Four bags of Oreos
Replies
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APeacefulWarrior wrote: »It's evening here, and I've been reading through all of the thoughts and comments and I hope I can clear up some of the questions.
No, this definitely was not our first conversation - in fact our first conversation about eating healthy was on our first date 11 years ago. I was "pudgy" to borrow an adjective from an earlier poster and he was in the 400-ish range. One of the things that brought us together was what I had thought was a sincere desire on both our parts to get healthier, both through healthier eating and a healthier lifestyle in general. He was already considering WLS, and having known several coworkers who were somewhat in the same boat as him have amazing successes, I encouraged him to explore that option. The year and a half leading up to our engagement were filled with discussions on how to better things, and we planned a wedding with surgery on the horizon once I could get him on my insurance plan (his didn't cover it).Of course there were some warning flags that I missed in hindsight, but all in all, he was a great guy and I loved him for the person he was - I've never been one to judge a book by its cover.
Now a little about my own weight struggle... I have had my ups and down... many, many stressors including an abusive first marriage, losing my second husband to cancer, and trying to cope with raising three kids, one of whom has some pretty significant health issues herself. I have fought depression and the weight gain that comes with needing to be on antidepressants. Throw in menopause, new found thyroid issues, and attempting to deal with disappointments and broken promises, I would gain, then lose, and then repeat the cycle. Eating healthy is a pleasure for me personally - having to fight for space in the refrigerator for my salad fixings and lean meats can be overwhelming. Being told a year after the marriage (when I started losing weight along side him in anticipation of his surgery) that I was getting too thin (at 195" lbs) and if I lost weight, I wouldn't be attractive anymore, was a tough blow, but I put it down to anxiety over the changes that were coming pretty fast. After all, I was thinner than that when I met him.
The next five years were filled with conflict and growing health concerns (on my part) for both of us, but I noticed that he was moving in the opposite direction again healthwise. He began experiencing significant knee pain, back pain, digestive issues, and was back on a high pressure bipap. I tried everything - including doing nothing, but none of it helped until I insisted on couples counseling which led to individual counseling for both of us. In a unfortunate turn of events, he found a therapist who prescribed amphetamines supposedly to treat adult ADD. He started losing weight pretty consistently, and when it would slow, he would tell his dr that he was having more ADD issues and the dosage increased - pretty soon he could eat whatever he wanted to with no weight gain. Status quo for about 3 years until about 6 months ago when he started gaining weight again. He was on the maximum dose of medication, so things went downhill pretty quickly. Things are to the point where I am at a loss, and watching his health deteriorate not only saddens me, it scares me for all of the reasons so many of you have brought up.
I love him, but I love myself too - it's hard to stand by and watch him kill himself, because that is exactly what he is doing. He wants to blame (the world, his parents, his genetics, the food industry for having so many yummy choices... the list goes on), but he refuses to take responsibility or empower himself to make changes.
So that is the background... and here I am... he's angry with me tonight because I refused to pick up the 4 individual apple pies he had added to the shopping list when I stopped at the store this evening... and there are eight more cookies gone.
Sigh...
OP, I really do feel for you, but obviously this was a deeply complex situation from the outset... even before you married.
I'll leave you with this. Sometimes love is not enough.
You can only control what you do, you cannot control what anyone else does.
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tedboosalis7 wrote: »Man you guys are lazy. Really lazy.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2480844/How-losing-weight-BAD-relationship-partners-sabotaging-diets-rejecting-sex.html
All it took was a right click on his post - then you just select "search with google" on the title of the article. How difficult is that????? He's right - y'all keep asking for this and that - go learn how to use a computer.
Oh, right. A Daily Fail article. Because that's going to interpret a study accurately.
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fallenoaks4 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »Chrysalid2014 wrote: »kimondo666 wrote: »Try to persuade him if he has sweettooth that he eats raw fruit, and not zero nutrient refined sugar in sweets. Bananas are a whole lot better, or apples. Even dried fruits are much better.
i fail to see the correlation between a sweet tooth and eating raw foods…..
Er... raw fruit is sweet..(?)
and source of sugar does not matter...
I read something yesterday about why fruit sugar is "better" than added sugar in other carbohydrate-loaded foods. Apparently the digestion of sugar requires certain micronutrients that are also delivered in fresh fruit. However, if you eat (for example) a candy bar, it doesn't contain any of the vitamins required to digest it, so essentially by eating the candy bar you're dipping into (depleting) your reserve of micronutrients.
