I need more help
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DeguelloTex wrote: »Peachiko87 wrote: »Wow, sure not a lot of supportive people here. @_@ If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP? I agree to a certain extent that you are responsible for what you put in your mouth, but if you have people practically throwing it in your face all the time.. Come on!
I'm on MFP because it's interesting and it's occasionally helped me learn where to apply my self control.
That's great! Keep up the good work!
Now for the rest: Do you do everything on your own, like no medications? Or no family or friends support? It can be very hard doing something that is actually good for you. Like exercise. Quitting smoking. Limiting alcohol consumption. And yes, even putting that extra cookie down.
Different people have different struggles. Placing blame just makes you look like an *kitten*. Yeah, you're 100% responsible for what you put in your mouth, but that doesn't make it easier when you have someone tempting you, someone who doesn't support you. It makes you feel like *kitten*. It makes you feel weak. Out of control. And that's why -I- am on MFP, because I have the will power to want to change my life, I can put that extra cookie down. NOW. At first, I couldn't. Food is life, after all! It's delicious! I've learned that moderation is key, and I must find a perfect balance. The OP asked for support, not to be judged, or given tactless advice.
Derp. Learn self control. Okay? How? Can anyone give details? How did you gain self control, what helped with it? Why do you think it helped for you? When will I possibly see these changes to help gain self control? If you can't answer any of these, then you are not being supportive.-3 -
Liftng4Lis wrote: »
Making someone responsible for their own actions, is not being unsupportive. In fact, just the opposite. Hate to break this to you, but not everyone on MFP came to lose a ton of weight or are here because they lack self control. This is a FITNESS site. You might want to look into this before you go spouting off in the "mean people" direction.Peachiko87 wrote: »Wow, sure not a lot of supportive people here. @_@ If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP?
Really? I'm so sorry! I thought the OP said he wanted to "lose weight", and so I commented on it, just as you did. My bad. Pfft.
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Peachiko87 wrote: »Liftng4Lis wrote: »
Making someone responsible for their own actions, is not being unsupportive. In fact, just the opposite. Hate to break this to you, but not everyone on MFP came to lose a ton of weight or are here because they lack self control. This is a FITNESS site. You might want to look into this before you go spouting off in the "mean people" direction.Peachiko87 wrote: »Wow, sure not a lot of supportive people here. @_@ If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP?
Really? I'm so sorry! I thought the OP said he wanted to "lose weight", and so I commented on it, just as you did. My bad. Pfft.
You're the one who said "If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP?" Liftng4Lis simply answered that.0 -
Peachiko87 wrote: »Liftng4Lis wrote: »
Making someone responsible for their own actions, is not being unsupportive. In fact, just the opposite. Hate to break this to you, but not everyone on MFP came to lose a ton of weight or are here because they lack self control. This is a FITNESS site. You might want to look into this before you go spouting off in the "mean people" direction.Peachiko87 wrote: »Wow, sure not a lot of supportive people here. @_@ If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP?
Really? I'm so sorry! I thought the OP said he wanted to "lose weight", and so I commented on it, just as you did. My bad. Pfft.
He has 3 pounds left to lose, obviously he's doing something right. The self control part would come into play if he wants to keep what he's worked for. His wife is buying the food, not force feeding him. BIG difference!0 -
Peachiko87 wrote: »Wow, sure not a lot of supportive people here. @_@ If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP? I agree to a certain extent that you are responsible for what you put in your mouth, but if you have people practically throwing it in your face all the time.. Come on! My only real advice is to talk to your wife, and ask her to actually support you in it. Don't demonize food. A little treat ONCE IN A WHILE is nice, so don't just cut it out completely. Changing your eating habits can help your family, too! Surely they want to eat better? That's what I did for mine. We all eat more vegetables now, and drink more water. We still have a sprite, or a cookie once in a while. I don't want to deny my child things that I was allowed when I was younger. (I was actually a very thin child! /fume) Moderation is the key to happiness, AND healthiness, in our case! That being said...
