Four bags of Oreos
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APeacefulWarrior wrote: »I'm sensing the overall feeling is put up and shut up until the EMT's come to pick one of us up. (I know there are a couple people who have a better understanding of why I'm so upset - I realize that doesn't represent you)
So essentially, if you witnessed your spouse or significant other downing a bottle of poison, you'd just sit back ( or join them) and say "hey, he (or she) is an adult and if they want to finish off that poison, well then, that's their right."? That doesn't seem very loving, concerned or compassionate, but maybe that's where we are as a society... accepting and then sticking your head in the sand to ignore seems to be the expectation. Not sure I can be on board with that, but I think that's what he expects of me too.
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Unless the two of you got married this weekend or he was just diagnosed diabetic, seems more likely some mutual enabling was going in your house regarding poor food choices. It's not that you didn't care about each other, you just were not ready to make changes. You came to your senses before he did about your weight and diet.
Maybe he will change maybe he won't but it will be if and when he's ready. And yeah I put up and shut up about my diabetic husband's eating habits at this point because he knows the possible consequences and we've talked about it. He's made it clear that he'd rather eat the way he does. Maybe when a toe falls off he'll rethink it but he's so optimistic he will probably say "Eh I got nine others".
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enterdanger wrote: »Not everyone's relationship dynamic is the same. Think about the couples you might know where one is more dominant and the other of the pair more submissive and it works. I'm not talking 50 shades of grey stuff here people. My grandparents were like that and open, honest communication would make them laugh. Their marriage worked for them.
This (although 50 shades of grey is a horrible depiction of those in a power exchange relationship).
Actually, reading all this "force your husband"/throw it out/intervention crap that people are spewing, make me oh so grateful to be in that type of relationship (on the sub side). Problem solved lol.0 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »
It is called propositional logic, and yeah it makes this analogy a poor one. Just because drinking poison and over eating can both lead to death doesn't make them equivalent items in an example.
For example: All dogs are mammals. All dogs have 4 legs. Thus, all mammals have 4 legs. This is an example of propositional logic.0 -
APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Hubby and I had "the discussion" about eating more sensibly and healthier, and less junk food, etc, etc, etc, this weekend. (He has more weight to lose than I do.) Thought we were on the same page, until he came home from the grocery store this evening with four bags of Oreos, chocolate ice cream, eight pounds of pork sausage patties, and a supersize bag of generic Reese's pieces cereal.
I'm not even sure we're in the same book, much less on the same page. How do you handle these situations??
I can't begin to understand or describe, how, during this incarnation of my efforts,at becoming more fit, how I broken down and done your husband's shopping list. Right now I am subsisting on Special K Bars, Belvita Bisquits that I just discovered, Light Bite Ice Cream Bars for my sweet treats. Maybe it finally sunk in that satisfying the sweet tooth can be done within a diet plan, or saving the Oreos as a reward or treat (in a limited way) for achievement; or that, yes, in fact I CAN wait until I go to the ballpark Sunday to watch the Phillies to have that Phila. sausage pepper and onion sandwich and soft pretzel that is so, so good! Enjoyed with the knowkedge that I will be at the Y come Monday morning. I guessing. Otherwise it is a day by day, hour by hour battle. Some days better than others. We just have to stay in the war.0 -
That first line should read ' how I have not broken down...'
Big fingers small keys
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Sugar is not "poisonous" to a diabetic, jfc.0
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Living a life with uncontrolled Diabetes is a hell but also is the hell being a family member of one.
Neither is in a better place than the other.
Sucker called Diabetes is a silent disease that does it work in silence no pain, no suffering until one fine day the world just collapses.
So if anyone is thinking OP's husband is a grown man and is thinking OP shouldn't and won't be affected.... sorry, OP will get affected if husband doesn't take control of his health now.
^^^ YES!!! So well said.0 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »Chrysalid2014 wrote: »kimondo666 wrote: »Try to persuade him if he has sweettooth that he eats raw fruit, and not zero nutrient refined sugar in sweets. Bananas are a whole lot better, or apples. Even dried fruits are much better.
i fail to see the correlation between a sweet tooth and eating raw foods…..
Er... raw fruit is sweet..(?)
and source of sugar does not matter...