So, the logic that you can get your day's nutrition and then spend any 'leftover' calories on junk without detriment to your health is somewhat flawed...
3rd request for a link to the article you are saying you read.APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Just a morning update - I'll be reading through all the responses through the day,.. all four packages of Oreos have been opened and at least 2 cookies are gone from each. The packages will be finished within a week, I'm guessing.
As for addictions - food can be just as deadly an addiction as drugs, if not more so because you can't give it up completely like drugs or alcohol.
Not our first discussion by far - in fact he has gone to drastic extremes (WLS) which failed because he believed his gastric band would fix everything with no effort on his part.
Age does make a difference - the body does not recover as well from stressors and is much more prone to serious effects. So, to those of you in your 20s and 30s - make changes now. It will be much harder to lose it later.
I'll be back after work - keep this discussion rolling...
Did you ask him why he opened 4 different packages?
This is the greatest problem I've read so far in this thread. That is crazy talk. If there's going to be an intervention, it should be for this egregious violation.
No joke. I don't care if my husband wants to eat cookies, but I'm not gonna have multiple open containers of the same thing in my house.
Perhaps they are different flavors of Oreos.
And she did say they would likely be gone within the week. No chance to go stale.
WAIT
WHAT?
Oreos have different flavours???
what on earth is that about? You Americans and your new-world ways .. sheesh
Yes. Various flavors have been showing up in recent years, obviously to try and tap into a new demographic. Because true Oreo fans know there is only Double Stuf. The rest are pretenders. BUT...the new flavors I've seen are:
*Strawberry Creme (chocolate cookies, and does not look appealing)
*Mint Creme Oreos (chocolate cookies; these are GOOD!!!)
*Lemon Creme Oreos (yellow cookies; have not tried)
*Golden Oreos (yellow cookies; with a Double Stuf version too; they are "meh")
*Birthday Cake Creme (yellow cookies, with some odd type of creme with colorful specks, no idea what makes them different from the "normal" golden Oreos other than the specks in the creme)
*Chocolate Creme Oreos (both yellow cookies and chocolate cookies; these are GOOD!!!!)
*Cafe Latte Oreos (my favorite, and of course, I never see them around anymore)
I want to say there was a peanut butter creme version, but I could be hallucinating that one.
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Chrysalid2014 wrote: »OP, I didn't wade thru the pages. But here's my take. Call your insurance agent and UP his Term Life Insurance, 10x his annual salary or more. Also, go get Long Term Care insurance. Sign his blankety-blank up for it all. Check into nursing homes, in-patient physical therapy type places, and bring those pamphlets home.
You can't change a leopard's spots, but you sure as heck can be prepared for said leopard's stroke, heart attack, loss of limb due to his diabetes, kidney failure, or heaven help you anything worse. At least then, you're covered. And sometimes that peace of mind is worth all his cookies and sausages combined.
Don't most insurance policies have a clause excluding pre-existing conditions?
You can still get it, it just might cost more.
Some pre-existing conditions are tougher than others to get coverage for, I think...for example, cancer. If a condition is considered managed and stable it's a bit easier...generally. It varies from company to company. OP's husband would need to do his homework on this but I think it's a pretty good idea that he look into it.
Life vs. health, also. The original post was about life insurance, and if you are willing to pay you can get it (probably not a good deal, though, under some risk scenarios, or the companies wouldn't make money). The usual pre-existing condition thing is about health insurance, as you alluded to.0 -
fallenoaks4 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »Chrysalid2014 wrote: »kimondo666 wrote: »Try to persuade him if he has sweettooth that he eats raw fruit, and not zero nutrient refined sugar in sweets. Bananas are a whole lot better, or apples. Even dried fruits are much better.
i fail to see the correlation between a sweet tooth and eating raw foods…..
Er... raw fruit is sweet..(?)
and source of sugar does not matter...
I read something yesterday about why fruit sugar is "better" than added sugar in other carbohydrate-loaded foods. Apparently the digestion of sugar requires certain micronutrients that are also delivered in fresh fruit. However, if you eat (for example) a candy bar, it doesn't contain any of the vitamins required to digest it, so essentially by eating the candy bar you're dipping into (depleting) your reserve of micronutrients.
