Tell me a joke! :D

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  • crawfzilla
    crawfzilla Posts: 153 Member
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    All these jokes about sex and pornography. I remember when I was young if I wanted to jerk it I had to steal my mothers sears catalog and take into into the woods so I could look at the swimsuit and lingerie portions, but now with the use of the internet... I can just go to sears.com
  • madhu1981
    madhu1981 Posts: 4,829 Member
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    One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie. "Tie me up," she purred, "And you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.
  • madhu1981
    madhu1981 Posts: 4,829 Member
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    An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but *kitten*.
  • determined_ella
    determined_ella Posts: 4,354 Member
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    Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?.....

    A: By becoming a ventriloquist!


  • tdatsenko
    tdatsenko Posts: 155 Member
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    Q:What kind of bees make milk?
    A:Boobies.
  • FrenzTheCat
    FrenzTheCat Posts: 60 Member
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    hahahaha! keep em coming!!
  • FrenzTheCat
    FrenzTheCat Posts: 60 Member
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    ...Said the actress to the bishop ;)
  • FrenzTheCat
    FrenzTheCat Posts: 60 Member
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    Terrible ;)
  • madhu1981
    madhu1981 Posts: 4,829 Member
    edited May 2015
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    Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?

    A. "How do you breathe through something so small?"
  • determined_ella
    determined_ella Posts: 4,354 Member
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    Q: Why do they call it PMS? ...

    A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken

    lol I'm so glad I suffer with neither :joy:
  • FrenzTheCat
    FrenzTheCat Posts: 60 Member
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    Hahahahahaha! love it!
  • determined_ella
    determined_ella Posts: 4,354 Member
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    Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?....

    A: They don't have balls to scratch.

    0_o :joy:



    Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common? .....

    A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!

    ... I'm sorry but that makes me laugh :joy:
  • FTIM2015
    FTIM2015 Posts: 460 Member
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    Q:What do you call a vertically challenged person, who can speak to the dead, and is on the run from the police?


    A: A small medium at large... (I'll be here all week)
  • CrazyTurnip
    CrazyTurnip Posts: 48 Member
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    A farmer had 3 daughters all going out on dates, the first guy arrives and says "Hi I'm Freddy, I'm here for Betty, Gonna get some spaghetti, Is she ready?" So off they go, The second guy comes along and says "Hi I'm Joe, I'm here for flo, we're gonna see a show, can we go?" So they go too, The third guy comes along and says "Hi I'm Chuck.." And the farmer shoots him :p
  • FrenzTheCat
    FrenzTheCat Posts: 60 Member
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    Farted on the bus earlier today and 4 people turned around!

    ...felt like I was on the voice.
  • determined_ella
    determined_ella Posts: 4,354 Member
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    frenzie1 wrote: »
    Farted on the bus earlier today and 4 people turned around!

    ...felt like I was on the voice.

    :joy: haha great one!
  • dgoodie92
    dgoodie92 Posts: 624 Member
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    My bank account.
  • determined_ella
    determined_ella Posts: 4,354 Member
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    dgoodie92 wrote: »
    My bank account.

    :joy: damn! nice one ;p but also sorry for your loss :joy:
  • FrenzTheCat
    FrenzTheCat Posts: 60 Member
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    Joanne_B6 wrote: »
    a bus full of nuns crash and they all get killed,they are lined up at the pearly gates hoping to be allowed in.
    St Peter is interviewing them all in turn.
    The question he asks each one is..
    "Have you ever touched a penis?"
    Sister Catherine answers..."I did touch one once with a finger but didn't like it so I took it away."
    St Peter..."Wash your finger in this font of Holy water and give 3 Hail Marys."
    Sister Anne answers..."I did give my boyfriend a hand-job once before i was a nun...a long time ago."
    St Peter..."Wash your hands in the font of Holy Water and give 6 Hail Marys."
    With that there was a great commotion as Sister Bernadette pushes her way forcefully to the front..
    St Peter asks "Whoa, what's the rush??...you'll all get a chance to get in.."
    Sister Bernadette answers..."I'm not going to gargle with that hly water after Sister Mary washes her a ss in it!!!"

    Haha!!

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