I need more help
cyclepro405
Posts: 5 Member
I want to lose more weight but my wife/family are not supportive. They keep bringing in food (sweets) that I have not been able to resist and am therefore eating them. When I am out of the house I have no problem with my diet. However every time I go into the kitchen I am reaching for the wrong items. My wife says that she gets these deserts on sale and so she thinks that she is saving money. I keep pointing out that you are not saving money because we are eating them (mostly me). I am at the point where I just try to avoid the kitchen altogether.
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This is not meant to be critical - just an observation.
From your description in your post, you're putting all of the blame on your wife, your family, the food, etc.
I think many of us will agree, to be successful, you need to stop playing the blame game, and focus on the one person you DO have control over. Yourself.
I understand it's hard to avoid sweets, but it's not impossible. Next time you find yourself reaching for one, pause just for a moment. Pre-log it into MFP and see if you can fit it in your goals. If yes, go ahead and have it. If not. STOP. You do have control over your actions.0 -
Sorry as a wife i am guilty of doing that to but my justification is that the kids like to have a treat unfortunately me or my husband help them out to much.0
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Self control....0
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You could take responsibility for your decision to eat the stuff. That might work.0
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Look at the calorie amount on the box/search in MFP to find out calorie amount. Will this fit into your daily calories? If not, don't eat it.
And if you are the *only* one eating these sweets, then start throwing them in the trash as soon as they come in the house. If other people eat them, then move the sweets into a cupboard that *you* never use or somewhere out of sight so you won't be tempted when you walk into the kitchen.
And start doing the grocery shopping yourself. Your wife won't buy sweets if she isn't the one going to the store.0 -
She might not buy them anymore if they are just sitting there, rotting, and being uneaten. Not really saving money if buying them means they go to waste. Just don't eat them.0
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As a wife that has a family who is not watching what they eat I am the one that buys the treats for everyone else. It is all about deciding you are committed to your weight loss. It is all about will power. Yes it is tempting and sometimes it is ok to treat yourself. Like one person said if you can fit it into your calories then eat it and don't worry. If you can't fit it in have it another day where you can fit it in.0
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DeguelloTex wrote: »You could take responsibility for your decision to eat the stuff. That might work.
+1. Sorry, but in the end, no one is forcing it down your throat. You're going to have to learn some self control at some point in your life.:)0 -
cyclepro405 wrote: »I want to lose more weight but my wife/family are not supportive. They keep bringing in food (sweets) that I have not been able to resist and am therefore eating them. When I am out of the house I have no problem with my diet. However every time I go into the kitchen I am reaching for the wrong items. My wife says that she gets these deserts on sale and so she thinks that she is saving money. I keep pointing out that you are not saving money because we are eating them (mostly me). I am at the point where I just try to avoid the kitchen altogether.
I've found that logging diligently helps crystalize thinking about treats. If you eat a sweet, log it. If you go over your calories, you know what helped put you over. You'll think a little harder next time you reach for the sweet, and maybe make adjustments so you can have it.
Then again, what would happen if you don't eat the sweets? Would they just sit there or would someone else have them?0 -
ceoverturf wrote: »This is not meant to be critical - just an observation.
From your description in your post, you're putting all of the blame on your wife, your family, the food, etc.
I think many of us will agree, to be successful, you need to stop playing the blame game, and focus on the one person you DO have control over. Yourself.
I understand it's hard to avoid sweets, but it's not impossible. Next time you find yourself reaching for one, pause just for a moment. Pre-log it into MFP and see if you can fit it in your goals. If yes, go ahead and have it. If not. STOP. You do have control over your actions.
This!!!
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I don't disagree with all the posters that say that self-discipline is the key, but I feel like you're really just frustrated with the lack of a support system at home. Have a sit down discussion with your wife (and later family) that you want her to be a key part of your support system and that while you love that she keeps the budget and bottom line in mind when she shops and that she's thinking of treating you when picking out treats, that having her encouragement in your journey and being open to a dialoge about choosing healthier foods not just as individuals but as a family unit would mean the world to you. Outside of that, I see that this is your first post, get out there and build a support system on MFP!! Friend all the people on this post and reach out to them for encouragement and to celebrate your victories!!0
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Wow, sure not a lot of supportive people here. @_@ If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP? I agree to a certain extent that you are responsible for what you put in your mouth, but if you have people practically throwing it in your face all the time.. Come on! My only real advice is to talk to your wife, and ask her to actually support you in it. Don't demonize food. A little treat ONCE IN A WHILE is nice, so don't just cut it out completely. Changing your eating habits can help your family, too! Surely they want to eat better? That's what I did for mine. We all eat more vegetables now, and drink more water. We still have a sprite, or a cookie once in a while. I don't want to deny my child things that I was allowed when I was younger. (I was actually a very thin child! /fume) Moderation is the key to happiness, AND healthiness, in our case! That being said...
