Four bags of Oreos
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tedboosalis7 wrote: »Man you guys are lazy. Really lazy.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2480844/How-losing-weight-BAD-relationship-partners-sabotaging-diets-rejecting-sex.html
All it took was a right click on his post - then you just select "search with google" on the title of the article. How difficult is that????? He's right - y'all keep asking for this and that - go learn how to use a computer.
Wait - did you just link a Daily Mail fluff piece with no links to a study? And in quickly glancing at the article I see an asst. prof of communication commenting on her (I think) study? And the study involved a survey of 21 couples? This is the research that others have been interested in? Really?
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Okay, so when exactly did your husband get the WLS, OP?0
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This is a tough situation but you can only change yourself. My husband eats doughnuts, honey buns, chips, and lots of candy bars. It is in the house every week! I was munching on that stuff here and there and I was putting on weight. Now I avoid 'his' foods altogether. He can eat that if he wants to! I am going to stay determined and not eat it even if it is in the house. My husband also cooks heavy food. Beef stew, spaghetti with meat sauce and sausage. I counter balance it by eating certain meals and skipping others. I tell hubby to have a hamburger and I will make something else. He has gotten over not sharing the same meal because I have to be able to do this or I will not achieve success! I have nights that I cook and I make only healthy meals. Sometimes we cook together on the grill and we seem to both agree to those meals the most. We are loving our new grill! Also, now I do all of the shopping! Always make a list and grab lots of fresh foods. I also prep a lot on Sunday so that I always have something healthy to grab from the fridge! One day Hubby bought me a king size Hershey's bar with almonds. I told him take it back it doesn't align with my goals. He kept stashing it by my bed and I actually threw it in the garbage!0
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APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Nony_Mouse wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »OP, I'm sorry, and I'm not saying this to be mean - but if he was over 400 lbs on your first date, what did you think you were getting yourself into?
It's hard for people to change. They have to change themselves. They only change themselves when they feel like the benefits of the change outweigh the benefits of their current state. That's why we generally advise against marrying abusers or cheaters, since the likelihood of them seeing the error of their ways and changing for good is low.
Yes, he may decide to change in time, but you knew what you were getting into when you married him. Either you accept him for who he is and leave him alone to figure it out for himself, or you leave him. His health is out of your hands.
^^This. It is an awful situation to be in OP, and I really do feel for you. But honestly, if it were me, I would walk away at this point![:\](https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
. I'm sure I'll get slammed by some for saying that, but...
I'd never judge anyone for being honest...
Everyone has their breaking points and deal breakers... I think part of what scares me is that I realize I'm nearing mine... I'm just not in a position to make that decision yet, nor do I really want to, because I still care.
Gentle (((hugs))). It is a tough one, I know. Perhaps time to let him know that? Not in a 'if you don't change I'll leave' ultimatum way of course. Maybe further couples counseling to work through this isn't a bad idea.0 -
APeacefulWarrior wrote: »
Did he lose weight at that point? Had he changed his eating habits? Has he since stretched his stomach back out - I'm wondering how he gained weight again? Is he back in the 400 lb. range?
I'm sorry for the questions and you don't have to answer them if you don't want to, I'm just curious how this happened.
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By the way you are not alone! You have this community of people who can totally relate. Utilize us! We will help you reach your goals! The longer you change you habits the more your man is going to have to adjust and eventually he will be more supportive.0
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APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Nony_Mouse wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »OP, I'm sorry, and I'm not saying this to be mean - but if he was over 400 lbs on your first date, what did you think you were getting yourself into?
It's hard for people to change. They have to change themselves. They only change themselves when they feel like the benefits of the change outweigh the benefits of their current state. That's why we generally advise against marrying abusers or cheaters, since the likelihood of them seeing the error of their ways and changing for good is low.
Yes, he may decide to change in time, but you knew what you were getting into when you married him. Either you accept him for who he is and leave him alone to figure it out for himself, or you leave him. His health is out of your hands.
^^This. It is an awful situation to be in OP, and I really do feel for you. But honestly, if it were me, I would walk away at this point. I'm sure I'll get slammed by some for saying that, but...
