Seasoned MFPers: Clues on how you know someone says they will change their lifestyle and MEAN it?!
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Talk is cheap----just do it. Then you'll be a success.
Exactly. Just do it. Research shows that talking about it and telling people your goals can be counter productive. Something about how getting praise for deciding to make a change rather than actually making a change.
It's best to keep quiet and let the results speak for themselves.
Can you link the research to which you refer? I've heard the opposite.
There's a TED talk on it: http://www.ted.com/talks/derek_sivers_keep_your_goals_to_yourself?language=en
It was discussed on a podcast I listen to, but I haven't actually listened, so have no opinion.
(I do find that telling people my goals generally doesn't help me. Making them concrete to myself does.)0 -
afatpersonwholikesfood wrote: »I don't worry about whether or not someone else means it or if they lose weight or not. If it's obvious that they are in distress, I will hope that they lose enough weight to have a positive impact on their health and keep it off, but if they don't, I don't necessarily think it's because they didn't have the intention to succeed - I think it's because keeping weight off, especially if you're starting in a particular weight class, is extraordinarily difficult even if the methods are deceptively simple.
But I'm thinking you're more concerned about whether or not YOU really mean it this time. I don't know. I want to stay under a certain weight for good, and I'm pretty confident I will continue to lose for some time, but will I be right back where I started a few years from now? Past experience tells me it's pretty likely. I continue on anyway. My intentions are to continue logging and weighing for the rest of my life, up on the scales or down. I have never said this time is for good; I have only said to those I am closest to that I am hoping it is the time where I don't completely give up at some future point. I've also been looking into OA for the first time, but I'm not so sure about their methodologies and philosophies.
I'm not a seasoned MFPer, but I have been counting calories in some form as a method of weight loss since I was a preteen.
I understand that. I've been reading what helps others to 'stay on track' or lose. The 'tips' have been partially eye opening and partially the same old thing I've heard before. Just made me question if what I've been reading has any truth to it.0 -
jennifer_417 wrote: »I usually can just sort of intuitively tell if someone's actually ready or not. One dead giveaway phrase of someone not being ready is (usually) something like, "I hope it works this time!"
Also, the more someone says, "I really mean it this time!" the less likely they really do. When they are really truly ready, they just knuckle down and do it.
Agreed. First one is definitely spot on. The second example seems to the same...especially since a lot of others have said something similar. Thank you.
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snowflake954 wrote: »Talk is cheap----just do it. Then you'll be a success.
Exactly. Just do it. Research shows that talking about it and telling people your goals can be counter productive. Something about how getting praise for deciding to make a change rather than actually making a change.
It's best to keep quiet and let the results speak for themselves.
I've heard the opposite too, especially around quitting smoking.
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...So, from your experience, how can you tell that a particular person will do what they say / set out to do [ie: lose weight, exercise, be a forever food logger]? Are there any clues?
I can tell when I'm going to be successful by if I've got my head straight.
I can suspect who is going to be successful by their attitude, the types of questions they ask, and their responses to questions, but it's pure speculation. Also, often people do not come back with an update.
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When they stop trying to rationalize away the fact that they got fat from eating too many calories and start doing something about that.
As long as they say, "But carbs...", or "But sugar...", or "But my friends..." or "But my metabolism..." or "But whatever..." I don't think they mean it, even if they think they do.0 -
1) Figure out what your biggest "trigger" is and work on eliminating it from ready availability. Mine is ice cream. This doesn't mean I "never" eat ice cream..I love it and I'm not giving it up. But I find it too hard to just eat 1 serving worth out of a pint/quart/half gallon/gallon container. So when I really really want it, I go out and get a scoop. ONE scoop. A single scoop of Graeter's or Ben and Jerry's...even if it's a 300 calorie hit...is way better than about 1000 for a whole pint.
2) Make SMALL changes that you can stick to and build on. Don't say "Tomorrow, I will work out for an hour, cut my calorie intake and drink more water." Say "I will not take the elevator this week at all and use the stairs instead." or "I will not have any day this week where I do no physical activity at all." As you make one thing a habit, add another.
3) Make use of the challenge threads here..they tend to be good motivators because they are short-term focus with a definite deadline. There are running challenges, step challenges, walking challenges...whatever you think you might be interested in doing there's probably a challenge for it.
