Four bags of Oreos
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it does take time to get through. My OH spent a long time making comments to me about what I eat etc - then one day he just sat me down and told me he was concerned about my health, emphasising it isn't about weight/looks, and wants us to have long healthy lives together - he was worried I would end up with health problems e.g. diabetes. I cried and cried for at least a day but it did sink in.
I personally find it helpful to cram the house full of junk food because then I don't feel like I'm being deprived. It must be really awful when you know that it's affecting his health but, from my own experience, gentle encouragement not criticism is best (I'm not saying that you criticise him or don't encourage him, just saying what worked for me).0 -
OP, if your husband is diabetic and needs 3 meds but fails to follow a diet and exercise plan, which is 90% if not more of diabetes management, this is very much your concern. Because he is putting his life at risk, which does affect his family, and he is also taking a gamble with serious disabilities. My husband was for 10 years the primary caregivery of his mother, who suffered a serious stroke, and was left almost completely paralysed. As a direct result of unmanaged diabetes and blood pressure. It is not just his quality of life that is at stake.
So, if I were you, yes, I would be scheduling interventions, involving the entire family, throwing the food away, demanding he sees his dr, demanding he follows his dr's advice, demanding he meets up with a dietician.
Because I would rather fight with him and treat him like a child, than spend the rest of my life seeing him suffer with body or mind reduced to that of an infant. It is true, he is an adult and can make his own choices. However, unless he wishes to leave and forget he has family, he needs to respect that his choices affect his family. A diabetic not complying with lifestyle changes, is tempting fate. Unless he is mentally disabled, he knows this is putting his family under stress, so he cannot pretend it is his life his choice. It will be you changing his diapers, so you have a say.
that sounds like a recipe for disaster ….
Last time I checked he lives in a free country and if he wants to eat to the detriment of this health then that would be his choice, and not the food police.
Of course it is his choice. Same as it is his choice to become an alcoholic, or a drug addict. It is also the choice of his family to react. And while comparing oreos to drugs would be in general ridiculous, in this case, if things are as bad as the Op described, him becoming a drug addict might have been less scary for his family. I am assuming you have no personal experience with what a stroke can do to a patient. And his loved ones.0 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »
And I assume that the OP's husband isn't living in an underground bunker where he won't see the light of day or a grocery store for another month or two.TimothyFish wrote: »I assume that your husband has no intention of eating all that at one time. There is a big difference between having it in the house and having it in your stomach.
Someone who deliberately purchases that amount of crap in one go probably plans to binge on it. *Four* bags of Oreos is a bit excessive.
Unless all that stuff was on a big, big sale or something. Like bogo.
Why would you assume that? I bought two packages of Oreos two weeks ago. I bought two packages of lemon cookies last weekend. I also bought two half gallons of ice cream. I haven't binged on any of it yet. In fact, I still have most of it, along with five packages of cookie dough mix, two cake mixes with icing, and three tubes of Pringles. Not to mention three boxes of cereal that I haven't opened. If having it in the house equals binging, I'm in big trouble. I'm especially worried about those two packages of trail mix I bought. Oh, what a world, what world. What am I going to do?0 -
OP, if your husband is diabetic and needs 3 meds but fails to follow a diet and exercise plan, which is 90% if not more of diabetes management, this is very much your concern. Because he is putting his life at risk, which does affect his family, and he is also taking a gamble with serious disabilities. My husband was for 10 years the primary caregivery of his mother, who suffered a serious stroke, and was left almost completely paralysed. As a direct result of unmanaged diabetes and blood pressure. It is not just his quality of life that is at stake.
So, if I were you, yes, I would be scheduling interventions, involving the entire family, throwing the food away, demanding he sees his dr, demanding he follows his dr's advice, demanding he meets up with a dietician.
Because I would rather fight with him and treat him like a child, than spend the rest of my life seeing him suffer with body or mind reduced to that of an infant. It is true, he is an adult and can make his own choices. However, unless he wishes to leave and forget he has family, he needs to respect that his choices affect his family. A diabetic not complying with lifestyle changes, is tempting fate. Unless he is mentally disabled, he knows this is putting his family under stress, so he cannot pretend it is his life his choice. It will be you changing his diapers, so you have a say.
that sounds like a recipe for disaster ….
