Four bags of Oreos

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Replies

  • juggernaut1974
    juggernaut1974 Posts: 6,212 Member
    freeoscar wrote: »
    ndj1979 wrote: »
    freeoscar wrote: »
    ndj1979 wrote: »
    freeoscar wrote: »
    http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/31/making-the-case-for-eating-fruit/?_r=0

    Here is an article discussing why it is better for your body to get sugar from whole fruit rather than added refined.

    I stopped reading at Ludwig....

    I will see your blog, and raise you with this one...

    http://www.alanaragonblog.com/2010/01/29/the-bitter-truth-about-fructose-alarmism/

    also, just because you get fiber from fruit does not make the sugar in fruit better. If I eat added sugar and take a multivitamin does it become good???

    Clearly you stopped reading the article, as here is a direct quote from it:
    "You can’t just take an 8-ounce glass of cola and add a serving of Metamucil and create a health food,” Dr. Ludwig said. “Even though the fructose-to-fiber ratio might be the same as an apple, the biological effects would be much different.”

    why not? it has fiber in it, same as fruit...

    because your body breaks down the fruit, which combines the items together, differently than it does the items when they are separate.

    Gonna need to see some scientific proof of that other than "because I said so"
    Here's an unrelated example for you - pour some oil in a glass. then pour some vinegar. Now pour the same amounts into a jar and emulsify them. Now return each example to its original state of separate oil and vinegar.

    Lol what???
    I'm not some whole foods person, and I eat plenty of refined sugar and carbs, but you have to be a little daft to not think that it is healthier to satisfy a sweet craving by eating a piece of whole fruit rather than an Oreo cookie.

    Define "healthier"
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    freeoscar wrote: »
    ndj1979 wrote: »
    freeoscar wrote: »
    ndj1979 wrote: »
    freeoscar wrote: »
    http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/31/making-the-case-for-eating-fruit/?_r=0

    Here is an article discussing why it is better for your body to get sugar from whole fruit rather than added refined.

    I stopped reading at Ludwig....

    I will see your blog, and raise you with this one...

    http://www.alanaragonblog.com/2010/01/29/the-bitter-truth-about-fructose-alarmism/

    also, just because you get fiber from fruit does not make the sugar in fruit better. If I eat added sugar and take a multivitamin does it become good???

    Clearly you stopped reading the article, as here is a direct quote from it:
    "You can’t just take an 8-ounce glass of cola and add a serving of Metamucil and create a health food,” Dr. Ludwig said. “Even though the fructose-to-fiber ratio might be the same as an apple, the biological effects would be much different.”

    why not? it has fiber in it, same as fruit...

    because your body breaks down the fruit, which combines the items together, differently than it does the items when they are separate. Here's an unrelated example for you - pour some oil in a glass. then pour some vinegar. Now pour the same amounts into a jar and emulsify them. Now return each example to its original state of separate oil and vinegar.
    I'm not some whole foods person, and I eat plenty of refined sugar and carbs, but you have to be a little daft to not think that it is healthier to satisfy a sweet craving by eating a piece of whole fruit rather than an Oreo cookie.

    big picture thinking here: it's about how you eat overall, not in one moment. Did you eat well-rounded for the whole day? If you meet your macros, and then have an oreo, you did well. if you ate oreos all day, not so much. If you ate fruit all day, not so much.
  • Alyssa_Is_LosingIt
    Alyssa_Is_LosingIt Posts: 4,696 Member
    OP, I understand how you are feeling and that it hurts to watch your husband's health get worse and worse while he refuses to help himself.

    I agree with the consensus that it is ultimately his choice, and all you can do is control you. Perhaps if you will just step back and focus on yourself and your health (which you deserve to be able to to do, as you are worth it!), and let your husband do his thing, he will come around. Lose the weight you want to lose, become more active and healthy for yourself. Once he sees you doing that, he will probably realize that it would be a good idea for him to catch up in order to live a longer and happier life with you.

    Keep your chin up, OP. I know it is hard, but if you love someone, you have to "let them go" and make their own choices. If he got WLS in the past and failed, he was probably feeling some external pressure to have it done, and maybe wasn't ready to make the change. He will come around in time, but you have to let HIM make that decision.
  • PeachyCarol
    PeachyCarol Posts: 8,029 Member
    freeoscar wrote: »
    ndj1979 wrote: »
    freeoscar wrote: »
    http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/31/making-the-case-for-eating-fruit/?_r=0

    Here is an article discussing why it is better for your body to get sugar from whole fruit rather than added refined.

