Four bags of Oreos
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Nothing got me moving like seeing my wife lose weight while I got left in the dust and only gained. I agree with the lead by example sentiment. It might take a month, but when he sees how excited you are for your weight loss, I imagine he'll drop the junk and start moving his body.0
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enterdanger wrote: »Not everyone's relationship dynamic is the same. Think about the couples you might know where one is more dominant and the other of the pair more submissive and it works. I'm not talking 50 shades of grey stuff here people. My grandparents were like that and open, honest communication would make them laugh. Their marriage worked for them.
Yes, ultimately OP's husband decides what goes in his body. But when I put myself in her shoes I'd be damned if I let the father of my children think he could endanger his health that way. None of us are getting out of here alive, but I need him to be around for a long time. I would nag, cajole, bribe, do whatever I needed to do light a weight loss fire under his *kitten*.
I have to laugh that you think you know what your grandparents' relationship was like when they were alone. You assume they didn't talk to each other about their relationship? Just because he was more dominant and she was more submissive doesn't mean they didn't communicate. I've known couples like that, and they do communicate, they just don't do it in front of people. Open and honest communication between intimate couples doesn't happen in public. Relationship work is a private thing.
Nagging, cajoling and bribing are ineffective methods of communication and will create resentment in the long run. It's not about forcing someone to do something, it's about impressing upon them how important it is in a relationship how important they are and how their actions affect the family. Communication is the effective way to do that.0 -
enterdanger wrote: »Not everyone's relationship dynamic is the same. Think about the couples you might know where one is more dominant and the other of the pair more submissive and it works. I'm not talking 50 shades of grey stuff here people. My grandparents were like that and open, honest communication would make them laugh. Their marriage worked for them.
Yes, ultimately OP's husband decides what goes in his body. But when I put myself in her shoes I'd be damned if I let the father of my children think he could endanger his health that way. None of us are getting out of here alive, but I need him to be around for a long time. I would nag, cajole, bribe, do whatever I needed to do light a weight loss fire under his *kitten*.
My husband is easy going when it suits him but if i nag, cajole, bribe etc he wouldn't be so easy going.
He is the love of my life and I don't want anything to happen to him but I will be god damned if I make the time we have together a constant freakin fight over something that is not my business...nor in my control.
YOu can be happy or you can be right...pick.0 -
I won't be happy if he drops dead, so I'll choice right.0
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Take care of you and hopefully he will follow you can't change someone who doesn't want to change its very similar to people who quit smoking its not going to work until you want it to work set a good example and see what happens .....I am craving oreos now0
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APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Hubby and I had "the discussion" about eating more sensibly and healthier, and less junk food, etc, etc, etc, this weekend. (He has more weight to lose than I do.) Thought we were on the same page, until he came home from the grocery store this evening with four bags of Oreos, chocolate ice cream, eight pounds of pork sausage patties, and a supersize bag of generic Reese's pieces cereal.
I'm not even sure we're in the same book, much less on the same page. How do you handle these situations??
How fast can he duck when you throw the sausages at him?0 -
Eat what you feel you should eat; if he's interested, feed him too. If you're seriously worried about corrupting your diet, segregate his "junk food" from the healthier stuff. Go on with your life; b/c he will go on with his. You cannot help people who do not even entertain the possibility that they have need of assistance...0
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APeacefulWarrior wrote: »
I don't know... around his WLS, I made sure I supported him... we're supposed to be in this together, and I hate knowing I'm in it alone, I guess.
This was the most poignant comment in the whole thread, I thought. My heart goes out to you, OP. It is totally legitimate for spouses to have concern for the fallout of their partners' bad choices. The consequences are real--not only the medical ones (amputation, blindness, early dementia) but also the emotional and financial burdens that land on the spouse. Long term and devastating consequences aside, it hurts when you give support/care to someone you love, knowing that they won't/can't reciprocate. You are right to take care of yourself. I loved the really practical advice to enhance his life and long term care insurance, not because it would necessarily change his behavior but because it addresses a real problem and might protect you somewhat from the financial fallout. I also loved the comments about being on the other side and inspired by a spouse who got healthy. Tich Nhat Han says, "If you are alive, anything is possible."
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No, he's not ready. But that wouldn't stop me from picking up the bag of Oreos and saying WTF! It's really not fair to you to have all that crap in the house.
Right. With that attitude, I would be alone. My SO is an adult, he pays his part of the bills here. His food is his business. I discuss my concerns about his health, and suggest he work on it, he grunts, acknowledges me, and discards the information.
I have to have intrinsic motivation, to realize my food choices are not based on a bag of Oreos in the cupboard. His food choices are separate from mine. I used to use this as an excuse, for my own lack of self control. I am above it now.
We have a harmonious relationship. I am not his food police. And he is not my diet sabotage.
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Chrysalid2014 wrote: »kimondo666 wrote: »Try to persuade him if he has sweettooth that he eats raw fruit, and not zero nutrient refined sugar in sweets. Bananas are a whole lot better, or apples. Even dried fruits are much better.
i fail to see the correlation between a sweet tooth and eating raw foods…..
