Four bags of Oreos
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For all those saying she should up his life insurance, or get a new policy. While sound advice, he is likely completely uninsurable. Given the weight, the medical history, the ADD meds, etc. Double so for long term care, where the underwriting is pretty tight.
The only possibility would be a group policy through his work which sometimes offer the possibility of upping insurance without underwriting, but even there he might face some underwriting and/or he'd have to be still employed at time of death.
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I'm sorry for your situation OP. My only advice was to seek therapy, but since you've already done that I don't have much to add except maybe see if you can convince him to see a new therapist as you are unhappy with his current one, or maybe go back to couple again if you have stopped.
As you contemplate whether or not to stay in this marriage, one thing to consider is whether you can successfully pursue your own health goals while with him. It's one thing if he wants to destroy his own health, but you need to be able to maintain/improve yours.
Good points. You have a good heart, OP. You gave him the benefit of the doubt with what you deemed to be his sincerity about health goals at the onset. I don't blame you for that one bit. The start of any relationship is filled with trust and hope; we cannot know everything about someone at the onset. Seeing red flags in retrospect... who has not experienced that? I have, for sure. Standing up and vowing to stick it out through sickness & health, for richer & poorer makes us think long and hard about whether folding the tent is the right thing. It doesn't feel good. You do have responsibility for yourself, though, and FreeOscar is right--you need to be able to maintain your own health. Maybe this is a good place to restart counseling, as it is focused on changing you not him. Even if he's not ready to take responsibility for himself, maybe he could see how criticizing/threatening your efforts to get healthier hurt you, and maybe he would be willing to love and accept you the way you are.
Very nice post and I agree with you. This is a very compassionate but practical look at things, IMO.
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APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Hubby and I had "the discussion" about eating more sensibly and healthier, and less junk food, etc, etc, etc, this weekend. (He has more weight to lose than I do.) Thought we were on the same page, until he came home from the grocery store this evening with four bags of Oreos, chocolate ice cream, eight pounds of pork sausage patties, and a supersize bag of generic Reese's pieces cereal.
I'm not even sure we're in the same book, much less on the same page. How do you handle these situations??
2 oreos is around 100 calories
I fail to see the issue
The issue is not simply one of CICO. The OP's husband has a chronic medical condition that is often exacerbated by certain foods (ie. those with refined sugar). Just because you and others fail to see the issue does not mean that there is no issue.
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Wow, OP. All I can say is I'm sorry and I think it's understandable if you can't stay and watch him doing this to himself.0
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asflatasapancake wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »asflatasapancake wrote: »The real question is, should I make and then eat this?
What is that on top? Is that cheese?
I don't care. I want it in my belly now.
I believe it's caramel sauce, like the deliciousness you put on top of an ice cream sundae. Even if it was cheese, I'd probably still eat it.
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Chrysalid2014 wrote: »APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Hubby and I had "the discussion" about eating more sensibly and healthier, and less junk food, etc, etc, etc, this weekend. (He has more weight to lose than I do.) Thought we were on the same page, until he came home from the grocery store this evening with four bags of Oreos, chocolate ice cream, eight pounds of pork sausage patties, and a supersize bag of generic Reese's pieces cereal.
I'm not even sure we're in the same book, much less on the same page. How do you handle these situations??
2 oreos is around 100 calories
I fail to see the issue
The issue is not simply one of CICO. The OP's husband has a chronic medical condition that is often exacerbated by certain foods (ie. those with refined sugar). Just because you and others fail to see the issue does not mean that there is no issue.
Couldn't have said it better myself!
Some people appear to get very het up by others making a decision to quit junk food. Those people must feel very defensive and insecure about choosing to eat such things themselves.
I concurr. Lots of people like this in the forums.
"I fit junk food into my calorie limit everyday and lost a million pounds so you should do it to."0 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »
And I assume that the OP's husband isn't living in an underground bunker where he won't see the light of day or a grocery store for another month or two.TimothyFish wrote: »I assume that your husband has no intention of eating all that at one time. There is a big difference between having it in the house and having it in your stomach.
Someone who deliberately purchases that amount of crap in one go probably plans to binge on it. *Four* bags of Oreos is a bit excessive.
Unless all that stuff was on a big, big sale or something. Like bogo.
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asflatasapancake wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »asflatasapancake wrote: »The real question is, should I make and then eat this?
What is that on top? Is that cheese?
I don't care. I want it in my belly now.
I wouldn't even be mad if it was cheese. I bet that's an oddly delightful combination.0 -
This reminds me of that one thread a few months ago where a mother made a post about how her teenage daughter was gaining a lot of weight in a short period of time and bingeing and eating copious amounts of unhealthy food and wanted advice on how to talk to her about changing her habits. Of course everyone wanted the mom to just let her daughter carry on and show no concern because the mom was just a bad, bad mom. People are ridiculous.