Last time I checked he lives in a free country and if he wants to eat to the detriment of this health then that would be his choice, and not the food police.
Of course it is his choice. Same as it is his choice to become an alcoholic, or a drug addict. It is also the choice of his family to react. And while comparing oreos to drugs would be in general ridiculous, in this case, if things are as bad as the Op described, him becoming a drug addict might have been less scary for his family. I am assuming you have no personal experience with what a stroke can do to a patient. And his loved ones.
Here we go...*smh*
intervention really? throwing food away? demanding?treat him like a child?
Sounds like a recipe for a F*** off and get out/divorce to me.
If I did that to my husband who has a medical condition he would hate me and rightfully so...we are talking about grown adults here...who are we to decide for them...I don't care how much we love them and want them around there is only so much we as "partners" can do and what you are suggesting is not one of them....
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OP, if your husband is diabetic and needs 3 meds but fails to follow a diet and exercise plan, which is 90% if not more of diabetes management, this is very much your concern. Because he is putting his life at risk, which does affect his family, and he is also taking a gamble with serious disabilities. My husband was for 10 years the primary caregivery of his mother, who suffered a serious stroke, and was left almost completely paralysed. As a direct result of unmanaged diabetes and blood pressure. It is not just his quality of life that is at stake.
So, if I were you, yes, I would be scheduling interventions, involving the entire family, throwing the food away, demanding he sees his dr, demanding he follows his dr's advice, demanding he meets up with a dietician.
Because I would rather fight with him and treat him like a child, than spend the rest of my life seeing him suffer with body or mind reduced to that of an infant. It is true, he is an adult and can make his own choices. However, unless he wishes to leave and forget he has family, he needs to respect that his choices affect his family. A diabetic not complying with lifestyle changes, is tempting fate. Unless he is mentally disabled, he knows this is putting his family under stress, so he cannot pretend it is his life his choice. It will be you changing his diapers, so you have a say.
that sounds like a recipe for disaster ….
Last time I checked he lives in a free country and if he wants to eat to the detriment of this health then that would be his choice, and not the food police.
Of course it is his choice. Same as it is his choice to become an alcoholic, or a drug addict. It is also the choice of his family to react. And while comparing oreos to drugs would be in general ridiculous, in this case, if things are as bad as the Op described, him becoming a drug addict might have been less scary for his family. I am assuming you have no personal experience with what a stroke can do to a patient. And his loved ones.
REGARDLESS...he is still a legal adult. A full grown man. He is capable of making his OWN decisions...you can NOT force someone to change. Waging a war over it will only make the household more tension-filled and stressed.
Obviously the husband has some control issues himself. Maybe his coming home with all this junk is his passive aggressive way of saying to his wife "You're not the boss of me! So there!" He is probably fighting some kind of depression due to this illness. Arguing with him and nagging him is not going to make things better; it will probably make it WORSE.
He is not a child to be controlled. He is an adult in charge of his own body, his own life.
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My suggestion is to do what my wife did to me to get me kickstarted on changing my eating habits. Take the bags of oreos, and ice cream, and put them in the garbage. I wasn't mad, I was surprised at first, but I did find other things to begin snacking on. If that stuff was in my house, I confess I would eat it. If its not in the house, it's so much easier to eliminate from your diet and change your habits. Take it upon yourself to ensure healthier snacks are always available and if he legitimately wants to change his habits, he will.0
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brazilpaul wrote: »My suggestion is to do what my wife did to me to get me kickstarted on changing my eating habits. Take the bags of oreos, and ice cream, and put them in the garbage. I wasn't mad, I was surprised at first, but I did find other things to begin snacking on. If that stuff was in my house, I confess I would eat it. If its not in the house, it's so much easier to eliminate from your diet and change your habits. Take it upon yourself to ensure healthier snacks are always available and if he legitimately wants to change his habits, he will.