I'd never judge anyone for being honest...
Everyone has their breaking points and deal breakers... I think part of what scares me is that I realize I'm nearing mine... I'm just not in a position to make that decision yet, nor do I really want to, because I still care.
I am so sorry that you are going through this, OP.
I wish that there was more that I could say. You have to take care of yourself in this situation, though. Either you decide to step back and let your husband do what he's going to do, or you leave him. The only other option is staying with him and constantly stressing over HIS health. That wouldn't be healthy for either of you. Your health and your marriage would suffer.0 -
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APeacefulWarrior wrote: »
Did he lose weight at that point? Had he changed his eating habits? Has he since stretched his stomach back out - I'm wondering how he gained weight again? Is he back in the 400 lb. range?
I'm sorry for the questions and you don't have to answer them if you don't want to, I'm just curious how this happened.
He had to lose 30 lbs before they would say yes to surgery, and I believe when he went into surgery he was around 370-ish. After the surgery he lost about another 30 and would go up and down until the amphetamines were prescribed. After that he essentially was eating whatever he wanted (he evidently has no satiety receptors and just rode out the discomfort) without gaining weight until about 6 months ago. The amphetamines have a whole host of other side effects as well, but no noticeable (to me or the family) positive effects on his supposed ADD (note to everyone... never go to a therapist with an agenda, ie seems like most of their patients all have the same problem).
As for his weight he won't tell me... even when I insisted I needed to know for the paramedics... you know, just in case... (I'm not always that peaceful of a warrior)
Weight loss surgery is a tool, not a solution. You still have to do the work...
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heathervazquez75 wrote: »By the way you are not alone! You have this community of people who can totally relate. Utilize us! We will help you reach your goals! The longer you change you habits the more your man is going to have to adjust and eventually he will be more supportive.
Thank you... that's part of why I'm here... this community is amazing - even the PITAs who want proof of everything (you know who you are!)0 -
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Let him dig his own grave. Do not support his decisions or enable him in anyway. When he dies, you cant place the blame on yourself.0
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Late to the post.
I also find myself in a position to a loved one with a medical condition and I know there are things that he should do to remain healthy and not in pain that he does not want to do. I feel your pain. It is so hard to watch but I CANNOT force him to do anything-ultimately as many others have stated, it is ultimately his decision to receive care.
All I can do is be patient and kind, and stick to your guns. If you need to be eating healthy, don't let him derail you-go to the store and make sure you have your own food to eat (I've had to do this with my husband-and it has worked out) ! Subtly, lovingly, help him with small changes that he can take, if you are willing. A small substitute over time can introduce someone we love into a new routine.
You are the one he spends the most time with (I assume) and as such you are his greatest influence. If you stick to your own path, he will see that...but it will take a long time.
Ultimately it's a decision you have to make for yourself, if it's something your willing to do. You can stay or leave and neither is wrong. BUT your situation is NOT IMPOSSIBLE.0 -
the length of this thread is becoming impressive
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APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Thank you... that's part of why I'm here... this community is amazing - even the PITAs who want proof of everything (you know who you are!)
You mean the people who refuse to believe crap just because it *sounds* good or supports someone's position in spite of whether it's grounded in truth or not? That makes them a PITA? Really?
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APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Thank you... that's part of why I'm here... this community is amazing - even the PITAs who want proof of everything (you know who you are!)
You mean the people who refuse to believe crap just because it *sounds* good or supports someone's position in spite of whether it's grounded in truth or not? That makes them a PITA? Really?
PITAs are a vital part of any community - they're the one who keep things honest, but I don't think even most of them would argue the PITA designation... one of the trademarks of that behavior is keeping at something until it causes the other person discomfort.