While some people made very good points, keep in mind a large amount of us are here because we have terrible habits that led us to having health issues such as obesity, high blood pressure, diabetes etc etc etc. The point I'm trying to make is not everyone is qualified to tell you how to handle the situation as many people have proven in this forum.0 -
This reminds me of that one thread a few months ago where a mother made a post about how her teenage daughter was gaining a lot of weight in a short period of time and bingeing and eating copious amounts of unhealthy food and wanted advice on how to talk to her about changing her habits. Of course everyone wanted the mom to just let her daughter carry on and show no concern because the mom was just a bad, bad mom. People are ridiculous.
While some people made very good points, keep in mind a large amount of us are here because we have terrible habits that led us to having health issues such as obesity, high blood pressure, diabetes etc etc etc. The point I'm trying to make is not everyone is qualified to tell you how to handle the situation as many people have proven in this forum.
I think I remember that thread and your summary of it seems biased and incorrect.
Nobody said the mom should "show no concern." What many people said, (some based on their own personal experiences with over-eating and how their parents handled it) was that the mother should be careful in how she addresses the issue. Why? Because at the end of the day we do own our own consumption. Forbidding a spouse or child from eating certain things isn't going to help if they aren't ready to make a change.
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This is an interesting perception and merely a projection of your own stuff.Chrysalid2014 wrote: »APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Hubby and I had "the discussion" about eating more sensibly and healthier, and less junk food, etc, etc, etc, this weekend. (He has more weight to lose than I do.) Thought we were on the same page, until he came home from the grocery store this evening with four bags of Oreos, chocolate ice cream, eight pounds of pork sausage patties, and a supersize bag of generic Reese's pieces cereal.
I'm not even sure we're in the same book, much less on the same page. How do you handle these situations??
2 oreos is around 100 calories
I fail to see the issue
The issue is not simply one of CICO. The OP's husband has a chronic medical condition that is often exacerbated by certain foods (ie. those with refined sugar). Just because you and others fail to see the issue does not mean that there is no issue.
Couldn't have said it better myself!
Some people appear to get very het up by others making a decision to quit junk food. Those people must feel very defensive and insecure about choosing to eat such things themselves.
Yeah 'cause the husband bought 4 packs of oreos to have 2 cookies everyday 0 -
APeacefulWarrior wrote: »
If he's that big, would 8 fit into his calorie goals for the day? I don't know the calorie count of oreos, but I bet I could make 8 oreos fit in my day if I wanted to.
Googled it: 426 calories
ETA: Crap, forgot about the diabetes. Disregard.0 -
This is an interesting perception and merely a projection of your own stuff.Chrysalid2014 wrote: »APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Hubby and I had "the discussion" about eating more sensibly and healthier, and less junk food, etc, etc, etc, this weekend. (He has more weight to lose than I do.) Thought we were on the same page, until he came home from the grocery store this evening with four bags of Oreos, chocolate ice cream, eight pounds of pork sausage patties, and a supersize bag of generic Reese's pieces cereal.
I'm not even sure we're in the same book, much less on the same page. How do you handle these situations??
2 oreos is around 100 calories
I fail to see the issue
The issue is not simply one of CICO. The OP's husband has a chronic medical condition that is often exacerbated by certain foods (ie. those with refined sugar). Just because you and others fail to see the issue does not mean that there is no issue.
Couldn't have said it better myself!
Some people appear to get very het up by others making a decision to quit junk food. Those people must feel very defensive and insecure about choosing to eat such things themselves.
Yeah 'cause the husband bought 4 packs of oreos to have 2 cookies everyday
The vast majority of the replies are assuming the OP's husband is overeating and heading down a dangerous road. Did you read the whole thread? You are arguing with a small minority of the posts in a 15 page thread?0 -
allaboutthecake wrote: »OP, I didn't wade thru the pages. But here's my take. Call your insurance agent and UP his Term Life Insurance, 10x his annual salary or more. Also, go get Long Term Care insurance. Sign his blankety-blank up for it all. Check into nursing homes, in-patient physical therapy type places, and bring those pamphlets home.
You can't change a leopard's spots, but you sure as heck can be prepared for said leopard's stroke, heart attack, loss of limb due to his diabetes, kidney failure, or heaven help you anything worse. At least then, you're covered. And sometimes that peace of mind is worth all his cookies and sausages combined.
There's also this haha0 -
This is an interesting perception and merely a projection of your own stuff.Chrysalid2014 wrote: »APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Hubby and I had "the discussion" about eating more sensibly and healthier, and less junk food, etc, etc, etc, this weekend. (He has more weight to lose than I do.) Thought we were on the same page, until he came home from the grocery store this evening with four bags of Oreos, chocolate ice cream, eight pounds of pork sausage patties, and a supersize bag of generic Reese's pieces cereal.