Have some motivation! =D
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I don't disagree with all the posters that say that self-discipline is the key, but I feel like you're really just frustrated with the lack of a support system at home. Have a sit down discussion with your wife (and later family) that you want her to be a key part of your support system and that while you love that she keeps the budget and bottom line in mind when she shops and that she's thinking of treating you when picking out treats, that having her encouragement in your journey and being open to a dialoge about choosing healthier foods not just as individuals but as a family unit would mean the world to you. Outside of that, I see that this is your first post, get out there and build a support system on MFP!! Friend all the people on this post and reach out to them for encouragement and to celebrate your victories!!
Exactly.
One thing that has helped me (because I am seriously addicted to sugar), is to decide no refined sugar. A little bit is probably okay, but for me it's a slippery slope. I cannot eat just one. After I did this for a couple of weeks, I still have cravings, but not desperately. I do eat a ton of fruit, however.
A lot of things you can't quit cold turkey, but desserts are doable. I know the whole theory behind MFP is moderation and if it fits in your calorie allotment, it's okay. That wasn't working for me because a little bit made me want more and more and more. So, for me, having none is the only way to go (at least for now...)0 -
Definitely need to learn self-control. My family loves to eat "junk food" ... as a matter-of-fact we just had an 8 night Harry Potter movie marathon (7 books but 8 movies) and all 8 nights my husband and daughter ate candy, LOTS of candy, like 3-4 movie sized boxes of candy every night (well they shared them but still that's a lot), the last night they bought 3 bags of cookies to share.... guess what? I didn't touch a single piece...not a single one! Because to me it wasn't worth it. So it can be done...
BTW - every morning my husband woke up w/ a stomach ache... I'm not gonna lie, it kinda made me smile a little inside.
Oh and in case you're wondering- my husband is really supportive of my weight loss and my desire to get fit. But he still buys all that stuff because he and the kids like it.
Perhaps it's also because he knows I have a lot of will power.
But honestly, I haven't asked him to stop buying the stuff, just because you're changing your life style doesn't mean everyone around you has to as well.
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I agree is it about self control and not your wife's actions or responsibility. However, as your life partner she might be willing to make some changes. I'd suggest asking her if she'd buy fewer of them (so say only 1 box on sale instead of more) and if she'd consider either buying mini items (so instead of buying eg. regular size croissants she'd buy mini ones which are fewer calories per croissant) or if she'd be at least willing to bring home the least calorie one that's on sale. This way, at least if you want one... it's fewer calories and you might have an easier time.
You could try working your number of servings down... so if you'd usually eat 3... eat 2 next time... then 1... until you feel like you can go without.
Or as another poster suggested, you can start grocery shopping instead. OR ask her to bring home other items instead! Things that are lower cal but that you still find a treat. Like maybe some raspberries and low fat Cool Whip so you can still have something desserty and quick, but isn't going to result in you cutting out a meal later or blowing your goal.
Also try imagining what ELSE you COULD eat for the same calories. I know that helps me. I can look at a strudel and go "Oh em gee, for 360 calories I could have a steak for that amount! I like steak better... I shall have a steak instead".0 -
So, to be "supportive" must one be an enabler or otherwise minimize an adult's responsibility for his own choices? That would be an odd definition.Peachiko87 wrote: »Wow, sure not a lot of supportive people here. @_@ If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP? I agree to a certain extent that you are responsible for what you put in your mouth, but if you have people practically throwing it in your face all the time.. Come on!
I'm on MFP because it's interesting and it's occasionally helped me learn where to apply my self control.
A person is responsible "to a certain extent" for his choices? If that "certain extent" is 100% then, yeah.
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I think that the whole "my wife/husband/SO buys junk food and I choose to eat it, wah s/he's so unsupportive" thing is utter rubbish. When I was 55 pounds fatter, I ate more than my fair share of food, both "junk" and "health" foods. I decided that I wanted to lose weight so I made the conscious choice to limit my portions. Did my husband? Nope, not at all. Did that affect how much weight I lost? Nope, not at all.
Take responsibility for yourself or just quit now. Unless your wife is sitting on your chest and shoving desserts down your gullet, she has no blame in your choice to ingest too many calories. It's all on you.0 -
We're trying to change, but the world (and even our own families) don't always change with us. It is what it is - high-calorie, tempting foods exist and we're always going to be surrounded by them. We just have to learn to deal with it, and be responsible for what we choose to eat. While you work on that, can you ask your wife to keep her snacks in a certain spot in the house, out of plain view?
