Four bags of Oreos
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heathervazquez75 wrote: »By the way you are not alone! You have this community of people who can totally relate. Utilize us! We will help you reach your goals! The longer you change you habits the more your man is going to have to adjust and eventually he will be more supportive.
Thank you... that's part of why I'm here... this community is amazing - even the PITAs who want proof of everything (you know who you are!)0 -
Let him dig his own grave. Do not support his decisions or enable him in anyway. When he dies, you cant place the blame on yourself.0
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Late to the post.
I also find myself in a position to a loved one with a medical condition and I know there are things that he should do to remain healthy and not in pain that he does not want to do. I feel your pain. It is so hard to watch but I CANNOT force him to do anything-ultimately as many others have stated, it is ultimately his decision to receive care.
All I can do is be patient and kind, and stick to your guns. If you need to be eating healthy, don't let him derail you-go to the store and make sure you have your own food to eat (I've had to do this with my husband-and it has worked out) ! Subtly, lovingly, help him with small changes that he can take, if you are willing. A small substitute over time can introduce someone we love into a new routine.
You are the one he spends the most time with (I assume) and as such you are his greatest influence. If you stick to your own path, he will see that...but it will take a long time.
Ultimately it's a decision you have to make for yourself, if it's something your willing to do. You can stay or leave and neither is wrong. BUT your situation is NOT IMPOSSIBLE.0 -
the length of this thread is becoming impressive
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APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Thank you... that's part of why I'm here... this community is amazing - even the PITAs who want proof of everything (you know who you are!)
You mean the people who refuse to believe crap just because it *sounds* good or supports someone's position in spite of whether it's grounded in truth or not? That makes them a PITA? Really?
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APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Thank you... that's part of why I'm here... this community is amazing - even the PITAs who want proof of everything (you know who you are!)
You mean the people who refuse to believe crap just because it *sounds* good or supports someone's position in spite of whether it's grounded in truth or not? That makes them a PITA? Really?
PITAs are a vital part of any community - they're the one who keep things honest, but I don't think even most of them would argue the PITA designation... one of the trademarks of that behavior is keeping at something until it causes the other person discomfort.
My comment to those type of demands is that nothing in life is 100% unbendingly cut in stone for every human being in the history of mankind. No study, no matter how far reaching, can unerringly say this or that is a certainty in all cases. Studies almost always involve small cohorts, and followed for way too short a time to be definitive. There is no "proof" one way or the other because it only takes one instance of unexpected results to invalidate any theory. Show me a study that takes it down to the cellular level on every single person alive on the planet at any given moment and the results are identical and I'll say you have a "law" or "fact". Until then, it's all theory. (Yes, I'm a PITA too when it comes to that)0 -
Ha sounds like my husband. He use to eat cookies & candy everyday so eating it every other day is his idea of healthier and more sensibly. To make matters worse, he's diabetic. I just tell him "don't expect me to wheel your butt around when your legs fall off". He tells me it will help my upper body development if I do. One needs to keep a sense of humor in a marriage.
Are you sure we are not time-sharing a husband?
Except...hmm, I was pretty sure at first read that I was time-sharing the OP's husband.
My Beloved has an A1c that is just ridiculous. He started out on the health kick with me and got off to a good start, but now he is back to old patterns again. He does the shopping and manages to bring in treats every time. He also pushes me to eat extra calories (two nights ago it was "oh, have a milkshake with me, why are you being so snotty?" I was thinking, but did NOT say, "Seriously? A milkshake? I don't need the calories & you don't need the sugar!") and gets alternately defensive, aggressive, or derogatory to me when I will not go along with the excess.
Either way, he is a grown man and I do not fuss him too much. He -does- bring home more desirable (to me) food along with the less nutritionally-dense stuff. I go to the gym even when he doesn't want to, but I don't tax him with it. Even if it means that I am doing a lot of the health-focused stuff on my own, I keep at it. He will want to come around again one day, and I will be there ready when he does. Until then, I walk the fine line between enabling his nonsense and treating him like a grown partner that I adore and who has the right to his choices. It's hard when you love 'em & want to keep 'em around, though.
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I echo a PP who recommended that you take a look at all your insurance coverages.0
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To the OP:
There is a sub forum for diabetics that may be more useful. As you can see from the myriad of replies, the concept of calories in, calories out, or fitting it into your daily macros/micros isn't so simple for a diabetic. The fact that your husband is already on 3 medications is very concerning. The amount of medications will only continue to grow as the side effects of diabetes will begin to compromise other vital systems in the body. I know you know this and I wish I had the end all of all advice to give to him.
I got scared straight when my diagnosis came. I didn't want to end up like my father, who had both legs amputated below the knee, quadruple bypass, and a host of other complications from diabetes before finally passing.