I read something yesterday about why fruit sugar is "better" than added sugar in other carbohydrate-loaded foods. Apparently the digestion of sugar requires certain micronutrients that are also delivered in fresh fruit. However, if you eat (for example) a candy bar, it doesn't contain any of the vitamins required to digest it, so essentially by eating the candy bar you're dipping into (depleting) your reserve of micronutrients.
So, the logic that you can get your day's nutrition and then spend any 'leftover' calories on junk without detriment to your health is somewhat flawed...
3rd request for a link to the article you are saying you read.APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Just a morning update - I'll be reading through all the responses through the day,.. all four packages of Oreos have been opened and at least 2 cookies are gone from each. The packages will be finished within a week, I'm guessing.
As for addictions - food can be just as deadly an addiction as drugs, if not more so because you can't give it up completely like drugs or alcohol.
Not our first discussion by far - in fact he has gone to drastic extremes (WLS) which failed because he believed his gastric band would fix everything with no effort on his part.
Age does make a difference - the body does not recover as well from stressors and is much more prone to serious effects. So, to those of you in your 20s and 30s - make changes now. It will be much harder to lose it later.
I'll be back after work - keep this discussion rolling...
Did you ask him why he opened 4 different packages?
This is the greatest problem I've read so far in this thread. That is crazy talk. If there's going to be an intervention, it should be for this egregious violation.
Srs wtf are you gonna do with stale Oreos
I was thinking 4 different flavors - that's how I ended up with 3 bags of Oreos not that long ago - lemon, regular, and peanut butter.
And you clearly haven't used the new Oreos packaging. It's awesome and resealable. And it actually keeps the Oreos fresh. Really, really fresh - much better than a Ziplock which is what I used to use.
OP, sorry to say I understand where you're coming from - it's hard to watch someone hurt themselves because they won't take care of themselves. But people are right. You can't force him. You can discuss it with him, tell it how it makes you feel, that you are concerned for his health, etc, and that's about it. And unfortunately, even that is decently likely to have him rebelling.
I'm with the lead by non-critical example crowd. It's the only tactic that I've seen regularly get results. You just have to be very, very patient and keep in mind you want him to see that what you are doing is not really a big sacrifice for a really big benefit. Without making a huge deal over it.0 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »Chrysalid2014 wrote: »kimondo666 wrote: »Try to persuade him if he has sweettooth that he eats raw fruit, and not zero nutrient refined sugar in sweets. Bananas are a whole lot better, or apples. Even dried fruits are much better.
i fail to see the correlation between a sweet tooth and eating raw foods…..
Er... raw fruit is sweet..(?)
and source of sugar does not matter...
I read something yesterday about why fruit sugar is "better" than added sugar in other carbohydrate-loaded foods. Apparently the digestion of sugar requires certain micronutrients that are also delivered in fresh fruit. However, if you eat (for example) a candy bar, it doesn't contain any of the vitamins required to digest it, so essentially by eating the candy bar you're dipping into (depleting) your reserve of micronutrients.
So, the logic that you can get your day's nutrition and then spend any 'leftover' calories on junk without detriment to your health is somewhat flawed...
3rd request for a link to the article you are saying you read.APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Just a morning update - I'll be reading through all the responses through the day,.. all four packages of Oreos have been opened and at least 2 cookies are gone from each. The packages will be finished within a week, I'm guessing.
As for addictions - food can be just as deadly an addiction as drugs, if not more so because you can't give it up completely like drugs or alcohol.
Not our first discussion by far - in fact he has gone to drastic extremes (WLS) which failed because he believed his gastric band would fix everything with no effort on his part.
Age does make a difference - the body does not recover as well from stressors and is much more prone to serious effects. So, to those of you in your 20s and 30s - make changes now. It will be much harder to lose it later.
I'll be back after work - keep this discussion rolling...
Did you ask him why he opened 4 different packages?
This is the greatest problem I've read so far in this thread. That is crazy talk. If there's going to be an intervention, it should be for this egregious violation.
My thought was that he came home with 4 different kinds of Oreos: there are a bunch of different varieties now..golden, traditional, strawberry, chocolate center, etc.
Lies.
There is only One True Oreo™*.
