You aren't always going to get support
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Call me a baby, but I LIKE getting the support, I like when people acknowledge what I have accomplished. I don't think as an adult asking for help is wrong, if I need it, I will ask for it. I don't like the scrunched up nose and pursed lips when my weight is yo-yoing, but that's part and parcel of the game.
I'm not going to apologize that I look to others at times for motivation when I can't drum it up in myself. Life is a circle. I have had others tell me that watching me through my journey motivated them to start theirs. In the same vein, watching others through their journey motivate me to continue mine, no matter how many times I have quit or stopped.4 -
transparentenigma wrote: »Call me a baby, but I LIKE getting the support, I like when people acknowledge what I have accomplished. I don't think as an adult asking for help is wrong, if I need it, I will ask for it. I don't like the scrunched up nose and pursed lips when my weight is yo-yoing, but that's part and parcel of the game.
I'm not going to apologize that I look to others at times for motivation when I can't drum it up in myself. Life is a circle. I have had others tell me that watching me through my journey motivated them to start theirs. In the same vein, watching others through their journey motivate me to continue mine, no matter how many times I have quit or stopped.
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I'm not thinking of any post in particular… but it seems to me that when people complain of having no support… what is really happening is that the support they are getting doesn't look like they think it should.
I have a sister who has said more than once that people who workout are selfish people who are more concerned with how they look than they are about others. I have been told that a) I take things too far (by weighing and measuring my food) that b) I'm not doing this the healthy way (because I still choose to eat carbs and because I was eating about 1300 calories.) that c) it's obviously not that important to me (because I still choose to eat carbs) that d) what I'm doing is not sustainable long term (because I choose to count calories AND workout). I get asked when I'm going to be fun again (because I chose apples for a snack).
I could believe I have no support since nobody in my family follows my same eating plan. And they make brownies on a regular basis (which they never did before) and offer me some. I could believe I have no support since nobody will workout with me. Or will even encourage me to do so. I could believe I have no support because of all those things I just told about in the previous paragraph.
But I also get told "You're amazing." "You look great." "I admire you."
The same sister who tells me that people who workout are selfish also bought me a HRM for Christmas. And an armband to carry my phone when I workout. And gift cards for places where I could buy clothes since I've been shrinking out of mine.
There may a few legitimate cases where they really have no support. Where their family/friends actually do shun them or make fun of them. And may actually try to sabotage them. But I would dare say that in the majority of cases, they are just not getting support in the way they thought it would look like or from the people they thought it should come from.
Either way… I also agree with the original point when it comes down to it… it's all on you whether or not you are going to lose weight. You are an adult. Take responsibility for yourself. Support is great. It is. But it's not necessary.6 -
More than likely they don't expect any change to happen. At that point, I believe it's more an issue of discussion with a psychologist or therapist.
I still believe it is, but what motivates one (say money prize) won't motivate another. That other may look at ego as the motivating factor (made a bet to reach a goal). But it's going to differ from person to person. One of my clients motivations was to get off meds. Another was to put it in the face of her ex husband.Karen_libert wrote: »I find that people look to me for motivation because they can see my determination and they want it to wear off on them. They ask me how I'm doing it but I don't know what it is or how to explain it. They have to find it for themselves. Its inside everyone but they have to find it for themselves just like I did
I used to think so, but not anymore. For whatever reason, determination is something that varies hugely between individuals.
I agree that different people motivate in different ways, for different things. I've also come to believe that there are people who simply aren't going to be highly motivated by anything or for anything. I don't understand why this would be, but I don't have much doubt that it is real.
I base this on having seen one too many people in literally life and death situations who simply give up without much of a fight.
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I take offense to the remark because many of clients don't need support, but acknowledge assistance because of lack of knowledge on how to exercise correctly. When they get results, they feel what they've paid is worthwhile.f1exanimous wrote: »Wow! I must be amazingly luck to have the friends, family, support that I get.
If you have people in your life who "don't care" or are actively trying to sabotage your goals it might be a good idea to dumb their *kitten*. Why waist your time and energy on people like that? There are lots of amazing humans on this planets who are actually worth knowing and want to be in your life.
This thread reads like an ad for a personal trainer. All the reasons you NEED to pay for support. Ha!
You're fortunate to have a life of candy corn and rainbows, but believe it or not it's kinda hard to just disregard your whole family just because your interest isn't theirs.
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It's never a bad thing to look for support. My point was that there are lots of people out there who EXPECT support from the people closest to them and lots of times it's not gonna happen. Not because they don't care about you as a person, but more than likely because like you, they have things going on in their own lives that need their attention.transparentenigma wrote: »Call me a baby, but I LIKE getting the support, I like when people acknowledge what I have accomplished. I don't think as an adult asking for help is wrong, if I need it, I will ask for it. I don't like the scrunched up nose and pursed lips when my weight is yo-yoing, but that's part and parcel of the game.