So, the logic that you can get your day's nutrition and then spend any 'leftover' calories on junk without detriment to your health is somewhat flawed...
3rd request for a link to the article you are saying you read.APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Just a morning update - I'll be reading through all the responses through the day,.. all four packages of Oreos have been opened and at least 2 cookies are gone from each. The packages will be finished within a week, I'm guessing.
As for addictions - food can be just as deadly an addiction as drugs, if not more so because you can't give it up completely like drugs or alcohol.
Not our first discussion by far - in fact he has gone to drastic extremes (WLS) which failed because he believed his gastric band would fix everything with no effort on his part.
Age does make a difference - the body does not recover as well from stressors and is much more prone to serious effects. So, to those of you in your 20s and 30s - make changes now. It will be much harder to lose it later.
I'll be back after work - keep this discussion rolling...
Did you ask him why he opened 4 different packages?
This is the greatest problem I've read so far in this thread. That is crazy talk. If there's going to be an intervention, it should be for this egregious violation.
No joke. I don't care if my husband wants to eat cookies, but I'm not gonna have multiple open containers of the same thing in my house.
Perhaps they are different flavors of Oreos.
And she did say they would likely be gone within the week. No chance to go stale.
WAIT
WHAT?
Oreos have different flavours???
what on earth is that about? You Americans and your new-world ways .. sheesh
I actually didn't know that either, and I live in the US.
Can't say I approve.0 -
I've been thinking about this thread, and y'know, the ED comparison is so weak I could laugh.
I've struggled on and off with bulimia (not binging/purging type, but rather exercise type) for over a year. I'm getting better, but that's besides the point. If I had not changed my ways, would it create a possibility of eventual death? Perhaps. The same way diabetes does not equate to certain, imminent death. So what did my family do? They supported me in any way they could, but they didn't force me to eat more, to go to the gym less, or to see a doctor. Those were my choices that I made when I was ready. However, if it had been a continual habit in which I pushed myself to the point of near death, of course something would have to be done because of the threat of certain death. In nursing school, we learned fo acknowledge the right to refuse treatment unless a patient is in an emergency situation, has no advance directives and cannot respond.0 -
APeacefulWarrior wrote: »
Well I'm not going to comment much on it being a good late night snack because there's just a lot I don't know about the situation but I do know that I often buy 3 or 4 different ice creams at a time I've that I haven't tried before and as soon as I get home I try a spoon out of all of them. I'm not saying what he did was right or wrong. With his medical problems I honestly don't see that's it's the same as what I do.
Ha, ha, I do that too with my lactose free ice cream/frozen deserts!
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fallenoaks4 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »Chrysalid2014 wrote: »kimondo666 wrote: »Try to persuade him if he has sweettooth that he eats raw fruit, and not zero nutrient refined sugar in sweets. Bananas are a whole lot better, or apples. Even dried fruits are much better.
i fail to see the correlation between a sweet tooth and eating raw foods…..
Er... raw fruit is sweet..(?)
and source of sugar does not matter...
I read something yesterday about why fruit sugar is "better" than added sugar in other carbohydrate-loaded foods. Apparently the digestion of sugar requires certain micronutrients that are also delivered in fresh fruit. However, if you eat (for example) a candy bar, it doesn't contain any of the vitamins required to digest it, so essentially by eating the candy bar you're dipping into (depleting) your reserve of micronutrients.
So, the logic that you can get your day's nutrition and then spend any 'leftover' calories on junk without detriment to your health is somewhat flawed...
3rd request for a link to the article you are saying you read.APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Just a morning update - I'll be reading through all the responses through the day,.. all four packages of Oreos have been opened and at least 2 cookies are gone from each. The packages will be finished within a week, I'm guessing.
As for addictions - food can be just as deadly an addiction as drugs, if not more so because you can't give it up completely like drugs or alcohol.
Not our first discussion by far - in fact he has gone to drastic extremes (WLS) which failed because he believed his gastric band would fix everything with no effort on his part.
Age does make a difference - the body does not recover as well from stressors and is much more prone to serious effects. So, to those of you in your 20s and 30s - make changes now. It will be much harder to lose it later.
I'll be back after work - keep this discussion rolling...
Did you ask him why he opened 4 different packages?
This is the greatest problem I've read so far in this thread. That is crazy talk. If there's going to be an intervention, it should be for this egregious violation.
