Seasoned MFPers: Clues on how you know someone says they will change their lifestyle and MEAN it?!
cocates
Posts: 360 Member
I admit: I've been one of these 'on again, off again' MFPers over the years.
I log in and get motivation once I've gained back the weight I've lost. It helps. Until [insert excuse here].
I've written similar posts that say, 'I mean it; I'm done. I'm losing weight for good'. I'm sure we've all seen about 50,000 posts just like that.
So, from your experience, how can you tell that a particular person will do what they say / set out to do [ie: lose weight, exercise, be a forever food logger]? Are there any clues?
Thoughts?...
I log in and get motivation once I've gained back the weight I've lost. It helps. Until [insert excuse here].
I've written similar posts that say, 'I mean it; I'm done. I'm losing weight for good'. I'm sure we've all seen about 50,000 posts just like that.
So, from your experience, how can you tell that a particular person will do what they say / set out to do [ie: lose weight, exercise, be a forever food logger]? Are there any clues?
Thoughts?...
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Answer this question... why are you fat?0
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I know they meant it when they achieve it.
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I think most everyone means it. Unfortunately having the desire and intent doesn't mean you will succeed. Honestly, I think a lot of people fail because they try to change their lifestyle too much. They try to become someone they are not or perhaps don't even want to be.
The question shouldn't be what is the secret others have used for sustained weight loss. It should be, what is going to work for me long term? Can I live with these changes forever?0 -
Talk is cheap----just do it. Then you'll be a success.
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IsaackGMOON wrote: »I know they meant it when they achieve it.
Yeah, pretty much.
People come on here with excuses and 'I'm a special snowflake' and still manage to turn themselves around. People come on here all serious and focused on personal accountability and still manage to not make their goal and maintain. Too many variables.0 -
The word "try" is a pretty big red flag. You don't have to TRY to lose weight, simply say you WILL lose weight if you're actually committed. (Also cant stand when people say they've "tried" everything. Diets aren't a pair of pants you put on and take off, you commit to them.)0
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I agree with steathq. I believe I read somewhere that only 10% of people who have significant weight loss keep it off.
My personal opinion is that a lot of us just suck at stress management. I know for me personally, I lose a bunch of weight and start gaining it back when life is kicking my *kitten*. I get stressed out and chocolate cake makes me feel better. I'm working on finding better ways to manage stress. I would also bet that we are more stressed than the generations that came before. I know life is more hectic for me than it was for my mom and my mom's life is way more hectic than my grandma's was. We also have more treats readily available. Obesity is a first world problem.0 -
Why do you ask? Do you want to know if THIS is the time you lose and it stays off?
Maybe once you get closer to goal, come back and ask how MFPers KEEP IT OFF. For me losing is easy. Keeping it off is the hard part. Losing is just math. Keeping it off is where the dedication comes in.0 -
They don't quit,
even when they've gone astray,
they get up the next day and give it another go.0 -
snowflake954 wrote: »Talk is cheap----just do it. Then you'll be a success.
Exactly. Just do it. Research shows that talking about it and telling people your goals can be counter productive. Something about how getting praise for deciding to make a change rather than actually making a change.
It's best to keep quiet and let the results speak for themselves.0 -
PeachyCarol wrote: »Answer this question... why are you fat?
Because I eat and drink more calories than I should on a routine basis.
Now, it's your turn. Didn't your mom ever tell you it's not nice to ask a question with a question?
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snowflake954 wrote: »Talk is cheap----just do it. Then you'll be a success.
Exactly. Just do it. Research shows that talking about it and telling people your goals can be counter productive. Something about how getting praise for deciding to make a change rather than actually making a change.
It's best to keep quiet and let the results speak for themselves.
Can you link the research to which you refer? I've heard the opposite.0 -
LOVE this!Pandapotato wrote: »The word "try" is a pretty big red flag. You don't have to TRY to lose weight, simply say you WILL lose weight if you're actually committed.
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IsaackGMOON wrote: »I know they meant it when they achieve it.
Yeah, pretty much.
People come on here with excuses and 'I'm a special snowflake' and still manage to turn themselves around. People come on here all serious and focused on personal accountability and still manage to not make their goal and maintain. Too many variables.
Good points. Thank you.
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Why do you ask? Do you want to know if THIS is the time you lose and it stays off?
No, not really. I haven't really come to some sort of epiphany. Just curious for you all that have been on MFP for so long that dedicated your time and energy to so many others, if there are particular signs you see.