There is definitely a psychological aspect to this as well. Therapy was probably the best thing I did to understand my eating disorder and why it controlled my life. I will say, for me, my therapist told me I had to treat this as if I was a recovering alcoholic or drug addict would. So for me, I can't eat just one Oreo. And honestly, I wouldn't want to now. The key to beating diabetes is steady blood sugars with minimal spikes. My blood sugar is not worth spiking for a processed piece of junk that has no nutritional value.
I wish you the best. You can message me if you ever need to chat with someone who has been through the emotional roller coaster of eating and is currently kicking diabetes in the butt.
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maybe a harsh one...but OP
I would at one point shuff him a very good nice life insurance under his nose
And say
When you try to kill yourself oke...but at least think of me and leave me a nice future for when you are gone.
Sign please
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Well saidAPeacefulWarrior wrote: »APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Thank you... that's part of why I'm here... this community is amazing - even the PITAs who want proof of everything (you know who you are!)
You mean the people who refuse to believe crap just because it *sounds* good or supports someone's position in spite of whether it's grounded in truth or not? That makes them a PITA? Really?
PITAs are a vital part of any community - they're the one who keep things honest, but I don't think even most of them would argue the PITA designation... one of the trademarks of that behavior is keeping at something until it causes the other person discomfort.
My comment to those type of demands is that nothing in life is 100% unbendingly cut in stone for every human being in the history of mankind. No study, no matter how far reaching, can unerringly say this or that is a certainty in all cases. Studies almost always involve small cohorts, and followed for way too short a time to be definitive. There is no "proof" one way or the other because it only takes one instance of unexpected results to invalidate any theory. Show me a study that takes it down to the cellular level on every single person alive on the planet at any given moment and the results are identical and I'll say you have a "law" or "fact". Until then, it's all theory. (Yes, I'm a PITA too when it comes to that)
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CICO doesn't apply to diabetics.
Sure it does. I use that method daily. What you missed in the second half of that sentence is, it's not as simple. For example, time and time again members say they have fast food because it fits in their daily calories. Or having a slice of cake, etc. For a diabetic, I can't say "I have 500 calories left, I'm having 2 chocolate chip cookies!". I still have to be conscious of what kinds of carbohydrates and sugars I take in as to not dramatically spike my sugar levels.0 -
OP, I didn't wade thru the pages. But here's my take. Call your insurance agent and UP his Term Life Insurance, 10x his annual salary or more. Also, go get Long Term Care insurance. Sign his blankety-blank up for it all. Check into nursing homes, in-patient physical therapy type places, and bring those pamphlets home.
You can't change a leopard's spots, but you sure as heck can be prepared for said leopard's stroke, heart attack, loss of limb due to his diabetes, kidney failure, or heaven help you anything worse. At least then, you're covered. And sometimes that peace of mind is worth all his cookies and sausages combined.
Don't most insurance policies have a clause excluding pre-existing conditions?0 -
APeacefulWarrior wrote: »It's evening here, and I've been reading through all of the thoughts and comments and I hope I can clear up some of the questions.
No, this definitely was not our first conversation - in fact our first conversation about eating healthy was on our first date 11 years ago. I was "pudgy" to borrow an adjective from an earlier poster and he was in the 400-ish range. One of the things that brought us together was what I had thought was a sincere desire on both our parts to get healthier, both through healthier eating and a healthier lifestyle in general. He was already considering WLS, and having known several coworkers who were somewhat in the same boat as him have amazing successes, I encouraged him to explore that option. The year and a half leading up to our engagement were filled with discussions on how to better things, and we planned a wedding with surgery on the horizon once I could get him on my insurance plan (his didn't cover it).Of course there were some warning flags that I missed in hindsight, but all in all, he was a great guy and I loved him for the person he was - I've never been one to judge a book by its cover.
Now a little about my own weight struggle... I have had my ups and down... many, many stressors including an abusive first marriage, losing my second husband to cancer, and trying to cope with raising three kids, one of whom has some pretty significant health issues herself. I have fought depression and the weight gain that comes with needing to be on antidepressants. Throw in menopause, new found thyroid issues, and attempting to deal with disappointments and broken promises, I would gain, then lose, and then repeat the cycle. Eating healthy is a pleasure for me personally - having to fight for space in the refrigerator for my salad fixings and lean meats can be overwhelming. Being told a year after the marriage (when I started losing weight along side him in anticipation of his surgery) that I was getting too thin (at 195" lbs) and if I lost weight, I wouldn't be attractive anymore, was a tough blow, but I put it down to anxiety over the changes that were coming pretty fast. After all, I was thinner than that when I met him.