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I struggle with the "if it's in the house then I'll eat it" for certain foods.
How about, when you see the treats, put them in the cupboard. I find that I forget about them better that way. It doesn't help me when I'm emotional and craving food fulfillment, but it certainly does help me forget about them on an average day.
Case in point... If I leave a bag of doritos out on the counter, I'll grab a handful or two every time I walk by it. Sometimes, I'll just grab the whole damn bag.
If I put them in the cupboard - that bag lasts me weeks. I go in, take a few, put it away again.
I'd also sit down and talk to your wife. Are there treats that are not irresistable to you? Tell her that you are really struggling to get healthier, and would like her to consider buying those kinds instead - or putting them in the cupboard as soon as she gets home.0 -
Making someone responsible for their own actions, is not being unsupportive. In fact, just the opposite. Hate to break this to you, but not everyone on MFP came to lose a ton of weight or are here because they lack self control. This is a FITNESS site. You might want to look into this before you go spouting off in the "mean people" direction.Peachiko87 wrote: »Wow, sure not a lot of supportive people here. @_@ If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP?
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DeguelloTex wrote: »Peachiko87 wrote: »Wow, sure not a lot of supportive people here. @_@ If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP? I agree to a certain extent that you are responsible for what you put in your mouth, but if you have people practically throwing it in your face all the time.. Come on!
I'm on MFP because it's interesting and it's occasionally helped me learn where to apply my self control.
That's great! Keep up the good work!
Now for the rest: Do you do everything on your own, like no medications? Or no family or friends support? It can be very hard doing something that is actually good for you. Like exercise. Quitting smoking. Limiting alcohol consumption. And yes, even putting that extra cookie down.
Different people have different struggles. Placing blame just makes you look like an *kitten*. Yeah, you're 100% responsible for what you put in your mouth, but that doesn't make it easier when you have someone tempting you, someone who doesn't support you. It makes you feel like *kitten*. It makes you feel weak. Out of control. And that's why -I- am on MFP, because I have the will power to want to change my life, I can put that extra cookie down. NOW. At first, I couldn't. Food is life, after all! It's delicious! I've learned that moderation is key, and I must find a perfect balance. The OP asked for support, not to be judged, or given tactless advice.
Derp. Learn self control. Okay? How? Can anyone give details? How did you gain self control, what helped with it? Why do you think it helped for you? When will I possibly see these changes to help gain self control? If you can't answer any of these, then you are not being supportive.-3 -
Liftng4Lis wrote: »
Making someone responsible for their own actions, is not being unsupportive. In fact, just the opposite. Hate to break this to you, but not everyone on MFP came to lose a ton of weight or are here because they lack self control. This is a FITNESS site. You might want to look into this before you go spouting off in the "mean people" direction.Peachiko87 wrote: »Wow, sure not a lot of supportive people here. @_@ If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP?
Really? I'm so sorry! I thought the OP said he wanted to "lose weight", and so I commented on it, just as you did. My bad. Pfft.
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Peachiko87 wrote: »Liftng4Lis wrote: »
Making someone responsible for their own actions, is not being unsupportive. In fact, just the opposite. Hate to break this to you, but not everyone on MFP came to lose a ton of weight or are here because they lack self control. This is a FITNESS site. You might want to look into this before you go spouting off in the "mean people" direction.Peachiko87 wrote: »Wow, sure not a lot of supportive people here. @_@ If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP?
Really? I'm so sorry! I thought the OP said he wanted to "lose weight", and so I commented on it, just as you did. My bad. Pfft.
You're the one who said "If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP?" Liftng4Lis simply answered that.0 -
Peachiko87 wrote: »Liftng4Lis wrote: »
Making someone responsible for their own actions, is not being unsupportive. In fact, just the opposite. Hate to break this to you, but not everyone on MFP came to lose a ton of weight or are here because they lack self control. This is a FITNESS site. You might want to look into this before you go spouting off in the "mean people" direction.Peachiko87 wrote: »Wow, sure not a lot of supportive people here. @_@ If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP?
Really? I'm so sorry! I thought the OP said he wanted to "lose weight", and so I commented on it, just as you did. My bad. Pfft.