Or he can start squirreling stuff away in hiding places, binge eating when he's away from the house, etc. I'd say the best thing for her to do is not buy them when she's doing the shopping...but treating him like a naughty child is no way to get him to respect her...
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brazilpaul wrote: »My suggestion is to do what my wife did to me to get me kickstarted on changing my eating habits. Take the bags of oreos, and ice cream, and put them in the garbage. I wasn't mad, I was surprised at first, but I did find other things to begin snacking on. If that stuff was in my house, I confess I would eat it. If its not in the house, it's so much easier to eliminate from your diet and change your habits. Take it upon yourself to ensure healthier snacks are always available and if he legitimately wants to change his habits, he will.
If I did that to my husband he would not be impressed not just because his snacks are gone but because I just took about 50$ (yes we have that much snack food in our house if not more) and burned it...what a waste...
I don't get this trying to control other adults...I mean I am a control freak and would never consider doing any of these things...
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I suggest those in favour of intervention flip 'diabetes' in their head to 'overweight' and see how you like dem apples
because statistical relationship of health issues and being overweight are also widely recognised and it might be easier to empathise with how irritating it might be should a partner choose to constantly pick you up on your diet choices if it was happening to you before you were ready to change
*recipe for disaster*
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OP, if your husband is diabetic and needs 3 meds but fails to follow a diet and exercise plan, which is 90% if not more of diabetes management, this is very much your concern. Because he is putting his life at risk, which does affect his family, and he is also taking a gamble with serious disabilities. My husband was for 10 years the primary caregivery of his mother, who suffered a serious stroke, and was left almost completely paralysed. As a direct result of unmanaged diabetes and blood pressure. It is not just his quality of life that is at stake.
So, if I were you, yes, I would be scheduling interventions, involving the entire family, throwing the food away, demanding he sees his dr, demanding he follows his dr's advice, demanding he meets up with a dietician.
Because I would rather fight with him and treat him like a child, than spend the rest of my life seeing him suffer with body or mind reduced to that of an infant. It is true, he is an adult and can make his own choices. However, unless he wishes to leave and forget he has family, he needs to respect that his choices affect his family. A diabetic not complying with lifestyle changes, is tempting fate. Unless he is mentally disabled, he knows this is putting his family under stress, so he cannot pretend it is his life his choice. It will be you changing his diapers, so you have a say.
that sounds like a recipe for disaster ….
Last time I checked he lives in a free country and if he wants to eat to the detriment of this health then that would be his choice, and not the food police.
Of course it is his choice. Same as it is his choice to become an alcoholic, or a drug addict. It is also the choice of his family to react. And while comparing oreos to drugs would be in general ridiculous, in this case, if things are as bad as the Op described, him becoming a drug addict might have been less scary for his family. I am assuming you have no personal experience with what a stroke can do to a patient. And his loved ones.
That is an extreme leap to try and prove a point.
No. If I say for anyone without health issues that oreos are like drugs, I am making a huge leap and it only proves I am slightly insane about "clean" eating. Saying that for a diabetic on 3 different meds, who judging from OP's age must be in his 50s-60s, consuming unlimited amounts of oreos is probably more dangerous than starting drugs is unfortunately true. At his age, with his medical history as presented by the OP and his reluctance to take it seriously, a stroke is not a small possibility, it is the most likely scenario in the next years.0 -
brazilpaul wrote: »My suggestion is to do what my wife did to me to get me kickstarted on changing my eating habits. Take the bags of oreos, and ice cream, and put them in the garbage. I wasn't mad, I was surprised at first, but I did find other things to begin snacking on. If that stuff was in my house, I confess I would eat it. If its not in the house, it's so much easier to eliminate from your diet and change your habits. Take it upon yourself to ensure healthier snacks are always available and if he legitimately wants to change his habits, he will.
I would be furious if my other half did this to me
Honestly? I know I need to lose weight. My OH knows I want to lose weight. He is skinny and gorgeous and I'm....well, I'm not. But he is always telling me how much he loves me and supports me whatever and it doesn't matter what I do/how I look, so long as I am happy. He may not agree with my choices, but he knows that I am an adult and make my own choices. If I am going down a 'bad path' he will try to guide me, but ultimately he will leave me to make up my own decision.
