Stopping Junk Food From Coming in my House
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shadowfax_c11 wrote: »OP... you need to change the way you think about food rather than make your husband change. If you know you will "cave" and eat some of your husband's "junk food" why not just plan to enjoy some once in a while within your calorie budget?
Others have pretty much said the same thing I would. You can't and should not force your husband to give up what he enjoys because of your lack of self control. Life seldom makes things exactly convenient for us to achieve our goals. Achieve them anyway. You have to learn how to function in the real world some time.
This. This x a million.
You are allowed to eat these things. Calorie counting allows you to budget your food. You can expend, say 1300 calories on your regular food and meals for the day, then spend the extra 200 (or whatever you have left over) on something a bit more indulgent. You don't HAVE to cut all sugar or snacks out of your diet, just make sure that they fit in!
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To elaborate. My experience was that a short period of sticking to a lower carb diet, with meat, more veggies, whole grains, dairy, nuts, and some fruits, helped me sort of "reset". I found I wanted less of the foods I'd previously tended to eat too much of. (Except for a very few things, under particular conditions). I later got back to a more varied diet and found it very easy to moderate. All of a sudden, I had "willpower".
This was my experience. While I was never "low carb" by any stretch of the imagination, they were the easiest things to avoid when I was starting out. While I still have foods that I like to overeat (chips and french fries), on the whole I rarely find myself overly eager to load up on certain carb-y foods that I'd eat a lot of before. (Rolls, breads, pasta, etc.)
As for avoiding his stuff, I agree with the poster who said to think of it as "his." Have things in the house that are only yours to eat, and expect him to stay out of them. In turn, stay out of his snacks. I live with roommates who have a lot of snacky foods that I don't tend to eat (but tend to like), and yeah. Knowing that it belongs to someone else utterly erases the interest in the food.0 -
THIS. You can't expect people to conform to an issue you can't handle yourself. Change YOUR habits.Lourdesong wrote: »I agree with your husband. It's your eating plan and your problem, therefore it's you who has to adapt in the world around you, not the other way around.
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OP -I assume that your husband works and pays at least half the bills for the home that you live in? If yes, then he has every right to bring in the foods that he likes and enjoy them in the comfort of his home. Sorry, but you really just need to learn to exercise some self control, or perhaps you can enjoy some of the things he likes in moderation and still meet your calorie/micro/macro targets....
for the record, there is no such thing as junk food, just junk diets or bad diets...0 -
its my other halfs money so he goes to the shop and buys what he likes. sometimes i partake and sometimes i dont. Sometimes I might even ask him to bring me some treats back. If i told him never to bring treats in the house again he would just laugh, just like he laughs when i weigh my food.0
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@lizskwar He doesn't need to stop. You're the one making changes, so you need to change your attitude towards junk. First, remember that ANYTHING can be on the menu (unless you're doing a goofy diet that restricts certain foods). With that in mind, you can eat whatever you want--You just need to keep an accurate account of it and make it work within your goals.
Second, just because he keeps the junk around doesn't mean that he has to leave it laying around. A box, a cabinet, something to keep it "out of sight; out of mind" for you. Resisting the urge to binge on junk is an important milestone in this process, and is one you'll need to figure out because junk food is EVERYWHERE.
FTR, it squicks me to even write "junk". There is no such thing. It's all food. Romaine lettuce is a fantastic vegetable and provides a lot of vitamins, but it's a really crummy protein and will do nothing for your fats. No food is perfect, and any food can be put into a reasonable dietary plan.0 -
I have been on both sides of this - The one losing weight and the one watching my spouse try to lose weight.
Last September to December I was in a small deficit and lost 10 pounds. There was some foods that we both enjoyed that were very hard to fit into my deficit. Most of those foods came from the bakery and had a short shelf life. My husband was very understanding and we stopped buying those. Or he bought one donut/brownie/piece of cake for himself. There were other items that he offered to stop getting but I told him not to bother if he could eat it before it went bad. If I really wanted something and it was in the house I could always eat a smaller portion (and that is what I did).
