You aren't always going to get support
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fifijoaney wrote: »My husband told me to stop talking about it the other day. Apparently I'm obsessed (I'm not) and it's all I ever talk about. I told him it's not an obsession it's a passion.
It's OK though I'll just talk to my fitness friends about it and when he starts talking and talking about his likes I can tell him very bluntly that I don't want to hear it because it bores me too.
Um, if it's all you ever talk about, it's an obsession.3 -
My brother-in-law's girlfriend manages to work stats on the amazing curative powers of each of her specially prepared dishes and how they keep her so "fit" into every family gathering conversation. Oh my God she is a snore. Everybody's eyes glaze over, even those of us who ARE into nutrition and or weight loss.
Haha! This gave me a darn good belly laugh! 'She is a snore' I'll be remembering that one for future use. All royalties to you of course. Xx0 -
Actually I find that refreshing. Support from family and friends can be stifling, can make you feel like you're doing it for them, not you, and can make you feel self conscious. Just do it for you, and maybe they'll notice or comment, maybe they won't, but it's up to them to live their own lives and up to you to do what's right for yours.
Agreed! Obvs when you lose a large amount of weight people will ask are you on a diet? I told everyone about my life style change then when I started to stall and no one commented on weight I lost (cause I didn't or it was very little) I would be super self conscious. If I didn't lose "enough" weight or ate something "bad," I would feel self conscious like my endeavors were for them not me.
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My husband supports me in general, but from time to time he gets upset I spend time away from him. I work a lot and we barely see each other... When I go to the gym after work he might be calling three times in an hour asking me to finish and go home... I can understand him - I leave at 6:30 am, come back after gym at 8:30 pm and collapse at 9pm. He is not happy.
He is naturally skinny and eats a lot of cookies, cakes, and candies. He keeps buying them, but we agreed he buys the kind which he likes, but I do not. Sometimes he asks me to cook something we both like, then moderation is not easy...
On the other hand he likes that I am getting healthier and look better, he goes to races with me and takes ton of pictures... And he patiently listens to my rumbling about food and exercise even though I can see he does not really care. I try not to torture him much though...
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It's not all I ever talk about but thanks for clearing it up for me.fifijoaney wrote: »My husband told me to stop talking about it the other day. Apparently I'm obsessed (I'm not) and it's all I ever talk about. I told him it's not an obsession it's a passion.
It's OK though I'll just talk to my fitness friends about it and when he starts talking and talking about his likes I can tell him very bluntly that I don't want to hear it because it bores me too.
Um, if it's all you ever talk about, it's an obsession.
Obsession sounds so negative I prefer passion.
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Agreed. What is going to happen if/when they quit? Are they going to blame it on those they are counting on for support or take personal responsibility for it?
That being said, the topic of sabotage is one that I really don't understand. Just because someone offers you a cookie doesn't mean they are out to get you.
True my boyfriend gave me a heart shaped box of chocolates last night and I ate 1 last night and two today, it has chocolate and caramel and peanut butter filled so I wanted to try all three types. He wasn't sabotaging me.0 -
Bumping- classic read for the weekend.
It isn't just about weight loss either. If you are unhappy with work, your marriage, whatever- you need to remember that you are ultimately responsible for your own happiness and health. Supportive people rock, but they aren't the ones getting you out of bed to go to the gym or turning down the extra cookie or standing up for yourself or setting emotional boundaries or many other situations that ultimately come down to you alone. And while that may seem lonely or maybe even mean to say, over time you will start to realize you can do things you never thought you could alone and self-imposed fears and limits start to disappear. And you realize you had the power all along to take charge of your life.
Well that got a little Disney-esque there, but you all know what I mean
Happy Friday, MFP! 11 -
Penthesilea514 wrote: »Bumping- classic read for the weekend.
It isn't just about weight loss either. If you are unhappy with work, your marriage, whatever- you need to remember that you are ultimately responsible for your own happiness and health. Supportive people rock, but they aren't the ones getting you out of bed to go to the gym or turning down the extra cookie or standing up for yourself or setting emotional boundaries or many other situations that ultimately come down to you alone. And while that may seem lonely or maybe even mean to say, over time you will start to realize you can do things you never thought you could alone and self-imposed fears and limits start to disappear. And you realize you had the power all along to take charge of your life.
Well that got a little Disney-esque there, but you all know what I mean Happy Friday, MFP!