If it wasn't for the fact that he takes this approach with me, I would be an insecure mess; being with someone way more attractive (or fitter) than you (my partner also likes to run and work out), especially when you know you need to sort yourself out, can be depressing as hell. Maybe he is just too scared to face it. If that is the case, then throwing away food and treating him like a child won't help, it will just make him feel worse. If I were in his position and someone were doing that to me, I would feel like they didn't love me for who I was and that if I didn't change our relationship would be over. And if I didn't want to change...well, I would probably lose it and dump him.
I realize that was a bit of a ramble, and all from my own personal opinion, but I do agree with everyone who has said you need to let him make his own choices, no matter how much you wish you could change them for him.0 -
SkinnyWannabeGal wrote: »APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Hubby and I had "the discussion" about eating more sensibly and healthier, and less junk food, etc, etc, etc, this weekend. (He has more weight to lose than I do.) Thought we were on the same page, until he came home from the grocery store this evening with four bags of Oreos, chocolate ice cream, eight pounds of pork sausage patties, and a supersize bag of generic Reese's pieces cereal.
I'm not even sure we're in the same book, much less on the same page. How do you handle these situations??
Oh my gosh, I know the frustration!
My boyfriend knows that I must eat healthy for my well-being and his doctor says that he seriously needs to lose weight because he's dangerously overweight and has many health issues.
BUT! When we go to the grocery store, my cart is filled with healthy foods and his basket (he likes to shop separately) has chips, soda, candy and cookies in it. And that's it. No actual food for meals.
When I cook, he refuses to eat my meals because they're "too healthy" he says. And he also gets mad at me for cooking healthy foods because he hates the smell of nearly ANYTHING with vegetables in it. He's actually banned me from cooking certain healthy soups and dishes because they contain either garlic, onions, celery, carrots, ginger or bell peppers. I still sneak and cook with those ingredients when I can.
The thing that upsets me is that I do care about him and he needs to be around for our child, who's also worried about his health and weight. Also, he gets super mad that I eat healthy foods because he wants me to join him in eating way too much bad, fatty, greasy, salty, unhealthy foods and then snack on cookies, candies, chips and soda all night long while watching TV. Not gonna happen. Everything in moderation for me. And to top it off, he wants me to lose weight and be thinner, but not eat healthy foods. He also gets mad at me when I feed our child healthy foods with a lot of veggies in it or give him fresh blended green juice (our child's fave!). And I get upset when he chooses to eat ONLY unhealthy things instead of working them into his diet w/ other healthy foods.
So he's mad at me, I'm mad at him and this goes nowhere. A house full of resentment. Therefore, we came to an understanding. He said that if I don't leave him alone to eat whatever bad things that he wants and let him gain as much weight as he wants, then he won't allow me to eat anything healthy anymore. He said he'll throw away my fruits and veggies and won't allow anything remotely healthy in this house anymore. So the understanding is, we just leave eachother alone to eat what we want just tp keep the peace.
Bottom line is, he can't force me to be unhealthy and I can't force him to be healthy.
P.S. he also doesn't like me exercising and he refuses to exercise. Same agreement there.
It sounds like he is a seriously mixed up emotional eater. He doesn't want to try to be healthy and lose weight because he is afraid of failure. Seeing you and your child eating good healthy food makes him feel guilty and alone. He's not in the right place mentally to confront his problems and in an effort to make himself feel better he is trying to drag you and your child into his self destructive lifestyle. He is mad at himself and everyone around him. As hard as this may seem you and your child do not "need" this type of controlling and destructive influence in your lives. He needs to see a counsellor. If you continue to live your life as it is he will damage you and your little one eventually.0 -
Being that I was on the opposite side of this debate for a LONG time, I suggest letting him get to a place where he wants to change his habits on his own. About 2.5 years ago, my husband and I had "the talk" too and he went on to lose 65 pounds. And I kept gaining and losing the same 10 pounds. I had the same excuse, that my tests were coming back "normal" even though I had about 130 pounds to lose.
