Seasoned MFPers: Clues on how you know someone says they will change their lifestyle and MEAN it?!
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There is no way to know. All you can do is see if they're successful.
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I've got this!
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I have been one of those who has tried almost everything out there short of medical intervention and failed. I have been here before, but did not follow through. This time, I have followed through on things I need to do. I have been focusing on keeping the changes small. Watching the calorie counts and weighing my food to keep in line with that count. I do not leave out any food I used to love, I just make room for it by eating less and making it fit in my day. I have also increased my exercise slowly. Just walking and getting up to move. A couple of months ago, I bought myself a Fitbit and it has helped to light a fire under me to move more. These are things I can see myself sticking to in the long term. You can do this, just don't overwhelm yourself with changes at the start.0
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I feel like talking about changing your lifestyle is pretty useless. It's not that you can't talk about it AND do it, but don't make it into a big production with announcements and spend a lot of energy planning all of the changes you are going to make and buying new workout gear and build up piles of motivation. That is not reality, that's short term. Just do it right now. Not next week or Monday or tomorrow. You don't need to tell a single soul you're doing it. There's no reason to think about whether you "mean it" because it's not an intention, it's just something you start doing.
Also, people that like to tell you about changing their lifestyle are pretty boring. Just do. Don't talk.0 -
Who can tell online? Cockiness is almost always a sure sign that someone will fail. Not confidence or even arrogance, but cockiness. "I've got this!" means they generally don't. Ditto the people who gain and lose repeatedly but swear that NOW they are doing it for real and THIS TIME they know everything and will never gain again. Maybe they're right, but maybe they're not. Refusing to consider that they might not be right...cocky, IMO.
I've been in a lot of situations where failure was possible for a group. The cocky ones - in the movies, they always triumph, but in real life, they're always the ones who fail and in their head it's always some excuse, some outside force that was beyond their control. But the truth is always that they didn't prepare, they didn't plan. They assumed what they were doing was good enough because it had worked so far...but it wasn't.
These are the people who, in college, were saying, "She didn't cover that in class!" and "There is too much to read!" and "This isn't math class! Why are doing so much math?!" and "I would've known what that slide was! She doesn't leave them up long enough!" ... but they had time to go out drinking or go to Mexico over break instead of studying. They make fun of the serious students for being so disciplined. They're so much cooler, going to parties. Then a pop quiz arrives and Egads! That's not fair!
In their heads, it's never their own fault. Colleges have classes designed to weed those people out. Organic Chem arrives and they drop like flies. Flunk, flunk, flunk.
Life weeds people out, too. "Good enough" often isn't.
Be serious. Plan for possibilities and failure. Do the very best you can. Good enough doesn't cut it when the going gets tough.
Did we go to college together?? I feel like I've been ratted out...
Seriously, this is all true. Plus, for me, I get complacent. I did the work, lost the weight, and maybe stopped working so hard. Or, I allow myself extra calories, but since I'm not logging, they are without a doubt more than I realize.0 -
DeguelloTex wrote: »When they stop trying to rationalize away the fact that they got fat from eating too many calories and start doing something about that.
As long as they say, "But carbs...", or "But sugar...", or "But my friends..." or "But my metabolism..." or "But whatever..." I don't think they mean it, even if they think they do.
Yup, this.0 -
DeguelloTex wrote: »When they stop trying to rationalize away the fact that they got fat from eating too many calories and start doing something about that.
As long as they say, "But carbs...", or "But sugar...", or "But my friends..." or "But my metabolism..." or "But whatever..." I don't think they mean it, even if they think they do.
YUP. My mom always refers to certain foods as "fattening," like it's that ONE food's fault. And I can barely stop the eyeroll. No ONE food is fattening.
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The only "clues" I see amongst people who have been successful at losing (and somewhat maintaining) are consistency and persistence. It's not about eating a certain way, or saying the "right" things. It's about figuring out what works for you, and sticking with it (consistency), but also acknowledging when you fail/derail and getting back with it (persistence).