I'm not going to apologize that I look to others at times for motivation when I can't drum it up in myself. Life is a circle. I have had others tell me that watching me through my journey motivated them to start theirs. In the same vein, watching others through their journey motivate me to continue mine, no matter how many times I have quit or stopped.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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It's never a bad thing to look for support. My point was that there are lots of people out there who EXPECT support from the people closest to them and lots of times it's not gonna happen. Not because they don't care about you as a person, but more than likely because like you, they have things going on in their own lives that need their attention.transparentenigma wrote: »Call me a baby, but I LIKE getting the support, I like when people acknowledge what I have accomplished. I don't think as an adult asking for help is wrong, if I need it, I will ask for it. I don't like the scrunched up nose and pursed lips when my weight is yo-yoing, but that's part and parcel of the game.
I'm not going to apologize that I look to others at times for motivation when I can't drum it up in myself. Life is a circle. I have had others tell me that watching me through my journey motivated them to start theirs. In the same vein, watching others through their journey motivate me to continue mine, no matter how many times I have quit or stopped.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
I think a lot of it is because some people have high expectations on the kind of support that they think they will get. When that level of support isn't met they let it get to them more than it should.
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It is. When a person is making a change for the better for themselves, the thinking is that everyone around them will be "that's great, I'll there for you along the way" when lots of times that's not the case. Some feel defeated at the point because if they don't get the support, they tend not to even attempt anymore.
It's never a bad thing to look for support. My point was that there are lots of people out there who EXPECT support from the people closest to them and lots of times it's not gonna happen. Not because they don't care about you as a person, but more than likely because like you, they have things going on in their own lives that need their attention.transparentenigma wrote: »Call me a baby, but I LIKE getting the support, I like when people acknowledge what I have accomplished. I don't think as an adult asking for help is wrong, if I need it, I will ask for it. I don't like the scrunched up nose and pursed lips when my weight is yo-yoing, but that's part and parcel of the game.
I'm not going to apologize that I look to others at times for motivation when I can't drum it up in myself. Life is a circle. I have had others tell me that watching me through my journey motivated them to start theirs. In the same vein, watching others through their journey motivate me to continue mine, no matter how many times I have quit or stopped.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
I think a lot of it is because some people have high expectations on the kind of support that they think they will get. When that level of support isn't met they let it get to them more than it should.
That's why I made the thread. There will be those that read this who will be struggling to get support and I just want to let them know that it's not always going to happen, BUT that shouldn't be the reason they don't successfully make it. While some support can help along the way, the uptaking comes down to the individual since they control the aspects of their own weight loss/gain/maintenance.
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A reality that people need to accept is that you are the only one who really cares about your success. People might say they care, but they really don't. In fact, most people secretly want to see you fail to make themselves feel better about their shortcomings. Maybe your mom cares a little...maybe.
It sounds harsh, but I believe understanding this can actually empower you to reach your goals. Sure, there are great people that will help you on your way. No one is saying that you should just do it all on your own. You just have to realize that if you are doing it to impress someone, you will probably be disappointed. Also, everyone that helps you will want something in return even if they don't explicitly say it. It's part of being a social being.1 -
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+1. As a trainer, I've always had a client say at one time or another, that their SO, relative, parent, etc., "my ______ thinks I'm getting obsessed with this self improvement I'm doing". I'm sure many here have had the same feelings.rjmudlax13 wrote: »A reality that people need to accept is that you are the only one who really cares about your success. People might say they care, but they really don't. In fact, most people secretly want to see you fail to make themselves feel better about their shortcomings. Maybe your mom cares a little...maybe.
It sounds harsh, but I believe understanding this can actually empower you to reach your goals. Sure, there are great people that will help you on your way. No one is saying that you should just do it all on your own. You just have to realize that if you are doing it to impress someone, you will probably be disappointed. Also, everyone that helps you will want something in return even if they don't explicitly say it. It's part of being a social being.
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Recently had a client have an argument with her husband (who frequently runs in SF and then goes to the bar afterward according to her), that although she's getting is great shape, losing weight and getting "hot" again, that our once a week training is too much for her to spend. She spends about $50 a session.
What's the going rate for 3 mixed drinks 3 times a week?
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Recently had a client have an argument with her husband (who frequently runs in SF and then goes to the bar afterward according to her), that although she's getting is great shape, losing weight and getting "hot" again, that our once a week training is too much for her to spend. She spends about $50 a session.
What's the going rate for 3 mixed drinks 3 times a week?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Ooooohhhh, marriage problems.
RUN.
At least when I have to give up on my trainer, it's going to be because of my kid's braces.