    I stopped reading at Ludwig....

    I will see your blog, and raise you with this one...

    http://www.alanaragonblog.com/2010/01/29/the-bitter-truth-about-fructose-alarmism/

    also, just because you get fiber from fruit does not make the sugar in fruit better. If I eat added sugar and take a multivitamin does it become good???

    Clearly you stopped reading the article, as here is a direct quote from it:
    "You can’t just take an 8-ounce glass of cola and add a serving of Metamucil and create a health food,” Dr. Ludwig said. “Even though the fructose-to-fiber ratio might be the same as an apple, the biological effects would be much different.”

    Yes, because Ludwig is heavily invested in the GI theory of foods and everything he says is heavily biased by that.
  • ksy1969
    ksy1969 Posts: 700 Member
    Since your husband is a grown adult, I suggest doing what I had to do - lead by example, by cooking tasty yet healthful meals (if you're the one that cooks, that is) and politely refusing any junk.

    It's amazing how many people I've turned that way. It took time, but it always works.

    He pretty much won't eat anything I cook - he grew up in the restaurant business and as a young cook, it was all about fat, sugar, and salt. I grew up in a household where my parents tried to eat healthy (blood pressure issues are pretty prevalent in my family), so I like flavor, but can't afford a lot of calories from fat - and sugar? Well he's diabetic and sugar really makes me feel awful in a number of ways, so neither of us need a lot of sugar. Salt in moderation (I have high blood pressure and processed foods are SO full of salt that when I eat a home cooked meal, I'd rather be able to add it at the table.

    I do politely refuse... he tells me I'm being militant. Sigh...

    So you didn't know this when you married him? :o
  • Alyssa_Is_LosingIt
    Alyssa_Is_LosingIt Posts: 4,696 Member
    freeoscar wrote: »
    ndj1979 wrote: »
    freeoscar wrote: »
    ndj1979 wrote: »
    freeoscar wrote: »
    http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/31/making-the-case-for-eating-fruit/?_r=0

    Here is an article discussing why it is better for your body to get sugar from whole fruit rather than added refined.

    I stopped reading at Ludwig....

    I will see your blog, and raise you with this one...

    http://www.alanaragonblog.com/2010/01/29/the-bitter-truth-about-fructose-alarmism/

    also, just because you get fiber from fruit does not make the sugar in fruit better. If I eat added sugar and take a multivitamin does it become good???

    Clearly you stopped reading the article, as here is a direct quote from it:
    "You can’t just take an 8-ounce glass of cola and add a serving of Metamucil and create a health food,” Dr. Ludwig said. “Even though the fructose-to-fiber ratio might be the same as an apple, the biological effects would be much different.”

    why not? it has fiber in it, same as fruit...

    because your body breaks down the fruit, which combines the items together, differently than it does the items when they are separate. Here's an unrelated example for you - pour some oil in a glass. then pour some vinegar. Now pour the same amounts into a jar and emulsify them. Now return each example to its original state of separate oil and vinegar.
    I'm not some whole foods person, and I eat plenty of refined sugar and carbs, but you have to be a little daft to not think that it is healthier to satisfy a sweet craving by eating a piece of whole fruit rather than an Oreo cookie.

    This makes absolutely no sense. All nutrients are separated and by the body during digestion. This process begins in the stomach. Whether those nutrients start out mixed together makes no difference to your body. It does what it does, takes what it needs, and expels what it does not.

  • SconnieCat
    SconnieCat Posts: 770 Member
    freeoscar wrote: »
    ndj1979 wrote: »
    freeoscar wrote: »
    ndj1979 wrote: »
    freeoscar wrote: »
    http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/31/making-the-case-for-eating-fruit/?_r=0

    Here is an article discussing why it is better for your body to get sugar from whole fruit rather than added refined.

    I stopped reading at Ludwig....

    I will see your blog, and raise you with this one...

    http://www.alanaragonblog.com/2010/01/29/the-bitter-truth-about-fructose-alarmism/

    also, just because you get fiber from fruit does not make the sugar in fruit better. If I eat added sugar and take a multivitamin does it become good???