I have some amazing people on my FL who have successfully lost weight, but who have also put some of that weight back on for various reasons (health issues, life changes, etc). They recognize when they mess up, and they acknowledge what they need to do to get back on track. The thing I really appreciate is that they are ok with being human - they don't treat things like getting so busy that you can't hit the gym for awhile, or being overwhelmed and making not-the-best food choices as excuses or character flaws. They focus on what they are managing to do to keep themselves on track and do the best they can, getting back on the plan later. But they never just give up completely, even if all they can manage at a given time is logging into this site.0 -
So, from your experience, how can you tell that a particular person will do what they say / set out to do [ie: lose weight, exercise, be a forever food logger]? Are there any clues?
Well, people change. But if I had to take bets on whether someone would succeed, I would ask whether they had taken the big goal (e.g. "Lose weight") and broken it down into manageable objectives. The so-called "SMART criteria"—objectives should be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound—aren't the only criteria, but they're pretty good. Here are some examples:
Lose weight: For the next month, I will log all my food and exercise, and aim for an average daily deficit of 500 calories. In a month, I will compare my logging and my progress and adjust accordingly.
Exercise: For the next month, I will exercise at least four days a week for 30 minutes or more at a time. Or, I will start Couch to 5K and commit to completing the first four weeks.
Someone who takes a distant goal, turns it into things that can be done right now, and then starts doing those things, with frequent reviews of how it's going, has a chance of success. Someone who just talks about the goal without the rest doesn't really want to achieve the goal; they merely want to have achieved it.0 -
Its an interesting question. Id say if I was placing bets then its quite easy to spot ones who I think will fail and ones who will do make target.
In terms on the this is the final time I mean business posts then i always ask why they didnt do it before and why this time will be different.0 -
I think it's hard to maintain a specific weight in the long-term by diligence or motivation or inspiration. At some point, we are all gonna relax, life will intervene, our mind will focus on other things.
"Lifestyle change" to me means implementing a series of habits that automates our goals, so that maintaining weight & health becomes simply the byproduct of doing something that you either enjoy a lot and would do anyway, or is so much a part of your regularly routine that NOT doing it is more uncomfortable than doing it.
Finally, the simplest way to maintain weight is probably regularly stepping on the scale, and course-correct early before things get too drastic.
The less mental /emotional energy it takes up, and the more mindlessly we can do it, the easier it is to persist.
Hence why so many people can sit motionless in front of the tv for hours on end, watching trashy reality shows ;D If we can make our weight-maintaining routine as mindless as that, then we will be able to do it practically forever.0 -
There's really no way to tell. I've had friends who were in fitness for several years, don't see them for awhile and when I do, they've gained significant weight. There are also those who I've pre judged that I thought would fail right away and they've still carried on till today.
Really it's going to be entirely up to the person.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Also, for what it's worth, no matter how you start out or what your initial mindset is, it's an ongoing thing. A forever thing, really. It's not like you make it past a certain point and you've done it and are forever saved. I started losing weight in February 2009 and have maintained my weight loss for about 3 years and I still feel like it's something I have to be cognizant of all the time. Not in an obsessive way, but I'm not "cured", it's not like I'm no longer capable of regaining weight.
You have to just make it a part of your life. It should not be the focal point of your life, but it should be something you work at and think about on a regular basis.0 -
Obviously I can't know whether someone will be successful or not, but the things that make me think they won't be successful (however right or wrong I may be in that regard) are phrases like "I'll try to" "I hope that" "I need to".
And if they make excuses, try to save face, are over-restrictive or demonize foods and food groups.
I dunno, I guess whenever I think someone is still dishing out the BS that I think they're not really ready to get serious and get real, basically.0 -
Who can tell online? Cockiness is almost always a sure sign that someone will fail. Not confidence or even arrogance, but cockiness. "I've got this!" means they generally don't. Ditto the people who gain and lose repeatedly but swear that NOW they are doing it for real and THIS TIME they know everything and will never gain again. Maybe they're right, but maybe they're not. Refusing to consider that they might not be right...cocky, IMO.
I've been in a lot of situations where failure was possible for a group. The cocky ones - in the movies, they always triumph, but in real life, they're always the ones who fail and in their head it's always some excuse, some outside force that was beyond their control. But the truth is always that they didn't prepare, they didn't plan. They assumed what they were doing was good enough because it had worked so far...but it wasn't.