No joke. I don't care if my husband wants to eat cookies, but I'm not gonna have multiple open containers of the same thing in my house.
Perhaps they are different flavors of Oreos.
And she did say they would likely be gone within the week. No chance to go stale.
WAIT
WHAT?
Oreos have different flavours???
what on earth is that about? You Americans and your new-world ways .. sheesh
Yes. Various flavors have been showing up in recent years, obviously to try and tap into a new demographic. Because true Oreo fans know there is only Double Stuf. The rest are pretenders. BUT...the new flavors I've seen are:
*Strawberry Creme (chocolate cookies, and does not look appealing)
*Mint Creme Oreos (chocolate cookies; these are GOOD!!!)
*Lemon Creme Oreos (yellow cookies; have not tried)
*Golden Oreos (yellow cookies; with a Double Stuf version too; they are "meh")
*Birthday Cake Creme (yellow cookies, with some odd type of creme with colorful specks, no idea what makes them different from the "normal" golden Oreos other than the specks in the creme)
*Chocolate Creme Oreos (both yellow cookies and chocolate cookies; these are GOOD!!!!)
*Cafe Latte Oreos (my favorite, and of course, I never see them around anymore)
I want to say there was a peanut butter creme version, but I could be hallucinating that one.
I'm glad you posted this, because I have been asked to bring 2 bags of Oreo cookies to a family barbecue in August. I think I'll take the regular, and maybe the mint creme Oreos.0 -
tedboosalis7 wrote: »Man you guys are lazy. Really lazy.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2480844/How-losing-weight-BAD-relationship-partners-sabotaging-diets-rejecting-sex.html
All it took was a right click on his post - then you just select "search with google" on the title of the article. How difficult is that????? He's right - y'all keep asking for this and that - go learn how to use a computer.
Re the bold: you are 100% wrong. The person who mentions research has the responsibility to post their cites, which are hopefully peer reviewed studies in controlled situations.
That said.....Daily Mail? Really?
Not a reputable source.0 -
APeacefulWarrior wrote: »
For many of us, we might eat 8 cookies if it fit into our calorie and macro goals. I've done it before and stayed within my weekly calories.
However, for a diabetic, that is extremely dangerous territory.0 -
fallenoaks4 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »Chrysalid2014 wrote: »kimondo666 wrote: »Try to persuade him if he has sweettooth that he eats raw fruit, and not zero nutrient refined sugar in sweets. Bananas are a whole lot better, or apples. Even dried fruits are much better.
i fail to see the correlation between a sweet tooth and eating raw foods…..
Er... raw fruit is sweet..(?)
and source of sugar does not matter...
I read something yesterday about why fruit sugar is "better" than added sugar in other carbohydrate-loaded foods. Apparently the digestion of sugar requires certain micronutrients that are also delivered in fresh fruit. However, if you eat (for example) a candy bar, it doesn't contain any of the vitamins required to digest it, so essentially by eating the candy bar you're dipping into (depleting) your reserve of micronutrients.
So, the logic that you can get your day's nutrition and then spend any 'leftover' calories on junk without detriment to your health is somewhat flawed...
3rd request for a link to the article you are saying you read.APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Just a morning update - I'll be reading through all the responses through the day,.. all four packages of Oreos have been opened and at least 2 cookies are gone from each. The packages will be finished within a week, I'm guessing.
As for addictions - food can be just as deadly an addiction as drugs, if not more so because you can't give it up completely like drugs or alcohol.
Not our first discussion by far - in fact he has gone to drastic extremes (WLS) which failed because he believed his gastric band would fix everything with no effort on his part.
Age does make a difference - the body does not recover as well from stressors and is much more prone to serious effects. So, to those of you in your 20s and 30s - make changes now. It will be much harder to lose it later.
I'll be back after work - keep this discussion rolling...
Did you ask him why he opened 4 different packages?
This is the greatest problem I've read so far in this thread. That is crazy talk. If there's going to be an intervention, it should be for this egregious violation.
No joke. I don't care if my husband wants to eat cookies, but I'm not gonna have multiple open containers of the same thing in my house.
Perhaps they are different flavors of Oreos.
And she did say they would likely be gone within the week. No chance to go stale.
WAIT
WHAT?