To say otherwise is blasphemous.
* Double stuffed. Original Oreos are more properly called "half stuffed"...or "Oreos Lite"...or "diet Oreos".
Well, yes. Of course.
But damn, the lemon ones and the peanut butter filled ones are really, really good. They don't even remind me of a traditional Oreo. But still.
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no one is making you eat it.
he is an adult and makes his own choices, good or bad, you are not his mother and can (and should) not control what he eats.0 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »
Please, the analogy is weak.
While we are at it then let's not let any loved ones sun tan, go swimming, ride a bicycle or fly in planes.
Now THAT analogy is weak. Asking someone not to keep doing something that has given him a condition that causes such issues as blindness and amputation is hardly the same as telling someone not to go swimming or ride a bicycle.
I mean as long as we're talking about weak analogies here.
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enterdanger wrote: »Not everyone's relationship dynamic is the same. Think about the couples you might know where one is more dominant and the other of the pair more submissive and it works. I'm not talking 50 shades of grey stuff here people. My grandparents were like that and open, honest communication would make them laugh. Their marriage worked for them.
This (although 50 shades of grey is a horrible depiction of those in a power exchange relationship).
Actually, reading all this "force your husband"/throw it out/intervention crap that people are spewing, make me oh so grateful to be in that type of relationship (on the sub side). Problem solved lol.
Makes me grateful to not be in a relationship at all!! OMG so many people in this thread I would not want as my spouse if that's the way they would handle this!!
OP, perhaps it was a knee jerk reaction to the thought of having to 'eat healthy' - 'can't have oreos, give me ALL the oreos'. When you have your adult, two-way, respectful conversation with him, perhaps making it clear to him that he doesn't need to give these things up entirely, just have them in moderation as part of an overall healthy eating plan. But at the end of the day, it is his choice whether he wants to do this. As someone else several pages ago pointed out, swap out 'diabetes' for 'overweight' - you have to be ready to do it or it just doesn't work.0 -
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Nony_Mouse wrote: »
OP, perhaps it was a knee jerk reaction to the thought of having to 'eat healthy' - 'can't have oreos, give me ALL the oreos'. When you have your adult, two-way, respectful conversation with him, perhaps making it clear to him that he doesn't need to give these things up entirely, just have them in moderation as part of an overall healthy eating plan. But at the end of the day, it is his choice whether he wants to do this. As someone else several pages ago pointed out, swap out 'diabetes' for 'overweight' - you have to be ready to do it or it just doesn't work.
OP's husband has already failed at WLS. Obviously, moderation has not been very successful in the past and I am assuming he doesn't practice it now. And I am also assuming he's heard of moderation, probably ad nauseum, so basically, he is choosing to eat the way he does and that's that.
Unfortunately, no, there's nothing one adult can do to force another adult into/out of anything. I feel bad for the OP but no amount of "rational conversation" is going to help, any more than "forcing" him/nagging him would help. If any of these methods helped, the OP's husband would not have gotten to the point of WLS in the first place, much less managed to work around WLS to continue to be (correct me if I'm wrong, this was my assumption) morbidly obese, and now diabetic.
Working the conversation around and swapping one phrase for another, etc. is something a person who has been overweight for a long time can sniff out from a mile away, and will dig in his heels against. It's kind of like the whole "Let's go for a bike ride so we can BOTH be HEALTHY!" (read: "Let's get you off your *zz because you're gigantic, ugh!") transparent stuff...come on. An overweight person sees right through that and, for some personality types, will simply rebel.
I feel bad for you, OP. I know it's hard to stand by and do nothing. It's just a hard situation all around, and I am sure, hard for your husband too. I'm just sorry.
As for you...just keep on keepin' on. My husband is 5'9", 250 lbs., has OSA and a sleep device (we call it his Darth Vader mask) and still eats about 100 times a night because he "hardly ate all day." So far, thank God, he isn't diabetic. I don't say anything to him because I know nobody could have said anything to me until I was ready. I was given that space so I give him that space. I still love him, fat, thin or in between. I don't know how I will feel if he becomes very sick but continues with his ways but I know I won't be able to force his hand, either. But me? I am eating the way I eat, exercising the way I exercise and getting healthy and looking better. Yes, he sits right next to me eating ice cream out of the carton. It helps that I can eat ice cream, just not (generally) a carton of it, but I can eat it. I know I am making the CHOICE not to eat the whole carton, so I don't feel deprived. People eat all different ways...I don't have to eat the way my husband is eating. I just think of it as: he is him, I am me.