I'm not even sure we're in the same book, much less on the same page. How do you handle these situations??
2 oreos is around 100 calories
I fail to see the issue
The issue is not simply one of CICO. The OP's husband has a chronic medical condition that is often exacerbated by certain foods (ie. those with refined sugar). Just because you and others fail to see the issue does not mean that there is no issue.
Couldn't have said it better myself!
Some people appear to get very het up by others making a decision to quit junk food. Those people must feel very defensive and insecure about choosing to eat such things themselves.
Yeah 'cause the husband bought 4 packs of oreos to have 2 cookies everyday
The vast majority of the replies are assuming the OP's husband is overeating and heading down a dangerous road. Did you read the whole thread? You are arguing with a small minority of the posts in a 15 page thread?
We're assuming this because the husband is morbidly obese, has been so for quite a few years, already had WLS and because of, later, the OP's deeper description on the subject.
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janejellyroll wrote: »This reminds me of that one thread a few months ago where a mother made a post about how her teenage daughter was gaining a lot of weight in a short period of time and bingeing and eating copious amounts of unhealthy food and wanted advice on how to talk to her about changing her habits. Of course everyone wanted the mom to just let her daughter carry on and show no concern because the mom was just a bad, bad mom. People are ridiculous.
While some people made very good points, keep in mind a large amount of us are here because we have terrible habits that led us to having health issues such as obesity, high blood pressure, diabetes etc etc etc. The point I'm trying to make is not everyone is qualified to tell you how to handle the situation as many people have proven in this forum.
I think I remember that thread and your summary of it seems biased and incorrect.
Nobody said the mom should "show no concern." What many people said, (some based on their own personal experiences with over-eating and how their parents handled it) was that the mother should be careful in how she addresses the issue. Why? Because at the end of the day we do own our own consumption. Forbidding a spouse or child from eating certain things isn't going to help if they aren't ready to make a change.
I'm not so sure we are referring to the same thread here but I remember very clearly it was one of those posts with 10+ pages and many many many people just said leave her be, let her learn on her own, don't bug her, things along those lines.0 -
This is an interesting perception and merely a projection of your own stuff.Chrysalid2014 wrote: »APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Hubby and I had "the discussion" about eating more sensibly and healthier, and less junk food, etc, etc, etc, this weekend. (He has more weight to lose than I do.) Thought we were on the same page, until he came home from the grocery store this evening with four bags of Oreos, chocolate ice cream, eight pounds of pork sausage patties, and a supersize bag of generic Reese's pieces cereal.
I'm not even sure we're in the same book, much less on the same page. How do you handle these situations??
2 oreos is around 100 calories
I fail to see the issue
The issue is not simply one of CICO. The OP's husband has a chronic medical condition that is often exacerbated by certain foods (ie. those with refined sugar). Just because you and others fail to see the issue does not mean that there is no issue.
Couldn't have said it better myself!
Some people appear to get very het up by others making a decision to quit junk food. Those people must feel very defensive and insecure about choosing to eat such things themselves.
Yeah 'cause the husband bought 4 packs of oreos to have 2 cookies everyday
The vast majority of the replies are assuming the OP's husband is overeating and heading down a dangerous road. Did you read the whole thread? You are arguing with a small minority of the posts in a 15 page thread?
I'm sorry that you are upset about which post I decided to respond to....Also please explain what you mean?
I was being sarcastic.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »This reminds me of that one thread a few months ago where a mother made a post about how her teenage daughter was gaining a lot of weight in a short period of time and bingeing and eating copious amounts of unhealthy food and wanted advice on how to talk to her about changing her habits. Of course everyone wanted the mom to just let her daughter carry on and show no concern because the mom was just a bad, bad mom. People are ridiculous.
While some people made very good points, keep in mind a large amount of us are here because we have terrible habits that led us to having health issues such as obesity, high blood pressure, diabetes etc etc etc. The point I'm trying to make is not everyone is qualified to tell you how to handle the situation as many people have proven in this forum.
I think I remember that thread and your summary of it seems biased and incorrect.
Nobody said the mom should "show no concern." What many people said, (some based on their own personal experiences with over-eating and how their parents handled it) was that the mother should be careful in how she addresses the issue. Why? Because at the end of the day we do own our own consumption. Forbidding a spouse or child from eating certain things isn't going to help if they aren't ready to make a change.
I'm not so sure we are referring to the same thread here but I remember very clearly it was one of those posts with 10+ pages and many many many people just said leave her be, let her learn on her own, don't bug her, things along those lines.
What would you recommend? I don't think "show no concern" is an accurate summary of advice on that thread. "Don't bug her" is very different than "be indifferent."
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