Oreos have different flavours???
what on earth is that about? You Americans and your new-world ways .. sheesh
Yes. Various flavors have been showing up in recent years, obviously to try and tap into a new demographic. Because true Oreo fans know there is only Double Stuf. The rest are pretenders. BUT...the new flavors I've seen are:
*Strawberry Creme (chocolate cookies, and does not look appealing)
*Mint Creme Oreos (chocolate cookies; these are GOOD!!!)
*Lemon Creme Oreos (yellow cookies; have not tried)
*Golden Oreos (yellow cookies; with a Double Stuf version too; they are "meh")
*Birthday Cake Creme (yellow cookies, with some odd type of creme with colorful specks, no idea what makes them different from the "normal" golden Oreos other than the specks in the creme)
*Chocolate Creme Oreos (both yellow cookies and chocolate cookies; these are GOOD!!!!)
*Cafe Latte Oreos (my favorite, and of course, I never see them around anymore)
I want to say there was a peanut butter creme version, but I could be hallucinating that one.
Target has additional "special flavors" including:
Red Velvet Cake - these are just meh
Candy Cane
Reese's Peanut butter cup
Caramel Apple
Candy Corn
Watermelon
Berry Burst
Cookie Dough
Marshmallow
(and other seasonal stuff)0 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »Chrysalid2014 wrote: »kimondo666 wrote: »Try to persuade him if he has sweettooth that he eats raw fruit, and not zero nutrient refined sugar in sweets. Bananas are a whole lot better, or apples. Even dried fruits are much better.
i fail to see the correlation between a sweet tooth and eating raw foods…..
Er... raw fruit is sweet..(?)
and source of sugar does not matter...
I read something yesterday about why fruit sugar is "better" than added sugar in other carbohydrate-loaded foods. Apparently the digestion of sugar requires certain micronutrients that are also delivered in fresh fruit. However, if you eat (for example) a candy bar, it doesn't contain any of the vitamins required to digest it, so essentially by eating the candy bar you're dipping into (depleting) your reserve of micronutrients.
So, the logic that you can get your day's nutrition and then spend any 'leftover' calories on junk without detriment to your health is somewhat flawed...
3rd request for a link to the article you are saying you read.APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Just a morning update - I'll be reading through all the responses through the day,.. all four packages of Oreos have been opened and at least 2 cookies are gone from each. The packages will be finished within a week, I'm guessing.
As for addictions - food can be just as deadly an addiction as drugs, if not more so because you can't give it up completely like drugs or alcohol.
Not our first discussion by far - in fact he has gone to drastic extremes (WLS) which failed because he believed his gastric band would fix everything with no effort on his part.
Age does make a difference - the body does not recover as well from stressors and is much more prone to serious effects. So, to those of you in your 20s and 30s - make changes now. It will be much harder to lose it later.
I'll be back after work - keep this discussion rolling...
Did you ask him why he opened 4 different packages?
This is the greatest problem I've read so far in this thread. That is crazy talk. If there's going to be an intervention, it should be for this egregious violation.
Srs wtf are you gonna do with stale Oreos
You make bread pudding out of stale bread, I'll bet you can crunch up those stale oreos and make oreo pudding. use them in brownies or cookies or some other desert. Heck, grind them up and sprinkle them on top of your ice cream, or put them in homemade bread. Put them in a milkshake even.
DO NOT throw the stale oreos away!
1 package of oreos + 1 package of cream cheese mushed together. Form into small balls and refrigerate until set. Dip in chocolate or just devour straight away.
Oreo truffles.
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First of all, the day I can't eat pork sausages or chocolate ice cream, someone will die from my rage.
Maybe he's planning on running a marathon. If so, he could fit all of those things into his daily calorie allowance. Maybe he's planning a surprise party? Maybe they're for a meeting at work?
Maybe he's in denial and knows that it's just easier to stay fat and happy until he croaks from diabetes, heart disease, sleep apnea, stroke, etc.0 -
asflatasapancake wrote: »The real question is, should I make and then eat this?
What is that on top? Is that cheese?0 -
Gooey Oreo Double Chocolate Cake Bars is soooo freaking good. It's sooo sweet but awesome at the same time
http://sprinklejoy.net/2011/07/11/gooey-oreo-double-chocolate-cake-bars/0 -
I'm sorry for your situation OP. My only advice was to seek therapy, but since you've already done that I don't have much to add except maybe see if you can convince him to see a new therapist as you are unhappy with his current one, or maybe go back to couple again if you have stopped.