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I don't worry about whether or not someone else means it or if they lose weight or not. If it's obvious that they are in distress, I will hope that they lose enough weight to have a positive impact on their health and keep it off, but if they don't, I don't necessarily think it's because they didn't have the intention to succeed - I think it's because keeping weight off, especially if you're starting in a particular weight class, is extraordinarily difficult even if the methods are deceptively simple.
But I'm thinking you're more concerned about whether or not YOU really mean it this time. I don't know. I want to stay under a certain weight for good, and I'm pretty confident I will continue to lose for some time, but will I be right back where I started a few years from now? Past experience tells me it's pretty likely. I continue on anyway. My intentions are to continue logging and weighing for the rest of my life, up on the scales or down. I have never said this time is for good; I have only said to those I am closest to that I am hoping it is the time where I don't completely give up at some future point. I've also been looking into OA for the first time, but I'm not so sure about their methodologies and philosophies.
I'm not a seasoned MFPer, but I have been counting calories in some form as a method of weight loss since I was a preteen.0 -
Good point.ShellyBell999 wrote: »They don't quit, even when they've gone astray, they get up the next day and give it another go.
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snowflake954 wrote: »Talk is cheap----just do it. Then you'll be a success.
Exactly. Just do it. Research shows that talking about it and telling people your goals can be counter productive. Something about how getting praise for deciding to make a change rather than actually making a change.
It's best to keep quiet and let the results speak for themselves.
I haven't read that research, but I can see how it can be truth for some. Thanks for sharing.0 -
I usually can just sort of intuitively tell if someone's actually ready or not. One dead giveaway phrase of someone not being ready is (usually) something like, "I hope it works this time!"
Also, the more someone says, "I really mean it this time!" the less likely they really do. When they are really truly ready, they just knuckle down and do it.0 -
Believe it when I see it!
And the comment about telling people your goals being counterproductive is spot on.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Talk is cheap----just do it. Then you'll be a success.
Exactly. Just do it. Research shows that talking about it and telling people your goals can be counter productive. Something about how getting praise for deciding to make a change rather than actually making a change.
It's best to keep quiet and let the results speak for themselves.
Can you link the research to which you refer? I've heard the opposite.
There's a TED talk on it: http://www.ted.com/talks/derek_sivers_keep_your_goals_to_yourself?language=en
It was discussed on a podcast I listen to, but I haven't actually listened, so have no opinion.
(I do find that telling people my goals generally doesn't help me. Making them concrete to myself does.)0 -
afatpersonwholikesfood wrote: »I don't worry about whether or not someone else means it or if they lose weight or not. If it's obvious that they are in distress, I will hope that they lose enough weight to have a positive impact on their health and keep it off, but if they don't, I don't necessarily think it's because they didn't have the intention to succeed - I think it's because keeping weight off, especially if you're starting in a particular weight class, is extraordinarily difficult even if the methods are deceptively simple.
But I'm thinking you're more concerned about whether or not YOU really mean it this time. I don't know. I want to stay under a certain weight for good, and I'm pretty confident I will continue to lose for some time, but will I be right back where I started a few years from now? Past experience tells me it's pretty likely. I continue on anyway. My intentions are to continue logging and weighing for the rest of my life, up on the scales or down. I have never said this time is for good; I have only said to those I am closest to that I am hoping it is the time where I don't completely give up at some future point. I've also been looking into OA for the first time, but I'm not so sure about their methodologies and philosophies.
I'm not a seasoned MFPer, but I have been counting calories in some form as a method of weight loss since I was a preteen.
I understand that. I've been reading what helps others to 'stay on track' or lose. The 'tips' have been partially eye opening and partially the same old thing I've heard before. Just made me question if what I've been reading has any truth to it.0 -
jennifer_417 wrote: »I usually can just sort of intuitively tell if someone's actually ready or not. One dead giveaway phrase of someone not being ready is (usually) something like, "I hope it works this time!"
Also, the more someone says, "I really mean it this time!" the less likely they really do. When they are really truly ready, they just knuckle down and do it.
Agreed. First one is definitely spot on. The second example seems to the same...especially since a lot of others have said something similar. Thank you.
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snowflake954 wrote: »Talk is cheap----just do it. Then you'll be a success.
Exactly. Just do it. Research shows that talking about it and telling people your goals can be counter productive. Something about how getting praise for deciding to make a change rather than actually making a change.
It's best to keep quiet and let the results speak for themselves.
I've heard the opposite too, especially around quitting smoking.
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...So, from your experience, how can you tell that a particular person will do what they say / set out to do [ie: lose weight, exercise, be a forever food logger]? Are there any clues?
