Tell me a joke! :D
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Q: What concert costs 45 cents?
A: 50 Cent featuring Nickleback!
Lame I know but I found it funny!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
A: He heard the ref was blowing fowls!
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yourradimradletshug wrote: »Q: What concert costs 45 cents?
A: 50 Cent featuring Nickleback!
Lame I know but I found it funny!
So did I. I have to add that one to my joke cats meme
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I've just been on a holiday of a lifetime.....never again!1
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Just seen a poster at the police station that says 'streaker wanted' - I reckon I could apply for that!0
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What do you call fake spaghetti?
Impasta
What do you get when you cross a woman in menopause and a GPS?
A moody B***h who WILL FIND YOU!0 -
When my girlfriend suggested we try playing doctors and nurses I was really hoping for something sexier than being left in a corridor for 2 days.1
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are on a camping holiday. Sitting on the grass with a hot fire keeping them warm, Sherlock turns to Watson and says "Watson...what do you see when you look up at the stars?"
Watson looks up at the night sky and thinks for a second..." Holmes...I see brilliant stars, with the radiance of diamonds, timeless wonders scattered through the night sky over billions of years, carrying endless wonders and life far beyond the realms of our small minds..'
Sherlock turns to Watson with a tear in his eye and says "..Watson...you're a bloody idiot..someone's just stolen our tent..'0 -
KandieCarmella wrote: »
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A man sees his doctor, and tells the doc that he thinks that his wife is going deaf. The doctor tells him there's a simple way to tell, and sends him home to test.
The man gets home, goes into the kitchen and sees his wife doing dishes. He stands in the door way and says "dear, what's for dinner?"
No response. So he gets a little closer. "Dear, what's for dinner?" he asks again. Still no response.
He gets a little closer, until he is close enough that he could reach out and touch her and he asks again "dear, what's for dinner?"
She whips around and angrily says "I said chicken, and if you ask me again I'm going to hit you!"0 -
Oh, this one was my dad's favorite.
I was lying in bed last night, looking up at the stars and thinking... where the heck is my roof?0 -
I heard these two in Iraq, hopefully no one takes offense.
Why do all black people have nightmares? ....Because we shot the only one that had a dream :0
What do blondes and tornado's have in common? ....First there's lots of sucking and blowing and then they take your house :00 -
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF0
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Someone asked me if I smoke after sex. I said I don't know I've never looked0
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Q: What do a man's member and a rubix cube have in common?
A: The longer you play with them, the harder they get!
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a bus full of nuns crash and they all get killed,they are lined up at the pearly gates hoping to be allowed in.
St Peter is interviewing them all in turn.
The question he asks each one is..
"Have you ever touched a penis?"
Sister Catherine answers..."I did touch one once with a finger but didn't like it so I took it away."
St Peter..."Wash your finger in this font of Holy water and give 3 Hail Marys."
Sister Anne answers..."I did give my boyfriend a hand-job once before i was a nun...a long time ago."
St Peter..."Wash your hands in the font of Holy Water and give 6 Hail Marys."
With that there was a great commotion as Sister Bernadette pushes her way forcefully to the front..
St Peter asks "Whoa, what's the rush??...you'll all get a chance to get in.."
Sister Bernadette answers..."I'm not going to gargle with that hly water after Sister Mary washes her a ss in it!!!"
This is brilliant!
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A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” …. the girl smiled.
At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey has grown hair.”
Her sister smiled and said, “That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas.”5 -
Peter: "Your secretary is very sexy..." Tony: "Thanks! It's a robot actually, named 'Maria'. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters! I'll Lend it to you for a day & you can see her functions..." Next day Peter called Tony from hospital & shouted: "You *kitten*!" You didn't tell me that the "HOLE" between Maria's legs is a pencil sharpener.1
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OMG I have suuuuuch a good joke but I am so worried about the hate mail I may receive from any feminists that read it! Haha1
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Two guys sitting on the couch watching the game, dog on the floor starts licking himself. One guy says, "Man, I wish I could do that". The other says, "Nah, he'd probably bite you"2
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Two parrots sitting on a perch and one says to the other"can you smell fish". (Think about it )1
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Ok I have a one from memory ( learnt this 15 years ago
yes I hung around with rude people lol)
A mother writes down a shopping list to give to her 18 year old son ( he has bad speech problems )
1. Get a bucket from the diy store
2. Get a bun from the bakers
3. Get a cockerspaniel from the pet shop
So the boy heads off to the diy shop, he walks in and asks the shop keeper
Boy: " excuse me, can I have a fuckit please?"
Shopkeeper: "sorry a what?"
Boy: "a fuckit!" He points at the bucket.
Shopkeeper: "ooh a bucket!"
So he heads over to the bakers
Baker: "can I help you?"
Boy: " can I have a bum please?"
Baker: " sorry?"
Boy: "a bum!" Points at the bun.
Baker: "ooh ok a bun!"
So the boy finally heads over to the pet shop.
Boy: "Excuse me sir, have you got a cockandscratchit?"
Shopkeeper: "excuse me?"
Boy: "one of them please" and points to the puppy
Shopkeeper: " oh! heres a lead for him, goodbye"
The boy walks out of the shop but trips on the step and accidentally lets go of the lead! So he runs to the police officer who is standing near by and asks frantically
" can you hold my bum and fuckit while I get my cockandscratchit?!" smh 0 -
yourradimradletshug wrote: »OMG I have suuuuuch a good joke but I am so worried about the hate mail I may receive from any feminists that read it! Haha
Now you have to tell us.0 -
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Okay if I get any hate mail I am forwarding it to you @kjm3579
Q: Why does Beyonce put everything to the left?
A: Because women have no rights. 3
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