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Nony_Mouse wrote: »enterdanger wrote: »Not everyone's relationship dynamic is the same. Think about the couples you might know where one is more dominant and the other of the pair more submissive and it works. I'm not talking 50 shades of grey stuff here people. My grandparents were like that and open, honest communication would make them laugh. Their marriage worked for them.
This (although 50 shades of grey is a horrible depiction of those in a power exchange relationship).
Actually, reading all this "force your husband"/throw it out/intervention crap that people are spewing, make me oh so grateful to be in that type of relationship (on the sub side). Problem solved lol.
Makes me grateful to not be in a relationship at all!! OMG so many people in this thread I would not want as my spouse if that's the way they would handle this!!
OP, perhaps it was a knee jerk reaction to the thought of having to 'eat healthy' - 'can't have oreos, give me ALL the oreos'. When you have your adult, two-way, respectful conversation with him, perhaps making it clear to him that he doesn't need to give these things up entirely, just have them in moderation as part of an overall healthy eating plan. But at the end of the day, it is his choice whether he wants to do this. As someone else several pages ago pointed out, swap out 'diabetes' for 'overweight' - you have to be ready to do it or it just doesn't work.
But the odds are it will the the OP waiting on him if he loses his legs to diabetes or something. He isn't just risking his future, he is also risking hers.
You're right about him needing to want to change, but I don't think going "Ohhh well, he's an adult so I'll just watch him destroying his health" is a good option either. I think family therapy, which was suggested some pages ago, is a good idea. Buying four bags of oreos and then opening them all at once seems really odd.0 -
I feel bad for you, OP. I know it's hard to stand by and do nothing. It's just a hard situation all around, and I am sure, hard for your husband too. I'm just sorry. As for you...just keep on keepin' on. My husband is 5'9", 250 lbs., has OSA and a sleep device (we call it his Darth Vader mask) and still eats about 100 times a night because he "hardly ate all day." So far, thank God, he isn't diabetic. I don't say anything to him because I know nobody could have said anything to me until I was ready. I was given that space so I give him that space. I still love him, fat, thin or in between. I don't know how I will feel if he becomes very sick but continues with his ways but I know I won't be able to force his hand, either. But me? I am eating the way I eat, exercising the way I exercise and getting healthy and looking better. Yes, he sits right next to me eating ice cream out of the carton. It helps that I can eat ice cream, just not (generally) a carton of it, but I can eat it. I know I am making the CHOICE not to eat the whole carton, so I don't feel deprived. People eat all different ways...I don't have to eat the way my husband is eating. I just think of it as: he is him, I am me.
Nice post.
OP, I also feel for you, and agree with those who say all you can do is be a positive example and be there when he is ready, and this set back doesn't mean it won't be soon (although it might not be). I do think it sounds like some form of self-sabotage on his part, which often is a reaction to not being ready to or being scared of change. I honestly can't say why I went from not being ready to being ready, either about weight loss or some (for me) more serious things, so who knows why you are and he isn't, but I do know seeing positive changes in people I knew kind of gave me the idea it was possible, so it might just be not fair, but that you get to do it on your own for a while first, and then he'll join you. But it's just not possible to force someone else who isn't ready, and that he isn't probably hurts, but isn't about how much he cares for you or him not being willing to support you.0 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »Chrysalid2014 wrote: »kimondo666 wrote: »Try to persuade him if he has sweettooth that he eats raw fruit, and not zero nutrient refined sugar in sweets. Bananas are a whole lot better, or apples. Even dried fruits are much better.
i fail to see the correlation between a sweet tooth and eating raw foods…..
Er... raw fruit is sweet..(?)
and source of sugar does not matter...
I read something yesterday about why fruit sugar is "better" than added sugar in other carbohydrate-loaded foods. Apparently the digestion of sugar requires certain micronutrients that are also delivered in fresh fruit. However, if you eat (for example) a candy bar, it doesn't contain any of the vitamins required to digest it, so essentially by eating the candy bar you're dipping into (depleting) your reserve of micronutrients.