4) When you do eat "bad" foods (I hate that term), meaning ones that are high in calories, savor them and truly enjoy them..work on not wolfing them down. That helps to lay better habits overall with food.
5) Come up with non-food rewards you can give yourself for meeting certain goals...whether it's climbing to your 4th floor job on the stairs without getting winded or losing your first 20 pounds...or being able to run a 5K..whatever it is. Mine was a pair of good (breathable and comfy) running shorts.
6) Don't drink your calories...it's an easy way to blow through your allotment for the day. I almost never drink soda these days and alcohol even more rarely. When I do drink them I enjoy them without guilt but they are definitely not routine fare. The soda I had at a church event this Sunday was probably the first I'd had in close to a month.
7) The one I'm really bad at: Taking pictures often so you can see the progress you're making that might not be readily apparent on the scale. (smaller neck, fewer chins, waist shrinking, clothes fitting better, etc.)0 -
kshama2001 wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Talk is cheap----just do it. Then you'll be a success.
Exactly. Just do it. Research shows that talking about it and telling people your goals can be counter productive. Something about how getting praise for deciding to make a change rather than actually making a change.
It's best to keep quiet and let the results speak for themselves.
I've heard the opposite too, especially around quitting smoking.
It would also seem to suggest that having MFP friends or announcing goals or success on the forums is a bad idea.0 -
My profile's tag line is Yoda's quote: "Do. Or do not. There is no try."
Exceptionally true for my "journey." I've tried many times, but you either commit or don't. Be honest with food logging: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Move more than you did before.
You can't half-*kitten* losing weight. Until it becomes a lifestyle change, you'll repeat the patterns that got you there in the first place.0 -
Who can tell online? Cockiness is almost always a sure sign that someone will fail. Not confidence or even arrogance, but cockiness. "I've got this!" means they generally don't. Ditto the people who gain and lose repeatedly but swear that NOW they are doing it for real and THIS TIME they know everything and will never gain again. Maybe they're right, but maybe they're not. Refusing to consider that they might not be right...cocky, IMO.
I've been in a lot of situations where failure was possible for a group. The cocky ones - in the movies, they always triumph, but in real life, they're always the ones who fail and in their head it's always some excuse, some outside force that was beyond their control. But the truth is always that they didn't prepare, they didn't plan. They assumed what they were doing was good enough because it had worked so far...but it wasn't.
These are the people who, in college, were saying, "She didn't cover that in class!" and "There is too much to read!" and "This isn't math class! Why are doing so much math?!" and "I would've known what that slide was! She doesn't leave them up long enough!" ... but they had time to go out drinking or go to Mexico over break instead of studying. They make fun of the serious students for being so disciplined. They're so much cooler, going to parties. Then a pop quiz arrives and Egads! That's not fair!
In their heads, it's never their own fault. Colleges have classes designed to weed those people out. Organic Chem arrives and they drop like flies. Flunk, flunk, flunk.
Life weeds people out, too. "Good enough" often isn't.
Be serious. Plan for possibilities and failure. Do the very best you can. Good enough doesn't cut it when the going gets tough.0 -
There is no way to know. All you can do is see if they're successful.
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I've got this!
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I have been one of those who has tried almost everything out there short of medical intervention and failed. I have been here before, but did not follow through. This time, I have followed through on things I need to do. I have been focusing on keeping the changes small. Watching the calorie counts and weighing my food to keep in line with that count. I do not leave out any food I used to love, I just make room for it by eating less and making it fit in my day. I have also increased my exercise slowly. Just walking and getting up to move. A couple of months ago, I bought myself a Fitbit and it has helped to light a fire under me to move more. These are things I can see myself sticking to in the long term. You can do this, just don't overwhelm yourself with changes at the start.0
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I feel like talking about changing your lifestyle is pretty useless. It's not that you can't talk about it AND do it, but don't make it into a big production with announcements and spend a lot of energy planning all of the changes you are going to make and buying new workout gear and build up piles of motivation. That is not reality, that's short term. Just do it right now. Not next week or Monday or tomorrow. You don't need to tell a single soul you're doing it. There's no reason to think about whether you "mean it" because it's not an intention, it's just something you start doing.