Er... raw fruit is sweet..(?)
and source of sugar does not matter...
I read something yesterday about why fruit sugar is "better" than added sugar in other carbohydrate-loaded foods. Apparently the digestion of sugar requires certain micronutrients that are also delivered in fresh fruit. However, if you eat (for example) a candy bar, it doesn't contain any of the vitamins required to digest it, so essentially by eating the candy bar you're dipping into (depleting) your reserve of micronutrients.
So, the logic that you can get your day's nutrition and then spend any 'leftover' calories on junk without detriment to your health is somewhat flawed...
3rd request for a link to the article you are saying you read.APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Just a morning update - I'll be reading through all the responses through the day,.. all four packages of Oreos have been opened and at least 2 cookies are gone from each. The packages will be finished within a week, I'm guessing.
As for addictions - food can be just as deadly an addiction as drugs, if not more so because you can't give it up completely like drugs or alcohol.
Not our first discussion by far - in fact he has gone to drastic extremes (WLS) which failed because he believed his gastric band would fix everything with no effort on his part.
Age does make a difference - the body does not recover as well from stressors and is much more prone to serious effects. So, to those of you in your 20s and 30s - make changes now. It will be much harder to lose it later.
I'll be back after work - keep this discussion rolling...
Did you ask him why he opened 4 different packages?
This is the greatest problem I've read so far in this thread. That is crazy talk. If there's going to be an intervention, it should be for this egregious violation.0 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »Chrysalid2014 wrote: »kimondo666 wrote: »Try to persuade him if he has sweettooth that he eats raw fruit, and not zero nutrient refined sugar in sweets. Bananas are a whole lot better, or apples. Even dried fruits are much better.
i fail to see the correlation between a sweet tooth and eating raw foods…..
Er... raw fruit is sweet..(?)
and source of sugar does not matter...
I read something yesterday about why fruit sugar is "better" than added sugar in other carbohydrate-loaded foods. Apparently the digestion of sugar requires certain micronutrients that are also delivered in fresh fruit. However, if you eat (for example) a candy bar, it doesn't contain any of the vitamins required to digest it, so essentially by eating the candy bar you're dipping into (depleting) your reserve of micronutrients.
So, the logic that you can get your day's nutrition and then spend any 'leftover' calories on junk without detriment to your health is somewhat flawed...
3rd request for a link to the article you are saying you read.APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Just a morning update - I'll be reading through all the responses through the day,.. all four packages of Oreos have been opened and at least 2 cookies are gone from each. The packages will be finished within a week, I'm guessing.
As for addictions - food can be just as deadly an addiction as drugs, if not more so because you can't give it up completely like drugs or alcohol.
Not our first discussion by far - in fact he has gone to drastic extremes (WLS) which failed because he believed his gastric band would fix everything with no effort on his part.
Age does make a difference - the body does not recover as well from stressors and is much more prone to serious effects. So, to those of you in your 20s and 30s - make changes now. It will be much harder to lose it later.
I'll be back after work - keep this discussion rolling...
Did you ask him why he opened 4 different packages?
This is the greatest problem I've read so far in this thread. That is crazy talk. If there's going to be an intervention, it should be for this egregious violation.
Srs wtf are you gonna do with stale Oreos0 -
I haven't read all the comments, but I think I may have 4 bags of oreos in the house right now! (I buy things in large quantities when they're on sale.) Does he eat a bag at a time like my husband used to? But nowadays we go through them at a snail's pace, even with kids. New habits aren't formed overnight, and honestly, major health conditions outstanding, there's no reason not to have those things once in a while. What helped my husband was realizing how much "real food" he could have for the caloric price of a few oreos. Maybe a visual demonstration would help?
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He pretty much won't eat anything I cook - he grew up in the restaurant business and as a young cook, it was all about fat, sugar, and salt. I grew up in a household where my parents tried to eat healthy (blood pressure issues are pretty prevalent in my family), so I like flavor.
[/quote]
It sounds just like me husband so I cook for me and he can cook his hamburger and chips. I've finally accepted that he won't change and he's accepted that my health is more important to me than his health is to him.
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TimothyFish wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »
And I assume that the OP's husband isn't living in an underground bunker where he won't see the light of day or a grocery store for another month or two.TimothyFish wrote: »I assume that your husband has no intention of eating all that at one time. There is a big difference between having it in the house and having it in your stomach.
Someone who deliberately purchases that amount of crap in one go probably plans to binge on it. *Four* bags of Oreos is a bit excessive.
Unless all that stuff was on a big, big sale or something. Like bogo.
Why would you assume that? I bought two packages of Oreos two weeks ago. I bought two packages of lemon cookies last weekend. I also bought two half gallons of ice cream. I haven't binged on any of it yet. In fact, I still have most of it, along with five packages of cookie dough mix, two cake mixes with icing, and three tubes of Pringles. Not to mention three boxes of cereal that I haven't opened. If having it in the house equals binging, I'm in big trouble. I'm especially worried about those two packages of trail mix I bought. Oh, what a world, what world. What am I going to do?