Now I am maintaining and have the calories available to eat the bakery foods we both enjoy. But my husband is working on dropping a little weight. So the same the same deal - we are not buying bakery items. I am also buying snacks/treats for myself that I know he doesn't care for. This was not asked of me. But I know that he more easily gives into temptation. Luckily he is more picky than me so it works out.
We do not have to have the same goals. We do not have to eat the same food. We can make small changes to support each others goals. But we are not asking or expecting the other person to make large changes. It is just food - it is not worth getting upset over or getting into a fight over.0 -
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It's really not much different than keeping alcohol out of the house if someone is trying to quit drinking. Why have the temptation available? He could at least keep his junk food out of site.0
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Even though I tell my husband to stop buying junk food, etc. Pop tarts, chips, sugary cereal he still does. If it is in the house I eventually cave and give in and eat it. I have had this conversation with him many times and he says he does support me and that I should be able to resist the foods. I don't know how to make it so clear to him it has to stop. Please give me some suggestions to stop my husband from bringing junk food in the housr.
I should have asked this much sooner, sorry, but when you say that if it is in the house you will eventually cave and eat it, what exactly does that mean? Do you have Binge Eating Disorder with a compulsion to eat large quantities of certain foods? Are you eating more than a serving of these foods, and that is putting you over your calories for the day? Do you feel you have certain trigger foods that you have difficulty controlling but other treats are ok? Or are you trying to completely restrict these foods for whatever reason (ie you mentioned eating "clean")?
The answer to how you view these foods and how they impact your eating habits may influence the answers people provide.
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cindyangotti wrote: »It's really not much different than keeping alcohol out of the house if someone is trying to quit drinking. Why have the temptation available? He could at least keep his junk food out of site.
is it not his house too?
so he has to stash the food he likes in a hole in the backyard, just because??????0 -
If you are a food addict and can't stay away from your trigger foods, my opinion is that the household HAS to help you through this.
I am a food addict. My hubby loves junk food and lots of it, so I gave him my list of my 5 trigger foods that simply can't be in my house. If they are, he has to lock them in a briefcase that I don't know the combination. On the occasion he leaves them out, I told him that I must throw them away. It's just too difficult for me to be tempted. I gotta make ONE place in my life that's my safety zone. At work, I'm tortured with goodies and junk all day, every day.
If you had a drug addict or an alcoholic for a spouse or child, would you torture them with putting their drug in the house? I would think not.
Addicts need all the support we can get. We have to eat 3 times a day, every day and it's a challenge just to get through that some days. It's NOT just the addict's issue alone.
Your friendly dietitian
Jenn
I really hope you're getting help for your food addiction issues. Five foods are quite a lot and you should be under the care of a professional as it sounds like it affects your day-to-day life.
I have never seen a dietitian who only ate 50-60 grams of protein while trying to lose weight--have you seen the studies that link increased loss of LBM with low protein intake?
OP--Buy some opaque containers and use them.0 -
Everyone who binges understands that it is very, very difficult not to cave in to temptation. It is not as easy as "learn to view food just as food". For us bingers, it is not just food. It's like saying to an anorexic to eat or to an alcoholic to stop drinking.
Of course the husband has the right to eat whatever he likes but his continuing unsupportiveness shows, in my opinion, a deeper problem in the communication of the relationship. My partner who is lean by nature and does not need to diet, supports me every step of the way.
So let's not jump in conclusions and let's be a little more compassionate when answering to each other's questions. After all we are here to help and support.0 -
Because rational, reasonable people who live together find compromises. He keeps his food in the house, but stores it where it's not smacking her in the face.cindyangotti wrote: »It's really not much different than keeping alcohol out of the house if someone is trying to quit drinking. Why have the temptation available? He could at least keep his junk food out of site.
is it not his house too?
so he has to stash the food he likes in a hole in the backyard, just because??????
