Cheating vs. Flirting (what's the difference)

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  • loopylin32
    loopylin32 Posts: 63
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    Whatever she was or wasnt intending she lied to you. She clearly knew you would be upset by it or why hide it, so the issue is do you want to be with someone who is happy to ride roughshod over your feelings for the sake of a bit of flirty banter? As my lovely Nan used to say... theres no love without trust.
  • alisonlynn1976
    alisonlynn1976 Posts: 929 Member
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    I think people in relationships should always have an explicit conversation about which behavior they consider cheating or not and come to an agreement, preferably *before* anything borderline inappropriate forces that conversation.
  • SStruthers13
    SStruthers13 Posts: 150 Member
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    Cheating is not really what's happening here. Disrespect for you, humiliating you, her lack of caring about your feelings are a few that pop to mind. Perhaps she isn't as emotionally invested in you as you'd like or isn't the type of person you would want a relationship with. Of course you need to examine yourself and make sure your not over reacting.

    All of the above are not good signs in any relationship.
  • SabrinaLC
    SabrinaLC Posts: 133 Member
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    Is it just the two of them planning to meet up? That doesn't seem quite right, but what do I know? I don't know her intentions. I wouldn't feel comfortable meeting with a guy unless there were others with us. One of my ex's brought his children over to my house one day before he went overseas. I was fine with it as I knew in my heart there was nothing to come of it other than to have the kids play and to chat with a friend. But I know myself and would never cheat on my husband.

    The online flirting is something different. And, of course, this is just my opinion but... if it's just chatting and flirting, it could mean nothing. Sometimes it's fun, it can be a self esteem boost. Was your relationship fine before the planning of a meet-up? It may have started out perfectly harmless. If you 're constantly looking over her shoulder to make sure she's not doing something wrong, well that is going to put strain on your relationship. It's going to drive you both crazy and this may or may not end well. Don't invade her privacy, you may have trust issues but to lose her trust as well could be a very bad thing. I speak from personal experience, TALK TO HER!

    Are you insecure in your relationship? Would you feel better if she just stopped talking to the opposite sex completely? Doesn't seem quite right to me. Talking can lead to flirting, I honestly feel it's human nature and some people may not even realize that they are doing it. You can't just cut yourself off from the opposite gender, you are not property, you can be social.
  • sweetNsassy2584
    sweetNsassy2584 Posts: 515 Member
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    Unless there was bodily fluids exchanged then I wouldn't consider it cheating.. However she crossed a line for sure. She shouldn't be exchanging numbers, texting, and making plans to meet up with some dude if she's committed to you.
  • iamshells
    iamshells Posts: 46 Member
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    AGREED!
    This is the behavior that leads to cheating. The dishonesty alone is a HUGE red flag.
  • lcvaughn520
    lcvaughn520 Posts: 219 Member
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    If you are in an exclusive relationship, and you create the impression in a third party's mind that they can sleep with you if they really try, that's when you've taken flirting into cheating territory -- even if you haven't physically cheated. It shows the same level of disrespect to your own partner.

    I agree with this! But I am kind of a jealous person, I've realized. If my boyfriend allowed a girl to believe that he was interested in her, I would probably literally explode with rage.
  • laurie62ann
    laurie62ann Posts: 433 Member
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    It's hard to fix "rocky" when there is a lack of trust!
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,713 Member
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    If you are in an exclusive relationship, and you create the impression in a third party's mind that they can sleep with you if they really try, that's when you've taken flirting into cheating territory -- even if you haven't physically cheated. It shows the same level of disrespect to your own partner.
    for some third parties that could mean eye contact.

    i don't believe it's about what C thinks A might do, but rather it's about what A would actually do.
  • iceqieen
    iceqieen Posts: 897 Member
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    line is crossed when she feels the need to hide it.

    if its innocent flirting it should be safe to talk to the partner about it.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,713 Member
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    if its innocent flirting it should be safe to talk to the partner about it.
    unless the partner is a crazy, jealous, control freak. then they're between a rock and three hard places. do they lie, do they never have any friends of the opposite sex, do they leave, or do they live in constant conflict?