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Lol, we got that coming up too. Couple of teeth have to be pulled so that canines can come down.mamapeach910 wrote: »Recently had a client have an argument with her husband (who frequently runs in SF and then goes to the bar afterward according to her), that although she's getting is great shape, losing weight and getting "hot" again, that our once a week training is too much for her to spend. She spends about $50 a session.
What's the going rate for 3 mixed drinks 3 times a week?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Ooooohhhh, marriage problems.
RUN.
At least when I have to give up on my trainer, it's going to be because of my kid's braces.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition[/quote]
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Maybe you can't count on others to 'do it for you' but it is nice to feel supported and recognized for your efforts and for some one to notice when you are in a bad spot and say hey we will get through this together! I like that, it actually pulled me back into mfp when I got a notification from someone saying where are you we miss you! So that I get whe people ask to have a cheerleader or some support in that way.
I know its a inside job though but its nice to have an up comment on a bad day or someone with tips to get out of a motivation rut.2 -
No doubt. Initially the OP is about letting others know that they shouldn't be phased if they don't get support from people whom they love, trust and befriend. That regardless of it, that it shouldn't be the determining factor on whether or not they give up on themselves or their attempt at weight loss.angelexperiment wrote: »Maybe you can't count on others to 'do it for you' but it is nice to feel supported and recognized for your efforts and for some one to notice when you are in a bad spot and say hey we will get through this together! I like that, it actually pulled me back into mfp when I got a notification from someone saying where are you we miss you! So that I get whe people ask to have a cheerleader or some support in that way.
I know its a inside job though but its nice to have an up comment on a bad day or someone with tips to get out of a motivation rut.
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition[/quote]
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Have a good weekend and great advice sometimes we have to encourage ourselves no one wants it more than you do!! Thank u ☺
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O I got that. I don't get that at home but its morereason for me to press on eeventually things get noticed. It is hard though when you want that support but need to do it on your own. Or worse they make it harder for you by fighting with you bc you want to eat healthy or go workout but have to have that thing in you not to give up despite the hardships. It is really hard.1
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The one thing that most successful people have in common is the relentless pursuit of completion. Regardless of obstacles and deterrences standing in their way, they still find a way to get to goal. It takes time to learn it, but once someone gets it, sky's the limit.angelexperiment wrote: »O I got that. I don't get that at home but its morereason for me to press on eeventually things get noticed. It is hard though when you want that support but need to do it on your own. Or worse they make it harder for you by fighting with you bc you want to eat healthy or go workout but have to have that thing in you not to give up despite the hardships. It is really hard.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition[/quote]
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My mom is the most supportive of my weight loss efforts. My fiancé supports me but he doesn't really know what I'm talking about when I talk about cico or any of that stuff. He probably gets tired of hearing about it. Oh well, I'm doing this for me and I'm okay with other people not cheering me on. I told him as long as he doesn't say anything negative about it I'm fine. He made a comment the other day about how "jiggly" I used to be, and I told him "no matter how much I lose to please dont make fun of how I used to look. Even if I don't look like that anymore it is still offensive." He seemed to understand and hasn't made anymore comments about it.3
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forgtmenot wrote: »He made a comment the other day about how "jiggly" I used to be, and I told him "no matter how much I lose to please dont make fun of how I used to look. Even if I don't look like that anymore it is still offensive." He seemed to understand and hasn't made anymore comments about it.
Good for you. There's no cause to fat-shame anyone, especially if that someone happens to be the former you.0 -
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I have one weight loss journey buddy & other than that I zip my lips! This has to be an inner process, and it has to rely more on routines and rhythms than inspiration/motivation because that will change from day to day.1
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Winners don't wait to see who's coming with them. Go for your goals and let others follow you if they want. Set the example. Be the leader.0
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My husband told me to stop talking about it the other day. Apparently I'm obsessed (I'm not) and it's all I ever talk about. I told him it's not an obsession it's a passion.
It's OK though I'll just talk to my fitness friends about it and when he starts talking and talking about his likes I can tell him very bluntly that I don't want to hear it because it bores me too.1 -
I was kind of irritated at first when I saw this post, because it was right after posting my own thread for support / advice... but... yeah, you're completely right. I have known for a long, long time that the only one I can count on to do this is me. If other people I care about want to cheer me on or offer kind words, that's just a bonus - even though I always used to take compliments with a grain of salt, because in the back of my mind I felt like the only opinion I should care about is my own. And I don't know why I sometimes feel like I should be able to ask for help, because when other people have asked me to "help motivate" them, I always think, "How the hell do you expect me to do that?" lol...
I'm feeling a lot more optimistic about coming back today, though, and already got a great workout in.
Thanks again for being honest, as always. It really helps me at times to get that truth. 2
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