is it wrong to lose weight for a man ?
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fat2fitmom2016 wrote: »What I mean i meant. Is the guy isn't forcing me to loose the weight, I'm not dating this man. I am loosing the weight for my self but I'm using his rejection as motivation and that is What I meant
Well, as long as you use it to get your butt into shape for you and not so you can win over this creep, that's cool.0 -
It's funny how you think about this question. ..I've lost weight for my husband and vice versa so we can spend another 30 years together0
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It can be part of your motivation. We all want to be hot but being hot doesn't just mean we want to find ourselves hot, it means we want to be attractive to the level of potential mate we prefer. You seem to have a specific mate in mind and whereas I would not be interested in any guy who was not primarily attracted to my personality, I seem to be in the minority these days. Women seem to be more and more shallow themselves and so don't mind that men are shallow as well. I say if he doesn't love you like this then he isn't worth your time once you are hot but if you would like hotness revenge motivation, then go for it.0
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asflatasapancake wrote: »I have never lost weight for a man. Having said that, there's all types of motivation for getting healthy. Just as long as your only motivation isn't just for someone else. Because if it falls apart, than so does your health.
This dude is pretty good example so either recomp or go cico0 -
It depends. You should lose it for yourself, however that can take many forms and many different motivations can be part of that.
It is important to me to feel attractive...both to men in general and to whatever man I happen to be in a relationship with at the time. So in that sense, men are at least part of the reason I lost weight (maintaining my health is the primary reason though, and adequate on its own). Now that I am thinner, I do get a lot more interest. I enjoy that. Even when I am in a happy relationship, it is always flattering when others show that they are attracted.
I would never lose to try to "catch" some guy who isn't attracted to me. I also would never lose to make a guy I had been seeing a long time happy, if he just suddenly decided he wanted a thinner partner. If I weighed a certain amount when we started dating, if he later becomes unhappy with that he is free to leave.
However, if I started seeing a man at one weight, got into a very long term relationship and then let myself go, it is only natural that he might be less attracted to me at the heavier weight. Appearance is a big part of attraction, even if emotions are involved. In that situation, I could see how losing to make him happy might be part of my motivation. I think both people in a relationship have a responsibility to try to maintain their appearance and habits as best they can. It is part of being a good partner. Normal aging is one thing, but dramatic swings in weight are a little different.
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fat2fitmom2016 wrote: »Have any of you lost weight for a man? Do you think that's a wrong reason to lose weight?
As a man, I will state very emphatically: Yes it is wrong to lose weight for a man. Lose weight/Become fit because that is what you want.0 -
If you visualize all the motives for things you've done, do they appear as an elegant calculus derivative, or more like a monkey throwing paint at a canvas? Do your reasons stay fixed or change with time? If you're doing something for the wrong reason, but getting a positive result...I don't think your reason matters. Your reason may change tomorrow.0
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fat2fitmom2016 wrote: »Have any of you lost weight for a man?
Yep.
For me.Do you think that's a wrong reason to lose weight?
Nope.0 -
I would say, it depends on what he said to you to make you feel that you need to lose weight. My mother was in a psychologically abusive relationship. The man was constantly telling her she was too fat (she wasn't) or something else was wrong with her. He controlled her by making her think that she wasn't good enough for him, and she killed herself when he left her. Never, ever, EVER let a man do that to you.
OTOH, there is a 'right' way to tell someone you're concerned about their health. I approached my husband about 6 months ago and told him that I was worried about his health. I didn't pressure him. I just told him that I was concerned about things like his blood pressure and a few other medical issues he had, all of which was related to him gaining a lot of weight in recent years, and asked him to think about it. I didn't say a word to him about his weight after our talk. He thought about it on his own and went on a diet without my knowledge. I got him to think about it, but he decided to do it for himself.
If you're losing, because your husband/boyfriend/significant other suggested that your health might be suffering because of your weight, you're not really doing it for a man. You're doing it, because a man made you think about something that you decided you needed to do. If you're doing it at a man's command or to try to hang on to someone, he's a loser and you need to show him the door.0 -
Basically I'm hearing "ruh-roh, my relationship options are limited because I'm obese, maybe I should lose the excess pounds". Which would be true for pretty much anybody. I see nothing at all wrong with using that as a kickstarter for getting healthier.
It'll take more than that to succeed, of course...unless you carry Khan-like rage....0 -
And of course...bigger picture...there are exactly ZERO wrong reasons for getting healthier.
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Just quit complaining and do it; ) and there's nothing wrong in losing weight for someone IF that's reciprocated0
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I had been dumped because I was fat and not loosing weight fast enough for him . Now I am loosing my extra pounds for myself. well if you want to look good for your guy its good but if he is telling you to loose then better you loose him.0
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Because relationships require a great deal of fairness, in my opinion. or else there will be resentment.0
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I lost weight for all mankind
I am THAT impo'tant0 -
fat2fitmom2016 wrote: »Have any of you lost weight for a man? Do you think that's a wrong reason to lose weight?
It is absolutely wrong to lose weight for a man. He should lose his own weight, not have others do it for him!
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Speaking as someone who's ex has asked her to lose weight--and not in a "I'm worried about your health" sort of way, but, rather, "you need to lose weight before you can meet my parents" sort of way--it really depends on the context. If you're doing it because you want to feel/look/be sexier for him and you're the one who chose to do it, then go for it. BUT, if this was his idea and he told you to do it and is generally being a jerk about it? No. It's not a good reason.0
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