My comment to those type of demands is that nothing in life is 100% unbendingly cut in stone for every human being in the history of mankind. No study, no matter how far reaching, can unerringly say this or that is a certainty in all cases. Studies almost always involve small cohorts, and followed for way too short a time to be definitive. There is no "proof" one way or the other because it only takes one instance of unexpected results to invalidate any theory. Show me a study that takes it down to the cellular level on every single person alive on the planet at any given moment and the results are identical and I'll say you have a "law" or "fact". Until then, it's all theory. (Yes, I'm a PITA too when it comes to that)0 -
Ha sounds like my husband. He use to eat cookies & candy everyday so eating it every other day is his idea of healthier and more sensibly. To make matters worse, he's diabetic. I just tell him "don't expect me to wheel your butt around when your legs fall off". He tells me it will help my upper body development if I do. One needs to keep a sense of humor in a marriage.
Are you sure we are not time-sharing a husband?
Except...hmm, I was pretty sure at first read that I was time-sharing the OP's husband.
My Beloved has an A1c that is just ridiculous. He started out on the health kick with me and got off to a good start, but now he is back to old patterns again. He does the shopping and manages to bring in treats every time. He also pushes me to eat extra calories (two nights ago it was "oh, have a milkshake with me, why are you being so snotty?" I was thinking, but did NOT say, "Seriously? A milkshake? I don't need the calories & you don't need the sugar!") and gets alternately defensive, aggressive, or derogatory to me when I will not go along with the excess.
Either way, he is a grown man and I do not fuss him too much. He -does- bring home more desirable (to me) food along with the less nutritionally-dense stuff. I go to the gym even when he doesn't want to, but I don't tax him with it. Even if it means that I am doing a lot of the health-focused stuff on my own, I keep at it. He will want to come around again one day, and I will be there ready when he does. Until then, I walk the fine line between enabling his nonsense and treating him like a grown partner that I adore and who has the right to his choices. It's hard when you love 'em & want to keep 'em around, though.
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I echo a PP who recommended that you take a look at all your insurance coverages.0
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To the OP:
There is a sub forum for diabetics that may be more useful. As you can see from the myriad of replies, the concept of calories in, calories out, or fitting it into your daily macros/micros isn't so simple for a diabetic. The fact that your husband is already on 3 medications is very concerning. The amount of medications will only continue to grow as the side effects of diabetes will begin to compromise other vital systems in the body. I know you know this and I wish I had the end all of all advice to give to him.
I got scared straight when my diagnosis came. I didn't want to end up like my father, who had both legs amputated below the knee, quadruple bypass, and a host of other complications from diabetes before finally passing.
There is definitely a psychological aspect to this as well. Therapy was probably the best thing I did to understand my eating disorder and why it controlled my life. I will say, for me, my therapist told me I had to treat this as if I was a recovering alcoholic or drug addict would. So for me, I can't eat just one Oreo. And honestly, I wouldn't want to now. The key to beating diabetes is steady blood sugars with minimal spikes. My blood sugar is not worth spiking for a processed piece of junk that has no nutritional value.
I wish you the best. You can message me if you ever need to chat with someone who has been through the emotional roller coaster of eating and is currently kicking diabetes in the butt.
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maybe a harsh one...but OP
I would at one point shuff him a very good nice life insurance under his nose
And say
When you try to kill yourself oke...but at least think of me and leave me a nice future for when you are gone.
Sign please
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Well saidAPeacefulWarrior wrote: »APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Thank you... that's part of why I'm here... this community is amazing - even the PITAs who want proof of everything (you know who you are!)
You mean the people who refuse to believe crap just because it *sounds* good or supports someone's position in spite of whether it's grounded in truth or not? That makes them a PITA? Really?
PITAs are a vital part of any community - they're the one who keep things honest, but I don't think even most of them would argue the PITA designation... one of the trademarks of that behavior is keeping at something until it causes the other person discomfort.
My comment to those type of demands is that nothing in life is 100% unbendingly cut in stone for every human being in the history of mankind. No study, no matter how far reaching, can unerringly say this or that is a certainty in all cases. Studies almost always involve small cohorts, and followed for way too short a time to be definitive. There is no "proof" one way or the other because it only takes one instance of unexpected results to invalidate any theory. Show me a study that takes it down to the cellular level on every single person alive on the planet at any given moment and the results are identical and I'll say you have a "law" or "fact". Until then, it's all theory. (Yes, I'm a PITA too when it comes to that)
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CICO doesn't apply to diabetics.