I was the one sabotaging things for him with my cooking and buying unhealthy groceries, etc. He just continued counting his calories and exercising and did not say much else to me. At the store, he would buy his food and I would buy mine and we never really talked about it. Eventually, I started to see his results and how hard he was working to get healthy and it got me thinking.....It took a few years, but now we are on the same page.
I appreciate that he let me figure things out on my own, because if I had only been making changes to appease him or give into his pressure/requests I would have eventually resented him for it and I would not be learning the important lessons about health and nutrition in the process. Getting healthy/losing weight will not work for anyone until they, one their own, make the decision to do so. IN the meantime, like others have said, just lead by example. He will start noticing and that will get him thinking. It may take a while, but if you stick with it, eventually he will want to join you.0 -
APeacefulWarrior wrote: »He keeps telling me that his diet must be fine because his blood tests come back fine (meaning his A1c is within acceptable limits for a diabetic on 3 different diabetes meds) Denial? It scares me, but not him...
I've got a husband at home with the same mentality. He was diagnosed Type II about 20 years ago. Up until now, he's been kind of gloating about what he can eat because he's always taken Glucophage or something to control his blood sugar, but guess what? Now he's borderline Type I even with medication (he was recently 'upgraded' to Victoza, an injectible, as a last resort). Now, he's scared.
I learned long ago that love can't make him healthier and that he's got to do it on his own.0 -
OP, if your husband is diabetic and needs 3 meds but fails to follow a diet and exercise plan, which is 90% if not more of diabetes management, this is very much your concern. Because he is putting his life at risk, which does affect his family, and he is also taking a gamble with serious disabilities. My husband was for 10 years the primary caregivery of his mother, who suffered a serious stroke, and was left almost completely paralysed. As a direct result of unmanaged diabetes and blood pressure. It is not just his quality of life that is at stake.
So, if I were you, yes, I would be scheduling interventions, involving the entire family, throwing the food away, demanding he sees his dr, demanding he follows his dr's advice, demanding he meets up with a dietician.
Because I would rather fight with him and treat him like a child, than spend the rest of my life seeing him suffer with body or mind reduced to that of an infant. It is true, he is an adult and can make his own choices. However, unless he wishes to leave and forget he has family, he needs to respect that his choices affect his family. A diabetic not complying with lifestyle changes, is tempting fate. Unless he is mentally disabled, he knows this is putting his family under stress, so he cannot pretend it is his life his choice. It will be you changing his diapers, so you have a say.
that sounds like a recipe for disaster ….
Last time I checked he lives in a free country and if he wants to eat to the detriment of this health then that would be his choice, and not the food police.
Of course it is his choice. Same as it is his choice to become an alcoholic, or a drug addict. It is also the choice of his family to react. And while comparing oreos to drugs would be in general ridiculous, in this case, if things are as bad as the Op described, him becoming a drug addict might have been less scary for his family. I am assuming you have no personal experience with what a stroke can do to a patient. And his loved ones.
So eating Oreos and food in general is now the equivalent to drugs????0 -
APeacefulWarrior wrote: »Ha sounds like my husband. He use to eat cookies & candy everyday so eating it every other day is his idea of healthier and more sensibly. To make matters worse, he's diabetic. I just tell him "don't expect me to wheel your butt around when your legs fall off". He tells me it will help my upper body development if I do. One needs to keep a sense of humor in a marriage.
My daughter's step-sister just lost her father to the effects of diabetes - years after he lost both legs and a wife as a result of his illness and refusal to eat healthy and take care of himself. I don't understand why anyone (even jokingly) would wish to become dependent on someone else if it could be prevented. Part of the reason I am determined to get healthier is exactly to prevent that type of situation for myself.
OP, I feel what you're saying.... it's not about how many bags of oreos, "good" food vs. "evil", etc, silly things like that. We all know about doing things in moderation and being adults, although some will be and some will not.