Have some motivation! =D
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Peachiko87 wrote: »DeguelloTex wrote: »Peachiko87 wrote: »Wow, sure not a lot of supportive people here. @_@ If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP? I agree to a certain extent that you are responsible for what you put in your mouth, but if you have people practically throwing it in your face all the time.. Come on!
I'm on MFP because it's interesting and it's occasionally helped me learn where to apply my self control.
That's great! Keep up the good work!
Now for the rest: Do you do everything on your own, like no medications? Or no family or friends support? It can be very hard doing something that is actually good for you. Like exercise. Quitting smoking. Limiting alcohol consumption. And yes, even putting that extra cookie down.
Different people have different struggles. Placing blame just makes you look like an *kitten*. Yeah, you're 100% responsible for what you put in your mouth, but that doesn't make it easier when you have someone tempting you, someone who doesn't support you. It makes you feel like *kitten*. It makes you feel weak. Out of control. And that's why -I- am on MFP, because I have the will power to want to change my life, I can put that extra cookie down. NOW. At first, I couldn't. Food is life, after all! It's delicious! I've learned that moderation is key, and I must find a perfect balance. The OP asked for support, not to be judged, or given tactless advice.
Derp. Learn self control. Okay? How? Can anyone give details? How did you gain self control, what helped with it? Why do you think it helped for you? When will I possibly see these changes to help gain self control? If you can't answer any of these, then you are not being supportive.
I located my self control because I finally hit a point in my life where my health trumped those Oreos or whatever else I would pile drive into my facehole at warp speed. The choice was mine and mine alone, and I wasn't going to tell the other 3 members of my family they had to stop living their lives they way they were because I decided to change mine. That's not at all cool, and I didn't want to create that resentment from all of them. So I quietly went about losing weight - weighing and measuring my food, exercising, and eating at a deficit.
Seven months after I started and had lost about 40 pounds my husband was ready to join me. He had tried his way of losing weight and wasn't successful. Now we do this together. Amazingly we still bring ice cream and Oreos into the house. I have eaten more gelato and Oreos in the last 9 months than I had in the 2 years prior to deciding I needed to lose. And it's okay because my self control and ability to moderate is strong, because there's no freaking way in hell I am going back to being 204 pounds.
As an aside, I don't get what medications have to do with this... I take Imitrex now because I finally found a doctor that said "yeah that's a migraine, and instead of telling you to pop Advil like it's Pez, I'm going to help you." ... That was me standing up for myself and my health knowing something wasn't right and that it needed to be dealt with. The exact same goes for my diagnosis of PCOS and Hashimoto's. (Neither of which I permit myself to use as an excuse to not lose weight.)
TL;DR ...
If you're not ready to commit to losing, then you're likely going to search for things and people to blame instead of owning up to the fact that the only blame is on you.
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cyclepro405 wrote: »I want to lose more weight but my wife/family are not supportive. They keep bringing in food (sweets) that I have not been able to resist and am therefore eating them. When I am out of the house I have no problem with my diet. However every time I go into the kitchen I am reaching for the wrong items. My wife says that she gets these deserts on sale and so she thinks that she is saving money. I keep pointing out that you are not saving money because we are eating them (mostly me). I am at the point where I just try to avoid the kitchen altogether.
I've found that logging diligently helps crystalize thinking about treats. If you eat a sweet, log it. If you go over your calories, you know what helped put you over. You'll think a little harder next time you reach for the sweet, and maybe make adjustments so you can have it.
Then again, what would happen if you don't eat the sweets? Would they just sit there or would someone else have them?
This.
I don't tend to get tempted at home--I keep ice cream in the freezer, for example, and can ignore it--but I've read that people often do better when they don't see the food all the time, so maybe one small idea is making sure it's not out in plain sight, if it is now, but in the cupboards and not with the food you might want to be looking for in the middle of the day. Then if you choose to rummage around for something to eat, that's on you, right?
As kind of a reverse of this, my sister puts berries or other fruit out on the kitchen counter when she's home in the middle of the day. I used to think she just really liked fruit, but I mentioned it to her one time and she said "no, I just want to encourage myself to eat more and eat that if I feel like snacking." For what it's worth, she's never been overweight.