As you contemplate whether or not to stay in this marriage, one thing to consider is whether you can successfully pursue your own health goals while with him. It's one thing if he wants to destroy his own health, but you need to be able to maintain/improve yours.0 -
OP, if your husband is diabetic and needs 3 meds but fails to follow a diet and exercise plan, which is 90% if not more of diabetes management, this is very much your concern. Because he is putting his life at risk, which does affect his family, and he is also taking a gamble with serious disabilities. My husband was for 10 years the primary caregivery of his mother, who suffered a serious stroke, and was left almost completely paralysed. As a direct result of unmanaged diabetes and blood pressure. It is not just his quality of life that is at stake.
So, if I were you, yes, I would be scheduling interventions, involving the entire family, throwing the food away, demanding he sees his dr, demanding he follows his dr's advice, demanding he meets up with a dietician.
Because I would rather fight with him and treat him like a child, than spend the rest of my life seeing him suffer with body or mind reduced to that of an infant. It is true, he is an adult and can make his own choices. However, unless he wishes to leave and forget he has family, he needs to respect that his choices affect his family. A diabetic not complying with lifestyle changes, is tempting fate. Unless he is mentally disabled, he knows this is putting his family under stress, so he cannot pretend it is his life his choice. It will be you changing his diapers, so you have a say.
I agree with most of this especially the last part about you taking care of him due to his poor choices. I understand where you are coming from. I too am affected by the food that comes into the house. It's easy to say, just ignore the bad food that he chooses but when you are addicted to those types of foods and they are sitting there calling your name, you MUST respond (sometimes I am successful at ignoring those voices). I am lucky though. My husband has chosen to embrace the changes. He actually is better than I am with his eating habits which is why he is closer to his goal than I am. I don't have any actual advice, just encouragement. Others have said, lead by example, and I think that is what you can do along with showing him are angry that he is endangering you also with his behavior. Some might say he is trying on purpose to taint your weight loss/health goals. Stay strong!0 -
I'm sorry for your situation OP. My only advice was to seek therapy, but since you've already done that I don't have much to add except maybe see if you can convince him to see a new therapist as you are unhappy with his current one, or maybe go back to couple again if you have stopped.
As you contemplate whether or not to stay in this marriage, one thing to consider is whether you can successfully pursue your own health goals while with him. It's one thing if he wants to destroy his own health, but you need to be able to maintain/improve yours.
Good points. You have a good heart, OP. You gave him the benefit of the doubt with what you deemed to be his sincerity about health goals at the onset. I don't blame you for that one bit. The start of any relationship is filled with trust and hope; we cannot know everything about someone at the onset. Seeing red flags in retrospect... who has not experienced that? I have, for sure. Standing up and vowing to stick it out through sickness & health, for richer & poorer makes us think long and hard about whether folding the tent is the right thing. It doesn't feel good. You do have responsibility for yourself, though, and FreeOscar is right--you need to be able to maintain your own health. Maybe this is a good place to restart counseling, as it is focused on changing you not him. Even if he's not ready to take responsibility for himself, maybe he could see how criticizing/threatening your efforts to get healthier hurt you, and maybe he would be willing to love and accept you the way you are.0 -
Gooey Oreo Double Chocolate Cake Bars is soooo freaking good. It's sooo sweet but awesome at the same time
http://sprinklejoy.net/2011/07/11/gooey-oreo-double-chocolate-cake-bars/
Meh!! Not worth at this time for all the hard work I put in.
For special occasion - sure.0 -
For all those saying she should up his life insurance, or get a new policy. While sound advice, he is likely completely uninsurable. Given the weight, the medical history, the ADD meds, etc. Double so for long term care, where the underwriting is pretty tight.
The only possibility would be a group policy through his work which sometimes offer the possibility of upping insurance without underwriting, but even there he might face some underwriting and/or he'd have to be still employed at time of death.
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I'm sorry for your situation OP. My only advice was to seek therapy, but since you've already done that I don't have much to add except maybe see if you can convince him to see a new therapist as you are unhappy with his current one, or maybe go back to couple again if you have stopped.
As you contemplate whether or not to stay in this marriage, one thing to consider is whether you can successfully pursue your own health goals while with him. It's one thing if he wants to destroy his own health, but you need to be able to maintain/improve yours.
