Tell me a joke! :D

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  • earlnabby
    earlnabby Posts: 8,171 Member
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    these_funny_animals_427_640_38-8-8.jpg
  • yourradimradletshug
    yourradimradletshug Posts: 964 Member
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    Q: What concert costs 45 cents?

    A: 50 Cent featuring Nickleback!

    Lame I know but I found it funny!

    Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

    A: He heard the ref was blowing fowls!

    LOL!
  • earlnabby
    earlnabby Posts: 8,171 Member
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    yourradimradletshug wrote: »
    Q: What concert costs 45 cents?

    A: 50 Cent featuring Nickleback!

    Lame I know but I found it funny!

    So did I. I have to add that one to my joke cats meme

  • Pinkylady80
    Pinkylady80 Posts: 445 Member
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    I've just been on a holiday of a lifetime.....never again!
  • Pinkylady80
    Pinkylady80 Posts: 445 Member
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    Just seen a poster at the police station that says 'streaker wanted' - I reckon I could apply for that!
  • twinteensmom
    twinteensmom Posts: 371 Member
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    What do you call fake spaghetti?

    Impasta

    What do you get when you cross a woman in menopause and a GPS?

    A moody B***h who WILL FIND YOU!
  • FrenzTheCat
    FrenzTheCat Posts: 60 Member
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    When my girlfriend suggested we try playing doctors and nurses I was really hoping for something sexier than being left in a corridor for 2 days.
  • KandieCarmella
    KandieCarmella Posts: 1,227 Member
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    earlnabby wrote: »
    these_funny_animals_427_640_38-8-8.jpg

    Lol
  • KandieCarmella
    KandieCarmella Posts: 1,227 Member
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    frenzie1 wrote: »
    When my girlfriend suggested we try playing doctors and nurses I was really hoping for something sexier than being left in a corridor for 2 days.

    That wasn't sexy? I'm sorry
  • PKRazor
    PKRazor Posts: 3 Member
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    Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are on a camping holiday. Sitting on the grass with a hot fire keeping them warm, Sherlock turns to Watson and says "Watson...what do you see when you look up at the stars?"
    Watson looks up at the night sky and thinks for a second..." Holmes...I see brilliant stars, with the radiance of diamonds, timeless wonders scattered through the night sky over billions of years, carrying endless wonders and life far beyond the realms of our small minds..'
    Sherlock turns to Watson with a tear in his eye and says "..Watson...you're a bloody idiot..someone's just stolen our tent..'
  • FrenzTheCat
    FrenzTheCat Posts: 60 Member
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    KandieCarmella wrote: »
    frenzie1 wrote: »
    When my girlfriend suggested we try playing doctors and nurses I was really hoping for something sexier than being left in a corridor for 2 days.

    That wasn't sexy? I'm sorry

  • Mythril
    Mythril Posts: 146 Member
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    A man sees his doctor, and tells the doc that he thinks that his wife is going deaf. The doctor tells him there's a simple way to tell, and sends him home to test.

    The man gets home, goes into the kitchen and sees his wife doing dishes. He stands in the door way and says "dear, what's for dinner?"

    No response. So he gets a little closer. "Dear, what's for dinner?" he asks again. Still no response.

    He gets a little closer, until he is close enough that he could reach out and touch her and he asks again "dear, what's for dinner?"

    She whips around and angrily says "I said chicken, and if you ask me again I'm going to hit you!"
  • Mythril
    Mythril Posts: 146 Member
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    Oh, this one was my dad's favorite.

    I was lying in bed last night, looking up at the stars and thinking... where the heck is my roof?
  • soldiergrl_101
    soldiergrl_101 Posts: 2,206 Member
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    I heard these two in Iraq, hopefully no one takes offense.

    Why do all black people have nightmares? ....Because we shot the only one that had a dream :0

    What do blondes and tornado's have in common? ....First there's lots of sucking and blowing and then they take your house :0
  • 7seas_sailing
    7seas_sailing Posts: 224 Member
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    After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF
  • Deatsy
    Deatsy Posts: 133 Member
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    Someone asked me if I smoke after sex. I said I don't know I've never looked
  • yourradimradletshug
    yourradimradletshug Posts: 964 Member
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    Q: What do a man's member and a rubix cube have in common?

    A: The longer you play with them, the harder they get! :D
  • LaLaaLaa
    LaLaaLaa Posts: 11 Member
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    Meanwhile_6d07b3_969977.jpg
  • Melissa90xo
    Melissa90xo Posts: 1,020 Member
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    Joanne_B6 wrote: »
    a bus full of nuns crash and they all get killed,they are lined up at the pearly gates hoping to be allowed in.
    St Peter is interviewing them all in turn.
    The question he asks each one is..
    "Have you ever touched a penis?"
    Sister Catherine answers..."I did touch one once with a finger but didn't like it so I took it away."
    St Peter..."Wash your finger in this font of Holy water and give 3 Hail Marys."
    Sister Anne answers..."I did give my boyfriend a hand-job once before i was a nun...a long time ago."
    St Peter..."Wash your hands in the font of Holy Water and give 6 Hail Marys."
    With that there was a great commotion as Sister Bernadette pushes her way forcefully to the front..
    St Peter asks "Whoa, what's the rush??...you'll all get a chance to get in.."
    Sister Bernadette answers..."I'm not going to gargle with that hly water after Sister Mary washes her a ss in it!!!"

    :joy::joy: This is brilliant!

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