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Because rational, reasonable people who live together find compromises. He keeps his food in the house, but stores it where it's not smacking her in the face.cindyangotti wrote: »It's really not much different than keeping alcohol out of the house if someone is trying to quit drinking. Why have the temptation available? He could at least keep his junk food out of site.
is it not his house too?
so he has to stash the food he likes in a hole in the backyard, just because??????
OP never said he "smacks it in her face"
It is his house too so he can store his food wherever he wants, period.0 -
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ninakaterina wrote: »Everyone who binges understands that it is very, very difficult not to cave in to temptation. It is not as easy as "learn to view food just as food". For us bingers, it is not just food. It's like saying to an anorexic to eat or to an alcoholic to stop drinking.
Of course the husband has the right to eat whatever he likes but his continuing unsupportiveness shows, in my opinion, a deeper problem in the communication of the relationship. My partner who is lean by nature and does not need to diet, supports me every step of the way.
So let's not jump in conclusions and let's be a little more compassionate when answering to each other's questions. After all we are here to help and support.
I went back and read the OP and asked some follow up questions. I haven't seen anywhere in this thread where she said she has BED. She said, "if she knows it is there she will eventually cave and eat it". That could simply mean that she is eating one serving, and if that one serving puts her over her calories, she feels like she has failed.
I'm not trying to diminish the struggles of those who do suffer from BED, I'm trying to point out that there are many levels of behavior following "trigger" foods and without more clarification from OP I don't think it is fair to make assumptions about what the best course of action would be.
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cindyangotti wrote: »It's really not much different than keeping alcohol out of the house if someone is trying to quit drinking. Why have the temptation available? He could at least keep his junk food out of site.
Trying to quit drinking or alcoholism? That's apples and oranges....
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That's another way of dealing with it.
Because rational, reasonable people who live together find compromises. He keeps his food in the house, but stores it where it's not smacking her in the face.cindyangotti wrote: »It's really not much different than keeping alcohol out of the house if someone is trying to quit drinking. Why have the temptation available? He could at least keep his junk food out of site.
is it not his house too?
so he has to stash the food he likes in a hole in the backyard, just because??????
OP never said he "smacks it in her face"
It is his house too so he can store his food wherever he wants, period.
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Sorry, OP. I agree with your husband. You will always have temptations. The smell of Auntie Ann's in the mall. The Bakery section at the grocery store. You can't make excuses that because something is there you have to eat it.
My pitfall is tortilla chips. I still buy them, why should my boyfriend not have them? When I've made my mind up that I won't eat them, I don't. So, just because something is there don't mean you have to eat it. You need to ask yourself what you want more? The Pop Tart or a smaller waist line?0 -
I'm going to be a little contrary here.
Of course it is the husband's house too, and he has the right to have whatever foodstuffs he wants in the house. And certainly OP is going to have to learn with temptation. No question on either of these.
That said, I would jump on a grenade for Mrs Jruzer. So if she asked me to stop bringing certain foods into the house, I would do that out of love for her. I would certainly work with her to come up with a long-term plan that we could both live with, but there's no way I would just ignore her request. Marriage should be about loving compromise in cases like this.
Okay, two things. I can't count how many times I've read or heard "if you have a problem with whateverfoodstuff, keep it out of your home." This is standard, beginner level, easy mode diet advice, so I don't understand why everyone keeps acting like this is an unreasonable request on her part or keeps telling her to be an adult when she IS being an adult.
Two, glad Mr. Irons and I aren't alone in this. Yes, you're an adult and it's his house too, but the way my boyfriend and I look at it is that we're a TEAM and if we can do something to make a difficult task easier on each other we can and do.
While the basics of my diet have always been healthy, I know all about the self control struggle and so does he. A while back he was told he is pre-diabetic, and together we quit bringing sweets into the house and I quit baking (a stress release for me, but he has the BIGGEST sweet tooth) until he got it under control. Then I realized that I've gained back half the weight I previously lost, and he quit buying food I like to snack on and stress eat. It doesn't even have to be forever, we've found that after going ham on our diet for a few weeks we break problem habits with food and can easily resist temptations or indulge in moderation.