Good points. You have a good heart, OP. You gave him the benefit of the doubt with what you deemed to be his sincerity about health goals at the onset. I don't blame you for that one bit. The start of any relationship is filled with trust and hope; we cannot know everything about someone at the onset. Seeing red flags in retrospect... who has not experienced that? I have, for sure. Standing up and vowing to stick it out through sickness & health, for richer & poorer makes us think long and hard about whether folding the tent is the right thing. It doesn't feel good. You do have responsibility for yourself, though, and FreeOscar is right--you need to be able to maintain your own health. Maybe this is a good place to restart counseling, as it is focused on changing you not him. Even if he's not ready to take responsibility for himself, maybe he could see how criticizing/threatening your efforts to get healthier hurt you, and maybe he would be willing to love and accept you the way you are.
Very nice post and I agree with you. This is a very compassionate but practical look at things, IMO.
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APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Hubby and I had "the discussion" about eating more sensibly and healthier, and less junk food, etc, etc, etc, this weekend. (He has more weight to lose than I do.) Thought we were on the same page, until he came home from the grocery store this evening with four bags of Oreos, chocolate ice cream, eight pounds of pork sausage patties, and a supersize bag of generic Reese's pieces cereal.
I'm not even sure we're in the same book, much less on the same page. How do you handle these situations??
2 oreos is around 100 calories
I fail to see the issue
The issue is not simply one of CICO. The OP's husband has a chronic medical condition that is often exacerbated by certain foods (ie. those with refined sugar). Just because you and others fail to see the issue does not mean that there is no issue.
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Wow, OP. All I can say is I'm sorry and I think it's understandable if you can't stay and watch him doing this to himself.0
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asflatasapancake wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »asflatasapancake wrote: »The real question is, should I make and then eat this?
What is that on top? Is that cheese?
I don't care. I want it in my belly now.
I believe it's caramel sauce, like the deliciousness you put on top of an ice cream sundae. Even if it was cheese, I'd probably still eat it.
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Chrysalid2014 wrote: »APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Hubby and I had "the discussion" about eating more sensibly and healthier, and less junk food, etc, etc, etc, this weekend. (He has more weight to lose than I do.) Thought we were on the same page, until he came home from the grocery store this evening with four bags of Oreos, chocolate ice cream, eight pounds of pork sausage patties, and a supersize bag of generic Reese's pieces cereal.
I'm not even sure we're in the same book, much less on the same page. How do you handle these situations??
2 oreos is around 100 calories
I fail to see the issue
The issue is not simply one of CICO. The OP's husband has a chronic medical condition that is often exacerbated by certain foods (ie. those with refined sugar). Just because you and others fail to see the issue does not mean that there is no issue.
Couldn't have said it better myself!
Some people appear to get very het up by others making a decision to quit junk food. Those people must feel very defensive and insecure about choosing to eat such things themselves.
I concurr. Lots of people like this in the forums.
"I fit junk food into my calorie limit everyday and lost a million pounds so you should do it to."0 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »
And I assume that the OP's husband isn't living in an underground bunker where he won't see the light of day or a grocery store for another month or two.TimothyFish wrote: »I assume that your husband has no intention of eating all that at one time. There is a big difference between having it in the house and having it in your stomach. Someone who deliberately purchases that amount of crap in one go probably plans to binge on it. *Four* bags of Oreos is a bit excessive.
Unless all that stuff was on a big, big sale or something. Like bogo.
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asflatasapancake wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »asflatasapancake wrote: »The real question is, should I make and then eat this?
What is that on top? Is that cheese?
I don't care. I want it in my belly now.
I wouldn't even be mad if it was cheese. I bet that's an oddly delightful combination.0 -
This reminds me of that one thread a few months ago where a mother made a post about how her teenage daughter was gaining a lot of weight in a short period of time and bingeing and eating copious amounts of unhealthy food and wanted advice on how to talk to her about changing her habits. Of course everyone wanted the mom to just let her daughter carry on and show no concern because the mom was just a bad, bad mom. People are ridiculous.
While some people made very good points, keep in mind a large amount of us are here because we have terrible habits that led us to having health issues such as obesity, high blood pressure, diabetes etc etc etc. The point I'm trying to make is not everyone is qualified to tell you how to handle the situation as many people have proven in this forum.0
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