    Clearly you stopped reading the article, as here is a direct quote from it:
    "You can’t just take an 8-ounce glass of cola and add a serving of Metamucil and create a health food,” Dr. Ludwig said. “Even though the fructose-to-fiber ratio might be the same as an apple, the biological effects would be much different.”

    why not? it has fiber in it, same as fruit...

    because your body breaks down the fruit, which combines the items together, differently than it does the items when they are separate. Here's an unrelated example for you - pour some oil in a glass. then pour some vinegar. Now pour the same amounts into a jar and emulsify them. Now return each example to its original state of separate oil and vinegar.
    I'm not some whole foods person, and I eat plenty of refined sugar and carbs, but you have to be a little daft to not think that it is healthier to satisfy a sweet craving by eating a piece of whole fruit rather than an Oreo cookie.

    Why not? If I've hit my macros for the day and I have calories left over, why would it matter if I'm choosing an Oreo over something deemed "healthier"? I'm not getting extra credit for going over in another macronutrient category if what I really want is an Oreo.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
    I would be like "Hey. You just said you were on board and cared about your health. This load of sugar and fat doesn't jive with that. How does your doctor regard this stuff as a part of your diet? Shall we ask him/her about that?"

    Since diabetes management is absolutely nothing like eating moderate treats for healthy people, this is actually pretty serious. I would inform the doctor about what is going on. Diabetic people lose their feet/legs, their kidney function, and eventually their lives by eating high sugar items when the doctor says not to. Taking meds is NOT a free pass. That's how my grandmother died. I'm prediabetic and I don't bring items like that into the house, period, because I've seen the consequences.
  • freeoscar
    freeoscar Posts: 82 Member
    [/quote]

    big picture thinking here: it's about how you eat overall, not in one moment. Did you eat well-rounded for the whole day? If you meet your macros, and then have an oreo, you did well. if you ate oreos all day, not so much. If you ate fruit all day, not so much.
    [/quote]

    I agree, and that's how I eat. But the context here was a person who doesn't eat like that. And on a one to one comparison, fruit is definitely healthier than cookies. I can't even believe that is up for debate.
  • PeachyCarol
    PeachyCarol Posts: 8,029 Member
    @APeacefulWarrior I'm sorry to hear about your situation. If I was watching my husband do this to himself I would throw away the crap he brought in the house. Yes, I am controlling. But if my adult husband isn't going to act like an adult and be the PARTNER I married and stick to his promises I will make the decisions.

    My husband wouldn't hesitate to tell me if it was the other way around. That's our dynamic. I didn't marry someone to watch them self destruct. Standing by and waiting until they "are ready to lose weight" would not be an option for me. Especially not someone who already had weight loss surgery once and had a serious disease like diabetes.

    I watch those My 600lb life shows and there is always an enabler. I would not want to be that person. Ever.

    I know you can't change anyone's behavior but your own. But that doesn't mean that someone else taking over all the food prep and grocery shopping won't work. That is at least changing your behavior. Only you can judge how he would respond to that and if it would be positive or negative. It would at least be a different response.

    This sounds like a terribly unhealthy relationship.

    People who respect boundaries are not enablers.

  • freeoscar
    freeoscar Posts: 82 Member

    [/quote]

    Clearly you stopped reading the article, as here is a direct quote from it:
    "You can’t just take an 8-ounce glass of cola and add a serving of Metamucil and create a health food,” Dr. Ludwig said. “Even though the fructose-to-fiber ratio might be the same as an apple, the biological effects would be much different.”[/quote]

    Why?[/quote]

    Do you need me to paste the entire article? Here is the very next paragraph:
    Fiber provides “its greatest benefit when the cell walls that contain it remain intact,” he said. Sugars are effectively sequestered in the fruit’s cells, he explained, and it takes time for the digestive tract to break down those cells. The sugars therefore enter the bloodstream slowly, giving the liver more time to metabolize them. Four apples may contain the same amount of sugar as 24 ounces of soda, but the slow rate of absorption minimizes any surge in blood sugar. Repeated surges in blood sugar make the pancreas work harder and can contribute to insulin resistance, thereby increasing the risk for Type 2 diabetes.
  • PeachyCarol
    PeachyCarol Posts: 8,029 Member
    freeoscar wrote: »
    ndj1979 wrote: »
    freeoscar wrote: »
    ndj1979 wrote: »
    freeoscar wrote: »
    http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/31/making-the-case-for-eating-fruit/?_r=0

    Here is an article discussing why it is better for your body to get sugar from whole fruit rather than added refined.