He has 3 pounds left to lose, obviously he's doing something right. The self control part would come into play if he wants to keep what he's worked for. His wife is buying the food, not force feeding him. BIG difference!0 -
Peachiko87 wrote: »Wow, sure not a lot of supportive people here. @_@ If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP? I agree to a certain extent that you are responsible for what you put in your mouth, but if you have people practically throwing it in your face all the time.. Come on! My only real advice is to talk to your wife, and ask her to actually support you in it. Don't demonize food. A little treat ONCE IN A WHILE is nice, so don't just cut it out completely. Changing your eating habits can help your family, too! Surely they want to eat better? That's what I did for mine. We all eat more vegetables now, and drink more water. We still have a sprite, or a cookie once in a while. I don't want to deny my child things that I was allowed when I was younger. (I was actually a very thin child! /fume) Moderation is the key to happiness, AND healthiness, in our case! That being said...
Have some motivation! =D
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Peachiko87 wrote: »DeguelloTex wrote: »Peachiko87 wrote: »Wow, sure not a lot of supportive people here. @_@ If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP? I agree to a certain extent that you are responsible for what you put in your mouth, but if you have people practically throwing it in your face all the time.. Come on!
I'm on MFP because it's interesting and it's occasionally helped me learn where to apply my self control.
That's great! Keep up the good work!
Now for the rest: Do you do everything on your own, like no medications? Or no family or friends support? It can be very hard doing something that is actually good for you. Like exercise. Quitting smoking. Limiting alcohol consumption. And yes, even putting that extra cookie down.
Different people have different struggles. Placing blame just makes you look like an *kitten*. Yeah, you're 100% responsible for what you put in your mouth, but that doesn't make it easier when you have someone tempting you, someone who doesn't support you. It makes you feel like *kitten*. It makes you feel weak. Out of control. And that's why -I- am on MFP, because I have the will power to want to change my life, I can put that extra cookie down. NOW. At first, I couldn't. Food is life, after all! It's delicious! I've learned that moderation is key, and I must find a perfect balance. The OP asked for support, not to be judged, or given tactless advice.
Derp. Learn self control. Okay? How? Can anyone give details? How did you gain self control, what helped with it? Why do you think it helped for you? When will I possibly see these changes to help gain self control? If you can't answer any of these, then you are not being supportive.
I located my self control because I finally hit a point in my life where my health trumped those Oreos or whatever else I would pile drive into my facehole at warp speed. The choice was mine and mine alone, and I wasn't going to tell the other 3 members of my family they had to stop living their lives they way they were because I decided to change mine. That's not at all cool, and I didn't want to create that resentment from all of them. So I quietly went about losing weight - weighing and measuring my food, exercising, and eating at a deficit.
Seven months after I started and had lost about 40 pounds my husband was ready to join me. He had tried his way of losing weight and wasn't successful. Now we do this together. Amazingly we still bring ice cream and Oreos into the house. I have eaten more gelato and Oreos in the last 9 months than I had in the 2 years prior to deciding I needed to lose. And it's okay because my self control and ability to moderate is strong, because there's no freaking way in hell I am going back to being 204 pounds.
As an aside, I don't get what medications have to do with this... I take Imitrex now because I finally found a doctor that said "yeah that's a migraine, and instead of telling you to pop Advil like it's Pez, I'm going to help you." ... That was me standing up for myself and my health knowing something wasn't right and that it needed to be dealt with. The exact same goes for my diagnosis of PCOS and Hashimoto's. (Neither of which I permit myself to use as an excuse to not lose weight.)
TL;DR ...
If you're not ready to commit to losing, then you're likely going to search for things and people to blame instead of owning up to the fact that the only blame is on you.
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cyclepro405 wrote: »I want to lose more weight but my wife/family are not supportive. They keep bringing in food (sweets) that I have not been able to resist and am therefore eating them. When I am out of the house I have no problem with my diet. However every time I go into the kitchen I am reaching for the wrong items. My wife says that she gets these deserts on sale and so she thinks that she is saving money. I keep pointing out that you are not saving money because we are eating them (mostly me). I am at the point where I just try to avoid the kitchen altogether.
I've found that logging diligently helps crystalize thinking about treats. If you eat a sweet, log it. If you go over your calories, you know what helped put you over. You'll think a little harder next time you reach for the sweet, and maybe make adjustments so you can have it.
Then again, what would happen if you don't eat the sweets? Would they just sit there or would someone else have them?
This.
I don't tend to get tempted at home--I keep ice cream in the freezer, for example, and can ignore it--but I've read that people often do better when they don't see the food all the time, so maybe one small idea is making sure it's not out in plain sight, if it is now, but in the cupboards and not with the food you might want to be looking for in the middle of the day. Then if you choose to rummage around for something to eat, that's on you, right?
