Tell me a joke! :D
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Hahahahahaha! love it!
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Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?....
A: They don't have balls to scratch.
0_o
Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common? .....
A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!
... I'm sorry but that makes me laugh
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Q:What do you call a vertically challenged person, who can speak to the dead, and is on the run from the police?
A: A small medium at large... (I'll be here all week)2 -
A farmer had 3 daughters all going out on dates, the first guy arrives and says "Hi I'm Freddy, I'm here for Betty, Gonna get some spaghetti, Is she ready?" So off they go, The second guy comes along and says "Hi I'm Joe, I'm here for flo, we're gonna see a show, can we go?" So they go too, The third guy comes along and says "Hi I'm Chuck.." And the farmer shoots him
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Farted on the bus earlier today and 4 people turned around!
...felt like I was on the voice.0 -
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My bank account.1
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a bus full of nuns crash and they all get killed,they are lined up at the pearly gates hoping to be allowed in.
St Peter is interviewing them all in turn.
The question he asks each one is..
"Have you ever touched a penis?"
Sister Catherine answers..."I did touch one once with a finger but didn't like it so I took it away."
St Peter..."Wash your finger in this font of Holy water and give 3 Hail Marys."
Sister Anne answers..."I did give my boyfriend a hand-job once before i was a nun...a long time ago."
St Peter..."Wash your hands in the font of Holy Water and give 6 Hail Marys."
With that there was a great commotion as Sister Bernadette pushes her way forcefully to the front..
St Peter asks "Whoa, what's the rush??...you'll all get a chance to get in.."
Sister Bernadette answers..."I'm not going to gargle with that hly water after Sister Mary washes her a ss in it!!!"
Haha!!
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A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"0
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"I could agree with you.... But then we'd both be wrong"1
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There was a captain sailing on the sea during a battle with another ship.
His servant came up to him and the captain said, "bring me my red shirt." The servant asked why. The captain said, "Well, if I get shot they won't see the blood.
The next day the servant came up to the captain and said, "There are 50 ships on the horizon."
The captain said, "Bring me my brown pants."0 -
This next joke is a story about a pencil, but it doesn't have a point.0
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Old couple in church, halfway through the service she whispers to her husband, "I just did a silent fart, what should I do"? He replies. "Put a new battery in your hearing aid"!0
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Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other. One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each. Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world. Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rides off.0
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Naughty boy draws a penis on a black board. Lady teacher rubs it off. Next day he draws a bigger one and writes: "REMEMBER THE MORE YOU RUB THE BIGGER IT GETS!0
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A penguin takes his car to the shop to have it fixed. While he's waiting, he goes into a cool ice cream shop and eats ice cream. Having flippers instead hands, he gets the ice cream all over himself. He's goes back to the auto shop and asks the mechanic what was wrong with his car.
"Well," says the mechanic, "it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin replies, "It's just ice cream, I swear!!"0 -
I'm sick and tired of auto-correct... It makes me say things I did Nintendo0
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Did you hear about the Egyptian who refused to accept that he'd fallen in the river??
He was in de Nile.0 -
There is a new zoo in town. It only has one animal on display. It is a Shih Tzu. *ba dumm shhh*
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How does NASA plan a party?
They planet!!! hahahahaha that was so lame.0 -
Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
and
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
LMAO.
@MilicaX Fantastic0 -
Why don't grizzlies need water skis?
They just use bear feet.0 -
A giraffe walks into a bar and says "Hey everyone! The hi balls are on me!"
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A little known rule for all people taking a wagon train on the Oregon Trail was that they could take up no more than 24" on a wagon seat. This proves that there is no West for the reary.0
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