Lol! Great post. I am fortunate that my wife and family are very supportive. I can't really say how I would react if they weren't but I'm pretty sure I'd still be doing what I'm doing. My reasons are not to hear them say supportive things. It is either more selfish or more internalized than that (depending on how one may view it
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support and motivation on sale, blue light special, K-Mart, aisle 7......get yours fast before we run out!!1
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Penthesilea514 wrote: »Bumping- classic read for the weekend.
It isn't just about weight loss either. If you are unhappy with work, your marriage, whatever- you need to remember that you are ultimately responsible for your own happiness and health. Supportive people rock, but they aren't the ones getting you out of bed to go to the gym or turning down the extra cookie or standing up for yourself or setting emotional boundaries or many other situations that ultimately come down to you alone. And while that may seem lonely or maybe even mean to say, over time you will start to realize you can do things you never thought you could alone and self-imposed fears and limits start to disappear. And you realize you had the power all along to take charge of your life.
Well that got a little Disney-esque there, but you all know what I mean Happy Friday, MFP!
Lol! Great post. I am fortunate that my wife and family are very supportive. I can't really say how I would react if they weren't but I'm pretty sure I'd still be doing what I'm doing. My reasons are not to hear them say supportive things. It is either more selfish or more internalized than that (depending on how one may view it )
I am glad your wife is supportive! I find it interesting that I had the word selfish run through my head the other day when I was thinking about my exercise- I was a little surprised at myself for that thought. I never thought of myself as particularly selfish, I really can't see it as a bad thing to take charge of your health and wellbeing. Or taking charge of your life.
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I don't understand what the expectations are when people want support. I eat a keto diet and my wife is pescatarian; neither of us care about how we eat. I wouldn't expect her to accommodate my diet and vice versa. I like to workout and she's naturally lean and chooses not to; I don't care. She likes and buys high carb snack foods which I don't eat and I buy and I like bacon and other high fat foods. She stopped eating meat due to ethical reasons but couldn't care less how often I eat it. Clearly we don't "support" each other's diet habits but we also don't take offense at the fact we both eat the way we do. I'd feel selfish if I carried on to her about not "supporting" my diet choices by purchasing carb based snakes and food.2
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And a funny thing is, that people you don't expect are also struggling and working on it quietly and occasionally you find out and discuss it in a good way.0
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Went over a synopsis of Oedipus Rex with my students to set up a study of Antigone. Was it his fault that he didn't recognize his parents when he'd never seen them? Was it theirs? Sometimes we can't control what happens in life. All we can control is how we respond.1
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Honestly, this whole thing is a huge bore to those not actively trying to lose weight. I try my best to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes it's hard.3
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It never crossed my mind to go and ask strangers for "support" or "motivation".
When I joined MFP in April 2015 (just before this thread began), I read the stickies, learned how to log, and devoured the forums. I started to recognise a few names of insightful people, and eventually thought I'd try the friend thing on MFP and sent @segacs a message of admiration and a friend request. I've never expected her, or subsequent friends to give me anything.
I've since lost 80 lbs, maintained for 17 months, started running and run for 2 years, and recently run a marathon.
I get inspiration from people doing their own thing, but my happiness doesn't hinge on inspiration or motivation. I'm happy when I achieve my own goals and tasks.
I've been saying all along, "don't wait around for motivation, just do it".
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Reading some of these posts I feel really fortunate. My family is really supportive of me. They've all seen the effort I've been putting in and are so proud of me. They ask how I'm going and if I'm feeling better about myself. My daughter noticed one day I wasn't going to one of my classes and asked why? My car was in for repair so I was stuck at home, she said " Mum you can use my car" . On my afternoon walks I'll ask if my kids (I have 2 daughters and 1 son) want to come with me to keep me company and more time than not they join me. I never really appreciated it until reading this thread. I found friends to be supportive too, they understand what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. If we catch up for coffee or lunch and they offer some of what they have its not to sabotage me but out of politeness. They may mention I'm looking good or they can see a change and that's encouraging but I don't expect me or what I'm doing to be topic of every conversation.
Most people don't know I'm changing my habits and trying to lose weight because I've kept it so subtle, mainly because I don't like drawing attention to myself and I don't want it consuming me.
It's really opened my eyes0 -
A lot of people COULD use this, but unfortunately that's not always the case. I can't tell you how many times I have clients who vent to me how their SO is trying to jack up their program or is telling them they are wasting their money on training because they will never follow through. And that's when I have to be the person to NOT let others dictate to them how much of a failure they will end up being.dillydaisys wrote: »Reading some of these posts I feel really fortunate. My family is really supportive of me. They've all seen the effort I've been putting in and are so proud of me. They ask how I'm going and if I'm feeling better about myself. My daughter noticed one day I wasn't going to one of my classes and asked why? My car was in for repair so I was stuck at home, she said " Mum you can use my car" . On my afternoon walks I'll ask if my kids (I have 2 daughters and 1 son) want to come with me to keep me company and more time than not they join me. I never really appreciated it until reading this thread. I found friends to be supportive too, they understand what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. If we catch up for coffee or lunch and they offer some of what they have its not to sabotage me but out of politeness. They may mention I'm looking good or they can see a change and that's encouraging but I don't expect me or what I'm doing to be topic of every conversation.
