's not going to see you through when a pan of brownies is in your kitchen calling your name.
I'm sorry, I think people asking other people to motivate them don't have their head in the game.
If you're seeking an external locus of control your whole life, you're not a grown up yet.
There's also a difference between support and motivation. I guess if you want support from people also losing weight with attaboys and stuff like that, you can find it here... but... looking for the wherewithal to get down to it and just do it in the first place?
That's an inside job.
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I haven't told any of my friends that I am working on weight loss. I really don't need to be under more than one microscope right now. My own is enough for me. Once start having visible results and people bring it up I will gladly tell them but right now I only discuss the subject on this forum.8
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In most of the threads where people ask for motivation and support, the OP's tell stories that show it's not just that other people in their lives are unsupportive....the people are often actually destructive. Things like significant others telling them that they are fat and ugly, or sabotaging their attempts to change, or ignoring them completely, or telling them that it's stupid to change. It's not that people are lacking in self-motivation or want to be babied...they just want to be acknowledged. There's nothing wrong with that!7
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shadowfax_c11 wrote: »I haven't told any of my friends that I am working on weight loss. I really don't need to be under more than one microscope right now. My own is enough for me. Once start having visible results and people bring it up I will gladly tell them but right now I only discuss the subject on this forum.
I told one or two people but honestly, I agree with you and I've mostly kept it to myself. For one thing, I don't want to be one of those people who's constantly over-sharing on social media or whatnot, because like with travel photos and baby photos, most people don't care that much about other people's weight loss. For another, even if someone did care, I'd end up being subjected to their opinions or diatribes about such-and-such fad diet or such-and-such exercise routine, which I really don't want. Most people are fairly self-centered and like to make everything about them, and right now I need to just focus on me, so I've kept my weight loss talk to this site and that's it.3 -
In most of the threads where people ask for motivation and support, the OP's tell stories that show it's not just that other people in their lives are unsupportive....the people are often actually destructive. Things like significant others telling them that they are fat and ugly, or sabotaging their attempts to change, or ignoring them completely, or telling them that it's stupid to change. It's not that people are lacking in self-motivation or want to be babied...they just want to be acknowledged. There's nothing wrong with that!
I haven't seen that.1 -
Even those who are supportive have their limits. I have learned to only mention what is going on to my family when I reach a big milestone. Even then, it is a "guess what? I have now lost 100 lb" and move on to another subject.1
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Even those who are supportive have their limits. I have learned to only mention what is going on to my family when I reach a big milestone. Even then, it is a "guess what? I have now lost 100 lb" and move on to another subject.
Yes! I find it a lot more fun to lose the weight and see people I haven't seen in a while do a double take on seeing me and asking, "Have you lost weight?" and people who see me regularly not even noticing until I wear something new that I outgrew 15 pounds ago.1 -
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Lucky me,
my husband is supportive, encourage me, and respect what i am doing.
I do this for myself, and really dont care a lot what other people think, do or dont do.
sounds cold and big-headed i know.
But only i can lose this weight, nobody is going to do it for me. Which means also that i dont have to explain to anybody what and how i am accomplish my goals in life.
I lost friends and got angry faces. Being called "looking tired and ugly" when i just lost 46 pounds and coming out of the gym.
Well guess what,,, dropped that heavy weight "friend" like a dead fly.
My husband is the only one who can influence me, this because he wont ever not respect me for what i am. Thin or thick. He only want me as healthy as can be, and that i am happy with what i am doing or what i am.
so yes his opinion matters to me.
My motivation is myself, my work and input and determination dont need any feeding of any kind. This is because i respect myself, and i am proud of what i do and accomplish.
yeah i know i am a strange bird lol...but guess what ...i like myself this way. And it helps me stand in life the way i do
Its my life, my journey!
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If they're saying that, it's not a NON SUPPORTIVE issue. It's a disrespect issue. And it should be handled a much different way.In most of the threads where people ask for motivation and support, the OP's tell stories that show it's not just that other people in their lives are unsupportive....the people are often actually destructive. Things like significant others telling them that they are fat and ugly, or sabotaging their attempts to change, or ignoring them completely, or telling them that it's stupid to change. It's not that people are lacking in self-motivation or want to be babied...they just want to be acknowledged. There's nothing wrong with that!