    I stopped reading at Ludwig....

    I will see your blog, and raise you with this one...

    http://www.alanaragonblog.com/2010/01/29/the-bitter-truth-about-fructose-alarmism/

    also, just because you get fiber from fruit does not make the sugar in fruit better. If I eat added sugar and take a multivitamin does it become good???

    Clearly you stopped reading the article, as here is a direct quote from it:
    "You can’t just take an 8-ounce glass of cola and add a serving of Metamucil and create a health food,” Dr. Ludwig said. “Even though the fructose-to-fiber ratio might be the same as an apple, the biological effects would be much different.”

    why not? it has fiber in it, same as fruit...

    because your body breaks down the fruit, which combines the items together, differently than it does the items when they are separate. Here's an unrelated example for you - pour some oil in a glass. then pour some vinegar. Now pour the same amounts into a jar and emulsify them. Now return each example to its original state of separate oil and vinegar.
    I'm not some whole foods person, and I eat plenty of refined sugar and carbs, but you have to be a little daft to not think that it is healthier to satisfy a sweet craving by eating a piece of whole fruit rather than an Oreo cookie.

    Except that's not what Ludwig means when he's talking, even if what you said made a lick of sense.

    Ludwig is referring to GI, I'd bet a kidney on it.

  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    freeoscar wrote: »
    ndj1979 wrote: »
    freeoscar wrote: »
    ndj1979 wrote: »
    freeoscar wrote: »
    http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/31/making-the-case-for-eating-fruit/?_r=0

    Here is an article discussing why it is better for your body to get sugar from whole fruit rather than added refined.

    I stopped reading at Ludwig....

    I will see your blog, and raise you with this one...

    http://www.alanaragonblog.com/2010/01/29/the-bitter-truth-about-fructose-alarmism/

    also, just because you get fiber from fruit does not make the sugar in fruit better. If I eat added sugar and take a multivitamin does it become good???

    Clearly you stopped reading the article, as here is a direct quote from it:
    "You can’t just take an 8-ounce glass of cola and add a serving of Metamucil and create a health food,” Dr. Ludwig said. “Even though the fructose-to-fiber ratio might be the same as an apple, the biological effects would be much different.”

    why not? it has fiber in it, same as fruit...

    because your body breaks down the fruit, which combines the items together, differently than it does the items when they are separate. Here's an unrelated example for you - pour some oil in a glass. then pour some vinegar. Now pour the same amounts into a jar and emulsify them. Now return each example to its original state of separate oil and vinegar.
    I'm not some whole foods person, and I eat plenty of refined sugar and carbs, but you have to be a little daft to not think that it is healthier to satisfy a sweet craving by eating a piece of whole fruit rather than an Oreo cookie.

    so what if I eat my snickers and then take the fiber pill, are you trying to say that the ten minute differential makes that much of a difference? Sorry, going to need more scientific proof of this then just because you say so.

    What the hell does oil and vinegar have to do with sugar in fruit vs refined sugar? That has absolutely nothing to do with anything we are talking about.

    So anyone that thinks it is OK to eat an Oreo instead of fruit is an idiot???? If I have hit my micros for the day, what difference does it make if I have an oreo or fruit? Are you daft enough to think that you get extra credit for eating additional micros...?
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
    Have you ever suggested therapy for him? Or maybe for both of you? It might be worth it to try and figure out why he gravitates towards things that exacerbate his disease rather than wanting to improve his health and well-being. Maybe if he understood himself more he might be able to make better choices, and/or you might be able to separate yourself emotionally from his choices.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    There's nothing wrong with any of those foods, as long as you hit your calorie goals. I wouldn't worry about it.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    freeoscar wrote: »

    big picture thinking here: it's about how you eat overall, not in one moment. Did you eat well-rounded for the whole day? If you meet your macros, and then have an oreo, you did well. if you ate oreos all day, not so much. If you ate fruit all day, not so much.
    [/quote]