Rather than at home, my struggle (and where I'm most likely to feel like snacking) is at work, and I have no control of the fact that food is out all the time and there are various goodies that seem to appear out of nowhere. If I considered this an unbearable temptation, I'd be doomed. Instead, I've had to figure out ways so that I can resist it. For me, generally deciding that I don't snack has helped, has had bringing snacks I'm okay with for times when a snack would make sense (dinner is delayed, workout timing, so on). I'd say maybe try to think of that stuff as for your wife and kids and pick up your own snacks that fit better in your plan. Forcing myself to prelog anything I'm thinking of eating can also be really helpful, so I'd recommend that too.
Good luck!0 -
You're moving the goalposts. Familial support, or lack of it, doesn't cause me to eat or not eat something.Peachiko87 wrote: »DeguelloTex wrote: »Peachiko87 wrote: »Wow, sure not a lot of supportive people here. @_@ If any of you had self control, then why are you even on MFP? I agree to a certain extent that you are responsible for what you put in your mouth, but if you have people practically throwing it in your face all the time.. Come on!
I'm on MFP because it's interesting and it's occasionally helped me learn where to apply my self control.
That's great! Keep up the good work!
Now for the rest: Do you do everything on your own, like no medications? Or no family or friends support? It can be very hard doing something that is actually good for you. Like exercise. Quitting smoking. Limiting alcohol consumption. And yes, even putting that extra cookie down.
Different people have different struggles. Placing blame just makes you look like an *kitten*. Yeah, you're 100% responsible for what you put in your mouth, but that doesn't make it easier when you have someone tempting you, someone who doesn't support you. It makes you feel like *kitten*. It makes you feel weak. Out of control. And that's why -I- am on MFP, because I have the will power to want to change my life, I can put that extra cookie down. NOW. At first, I couldn't. Food is life, after all! It's delicious! I've learned that moderation is key, and I must find a perfect balance. The OP asked for support, not to be judged, or given tactless advice.
Derp. Learn self control. Okay? How? Can anyone give details? How did you gain self control, what helped with it? Why do you think it helped for you? When will I possibly see these changes to help gain self control? If you can't answer any of these, then you are not being supportive.
No one said it wasn't hard. If it were easy, people probably wouldn't get fat in the first place and, if they did, it would be easier to lose the weight and keep it off. So, OK, I stipulate that it's hard. Now, how does the fact that it is hard make it not his decision and his responsibility?
First, I don't care if saying someone is responsible for his choices makes me look like an *kitten*. Second, another thing that makes people look like *kitten* is calling people *kitten* rather than sticking to the content of the discussion. So, physician heal thyself and all that.
Who judged him? I didn't say he was a bad person. I said he needed to take responsibility for his choices. Making excuses for someone's poor choices might make you all warm and tingly inside, but it doesn't address the issue.
I always had self control, I just didn't use it well for a while. What helped me decide to use it again was realizing that I was a fat *kitten* heading Mach 1 to an early grave because I was being lazy. What also helps was using my intellect and not my emotions and feeling weak and out of control because I was the only person who could be in control. What do I want more, this overly large bowl of chocolate ice cream or to be a healthy weight? Not a hard choice for me. If it is a hard choice for someone, maybe that someone just isn't ready to make that change, yet.
Bottom line, he puts the food in his face. As do I in mine and you in yours. That's a choice. That's the responsibility of the choice-maker. You can sugarcoat it and wrap it up in nice words and try to shame people who say otherwise but, people are responsible for their choices. Blaming it on the wife is a copout. Trying to assert that blaming it on the wife has merit is a copout.
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It's always interesting to see what people consider support. Personally I think that it's kind of selfish to expect others to change their diets (noun) completely just because you do. If they do so voluntarily that's great, but it shouldn't be expected or demanded.
If it bothers you that much and you are unable to practice some self control, then maybe you and your family need to come to a compromise. Clear out a cupboard and let them keep the treats that they want in there. That way the treats are not visible when you walk into the kitchen. Put a bowl of fruit on the counter as a visual reminder of what you went in there for. This way you won't be tempted by the treats when you walk into the kitchen and your family can still enjoy what they want.0 -
I'm cutting currently, but I really want a beer for lunch - this will undoubtedly push me over my calorie ceiling which will be all your wife's fault, OP.0
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Peachiko87 wrote: »
Now for the rest: Do you do everything on your own, like no medications?