Most people don't know I'm changing my habits and trying to lose weight because I've kept it so subtle, mainly because I don't like drawing attention to myself and I don't want it consuming me.
It's really opened my eyes
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I'd never heard of an "accountability buddy" before I started reading the forums here, and have never wanted or needed one.
Where do so many newbies get this term from?1 -
@ninerbuff -great post !
For years I thought needed support from someone, I don't even know who, anyone who could help me. People everywhere saying I need an "accountability buddy" . After 10 years of ww leaders, hospital nutritionists, and kind friends, I am still super fat. None of those people scare me enough into accountability. This last year has been and eye opener to me in that respect, I need no support other than my own. I have found exercise I love, a good way to eat, and a fear of my future if I don't take care of myself. What would be best is if my family could show a little respect and not criticize and complain about my choices, but I can't make them do that. So I am going to do my stuff anyway. I don't see their complaints as "unsupportive" anymore, I just see it as another obstacle ( a very challenging one) for me to overcome. I figure I'll be all the stronger when I'm done. So bring on the obstacles.4 -
My boyfriend always says he's proud of me but will complain if I start talking about how I've managed to stay under 1600 calories for the day
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As a trainer, this is a common story for me from many clients present and past. What makes the journey so much more gratifying is that when one reaches goal, they knew that it was absolutely them that still had to do everything to reach it. Keep it up!Nikitazilla wrote: »@ninerbuff -great post !
For years I thought needed support from someone, I don't even know who, anyone who could help me. People everywhere saying I need an "accountability buddy" . After 10 years of ww leaders, hospital nutritionists, and kind friends, I am still super fat. None of those people scare me enough into accountability. This last year has been and eye opener to me in that respect, I need no support other than my own. I have found exercise I love, a good way to eat, and a fear of my future if I don't take care of myself. What would be best is if my family could show a little respect and not criticize and complain about my choices, but I can't make them do that. So I am going to do my stuff anyway. I don't see their complaints as "unsupportive" anymore, I just see it as another obstacle ( a very challenging one) for me to overcome. I figure I'll be all the stronger when I'm done. So bring on the obstacles.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition 2 -
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Reading through this thread, I guess I'm really lucky to have my SO willing to talk about it and offer support. He also asks daily how I'm feeling mentally and physically about my weight loss.
I do agree that your individual feelings should matter more than how friends, family, etc support you. REMEMBER!!! YOU MATTER!!!0 -
I have some support, at least superficially, but I am easily influenced into unhealthy habits. I live in the midwest, and healthy is not the predominate culture. I am trying but I regularly eat over my cals and don't get much exercise. I lose a few then gain them back at the next birthday holiday etc. I'm sad and losing ground.
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I have some support, at least superficially, but I am easily influenced into unhealthy habits. I live in the midwest, and healthy is not the predominate culture. I am trying but I regularly eat over my cals and don't get much exercise. I lose a few then gain them back at the next birthday holiday etc. I'm sad and losing ground.
It's always important to know the why when it comes to your goals. Clarify to yourself exactly why you want to lose weight (this is personal and specific and can be whatever matters to you about losing weight... i.e. I want to lower my risk of cardiovascular disease, I want to hike without killing myself, I want to look better than Melissa... it really only matters for you.) Then make a goal that is specific, achievable, and measurable (i.e. I will lose 5 pounds by September 15th). Then specify how you're going to manage that (I'm going to eat x number of calories per day, I'm going to increase my vegetables and lean proteins, etc.)1 -
@bathinela
What helped for me was visualization. I couldn’t just want it, I had to be able to see it clearly in my mind exactly what it looked like, felt like, how it would improve my life and others around me (my energy levels suffered immensely). Once I saw that’s the me I wanted to be all the time I knew why I was working towards my goal each and every day. Persistence not perfection. The clearer you see it everyday the more real it feels. Do that and set up consistent, practical, and doable routines and you’re set.3 -
Make post its of your goal and stick them to your mirror, fridge and sun visor in your car. Having tosee them constantly makes it easier to stick to your goal if you just follow the program you wrote on post its.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 35+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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