    I agree, and that's how I eat. But the context here was a person who doesn't eat like that. And on a one to one comparison, fruit is definitely healthier than cookies. I can't even believe that is up for debate.[/quote]

    Are you sure he's not eating like that? Sounds like each package only had two cookies out of them.... two cookies at time isn't gorging.
  • allaboutthecake
    allaboutthecake Posts: 1,535 Member
    edited May 2015
    OP, I didn't wade thru the pages. But here's my take. Call your insurance agent and UP his Term Life Insurance, 10x his annual salary or more. Also, go get Long Term Care insurance. Sign his blankety-blank up for it all. Check into nursing homes, in-patient physical therapy type places, and bring those pamphlets home.

    You can't change a leopard's spots, but you sure as heck can be prepared for said leopard's stroke, heart attack, loss of limb due to his diabetes, kidney failure, or heaven help you anything worse. At least then, you're covered. And sometimes that peace of mind is worth all his cookies and sausages combined. ;)
  • PeachyCarol
    PeachyCarol Posts: 8,029 Member
    edited May 2015
    freeoscar wrote: »


    Clearly you stopped reading the article, as here is a direct quote from it:
    "You can’t just take an 8-ounce glass of cola and add a serving of Metamucil and create a health food,” Dr. Ludwig said. “Even though the fructose-to-fiber ratio might be the same as an apple, the biological effects would be much different.”

    Why?

    Do you need me to paste the entire article? Here is the very next paragraph:
    Fiber provides “its greatest benefit when the cell walls that contain it remain intact,” he said. Sugars are effectively sequestered in the fruit’s cells, he explained, and it takes time for the digestive tract to break down those cells. The sugars therefore enter the bloodstream slowly, giving the liver more time to metabolize them. Four apples may contain the same amount of sugar as 24 ounces of soda, but the slow rate of absorption minimizes any surge in blood sugar. Repeated surges in blood sugar make the pancreas work harder and can contribute to insulin resistance, thereby increasing the risk for Type 2 diabetes.

    ^Yup. GI. Which counts on the food being eaten in isolation. And is nonsense.

  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    edited May 2015
    freeoscar wrote: »

    Clearly you stopped reading the article, as here is a direct quote from it:
    "You can’t just take an 8-ounce glass of cola and add a serving of Metamucil and create a health food,” Dr. Ludwig said. “Even though the fructose-to-fiber ratio might be the same as an apple, the biological effects would be much different.”

    Why?

    Do you need me to paste the entire article? Here is the very next paragraph:
    Fiber provides “its greatest benefit when the cell walls that contain it remain intact,” he said. Sugars are effectively sequestered in the fruit’s cells, he explained, and it takes time for the digestive tract to break down those cells. The sugars therefore enter the bloodstream slowly, giving the liver more time to metabolize them. Four apples may contain the same amount of sugar as 24 ounces of soda, but the slow rate of absorption minimizes any surge in blood sugar. Repeated surges in blood sugar make the pancreas work harder and can contribute to insulin resistance, thereby increasing the risk for Type 2 diabetes.

    if the he is "Ludwig" then I am going to need more proof than some sugar fear monger...
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    freeoscar wrote: »

    Clearly you stopped reading the article, as here is a direct quote from it:
    "You can’t just take an 8-ounce glass of cola and add a serving of Metamucil and create a health food,” Dr. Ludwig said. “Even though the fructose-to-fiber ratio might be the same as an apple, the biological effects would be much different.”[/quote]

    Why?[/quote]

    Do you need me to paste the entire article? Here is the very next paragraph:
    Fiber provides “its greatest benefit when the cell walls that contain it remain intact,” he said. Sugars are effectively sequestered in the fruit’s cells, he explained, and it takes time for the digestive tract to break down those cells. The sugars therefore enter the bloodstream slowly, giving the liver more time to metabolize them. Four apples may contain the same amount of sugar as 24 ounces of soda, but the slow rate of absorption minimizes any surge in blood sugar. Repeated surges in blood sugar make the pancreas work harder and can contribute to insulin resistance, thereby increasing the risk for Type 2 diabetes.[/quote]

    You are quoting someone who's arguably biased in his opinions as to how the body utilizes foods.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
    I'm sensing the overall feeling is put up and shut up until the EMT's come to pick one of us up. (I know there are a couple people who have a better understanding of why I'm so upset - I realize that doesn't represent you)

    So essentially, if you witnessed your spouse or significant other downing a bottle of poison, you'd just sit back ( or join them) and say "hey, he (or she) is an adult and if they want to finish off that poison, well then, that's their right."? That doesn't seem very loving, concerned or compassionate, but maybe that's where we are as a society... accepting and then sticking your head in the sand to ignore seems to be the expectation. Not sure I can be on board with that, but I think that's what he expects of me too.