NopeOr no family or friends support?
Nope...I do all the grocery shopping and cooking. I don't care what Mrs. ceo or my friends eat; they don't care what I eat.It can be very hard doing something that is actually good for you. Like exercise.
On the contrary, I look forward to exercisingDifferent people have different struggles. Placing blame just makes you look like an *kitten*.
Agreed...which is why we suggested OP stop blaming everyone and everything else.How did you gain self control, what helped with it?
I gave one answer in my first post. Before I ate anything, I paused, and stopped to consider whether it would fit into my calorie and macro goals for the day. If it didn't I put it back.When will I possibly see these changes to help gain self control?
When you start implementing them.If you can't answer any of these, then you are not being supportive.
Done. So NOW can I have my gold "supportive" star?
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cyclepro405 wrote: »I want to lose more weight but my wife/family are not supportive. They keep bringing in food (sweets) that I have not been able to resist and am therefore eating them. When I am out of the house I have no problem with my diet. However every time I go into the kitchen I am reaching for the wrong items. My wife says that she gets these deserts on sale and so she thinks that she is saving money. I keep pointing out that you are not saving money because we are eating them (mostly me). I am at the point where I just try to avoid the kitchen altogether.
Ultimately it is up to you not to eat over your calorie goal.
Prelog your food. Plan to eat dessert every day if you like dessert. Don't eat portions that don't fit your goal.
Tell your wife what your goals are and ask for specific help. Maybe a limit on the amounts of desserts each week, some desserts aren't as difficult as others for you or some desserts are more worth the calories than others. Maybe agree to go out for a more special dessert once a week and not have desserts the rest of the time.
Avoiding the kitchen isn't a bad plan. If it isn't time to eat then stay out of there.
Put food away in cabinets. The only food I have out in my kitchen is fruit.
Measure out a portion and put it on a plate or in a bowl and leave the kitchen with it. Eat slowly and really enjoy the item. Drink a full glass of water with it.
Stop eating the desserts at all. Your wife sees you eating them and thinks she is saving money on things people want. If you stop eating them then she can see she is wasting money by buying the desserts not saving money.
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put a bag or pan over it. But it is your choice. then put things out that are ok. If your wife doesn't buy them get them yourself. I wish your wife would support you,taht is sad.0
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I'm going to go with the majority here, I'm afraid you will just have to learn to control it. If your wife wants desserts then she should be entitled to buy them, just because it is there doesn't mean you have to eat it (as hard as that can be sometimes!).
A lot of people start off their weight loss journey, they come here, they want a million friends because they think that will keep them motivated. And it can, I find it great motivation coming here! But you will have those days where you just want to give up, where you can't be bothered or you just don't care. When those days happen, nothing anyone can say can really make a difference to your mood, the only person who can make sure you don't give up, that you can be bothered and that you do care, is YOU.
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+1 to all the others saying stop blaming your wife and take responsibility for things yourself, it doesnt look good, nor do many of us find your reason good enough, eat it, dont eat it but please stop complaining and blaming other people for what you choose to put in your mouth. Sorry but you are a grown man.
With 3lbs to go it means theres no place to hide, closer to traget or further away from traget for your actions.0 -
My suggestion.. try and get your wife on MFP and get her to exercise with you. It's been helping since my wife started here on MFP. She's eating better so it helps keep me away from temptation. It's still tough, and sometimes it just takes plain willpower, but logging ahead really helps me. If you want something that you know is bad for you, log it, then look ahead at the rest of the day and figure out what you're going to be able to eat and still not go over your goals.
For instance, if my daughter wants to go to Hardees for dinner, and I pop on to their nutrition guide and see that the "Six Dollar Burger" that I usually had before is 800 calories by itself, and after lunch and breakfast I only have 800-1000 calories left for the day it makes me think twice. If I eat that one huge burger, sure I might be full but it'll be plain water the rest of the night. Not to mention my sodium levels will be through the roof, and I will likely retain water because of it, and I'll probably gain weight because of that. Once you look ahead and think about it hard enough it becomes easier to just say no.