I can tell when I'm going to be successful by if I've got my head straight.
I can suspect who is going to be successful by their attitude, the types of questions they ask, and their responses to questions, but it's pure speculation. Also, often people do not come back with an update.
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When they stop trying to rationalize away the fact that they got fat from eating too many calories and start doing something about that.
As long as they say, "But carbs...", or "But sugar...", or "But my friends..." or "But my metabolism..." or "But whatever..." I don't think they mean it, even if they think they do.0 -
1) Figure out what your biggest "trigger" is and work on eliminating it from ready availability. Mine is ice cream. This doesn't mean I "never" eat ice cream..I love it and I'm not giving it up. But I find it too hard to just eat 1 serving worth out of a pint/quart/half gallon/gallon container. So when I really really want it, I go out and get a scoop. ONE scoop. A single scoop of Graeter's or Ben and Jerry's...even if it's a 300 calorie hit...is way better than about 1000 for a whole pint.
2) Make SMALL changes that you can stick to and build on. Don't say "Tomorrow, I will work out for an hour, cut my calorie intake and drink more water." Say "I will not take the elevator this week at all and use the stairs instead." or "I will not have any day this week where I do no physical activity at all." As you make one thing a habit, add another.
3) Make use of the challenge threads here..they tend to be good motivators because they are short-term focus with a definite deadline. There are running challenges, step challenges, walking challenges...whatever you think you might be interested in doing there's probably a challenge for it.
4) When you do eat "bad" foods (I hate that term), meaning ones that are high in calories, savor them and truly enjoy them..work on not wolfing them down. That helps to lay better habits overall with food.
5) Come up with non-food rewards you can give yourself for meeting certain goals...whether it's climbing to your 4th floor job on the stairs without getting winded or losing your first 20 pounds...or being able to run a 5K..whatever it is. Mine was a pair of good (breathable and comfy) running shorts.
6) Don't drink your calories...it's an easy way to blow through your allotment for the day. I almost never drink soda these days and alcohol even more rarely. When I do drink them I enjoy them without guilt but they are definitely not routine fare. The soda I had at a church event this Sunday was probably the first I'd had in close to a month.
7) The one I'm really bad at: Taking pictures often so you can see the progress you're making that might not be readily apparent on the scale. (smaller neck, fewer chins, waist shrinking, clothes fitting better, etc.)0 -
kshama2001 wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Talk is cheap----just do it. Then you'll be a success.
Exactly. Just do it. Research shows that talking about it and telling people your goals can be counter productive. Something about how getting praise for deciding to make a change rather than actually making a change.
It's best to keep quiet and let the results speak for themselves.
I've heard the opposite too, especially around quitting smoking.
It would also seem to suggest that having MFP friends or announcing goals or success on the forums is a bad idea.0 -
My profile's tag line is Yoda's quote: "Do. Or do not. There is no try."
Exceptionally true for my "journey." I've tried many times, but you either commit or don't. Be honest with food logging: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Move more than you did before.
You can't half-*kitten* losing weight. Until it becomes a lifestyle change, you'll repeat the patterns that got you there in the first place.0 -
Who can tell online? Cockiness is almost always a sure sign that someone will fail. Not confidence or even arrogance, but cockiness. "I've got this!" means they generally don't. Ditto the people who gain and lose repeatedly but swear that NOW they are doing it for real and THIS TIME they know everything and will never gain again. Maybe they're right, but maybe they're not. Refusing to consider that they might not be right...cocky, IMO.
I've been in a lot of situations where failure was possible for a group. The cocky ones - in the movies, they always triumph, but in real life, they're always the ones who fail and in their head it's always some excuse, some outside force that was beyond their control. But the truth is always that they didn't prepare, they didn't plan. They assumed what they were doing was good enough because it had worked so far...but it wasn't.
These are the people who, in college, were saying, "She didn't cover that in class!" and "There is too much to read!" and "This isn't math class! Why are doing so much math?!" and "I would've known what that slide was! She doesn't leave them up long enough!" ... but they had time to go out drinking or go to Mexico over break instead of studying. They make fun of the serious students for being so disciplined. They're so much cooler, going to parties. Then a pop quiz arrives and Egads! That's not fair!
In their heads, it's never their own fault. Colleges have classes designed to weed those people out. Organic Chem arrives and they drop like flies. Flunk, flunk, flunk.
Life weeds people out, too. "Good enough" often isn't.
Be serious. Plan for possibilities and failure. Do the very best you can. Good enough doesn't cut it when the going gets tough.0
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