You and your husband are a TEAM. Your success is his success, and he should be doing what he can -within reason- to ensure your success. If you have a problem around junk food, it is a reasonable request to ask him NOT to bring it home or at the very least hide it. If he can't do that for you in the time it takes for you to break bad habits and associations, perhaps he has a problem too.
Sorry for the fkdsafds of this post, currently playing nap police.0 -
kristen6350 wrote: »Sorry, OP. I agree with your husband. You will always have temptations. The smell of Auntie Ann's in the mall. The Bakery section at the grocery store. You can't make excuses that because something is there you have to eat it.
This is true.
Again though, my experience was that managing responses to those temptations became much, much easier after that (temporary) lower carb diet, and a lot of people have experienced the same thing. For me, it was a totally different ball game, before and after that diet, as far as how much mental and emotional effort was required to resist or moderate high cal/low value foods.
As to why that might be, I don't know. It's at least possible there's something going on related to leptin or ghrelin or insulin and hunger, for some people, maybe those with some subclinical hormonal thing going on (obviously not for everyone), and that that kind of diet helps regulate those.
OR, maybe, it was just the fact of having lost weight that altered something in that system. Lower carb diets tend to accelerate weight loss, initially, compared to some other diets.
Anyway, whatever the underlying mechanisms might be, I think using that kind of diet at least temporarily to get over the initial hump is totally fair (and adult), and as I say, for me at least, it didn't have to be a long-term thing to maintain the loss or moderate after the fact.0 -
I live with my husband and two kids. I don't deny any of them their treats. Yes you may try keeping them in a cabinet instead of on the counter where you have to look at them each time you pass through the kitchen, but just because you don't want to eat chips, crackers and candy doesn't mean they need to not have it around.
Yes I limit the "junk" my kids have available and keep healthy things such as fruit, cut up veggies, string cheese yogurt and popcorn available for snacks, but we also keep a few treats around as well. These are kept in the pantry not out in plain sight. That way everyone has to make the effort to get them since they aren't just there to grab on the counter.
Yes we have a child that will eat his entire week's worth of treats in the first 24 hours after we get home from the grocery store so then he has to eat the healthy snacks when he's feeling snacky. Let's just say he eats alot of fruit and popcorn. lol
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The selfishness I am reading here is ridiculous. If any person I cared about came to me and asked for my support in anything they were trying to do to improve themselves I would give it in a heartbeat. I love them and want the best for them and wouldn't dream of hindering their success just to please myself. I can't even imagine me saying "sorry, this is your problem, not mine. You deal with your issues on your own because my poptart is more important to me than you." Thank God the people in my family are not like that!0
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cindyangotti wrote: »The selfishness I am reading here is ridiculous. If any person I cared about came to me and asked for my support in anything they were trying to do to improve themselves I would give it in a heartbeat. I love them and want the best for them and wouldn't dream of hindering their success just to please myself. I can't even imagine me saying "sorry, this is your problem, not mine. You deal with your issues on your own because my poptart is more important to me than you." Thank God the people in my family are not like that!
When my mom was diagnosed with diabetes when I was a teenager, I stopped bringing home junk. if I had a partner with medical issues, I would stop eating the foods they couldn't. But OP is making a new lifestyle choice and insisting her partner get on board. How is THAT not selfish? Especially when there is an easy compromise suggested by many above.
Incidentally, I have never stopped anyone from eating shellfish around me, and that's a food I have a legitimate health issue with. I won't get to eat crab again, but that doesn't mean my loved ones can't. (As long as no one tries to kiss me.)0 -
cindyangotti wrote: »The selfishness I am reading here is ridiculous. If any person I cared about came to me and asked for my support in anything they were trying to do to improve themselves I would give it in a heartbeat. I love them and want the best for them and wouldn't dream of hindering their success just to please myself. I can't even imagine me saying "sorry, this is your problem, not mine. You deal with your issues on your own because my poptart is more important to me than you." Thank God the people in my family are not like that!