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Some times I have wondered about the other times I have lost weight (and regained it). I loved the praise from others and the "wow!" comments, but when they no longer were coming because I was at goal, I went back to my old habits. Is it because I was no longer getting the praise I was looking for? Is it something internal in me that just no longer cared? I don't know. I just need to figure out what I need to do to keep the weight off this time. I cannot go back to what I was.
Sorry for the slightly maudlin post, I have just had a large glass of wine and am a touch tipsy. I love getting extra exercise calories!5 -
Understand that in my position, I HAVE to be supportive as well as objectively constructive with clients. So I get to hear all the stories about non support from spouses, relatives, best friends, BF's and GF's, etc. I'm sure that sometimes when I get "gifts" from clients, it's their thank you to me for being their supporter and doing it sincerely.
Of course if they're blowing it, I'm also gonna be their drill sergeant.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition 5 -
Understand that in my position, I HAVE to be supportive as well as objectively constructive with clients. So I get to hear all the stories about non support from spouses, relatives, best friends, BF's and GF's, etc. I'm sure that sometimes when I get "gifts" from clients, it's their thank you to me for being their supporter and doing it sincerely.
Of course if they're blowing it, I'm also gonna be their drill sergeant.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
That is the right balance!
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I don't expect anyone to be supportive. Now that my husband finally gets just how little I can eat (about half as much as he can) he is using the scale to weigh food so that I can put it in the recipe builder. Sure, people say "good job" or "I need to do that too" but it's not like I fish for it, or expect it. I've come this far doing it on my own, people rolling their eyes, HUBBY rolling his eyes when I tell him how small a portion of cheese is or a serving of noodles... And even the people that I -am- trying to be supportive of because they work with me and knew me when I was 262lbs... they just don't have enough determination yet.0
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atypicalsmith wrote: »
In a random sample of threads where people ask for motivation, the OP's report: that their husband is verbally and physically abusive, especially about weight; they are isolated and stressed at work; that they are angry at themselves; that their husband is making fun of their food choices; that they are shamed for eating a different meal from the rest of the family.
Maybe you're just avoiding the threads where people talk about these things, and that's fine. You don't have to have empthy for people and no one is required to offer their support to strangers on the internet. But this kind of self-congratulatory thread where people cheer on the telling of a 'harsh truth' is simply mean.6 -
I get frustrated when people complain that their other half still eats cookies and chips etc in front of them. In what world is it fair to expect someone to change their lifestyle just because you want to change yours? And then calling it "sabotage" makes me really cranky.
My hubster is neither supportive nor unsupportive. He compliments me on losses and the like, but he'll suggest high calorie foods for dinner, tell me a night won't matter, eat my favorite snacks in front of me, offer my chocolate and tell me I'm working too hard when I start exercising more. None of this bothers me, it's my shtick, not his.
Plus, the poor guy has been putting up with me "going on a diet" for half a decade now. Just because I'm all "this time for sure!!" doesn't mean he has to believe me, lol.11 -
In my past experience, most so-called girlfriends would tell me I look great and don't need to lose any weight and crap like that because they didn't want me looking better than them, the jealous hussies! I don't tell anyone that I know personally anymore, because of this. I can do just fine with this support team right here on MFP.2
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Interesting post. I feel as though I'm really on this journey by myself. I may get a few high fives along the way and then a few "don't hurt yourself or loose too much weight", but honestly most of it goes in one ear and out the other.
My husband has become more attentive for whatever reason, but he's also one of the "don't hurt yourself" groupies. I just tune them all out at this point. If he thinks I look nice then that's a bonus, whether he approves of how I got there or not doesn't matter that much to me.
Long story short, this is for me!!!1 -
atypicalsmith wrote: »
In a random sample of threads where people ask for motivation, the OP's report: that their husband is verbally and physically abusive, especially about weight; they are isolated and stressed at work; that they are angry at themselves; that their husband is making fun of their food choices; that they are shamed for eating a different meal from the rest of the family.
Maybe you're just avoiding the threads where people talk about these things, and that's fine. You don't have to have empthy for people and no one is required to offer their support to strangers on the internet. But this kind of self-congratulatory thread where people cheer on the telling of a 'harsh truth' is simply mean.
I have no idea what you are talking about.4 -
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