Tell me a joke! :D
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A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” …. the girl smiled.
At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey has grown hair.”
Her sister smiled and said, “That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas.”5 -
Peter: "Your secretary is very sexy..." Tony: "Thanks! It's a robot actually, named 'Maria'. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters! I'll Lend it to you for a day & you can see her functions..." Next day Peter called Tony from hospital & shouted: "You *kitten*!" You didn't tell me that the "HOLE" between Maria's legs is a pencil sharpener.1
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OMG I have suuuuuch a good joke but I am so worried about the hate mail I may receive from any feminists that read it! Haha1
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Two guys sitting on the couch watching the game, dog on the floor starts licking himself. One guy says, "Man, I wish I could do that". The other says, "Nah, he'd probably bite you"2
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Two parrots sitting on a perch and one says to the other"can you smell fish". (Think about it )1
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Ok I have a one from memory ( learnt this 15 years ago yes I hung around with rude people lol)
A mother writes down a shopping list to give to her 18 year old son ( he has bad speech problems )
1. Get a bucket from the diy store
2. Get a bun from the bakers
3. Get a cockerspaniel from the pet shop
So the boy heads off to the diy shop, he walks in and asks the shop keeper
Boy: " excuse me, can I have a fuckit please?"
Shopkeeper: "sorry a what?"
Boy: "a fuckit!" He points at the bucket.
Shopkeeper: "ooh a bucket!"
So he heads over to the bakers
Baker: "can I help you?"
Boy: " can I have a bum please?"
Baker: " sorry?"
Boy: "a bum!" Points at the bun.
Baker: "ooh ok a bun!"
So the boy finally heads over to the pet shop.
Boy: "Excuse me sir, have you got a cockandscratchit?"
Shopkeeper: "excuse me?"
Boy: "one of them please" and points to the puppy
Shopkeeper: " oh! heres a lead for him, goodbye"
The boy walks out of the shop but trips on the step and accidentally lets go of the lead! So he runs to the police officer who is standing near by and asks frantically
" can you hold my bum and fuckit while I get my cockandscratchit?!"
smh0 -
yourradimradletshug wrote: »OMG I have suuuuuch a good joke but I am so worried about the hate mail I may receive from any feminists that read it! Haha
Now you have to tell us.0 -
Okay if I get any hate mail I am forwarding it to you @kjm3579
Q: Why does Beyonce put everything to the left?
A: Because women have no rights.3 -
bubble10005 wrote: »Helen Keller walks into a bar, then a table, and then a chair
thats hysterical0 -
How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
A buccaneer0 -
Q:What is Forrest Gump's password?
A: 1Forrest1
Q:What's the difference between being hungry and being horny?
A: Depends on where you put the cucumber!1 -
Ok this is translated I hope you enjoying , it's little bit
There was a wallet seller took his son to circumcision specialist , after the specialist did his work , he is throwing the ring of leather in a bucket , full with it .
-The seller asked the specialist : what do you do by all these ,
-The specialist answer , I throw it
-The seller said , I want it's
-He said ok ,
The seller took the rings and make a very small wallet , and put it in his displaying racket.
A woman come shopping for a wallets , asked about the tiny lether wallet price
He said it'100000 $$
She asked why it's so expensive
He answered , this is special wallet when you scratch it , it's become a big bag
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Someone painted the numbers 1, 2 ,& 4, on
three different possums , then turned them loose inside a school....they caught 1,2 & 4,
Long story short, school was shut down for days while they searched for the 3d & last one.
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When I was a kid I had to walk 5 miles to school uphill both ways, I never learned anything though, school was six miles away1
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What's the difference between a husband and a boyfriend? About 45 minutes
What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? About 45 pounds
Hahahaha. That kills me.0 -
The other day a homeless man asked me for some change so I got my wallet out and realized I only had a $20.
I thought to myself, "Do I really want this money being spent on alcohol?"
I decided I didn't so I gave him the money.2 -
What are a ninja’s favorite type of shoes?
Sneakers0 -
a duck walks into a bar. he orders a beer and tells the bartender, "put it on my bill".
the bartender stares at him. the duck, with a smile, repeats "i said put it on my bill"
the bartender, realizing something is amiss within this reality, wakes from the dream he's been experiencing.
he turns over to tell his wife about the strange dream he just had.
she pretends to remain asleep as he gently shakes her by the shoulder.
the bartender rolls back over and cries himself softly back to sleep as he laments his failing marriage.4
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