So, the logic that you can get your day's nutrition and then spend any 'leftover' calories on junk without detriment to your health is somewhat flawed...
3rd request for a link to the article you are saying you read.APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Just a morning update - I'll be reading through all the responses through the day,.. all four packages of Oreos have been opened and at least 2 cookies are gone from each. The packages will be finished within a week, I'm guessing.
As for addictions - food can be just as deadly an addiction as drugs, if not more so because you can't give it up completely like drugs or alcohol.
Not our first discussion by far - in fact he has gone to drastic extremes (WLS) which failed because he believed his gastric band would fix everything with no effort on his part.
Age does make a difference - the body does not recover as well from stressors and is much more prone to serious effects. So, to those of you in your 20s and 30s - make changes now. It will be much harder to lose it later.
I'll be back after work - keep this discussion rolling...
Did you ask him why he opened 4 different packages?
This is the greatest problem I've read so far in this thread. That is crazy talk. If there's going to be an intervention, it should be for this egregious violation.
Srs wtf are you gonna do with stale Oreos
You make bread pudding out of stale bread, I'll bet you can crunch up those stale oreos and make oreo pudding. use them in brownies or cookies or some other desert. Heck, grind them up and sprinkle them on top of your ice cream, or put them in homemade bread. Put them in a milkshake even.
DO NOT throw the stale oreos away!0 -
Could he possibly have a food addiction?0
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allaboutthecake wrote: »OP, I didn't wade thru the pages. But here's my take. Call your insurance agent and UP his Term Life Insurance, 10x his annual salary or more. Also, go get Long Term Care insurance. Sign his blankety-blank up for it all. Check into nursing homes, in-patient physical therapy type places, and bring those pamphlets home.
You can't change a leopard's spots, but you sure as heck can be prepared for said leopard's stroke, heart attack, loss of limb due to his diabetes, kidney failure, or heaven help you anything worse. At least then, you're covered. And sometimes that peace of mind is worth all his cookies and sausages combined.
This is actually solid Advice.0 -
I wonder how people would respond to this post if the OP had said her husband was starving himself to death because of anorexia nervosa? Probably that she should encourage him to get professional help. I believe that chronic overeating is another ED but without the sympathy attached.
I am still not entirely convinced that the OP's husband is not just bringing the food into the house for himself. It seems that sometimes partners are very threatened by the idea that their loved one may become more attractive and find another partner.
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I wonder how people would respond to this post if the OP had said her husband was starving himself to death because of anorexia nervosa? Probably that she should encourage him to get professional help. I believe that chronic overeating is another ED but without the sympathy attached.
I am still not entirely convinced that the OP's husband is not just bringing the food into the house for himself. It seems that sometimes partners are very threatened by the idea that their loved one may become more attractive and find another partner.
Yeah just no.
Also, you are seriously reaching here.
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am still not entirely convinced that the OP's husband is not just bringing the food into the house for himself. It seems that sometimes partners are very threatened by the idea that their loved one may become more attractive and find another partner.
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Yeah just no.
Also, you are seriously reaching here.
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No, it's not reaching at all. It's actually a very common concern.
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I didn't read the responses but he isn't going to change everything overnight. Small steps... so instead of focusing on his diet if he isn't ready for change, then maybe start walking every night for 15 mins or whatever. If he isn't ready for one particular change, try another. If he continues with these small step changes, eventually his diet will change.
I'd ask him what his ultimate goal is... is it to get off the diabetes medicine all together? To lose weight? Play with your children without feeling short of breath? Then come up with a plan to do that in small steps... go for a 15 min walk and increase the time every week or as needed. Next, instead of oreos every day, maybe only on Monday, Wednesday, Friday?? Or instead of 2 oreos per serving, have one.. whatever he is willing to agree to. Etc, etc... small changes are the best thing. If the changes are too drastic, he won't stick with them.
His medical condition may be your focus but not his. Figure out what he wants and work towards it and then you will eventually get what you want.0 -
I wonder how people would respond to this post if the OP had said her husband was starving himself to death because of anorexia nervosa? Probably that she should encourage him to get professional help. I believe that chronic overeating is another ED but without the sympathy attached.