    I understand perfectly. It's not like he's single. What he does affects your life very heavily as well as his own, and that matters. A marriage involves commitment, responsibility, and sometimes compromise, it does not mean going "lalalala i will do whatever i want regardless of the consequences because i am over 21 years old." When a person gets married, they supposedly accept the responsibility that their behavior greatly affects their spouse and that therefore they may have to make some compromises so as not to make that person's life miserable. You are accepting YOUR spousal responsibility in supporting him and trying to help him stick to the plans his doctor(s) laid out for him. Now he needs to accept his. Does he think you deserve to have to watch him die, and basically make yourself over into a home health nurse, for something he could easily avoid?
  • juggernaut1974
    juggernaut1974 Posts: 6,212 Member

    ^Yup. GI. Which counts on the food being eaten in isolation. And is nonsense.

    This

  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    gothchiq wrote: »
    I'm sensing the overall feeling is put up and shut up until the EMT's come to pick one of us up. (I know there are a couple people who have a better understanding of why I'm so upset - I realize that doesn't represent you)

    So essentially, if you witnessed your spouse or significant other downing a bottle of poison, you'd just sit back ( or join them) and say "hey, he (or she) is an adult and if they want to finish off that poison, well then, that's their right."? That doesn't seem very loving, concerned or compassionate, but maybe that's where we are as a society... accepting and then sticking your head in the sand to ignore seems to be the expectation. Not sure I can be on board with that, but I think that's what he expects of me too.

    I understand perfectly. It's not like he's single. What he does affects your life very heavily as well as his own, and that matters. A marriage involves commitment, responsibility, and sometimes compromise, it does not mean going "lalalala i will do whatever i want regardless of the consequences because i am over 21 years old." When a person gets married, they supposedly accept the responsibility that their behavior greatly affects their spouse and that therefore they may have to make some compromises so as not to make that person's life miserable. You are accepting YOUR spousal responsibility in supporting him and trying to help him stick to the plans his doctor(s) laid out for him. Now he needs to accept his. Does he think you deserve to have to watch him die, and basically make yourself over into a home health nurse, for something he could easily avoid?

    Which is why they need to learn to communicate about the whole issue, not control each other or passively let each other do whatever, as so many have suggested. She can't control him by 'throwing everything out', or just let him blithely do whatever he wants. They need to sit down and discuss the situation rationally. Communication in any relationship is definitely the most important aspect.
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    mccindy72 wrote: »
    gothchiq wrote: »
    I'm sensing the overall feeling is put up and shut up until the EMT's come to pick one of us up. (I know there are a couple people who have a better understanding of why I'm so upset - I realize that doesn't represent you)

    So essentially, if you witnessed your spouse or significant other downing a bottle of poison, you'd just sit back ( or join them) and say "hey, he (or she) is an adult and if they want to finish off that poison, well then, that's their right."? That doesn't seem very loving, concerned or compassionate, but maybe that's where we are as a society... accepting and then sticking your head in the sand to ignore seems to be the expectation. Not sure I can be on board with that, but I think that's what he expects of me too.

    I understand perfectly. It's not like he's single. What he does affects your life very heavily as well as his own, and that matters. A marriage involves commitment, responsibility, and sometimes compromise, it does not mean going "lalalala i will do whatever i want regardless of the consequences because i am over 21 years old." When a person gets married, they supposedly accept the responsibility that their behavior greatly affects their spouse and that therefore they may have to make some compromises so as not to make that person's life miserable. You are accepting YOUR spousal responsibility in supporting him and trying to help him stick to the plans his doctor(s) laid out for him. Now he needs to accept his. Does he think you deserve to have to watch him die, and basically make yourself over into a home health nurse, for something he could easily avoid?