As kind of a reverse of this, my sister puts berries or other fruit out on the kitchen counter when she's home in the middle of the day. I used to think she just really liked fruit, but I mentioned it to her one time and she said "no, I just want to encourage myself to eat more and eat that if I feel like snacking." For what it's worth, she's never been overweight.
Rather than at home, my struggle (and where I'm most likely to feel like snacking) is at work, and I have no control of the fact that food is out all the time and there are various goodies that seem to appear out of nowhere. If I considered this an unbearable temptation, I'd be doomed. Instead, I've had to figure out ways so that I can resist it. For me, generally deciding that I don't snack has helped, has had bringing snacks I'm okay with for times when a snack would make sense (dinner is delayed, workout timing, so on). I'd say maybe try to think of that stuff as for your wife and kids and pick up your own snacks that fit better in your plan. Forcing myself to prelog anything I'm thinking of eating can also be really helpful, so I'd recommend that too.
Good luck!0 -
You're moving the goalposts. Familial support, or lack of it, doesn't cause me to eat or not eat something.Peachiko87 wrote: »DeguelloTex wrote: »Peachiko87 wrote: »Wow, sure not a lot of supportive people here. @_@ If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP? I agree to a certain extent that you are responsible for what you put in your mouth, but if you have people practically throwing it in your face all the time.. Come on!
I'm on MFP because it's interesting and it's occasionally helped me learn where to apply my self control.
That's great! Keep up the good work!
Now for the rest: Do you do everything on your own, like no medications? Or no family or friends support? It can be very hard doing something that is actually good for you. Like exercise. Quitting smoking. Limiting alcohol consumption. And yes, even putting that extra cookie down.
Different people have different struggles. Placing blame just makes you look like an *kitten*. Yeah, you're 100% responsible for what you put in your mouth, but that doesn't make it easier when you have someone tempting you, someone who doesn't support you. It makes you feel like *kitten*. It makes you feel weak. Out of control. And that's why -I- am on MFP, because I have the will power to want to change my life, I can put that extra cookie down. NOW. At first, I couldn't. Food is life, after all! It's delicious! I've learned that moderation is key, and I must find a perfect balance. The OP asked for support, not to be judged, or given tactless advice.
Derp. Learn self control. Okay? How? Can anyone give details? How did you gain self control, what helped with it? Why do you think it helped for you? When will I possibly see these changes to help gain self control? If you can't answer any of these, then you are not being supportive.
No one said it wasn't hard. If it were easy, people probably wouldn't get fat in the first place and, if they did, it would be easier to lose the weight and keep it off. So, OK, I stipulate that it's hard. Now, how does the fact that it is hard make it not his decision and his responsibility?
First, I don't care if saying someone is responsible for his choices makes me look like an *kitten*. Second, another thing that makes people look like *kitten* is calling people *kitten* rather than sticking to the content of the discussion. So, physician heal thyself and all that.
Who judged him? I didn't say he was a bad person. I said he needed to take responsibility for his choices. Making excuses for someone's poor choices might make you all warm and tingly inside, but it doesn't address the issue.
I always had self control, I just didn't use it well for a while. What helped me decide to use it again was realizing that I was a fat *kitten* heading Mach 1 to an early grave because I was being lazy. What also helps was using my intellect and not my emotions and feeling weak and out of control because I was the only person who could be in control. What do I want more, this overly large bowl of chocolate ice cream or to be a healthy weight? Not a hard choice for me. If it is a hard choice for someone, maybe that someone just isn't ready to make that change, yet.
Bottom line, he puts the food in his face. As do I in mine and you in yours. That's a choice. That's the responsibility of the choice-maker. You can sugarcoat it and wrap it up in nice words and try to shame people who say otherwise but, people are responsible for their choices. Blaming it on the wife is a copout. Trying to assert that blaming it on the wife has merit is a copout.
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It's always interesting to see what people consider support. Personally I think that it's kind of selfish to expect others to change their diets (noun) completely just because you do. If they do so voluntarily that's great, but it shouldn't be expected or demanded.
If it bothers you that much and you are unable to practice some self control, then maybe you and your family need to come to a compromise. Clear out a cupboard and let them keep the treats that they want in there. That way the treats are not visible when you walk into the kitchen. Put a bowl of fruit on the counter as a visual reminder of what you went in there for. This way you won't be tempted by the treats when you walk into the kitchen and your family can still enjoy what they want.0 -
I'm cutting currently, but I really want a beer for lunch - this will undoubtedly push me over my calorie ceiling which will be all your wife's fault, OP.0
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