The next five years were filled with conflict and growing health concerns (on my part) for both of us, but I noticed that he was moving in the opposite direction again healthwise. He began experiencing significant knee pain, back pain, digestive issues, and was back on a high pressure bipap. I tried everything - including doing nothing, but none of it helped until I insisted on couples counseling which led to individual counseling for both of us. In a unfortunate turn of events, he found a therapist who prescribed amphetamines supposedly to treat adult ADD. He started losing weight pretty consistently, and when it would slow, he would tell his dr that he was having more ADD issues and the dosage increased - pretty soon he could eat whatever he wanted to with no weight gain. Status quo for about 3 years until about 6 months ago when he started gaining weight again. He was on the maximum dose of medication, so things went downhill pretty quickly. Things are to the point where I am at a loss, and watching his health deteriorate not only saddens me, it scares me for all of the reasons so many of you have brought up.
I love him, but I love myself too - it's hard to stand by and watch him kill himself, because that is exactly what he is doing. He wants to blame (the world, his parents, his genetics, the food industry for having so many yummy choices... the list goes on), but he refuses to take responsibility or empower himself to make changes.
So that is the background... and here I am... he's angry with me tonight because I refused to pick up the 4 individual apple pies he had added to the shopping list when I stopped at the store this evening... and there are eight more cookies gone.
Sigh...
With all this background, my only advice is to get back to therapy if you have stopped, continue if you still are in therapy, and discuss these issues there. It sounds like you were hoping to fix him, which makes perfect sense based on your background, but is not going to work. If he was like this when you met him, and this has been happening for the entire period you have been together, it is not just a weight issue. You need professional help to figure out how to cope, because one way or another, it will not be easy.
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Chrysalid2014 wrote: »OP, I didn't wade thru the pages. But here's my take. Call your insurance agent and UP his Term Life Insurance, 10x his annual salary or more. Also, go get Long Term Care insurance. Sign his blankety-blank up for it all. Check into nursing homes, in-patient physical therapy type places, and bring those pamphlets home.
You can't change a leopard's spots, but you sure as heck can be prepared for said leopard's stroke, heart attack, loss of limb due to his diabetes, kidney failure, or heaven help you anything worse. At least then, you're covered. And sometimes that peace of mind is worth all his cookies and sausages combined.
Don't most insurance policies have a clause excluding pre-existing conditions?
You can still get it, it just might cost more.
Some pre-existing conditions are tougher than others to get coverage for, I think...for example, cancer. If a condition is considered managed and stable it's a bit easier...generally. It varies from company to company. OP's husband would need to do his homework on this but I think it's a pretty good idea that he look into it.
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I know I'm late to this, and I do not know if it has been covered- I did not read every single reply as I've spent an hour looking up preservatives, but please, don't be afraid of propyl gallate mentioned way back on page 1. It's not banned everywhere except the US (I actually can't find a country that it is banned in), despite what the fear mongering sites say. It's pretty safe to assume if you find a page that says 'this chemical is scary, and the US is the only place that allows it, buy our supplements to detox from it!', is, at best, lying.
As to the issues with your husband, I hope he wants to take care of his health soon.
http://www.efsa.europa.eu/en/efsajournal/pub/3642.htm0 -
fallenoaks4 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »Chrysalid2014 wrote: »kimondo666 wrote: »Try to persuade him if he has sweettooth that he eats raw fruit, and not zero nutrient refined sugar in sweets. Bananas are a whole lot better, or apples. Even dried fruits are much better.
i fail to see the correlation between a sweet tooth and eating raw foods…..
Er... raw fruit is sweet..(?)
and source of sugar does not matter...
I read something yesterday about why fruit sugar is "better" than added sugar in other carbohydrate-loaded foods. Apparently the digestion of sugar requires certain micronutrients that are also delivered in fresh fruit. However, if you eat (for example) a candy bar, it doesn't contain any of the vitamins required to digest it, so essentially by eating the candy bar you're dipping into (depleting) your reserve of micronutrients.
So, the logic that you can get your day's nutrition and then spend any 'leftover' calories on junk without detriment to your health is somewhat flawed...
3rd request for a link to the article you are saying you read.APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Just a morning update - I'll be reading through all the responses through the day,.. all four packages of Oreos have been opened and at least 2 cookies are gone from each. The packages will be finished within a week, I'm guessing.
As for addictions - food can be just as deadly an addiction as drugs, if not more so because you can't give it up completely like drugs or alcohol.
Not our first discussion by far - in fact he has gone to drastic extremes (WLS) which failed because he believed his gastric band would fix everything with no effort on his part.
Age does make a difference - the body does not recover as well from stressors and is much more prone to serious effects. So, to those of you in your 20s and 30s - make changes now. It will be much harder to lose it later.
I'll be back after work - keep this discussion rolling...
Did you ask him why he opened 4 different packages?
This is the greatest problem I've read so far in this thread. That is crazy talk. If there's going to be an intervention, it should be for this egregious violation.
No joke. I don't care if my husband wants to eat cookies, but I'm not gonna have multiple open containers of the same thing in my house.
Perhaps they are different flavors of Oreos.
And she did say they would likely be gone within the week. No chance to go stale.
WAIT
WHAT?
Oreos have different flavours???
what on earth is that about? You Americans and your new-world ways .. sheesh0
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