Sure it does. I use that method daily. What you missed in the second half of that sentence is, it's not as simple. For example, time and time again members say they have fast food because it fits in their daily calories. Or having a slice of cake, etc. For a diabetic, I can't say "I have 500 calories left, I'm having 2 chocolate chip cookies!". I still have to be conscious of what kinds of carbohydrates and sugars I take in as to not dramatically spike my sugar levels.0 -
OP, I didn't wade thru the pages. But here's my take. Call your insurance agent and UP his Term Life Insurance, 10x his annual salary or more. Also, go get Long Term Care insurance. Sign his blankety-blank up for it all. Check into nursing homes, in-patient physical therapy type places, and bring those pamphlets home.
You can't change a leopard's spots, but you sure as heck can be prepared for said leopard's stroke, heart attack, loss of limb due to his diabetes, kidney failure, or heaven help you anything worse. At least then, you're covered. And sometimes that peace of mind is worth all his cookies and sausages combined.
Don't most insurance policies have a clause excluding pre-existing conditions?0 -
APeacefulWarrior wrote: »It's evening here, and I've been reading through all of the thoughts and comments and I hope I can clear up some of the questions.
No, this definitely was not our first conversation - in fact our first conversation about eating healthy was on our first date 11 years ago. I was "pudgy" to borrow an adjective from an earlier poster and he was in the 400-ish range. One of the things that brought us together was what I had thought was a sincere desire on both our parts to get healthier, both through healthier eating and a healthier lifestyle in general. He was already considering WLS, and having known several coworkers who were somewhat in the same boat as him have amazing successes, I encouraged him to explore that option. The year and a half leading up to our engagement were filled with discussions on how to better things, and we planned a wedding with surgery on the horizon once I could get him on my insurance plan (his didn't cover it).Of course there were some warning flags that I missed in hindsight, but all in all, he was a great guy and I loved him for the person he was - I've never been one to judge a book by its cover.
Now a little about my own weight struggle... I have had my ups and down... many, many stressors including an abusive first marriage, losing my second husband to cancer, and trying to cope with raising three kids, one of whom has some pretty significant health issues herself. I have fought depression and the weight gain that comes with needing to be on antidepressants. Throw in menopause, new found thyroid issues, and attempting to deal with disappointments and broken promises, I would gain, then lose, and then repeat the cycle. Eating healthy is a pleasure for me personally - having to fight for space in the refrigerator for my salad fixings and lean meats can be overwhelming. Being told a year after the marriage (when I started losing weight along side him in anticipation of his surgery) that I was getting too thin (at 195" lbs) and if I lost weight, I wouldn't be attractive anymore, was a tough blow, but I put it down to anxiety over the changes that were coming pretty fast. After all, I was thinner than that when I met him.
The next five years were filled with conflict and growing health concerns (on my part) for both of us, but I noticed that he was moving in the opposite direction again healthwise. He began experiencing significant knee pain, back pain, digestive issues, and was back on a high pressure bipap. I tried everything - including doing nothing, but none of it helped until I insisted on couples counseling which led to individual counseling for both of us. In a unfortunate turn of events, he found a therapist who prescribed amphetamines supposedly to treat adult ADD. He started losing weight pretty consistently, and when it would slow, he would tell his dr that he was having more ADD issues and the dosage increased - pretty soon he could eat whatever he wanted to with no weight gain. Status quo for about 3 years until about 6 months ago when he started gaining weight again. He was on the maximum dose of medication, so things went downhill pretty quickly. Things are to the point where I am at a loss, and watching his health deteriorate not only saddens me, it scares me for all of the reasons so many of you have brought up.
I love him, but I love myself too - it's hard to stand by and watch him kill himself, because that is exactly what he is doing. He wants to blame (the world, his parents, his genetics, the food industry for having so many yummy choices... the list goes on), but he refuses to take responsibility or empower himself to make changes.
So that is the background... and here I am... he's angry with me tonight because I refused to pick up the 4 individual apple pies he had added to the shopping list when I stopped at the store this evening... and there are eight more cookies gone.