Be as snide as you wish, Timothy Fish, (that rhymes, LOL!) but unless the Oreos were on sale and he was buying them to share with the family, why on earth would he purchase four bags at once just for himself? Wouldn't they go stale unless you kinda binged on them?
And before it gets suggested, I'm not one of those sugar-is-the-devil types. My point is that the OP's concern for her husband is justified, whether it is her place to do anything about it or not. 0 -
reynolds3371 wrote: »He can eat all of that food in moderation by keeping it under his calorie count for the day and logging everything in
Agree but that stuff is so calorie dense it seems like he bought home a lot of overhead. Four bags of Oreos in moderation should last....0 -
JustinAnimal wrote: »Nothing got me moving like seeing my wife lose weight while I got left in the dust and only gained. I agree with the lead by example sentiment. It might take a month, but when he sees how excited you are for your weight loss, I imagine he'll drop the junk and start moving his body.
This I agree with totally.
My husband (if he's not sick with something) sees me working out, getting fit, benching more than him and he knows....and he starts..then stalls due to some cold/flu/strep etc...
It might take a month...it might take longer but trust me nagging, cajoling etc will not make it go by quicker..APeacefulWarrior wrote: »
I don't know... around his WLS, I made sure I supported him... we're supposed to be in this together, and I hate knowing I'm in it alone, I guess.
You are not alone...that's part of why you are here...
For 2 years...I have lost weight and gotten healthy...as mentioned my husband starts then stalls...my son..yah no he's 21 he wants beer and fries all the time...he says he will be nope...
You might find you like it as an almost "solitary" journey...I prefer it this way...if they want to join me they can but if not I am just as happy.
note yes my husband has health issues too and he is young...33 with high blood pressure and a history of massive killing heart attacks in his family....
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jofjltncb6 wrote: »Chrysalid2014 wrote: »kimondo666 wrote: »Try to persuade him if he has sweettooth that he eats raw fruit, and not zero nutrient refined sugar in sweets. Bananas are a whole lot better, or apples. Even dried fruits are much better.
i fail to see the correlation between a sweet tooth and eating raw foods…..
Er... raw fruit is sweet..(?)
and source of sugar does not matter...
I read something yesterday about why fruit sugar is "better" than added sugar in other carbohydrate-loaded foods. Apparently the digestion of sugar requires certain micronutrients that are also delivered in fresh fruit. However, if you eat (for example) a candy bar, it doesn't contain any of the vitamins required to digest it, so essentially by eating the candy bar you're dipping into (depleting) your reserve of micronutrients.
So, the logic that you can get your day's nutrition and then spend any 'leftover' calories on junk without detriment to your health is somewhat flawed...
3rd request for a link to the article you are saying you read.APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Just a morning update - I'll be reading through all the responses through the day,.. all four packages of Oreos have been opened and at least 2 cookies are gone from each. The packages will be finished within a week, I'm guessing.
As for addictions - food can be just as deadly an addiction as drugs, if not more so because you can't give it up completely like drugs or alcohol.
Not our first discussion by far - in fact he has gone to drastic extremes (WLS) which failed because he believed his gastric band would fix everything with no effort on his part.
Age does make a difference - the body does not recover as well from stressors and is much more prone to serious effects. So, to those of you in your 20s and 30s - make changes now. It will be much harder to lose it later.
I'll be back after work - keep this discussion rolling...
Did you ask him why he opened 4 different packages?
This is the greatest problem I've read so far in this thread. That is crazy talk. If there's going to be an intervention, it should be for this egregious violation.
Srs wtf are you gonna do with stale Oreos
Yah this would tick me off more than anything else...*smh*0 -
Yeah, darlin, you're getting torn up over there too. Check it out.
And...
...locked.15. Divisive Topics Are Better Suited For Groups, Not the Main Forums
Divisive topics and posts, particularly those that seek input from or are relevant only to a select group of users, are better placed within an appropriate Group rather than the Main Forums. For example, topics relevant to only one religion should not be placed on the main forums but rather within a group related to that religion.
...because Church of Sugar is Poison.0 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »Yeah, darlin, you're getting torn up over there too. Check it out.
And...
...locked.15. Divisive Topics Are Better Suited For Groups, Not the Main Forums
Divisive topics and posts, particularly those that seek input from or are relevant only to a select group of users, are better placed within an appropriate Group rather than the Main Forums. For example, topics relevant to only one religion should not be placed on the main forums but rather within a group related to that religion.
...because Church of Sugar is Poison.
The thread was actually going fairly well too. There wasn't much flaming. Are they not going to let any conversation like that happen on the boards any more?
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mamapeach910 wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »Yeah, darlin, you're getting torn up over there too. Check it out.
And...
...locked.15. Divisive Topics Are Better Suited For Groups, Not the Main Forums
Divisive topics and posts, particularly those that seek input from or are relevant only to a select group of users, are better placed within an appropriate Group rather than the Main Forums. For example, topics relevant to only one religion should not be placed on the main forums but rather within a group related to that religion.
...because Church of Sugar is Poison.
The thread was actually going fairly well too. There wasn't much flaming. Are they not going to let any conversation like that happen on the boards any more?
They will...
...but only on the Premium side.0
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