Also, people that like to tell you about changing their lifestyle are pretty boring. Just do. Don't talk.0 -
Who can tell online? Cockiness is almost always a sure sign that someone will fail. Not confidence or even arrogance, but cockiness. "I've got this!" means they generally don't. Ditto the people who gain and lose repeatedly but swear that NOW they are doing it for real and THIS TIME they know everything and will never gain again. Maybe they're right, but maybe they're not. Refusing to consider that they might not be right...cocky, IMO.
I've been in a lot of situations where failure was possible for a group. The cocky ones - in the movies, they always triumph, but in real life, they're always the ones who fail and in their head it's always some excuse, some outside force that was beyond their control. But the truth is always that they didn't prepare, they didn't plan. They assumed what they were doing was good enough because it had worked so far...but it wasn't.
These are the people who, in college, were saying, "She didn't cover that in class!" and "There is too much to read!" and "This isn't math class! Why are doing so much math?!" and "I would've known what that slide was! She doesn't leave them up long enough!" ... but they had time to go out drinking or go to Mexico over break instead of studying. They make fun of the serious students for being so disciplined. They're so much cooler, going to parties. Then a pop quiz arrives and Egads! That's not fair!
In their heads, it's never their own fault. Colleges have classes designed to weed those people out. Organic Chem arrives and they drop like flies. Flunk, flunk, flunk.
Life weeds people out, too. "Good enough" often isn't.
Be serious. Plan for possibilities and failure. Do the very best you can. Good enough doesn't cut it when the going gets tough.
Did we go to college together?? I feel like I've been ratted out...
Seriously, this is all true. Plus, for me, I get complacent. I did the work, lost the weight, and maybe stopped working so hard. Or, I allow myself extra calories, but since I'm not logging, they are without a doubt more than I realize.0 -
DeguelloTex wrote: »When they stop trying to rationalize away the fact that they got fat from eating too many calories and start doing something about that.
As long as they say, "But carbs...", or "But sugar...", or "But my friends..." or "But my metabolism..." or "But whatever..." I don't think they mean it, even if they think they do.
Yup, this.0 -
DeguelloTex wrote: »When they stop trying to rationalize away the fact that they got fat from eating too many calories and start doing something about that.
As long as they say, "But carbs...", or "But sugar...", or "But my friends..." or "But my metabolism..." or "But whatever..." I don't think they mean it, even if they think they do.
YUP. My mom always refers to certain foods as "fattening," like it's that ONE food's fault. And I can barely stop the eyeroll. No ONE food is fattening.
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The only "clues" I see amongst people who have been successful at losing (and somewhat maintaining) are consistency and persistence. It's not about eating a certain way, or saying the "right" things. It's about figuring out what works for you, and sticking with it (consistency), but also acknowledging when you fail/derail and getting back with it (persistence).
I have some amazing people on my FL who have successfully lost weight, but who have also put some of that weight back on for various reasons (health issues, life changes, etc). They recognize when they mess up, and they acknowledge what they need to do to get back on track. The thing I really appreciate is that they are ok with being human - they don't treat things like getting so busy that you can't hit the gym for awhile, or being overwhelmed and making not-the-best food choices as excuses or character flaws. They focus on what they are managing to do to keep themselves on track and do the best they can, getting back on the plan later. But they never just give up completely, even if all they can manage at a given time is logging into this site.0 -
So, from your experience, how can you tell that a particular person will do what they say / set out to do [ie: lose weight, exercise, be a forever food logger]? Are there any clues?
Well, people change. But if I had to take bets on whether someone would succeed, I would ask whether they had taken the big goal (e.g. "Lose weight") and broken it down into manageable objectives. The so-called "SMART criteria"—objectives should be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound—aren't the only criteria, but they're pretty good. Here are some examples:
Lose weight: For the next month, I will log all my food and exercise, and aim for an average daily deficit of 500 calories. In a month, I will compare my logging and my progress and adjust accordingly.
Exercise: For the next month, I will exercise at least four days a week for 30 minutes or more at a time. Or, I will start Couch to 5K and commit to completing the first four weeks.
Someone who takes a distant goal, turns it into things that can be done right now, and then starts doing those things, with frequent reviews of how it's going, has a chance of success. Someone who just talks about the goal without the rest doesn't really want to achieve the goal; they merely want to have achieved it.0 -
Its an interesting question. Id say if I was placing bets then its quite easy to spot ones who I think will fail and ones who will do make target.
In terms on the this is the final time I mean business posts then i always ask why they didnt do it before and why this time will be different.0
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