My heart goes out to you because this is my father's case exactly. All my life he has been as wide as he is tall, eaten everything in sight off his plate and cleaned up everyone's else's (even when we hurry to throw something away he will actually take it back out of the trash and eat it!!) and acts like he's never had a bite to eat and can't wait until his next meal. He won't go anywhere that's not a buffet, etc, etc,. He can barely walk, can't get up from a regular chair (he has a lift chair), takes 30 minutes literally to get in and out of bed and yet he won't stop eating. Now, sure, "he's an adult" and has been given the freedom to do with himself as he pleased all these years, but... who do you think is taking care of him now?!?!? Certainly not himself, he's not able. (And not only is that the case, when my mom had surgery and needed assistance for a couple weeks, on the only day me or one of my siblings couldn't be there, he spilled scalding hot soup all over her and literally scarred her the burns were so bad.) You have every right to stand up for yourself, leave/divorce if that's an option, or whatever decision you make to put yourself first from this point forward.
I hope you find your answers before you're forced to take care of someone who didn't care enough to take care of themself.0 -
OP, if your husband is diabetic and needs 3 meds but fails to follow a diet and exercise plan, which is 90% if not more of diabetes management, this is very much your concern. Because he is putting his life at risk, which does affect his family, and he is also taking a gamble with serious disabilities. My husband was for 10 years the primary caregivery of his mother, who suffered a serious stroke, and was left almost completely paralysed. As a direct result of unmanaged diabetes and blood pressure. It is not just his quality of life that is at stake.
So, if I were you, yes, I would be scheduling interventions, involving the entire family, throwing the food away, demanding he sees his dr, demanding he follows his dr's advice, demanding he meets up with a dietician.
Because I would rather fight with him and treat him like a child, than spend the rest of my life seeing him suffer with body or mind reduced to that of an infant. It is true, he is an adult and can make his own choices. However, unless he wishes to leave and forget he has family, he needs to respect that his choices affect his family. A diabetic not complying with lifestyle changes, is tempting fate. Unless he is mentally disabled, he knows this is putting his family under stress, so he cannot pretend it is his life his choice. It will be you changing his diapers, so you have a say.
that sounds like a recipe for disaster ….
Last time I checked he lives in a free country and if he wants to eat to the detriment of this health then that would be his choice, and not the food police.
Of course it is his choice. Same as it is his choice to become an alcoholic, or a drug addict. It is also the choice of his family to react. And while comparing oreos to drugs would be in general ridiculous, in this case, if things are as bad as the Op described, him becoming a drug addict might have been less scary for his family. I am assuming you have no personal experience with what a stroke can do to a patient. And his loved ones.
So eating Oreos and food in general is now the equivalent to drugs????
Apparently.
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Chrysalid2014 wrote: »kimondo666 wrote: »Try to persuade him if he has sweettooth that he eats raw fruit, and not zero nutrient refined sugar in sweets. Bananas are a whole lot better, or apples. Even dried fruits are much better.
i fail to see the correlation between a sweet tooth and eating raw foods…..
Er... raw fruit is sweet..(?)
and source of sugar does not matter...
I read something yesterday about why fruit sugar is "better" than added sugar in other carbohydrate-loaded foods. Apparently the digestion of sugar requires certain micronutrients that are also delivered in fresh fruit. However, if you eat (for example) a candy bar, it doesn't contain any of the vitamins required to digest it, so essentially by eating the candy bar you're dipping into (depleting) your reserve of micronutrients.
So, the logic that you can get your day's nutrition and then spend any 'leftover' calories on junk without detriment to your health is somewhat flawed...
Link to said study..?
What difference does it matter if I get my micros from fruit or from a different source? So, if I take a fiber and multivitamin pill with my oreos does that then make them good, because nutrients??? What if I have already hit my micro goals for the day and then eat oreos, do the oreos make my day unhealthy, because added sugar? OR, is the added sugar in the oreo now good, because micros?
What you feel to realize, despite repeated attempts to tell you is what matters is the context of the overall diet, and not one food choice contained there in.0
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