    personally, i'd go with conflict/leave.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,713 Member
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    ETA: women like her are the reason i'm still single at the moment, so if you do decide to leave please before you do, punch her in the throat and tell her "that's from Ben" :laugh:
    oh the wit of suggesting assault. my sides are splitting.
  • LittleHungryGurl
    LittleHungryGurl Posts: 26 Member
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    I really do define cheating in the traditional sense of physical intimacy, but some people believe there's such a thing as emotional cheating. Really the fact that she hid it from you and lied to you when it obviously made you uncomfortable is what I would focus and harp on. Of course the flirting bothered you, but personally the lying and secret keeping would bother me more.
    Agree completely
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    I recently found out that my girlfriend was getting a little too friendly on FB with one of her friends. I kept seeing the same guy commenting on all of her posts and vice versa. These were not the normal nice pic/ nice post comments. They were always very flirty with hearts, smiley faces, winks etc. When I asked her about it she said that he was just an online friend. I later found out that he was much more than an online friend. They had actually exchanged numbers and were talking & texting each other. When I found out the truth they were talking about meeting one weekend. She said that they never met but at this point I really don't know what to believe. It would've been hard for them to meet because he lives in Kentucky. We've been very rocky every since. I feel like I always have to check behind her to see if she's lying to me now.

    My question is this is this cheating or just flirting and when is the line crossed?

    She lied to you. What is left to figure out about this? The fact that you are still around says to her that you're at very least willing to put up with it.
  • BarbellApprentice
    BarbellApprentice Posts: 486 Member
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    I recently found out that my girlfriend was getting a little too friendly on FB with one of her friends. I kept seeing the same guy commenting on all of her posts and vice versa. These were not the normal nice pic/ nice post comments. They were always very flirty with hearts, smiley faces, winks etc. When I asked her about it she said that he was just an online friend. I later found out that he was much more than an online friend. They had actually exchanged numbers and were talking & texting each other. When I found out the truth they were talking about meeting one weekend. She said that they never met but at this point I really don't know what to believe. It would've been hard for them to meet because he lives in Kentucky. We've been very rocky every since. I feel like I always have to check behind her to see if she's lying to me now.

    My question is this is this cheating or just flirting and when is the line crossed?

    They planned to meet. The meeting would be more than winks and flirty hearts. Intentions without actual execution of the crime is still a crime. And, o yea, she lied.
  • XxYeaIrocxX
    XxYeaIrocxX Posts: 224 Member
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    If you have to hide it, your guilty. IMO

    If I caught my husband doing the same, i'd go white girl crazy on him. Especially if he hid it.

    Hahaha! Awesome!! Lucky for your husband that "white girl crazy" doesn't even come close to "hispanic girl crazy", not even close :)

    To the OP, I think you knew the answer before you posted this...deceit is a mutha to deal with.

    Haha I dont know about that. never underestimate white girl crazy.
    Esp me, dont wreck your stuff. I'll wreck your mind! lol
  • saragd012
    saragd012 Posts: 693 Member
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    Is flirty messages with someone she never plans on meeting cheating? No necessarily. But making plans to meet this man after having several suggestive interactions with him and HIDING it from you, that is just as bad IMO. If she believed what she was doing was totally harmless there would have been no reason to hide it from you. Not that one has to report every conversation to their S.O. but when you get where you want to meet a friend you've made in person it should at least come up in conversation.

    Sounds like you too need to have a more serious talk about your relationship...
  • craigmandu
    craigmandu Posts: 976 Member
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    I recently found out that my girlfriend was getting a little too friendly on FB with one of her friends. I kept seeing the same guy commenting on all of her posts and vice versa. These were not the normal nice pic/ nice post comments. They were always very flirty with hearts, smiley faces, winks etc. When I asked her about it she said that he was just an online friend. I later found out that he was much more than an online friend. They had actually exchanged numbers and were talking & texting each other. When I found out the truth they were talking about meeting one weekend. She said that they never met but at this point I really don't know what to believe. It would've been hard for them to meet because he lives in Kentucky. We've been very rocky every since. I feel like I always have to check behind her to see if she's lying to me now.

    My question is this is this cheating or just flirting and when is the line crossed?

    They planned to meet. The meeting would be more than winks and flirty hearts. Intentions without actual execution of the crime is still a crime. And, o yea, she lied.

    QFT....

    They've exchanged phone numbers and are texting. You have no idea what they've talked about. You know they were planning to meet. All of this without once her saying anything to you about any of it. If you don't think something wrong is going on here, you'd be fooling yourself.

    Move on man...really...or else you are going to find out later that something did happen, or that something is happening...and then you have to deal with that crap.
  • brboydjr
    brboydjr Posts: 43 Member
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    Wow. I'd say try to rebuild the trust. What do you mean by checking behind her to?
  • brboydjr
    brboydjr Posts: 43 Member
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    How Long have you guys been together?

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