Sigh...
With all this background, my only advice is to get back to therapy if you have stopped, continue if you still are in therapy, and discuss these issues there. It sounds like you were hoping to fix him, which makes perfect sense based on your background, but is not going to work. If he was like this when you met him, and this has been happening for the entire period you have been together, it is not just a weight issue. You need professional help to figure out how to cope, because one way or another, it will not be easy.
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Chrysalid2014 wrote: »OP, I didn't wade thru the pages. But here's my take. Call your insurance agent and UP his Term Life Insurance, 10x his annual salary or more. Also, go get Long Term Care insurance. Sign his blankety-blank up for it all. Check into nursing homes, in-patient physical therapy type places, and bring those pamphlets home.
You can't change a leopard's spots, but you sure as heck can be prepared for said leopard's stroke, heart attack, loss of limb due to his diabetes, kidney failure, or heaven help you anything worse. At least then, you're covered. And sometimes that peace of mind is worth all his cookies and sausages combined.
Don't most insurance policies have a clause excluding pre-existing conditions?
You can still get it, it just might cost more.
Some pre-existing conditions are tougher than others to get coverage for, I think...for example, cancer. If a condition is considered managed and stable it's a bit easier...generally. It varies from company to company. OP's husband would need to do his homework on this but I think it's a pretty good idea that he look into it.
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I know I'm late to this, and I do not know if it has been covered- I did not read every single reply as I've spent an hour looking up preservatives, but please, don't be afraid of propyl gallate mentioned way back on page 1. It's not banned everywhere except the US (I actually can't find a country that it is banned in), despite what the fear mongering sites say. It's pretty safe to assume if you find a page that says 'this chemical is scary, and the US is the only place that allows it, buy our supplements to detox from it!', is, at best, lying.
As to the issues with your husband, I hope he wants to take care of his health soon.
http://www.efsa.europa.eu/en/efsajournal/pub/3642.htm0 -
fallenoaks4 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »Chrysalid2014 wrote: »kimondo666 wrote: »Try to persuade him if he has sweettooth that he eats raw fruit, and not zero nutrient refined sugar in sweets. Bananas are a whole lot better, or apples. Even dried fruits are much better.
i fail to see the correlation between a sweet tooth and eating raw foods…..
Er... raw fruit is sweet..(?)
and source of sugar does not matter...
I read something yesterday about why fruit sugar is "better" than added sugar in other carbohydrate-loaded foods. Apparently the digestion of sugar requires certain micronutrients that are also delivered in fresh fruit. However, if you eat (for example) a candy bar, it doesn't contain any of the vitamins required to digest it, so essentially by eating the candy bar you're dipping into (depleting) your reserve of micronutrients.
So, the logic that you can get your day's nutrition and then spend any 'leftover' calories on junk without detriment to your health is somewhat flawed...
3rd request for a link to the article you are saying you read.APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Just a morning update - I'll be reading through all the responses through the day,.. all four packages of Oreos have been opened and at least 2 cookies are gone from each. The packages will be finished within a week, I'm guessing.
As for addictions - food can be just as deadly an addiction as drugs, if not more so because you can't give it up completely like drugs or alcohol.
Not our first discussion by far - in fact he has gone to drastic extremes (WLS) which failed because he believed his gastric band would fix everything with no effort on his part.
Age does make a difference - the body does not recover as well from stressors and is much more prone to serious effects. So, to those of you in your 20s and 30s - make changes now. It will be much harder to lose it later.
I'll be back after work - keep this discussion rolling...
Did you ask him why he opened 4 different packages?
This is the greatest problem I've read so far in this thread. That is crazy talk. If there's going to be an intervention, it should be for this egregious violation.
No joke. I don't care if my husband wants to eat cookies, but I'm not gonna have multiple open containers of the same thing in my house.
Perhaps they are different flavors of Oreos.
And she did say they would likely be gone within the week. No chance to go stale.
WAIT
WHAT?
Oreos have different flavours???
what on earth is that about? You Americans and your new-world ways .. sheesh0
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