    Which is why they need to learn to communicate about the whole issue, not control each other or passively let each other do whatever, as so many have suggested. She can't control him by 'throwing everything out', or just let him blithely do whatever he wants. They need to sit down and discuss the situation rationally. Communication in any relationship is definitely the most important aspect.

    you mean actually behave like adults?????? Shocking premise....
  • PeachyCarol
    PeachyCarol Posts: 8,029 Member
    mccindy72 wrote: »
    gothchiq wrote: »
    I'm sensing the overall feeling is put up and shut up until the EMT's come to pick one of us up. (I know there are a couple people who have a better understanding of why I'm so upset - I realize that doesn't represent you)

    So essentially, if you witnessed your spouse or significant other downing a bottle of poison, you'd just sit back ( or join them) and say "hey, he (or she) is an adult and if they want to finish off that poison, well then, that's their right."? That doesn't seem very loving, concerned or compassionate, but maybe that's where we are as a society... accepting and then sticking your head in the sand to ignore seems to be the expectation. Not sure I can be on board with that, but I think that's what he expects of me too.

    I understand perfectly. It's not like he's single. What he does affects your life very heavily as well as his own, and that matters. A marriage involves commitment, responsibility, and sometimes compromise, it does not mean going "lalalala i will do whatever i want regardless of the consequences because i am over 21 years old." When a person gets married, they supposedly accept the responsibility that their behavior greatly affects their spouse and that therefore they may have to make some compromises so as not to make that person's life miserable. You are accepting YOUR spousal responsibility in supporting him and trying to help him stick to the plans his doctor(s) laid out for him. Now he needs to accept his. Does he think you deserve to have to watch him die, and basically make yourself over into a home health nurse, for something he could easily avoid?

    Which is why they need to learn to communicate about the whole issue, not control each other or passively let each other do whatever, as so many have suggested. She can't control him by 'throwing everything out', or just let him blithely do whatever he wants. They need to sit down and discuss the situation rationally. Communication in any relationship is definitely the most important aspect.

    Have a respectful, adult, loving relationship?

    SHOCKING.

  • FitForL1fe
    FitForL1fe Posts: 1,872 Member
    edited May 2015
    freeoscar wrote: »
    ndj1979 wrote: »
    freeoscar wrote: »
    ndj1979 wrote: »
    freeoscar wrote: »
    http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/31/making-the-case-for-eating-fruit/?_r=0

    Here is an article discussing why it is better for your body to get sugar from whole fruit rather than added refined.

    I stopped reading at Ludwig....

    I will see your blog, and raise you with this one...

    http://www.alanaragonblog.com/2010/01/29/the-bitter-truth-about-fructose-alarmism/

    also, just because you get fiber from fruit does not make the sugar in fruit better. If I eat added sugar and take a multivitamin does it become good???

    Clearly you stopped reading the article, as here is a direct quote from it:
    "You can’t just take an 8-ounce glass of cola and add a serving of Metamucil and create a health food,” Dr. Ludwig said. “Even though the fructose-to-fiber ratio might be the same as an apple, the biological effects would be much different.”

    why not? it has fiber in it, same as fruit...

    because your body breaks down the fruit, which combines the items together, differently than it does the items when they are separate. Here's an unrelated example for you - pour some oil in a glass. then pour some vinegar. Now pour the same amounts into a jar and emulsify them. Now return each example to its original state of separate oil and vinegar.
    I'm not some whole foods person, and I eat plenty of refined sugar and carbs, but you have to be a little daft to not think that it is healthier to satisfy a sweet craving by eating a piece of whole fruit rather than an Oreo cookie.

    congrats on writing the most *kitten* retarded analogy I've read in quite some time

    also, broscience
  • freeoscar
    freeoscar Posts: 82 Member
    mccindy72 wrote: »
    gothchiq wrote: »
    I'm sensing the overall feeling is put up and shut up until the EMT's come to pick one of us up. (I know there are a couple people who have a better understanding of why I'm so upset - I realize that doesn't represent you)

    So essentially, if you witnessed your spouse or significant other downing a bottle of poison, you'd just sit back ( or join them) and say "hey, he (or she) is an adult and if they want to finish off that poison, well then, that's their right."? That doesn't seem very loving, concerned or compassionate, but maybe that's where we are as a society... accepting and then sticking your head in the sand to ignore seems to be the expectation. Not sure I can be on board with that, but I think that's what he expects of me too.