I am still not entirely convinced that the OP's husband is not just bringing the food into the house for himself. It seems that sometimes partners are very threatened by the idea that their loved one may become more attractive and find another partner.
talk about comparing apples and oranges..
OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life VS someone that is doing an action (starving themselves) that will lead to certain death in the very near future.
and the attractive comment is just downright ludicrous...0 -
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am still not entirely convinced that the OP's husband is not just bringing the food into the house for himself. It seems that sometimes partners are very threatened by the idea that their loved one may become more attractive and find another partner.Yeah just no.
Also, you are seriously reaching here.No, it's not reaching at all. It's actually a very common concern.
Yup.
Also, sometimes, a spouse (or friend, or parent or whomever) doesn't want to lose one's "eating partner." I know when I used to want to binge, I'd try to have my husband join in the fun. It made me feel less guilty. I'm 99.9% certain he does the same thing to me (or tries) - not out of some innate evil or anything, but because, well, it's just a reaction people have sometimes: It isn't so bad when I'm doing it, if someone else is doing it too.
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I wonder how people would respond to this post if the OP had said her husband was starving himself to death because of anorexia nervosa? Probably that she should encourage him to get professional help. I believe that chronic overeating is another ED but without the sympathy attached.
I am still not entirely convinced that the OP's husband is not just bringing the food into the house for himself. It seems that sometimes partners are very threatened by the idea that their loved one may become more attractive and find another partner.
talk about comparing apples and oranges..
OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life VS someone that is doing an action (starving themselves) that will lead to certain death in the very near future.
and the attractive comment is just downright ludicrous...
So if it's (possibly, not definitely) a slower death, it's not a big deal?
Do you have an exact time frame on what constitutes imminent death? Because anorexics can hang on for years too. Or decades. I'd love to hear what you single-handedly have decided constitutes a quick enough death to warrant medical attention of some sort.
Obesity for apparently decades, to the extent of requiring WLS, and now including, at the very least, diabetes (which is no walk in the park) isn't it, so what is? Just curious what your personal determination, that must necessarily be true for everyone, is.
"OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life..." How much later, for a severely obese patient with restructured insides who is diabetic? Roughly. In your educated estimation, I mean I'm assuming you have your MD at the very least?
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I wonder how people would respond to this post if the OP had said her husband was starving himself to death because of anorexia nervosa? Probably that she should encourage him to get professional help. I believe that chronic overeating is another ED but without the sympathy attached.
I am still not entirely convinced that the OP's husband is not just bringing the food into the house for himself. It seems that sometimes partners are very threatened by the idea that their loved one may become more attractive and find another partner.
talk about comparing apples and oranges..
OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life VS someone that is doing an action (starving themselves) that will lead to certain death in the very near future.
and the attractive comment is just downright ludicrous...
So if it's (possibly, not definitely) a slower death, it's not a big deal?
Do you have an exact time frame on what constitutes imminent death? Because anorexics can hang on for years too. Or decades. I'd love to hear what you single-handedly have decided constitutes a quick enough death to warrant medical attention of some sort. Obesity for apparently decades, to the extent of requiring WLS, and now including, at the very least, diabetes (which is no walk in the park) isn't it, so what is? Just curious what your personal determination, that must necessarily be true for everyone, is.
"OP's husband may die from a medical condition at some point later in life..." How much later, for a severely obese patient with restructured insides who is diabetic? Roughly. In your educated estimation, I mean I'm assuming you have your MD at the very least?
You keep assuming a contrary position without stating what she should actually do besides... what? Fret?
This is what I don't get.
I doubt anyone thinks this isn't concerning. But ... perspective. They had ONE conversation. We don't know the tenor of that conversation.
We know her side of things. We know he failed WLS, but a lot of people do that. We know he went out and bought the food, but that might be a direct response to the tenor of the conversation... but... we. don't know enough to say.
And that's really the bottom line.
What would you suggest the wife do? Other than continue a respectful dialog, is there really anything to be done?
Have you ever lived with an alcoholic? Not that I'm comparing this in any way to alcoholism at all, but all of you who think that this or that should happen really have NO clue.
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