Sincere question: how is it selfish for the husband to not make sacrifices in support of his wife's endeavors and not selfish for the wife to ask the husband to make the sacrifices?0 -
cindyangotti wrote: »The selfishness I am reading here is ridiculous. If any person I cared about came to me and asked for my support in anything they were trying to do to improve themselves I would give it in a heartbeat. I love them and want the best for them and wouldn't dream of hindering their success just to please myself. I can't even imagine me saying "sorry, this is your problem, not mine. You deal with your issues on your own because my poptart is more important to me than you." Thank God the people in my family are not like that!
I don't know how it's selfish to advocate person A being allowed to eat and live their life as they see fit and not have their diet and life dictated to them by person B. Seems opposite to me.
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barbecuesauce wrote: »cindyangotti wrote: »The selfishness I am reading here is ridiculous. If any person I cared about came to me and asked for my support in anything they were trying to do to improve themselves I would give it in a heartbeat. I love them and want the best for them and wouldn't dream of hindering their success just to please myself. I can't even imagine me saying "sorry, this is your problem, not mine. You deal with your issues on your own because my poptart is more important to me than you." Thank God the people in my family are not like that!
When my mom was diagnosed with diabetes when I was a teenager, I stopped bringing home junk. if I had a partner with medical issues, I would stop eating the foods they couldn't. But OP is making a new lifestyle choice and insisting her partner get on board. How is THAT not selfish? Especially when there is an easy compromise suggested by many above.
Incidentally, I have never stopped anyone from eating shellfish around me, and that's a food I have a legitimate health issue with. I won't get to eat crab again, but that doesn't mean my loved ones can't. (As long as no one tries to kiss me.)
I'm not trying to be mean at all, but after a certain weight it's no longer a lifestyle choice and becomes a health issue.0 -
She needs help, he helps her. When he needs help, she helps him.bennettinfinity wrote: »cindyangotti wrote: »The selfishness I am reading here is ridiculous. If any person I cared about came to me and asked for my support in anything they were trying to do to improve themselves I would give it in a heartbeat. I love them and want the best for them and wouldn't dream of hindering their success just to please myself. I can't even imagine me saying "sorry, this is your problem, not mine. You deal with your issues on your own because my poptart is more important to me than you." Thank God the people in my family are not like that!
Sincere question: how is it selfish for the husband to not make sacrifices in support of his wife's endeavors and not selfish for the wife to ask the husband to make the sacrifices?
These are not children who stomp their feet and yell, "It's not fair!" and demand their way until a parent comes in and settles the matter.
These are adults who live together and care about each other. That means there will be compromises in lots and lots of things.
It's not about who is right. It's about two people with different desires finding a way to be happy together.0 -
cindyangotti wrote: »The selfishness I am reading here is ridiculous. If any person I cared about came to me and asked for my support in anything they were trying to do to improve themselves I would give it in a heartbeat. I love them and want the best for them and wouldn't dream of hindering their success just to please myself. I can't even imagine me saying "sorry, this is your problem, not mine. You deal with your issues on your own because my poptart is more important to me than you." Thank God the people in my family are not like that!
Maybe her husband recognizes, as others have pointed out in this thread, that these sorts of temptations are everywhere in life and learning to deal with them will help her in the long run. Is she not going to go to a restaurant ever again? A birthday party? Does he need to change the channel when a commercial comes on for a food she is tempted by?
Again, I would love to get some more clarification from OP on what happens when she does "cave in to these foods" because there's a whole spectrum of responses that I can imagine which range from:
"Oh man I should've have had that Oreo because I said I was going to eat clean from now on"
To
"Dear God what did I do, I have been binge free for months and just ate 7,000 calories in one sitting, I need to call my doctor who is treating me for this diagnosed disorder and figure out what I need to do to regain control"
My guess is that OP falls somewhere in the middle but probably closer to the first one, but that's why I would like more clarification as that will change my response to her and I'm sure others would as well.
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