Nobody's perfect, and as other posters have said, if we had perfect self control we wouldn't be on MFP. So I guess my best suggestion is to look ahead on your diary each day, and push your wife and/or kids to exercise and eat better. If they won't, fine. Just know your own limits by sticking to your goals and using the diary to keep yourself where you want to be.0 -
ceoverturf wrote: »Peachiko87 wrote: »
Now for the rest: Do you do everything on your own, like no medications?
NopeOr no family or friends support?
Nope...I do all the grocery shopping and cooking. I don't care what Mrs. ceo or my friends eat; they don't care what I eat.It can be very hard doing something that is actually good for you. Like exercise.
On the contrary, I look forward to exercisingDifferent people have different struggles. Placing blame just makes you look like an *kitten*.
Agreed...which is why we suggested OP stop blaming everyone and everything else.How did you gain self control, what helped with it?
I gave one answer in my first post. Before I ate anything, I paused, and stopped to consider whether it would fit into my calorie and macro goals for the day. If it didn't I put it back.When will I possibly see these changes to help gain self control?
When you start implementing them.If you can't answer any of these, then you are not being supportive.
Done. So NOW can I have my gold "supportive" star?
will a happy face do? I couldn't find a STAR and was too lazy to make one myself.
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MireyGal76 wrote: »ceoverturf wrote: »Peachiko87 wrote: »
Now for the rest: Do you do everything on your own, like no medications?
NopeOr no family or friends support?
Nope...I do all the grocery shopping and cooking. I don't care what Mrs. ceo or my friends eat; they don't care what I eat.It can be very hard doing something that is actually good for you. Like exercise.
On the contrary, I look forward to exercisingDifferent people have different struggles. Placing blame just makes you look like an *kitten*.
Agreed...which is why we suggested OP stop blaming everyone and everything else.How did you gain self control, what helped with it?
I gave one answer in my first post. Before I ate anything, I paused, and stopped to consider whether it would fit into my calorie and macro goals for the day. If it didn't I put it back.When will I possibly see these changes to help gain self control?
When you start implementing them.If you can't answer any of these, then you are not being supportive.
Done. So NOW can I have my gold "supportive" star?
will a happy face do? I couldn't find a STAR and was too lazy to make one myself.
Why won't you be supportive in my quest to collect gold stars??
*butthurt*
OK...not really TY
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You gotta learn to have self control. If you love eating the sweets, prelog it and include it into your diary. Make space for it. You can't control what your family will eat, meaning, you can't tell them they can't eat it cuz you're trying to lose weight. It's definitely about self control. For example yesterday, after dinner my BF was drinking a beer and eating chips directly from the bag. Did I want some? Hell yeah!! Did I eat some? I did... even though I hadn't prelogged it. I began eating like 5 chips before I stopped myself, gave him the bag to keep it away from me, and logged it. I wasn't gonna make him stop eating and drinking because I'm trying to lose weight. Do I eat chips and drink beer? Of course, but I didn't yesterday because it wasn't part of my plan. When I want some, that's what I do: prelog and enjoy. But that's another thing, I stick to the amount that I prelogged and no more. Self control, my friend. That's what you need. :flowerforyou:0
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nakedraygun wrote: »I'm cutting currently, but I really want a beer for lunch - this will undoubtedly push me over my calorie ceiling which will be all your wife's fault, OP. LOL!!!
Seriously....let's all be adult about this...everyone has temptations. You have to learn to have alternatives in your house. Or you're going to occasionally work a snack into your diet (just like everyone else)...
All joking aside...it really comes down to one thing...how bad do you want to reach your goals. No one will stop you if you're truly committed. But then again; we are all going to have a cookie occasionally.
It's a lifestyle change...you have to make the commitment to yourself... keyword in this post... you! (not your wife) dang...I gotta find out where she's shopping ...my kids like snacks and I like deals 
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