    I understand perfectly. It's not like he's single. What he does affects your life very heavily as well as his own, and that matters. A marriage involves commitment, responsibility, and sometimes compromise, it does not mean going "lalalala i will do whatever i want regardless of the consequences because i am over 21 years old." When a person gets married, they supposedly accept the responsibility that their behavior greatly affects their spouse and that therefore they may have to make some compromises so as not to make that person's life miserable. You are accepting YOUR spousal responsibility in supporting him and trying to help him stick to the plans his doctor(s) laid out for him. Now he needs to accept his. Does he think you deserve to have to watch him die, and basically make yourself over into a home health nurse, for something he could easily avoid?

    Which is why they need to learn to communicate about the whole issue, not control each other or passively let each other do whatever, as so many have suggested. She can't control him by 'throwing everything out', or just let him blithely do whatever he wants. They need to sit down and discuss the situation rationally. Communication in any relationship is definitely the most important aspect.

    Yes, this is a marriage issue primarily. I mean, they had that rational discussion, and he went out and did something directly contradicting what they agreed to. That's not passive aggressive, that's just plain aggressive. I think counseling is in order. If they figure that part out, helping each other eat to plan is easy.

  • kimny72
    kimny72 Posts: 16,011 Member
    OP, my dad is 70, and is on medication for high blood pressure and high cholesterol that is not helping much. But he stubbornly refuses to change how he eats. Having a conversation about it is so frustrating. My mom is scared to lose him, so she scolds him when he puts too much food on his plate. She makes comments when he hits the cookies like it's his last meal. And his response is to become more stubborn. When she makes a comment about how much pasta he served himself, he will grab the cheese and shake a mountain of it on top. If she makes a "light" dinner, he will grumble and then eat a jar of peanuts to "make up for it". She tries to keep high calorie stuff out of the house, so he buys it on his way to work and keeps it there. Constantly getting on him is actually making it worse.

    You know him best and how far you can push him. But my opinion is the best thing you can do is tell him once that you are scared to lose him and would like him to be on board with a plan for both of you, but if he won't agree to that you would at least ask him to respect your decision and you will respect his. And then view your journey as not just for you, but to set a good example for him. Let him see you with more energy, looking better in your clothes, enjoying your meals, smiling more, living your life more. Fear isn't always a great motivator, and it seems like that isn't working for him, so maybe the carrot will work better than the stick.

    Best of luck to you. I am sure it is incredibly difficult to watch someone you love be self-destructive, but as so many others have said, you can't force an adult to eat a certain way unless you are willing to lock them in the basement. Hang in there!
  • spyro88
    spyro88 Posts: 472 Member
    edited May 2015
    I believe that change has to come from within ourselves.

    My boyfriend was doing this whole healthy lifestyle thing years ago. He tried to persuade me to join him and I half-heartedly agreed because I knew I was overweight and it was something I 'should' be doing. But I failed to keep up, and that was because it wasn't really coming from me... there was some (unintended) pressure from him... and although he had all the best intentions, I ended up fighting against it. I wasn't ready.

    This time it's different... now I really want it... and now I'm doing something about it. But this time, it all came from me. I'm no longer embarrassed and I have stopped caring so much about what people think. I am ready to change.

    I'm not sure it is possible for you to flip that switch in your husband's brain... I think he has to do it himself. All you can do is change your lifestyle, lead by example, let him see the positive change in you, and hope that one day he will want - really want - to do the same.
  • mojohowitz
    mojohowitz Posts: 900 Member
    edited May 2015
    I assume that your husband has no intention of eating all that at one time. There is a big difference between having it in the house and having it in your stomach.

    I wish that were true at my house. But I know myself and the temptation would be too great. I practice my self discipline at the grocery store by not buying certain foods that I know I am currently unable to resist.

    I can hear the alpha's now pointing and saying "Nuh-uh, your problem is that you are a spineless weakling with no self control." Well, yeah, I am when it comes to donuts. If that is a problem, too bad. Life is not fair. Take your donuts and gtfo. But leave one on the counter. I'm here to get healthy.

    My health trumps my spouses gluttony.
This discussion has been closed.