These are the people who, in college, were saying, "She didn't cover that in class!" and "There is too much to read!" and "This isn't math class! Why are doing so much math?!" and "I would've known what that slide was! She doesn't leave them up long enough!" ... but they had time to go out drinking or go to Mexico over break instead of studying. They make fun of the serious students for being so disciplined. They're so much cooler, going to parties. Then a pop quiz arrives and Egads! That's not fair!
In their heads, it's never their own fault. Colleges have classes designed to weed those people out. Organic Chem arrives and they drop like flies. Flunk, flunk, flunk.
Life weeds people out, too. "Good enough" often isn't.
Be serious. Plan for possibilities and failure. Do the very best you can. Good enough doesn't cut it when the going gets tough.
Very true!! You raise very good points. Excuse after excuse or use the ol' find someone (or something) else to blame for your own shortcomings. Thank you. That's helpful.
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The only "clues" I see amongst people who have been successful at losing (and somewhat maintaining) are consistency and persistence. It's not about eating a certain way, or saying the "right" things. It's about figuring out what works for you, and sticking with it (consistency), but also acknowledging when you fail/derail and getting back with it (persistence).
I have some amazing people on my FL who have successfully lost weight, but who have also put some of that weight back on for various reasons (health issues, life changes, etc). They recognize when they mess up, and they acknowledge what they need to do to get back on track. The thing I really appreciate is that they are ok with being human - they don't treat things like getting so busy that you can't hit the gym for awhile, or being overwhelmed and making not-the-best food choices as excuses or character flaws. They focus on what they are managing to do to keep themselves on track and do the best they can, getting back on the plan later. But they never just give up completely, even if all they can manage at a given time is logging into this site.
Thank you.0 -
The so-called [url= wrote:"SMART criteria"[/url]—objectives should be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound—aren't the only criteria, but they're pretty good....
I have read this, also. It makes me wonder that those that have been successful, if they followed this.
[quote="The less mental /emotional energy it takes up, and the more mindlessly we can do it, the easier it is to persist. Hence why so many people can sit motionless in front of the tv for hours on end, watching trashy reality shows ;D If we can make our weight-maintaining routine as mindless as that, then we will be able to do it practically forever[/quote]
True statement!0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »I think most everyone means it. Unfortunately having the desire and intent doesn't mean you will succeed. Honestly, I think a lot of people fail because they try to change their lifestyle too much. They try to become someone they are not or perhaps don't even want to be.
The question shouldn't be what is the secret others have used for sustained weight loss. It should be, what is going to work for me long term? Can I live with these changes forever?
I sooo agree with this. That is the very reason I changed my weight loss goal from 1 lb a week to 1/2 lb per week, because I've lost and then regained the same 10 lbs over and over.
This time I looked back at the things that worked for me in the past such as some type of exercise every day, intermittent fasting, low carbs and have tried to incorporate a little bit of each in my daily routine, but without the turn your life upside down, all or nothing situations I put myself through before.
So far I'm doing quite well and without the grouchiness I used to have when on a "diet".
My plan, through trial and error is to come up with a sustainable program of food and exercise that I can follow for life to maintain my loss forever.
To say I'm going to work out 6 days a week and not eat ice cream is not only ludicrous, but also sounds like a life sentence instead of a life to me.
But first I have to lose the 10 lbs (3 1/2 lbs down. 6 1/2 lbs to go)!!!0 -
The so-called [url= wrote:"SMART criteria"[/url]—objectives should be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound—aren't the only criteria, but they're pretty good....
I have read this, also. It makes me wonder that those that have been successful, if they followed this.
Whether I will maintain remains to be seen, but I did find that when I lost once before (maintained for 5 years, I think I understand why I regained, but am wary that it could happen again) and this time I did basically those things, although I only read about SMART goals later.
When I tried and didn't stick with it, I didn't.
I describe this difference as making the goals concrete and specific vs. not. Anyway, in my experience it's a good approach (and one I stumbled on by basically deciding to apply what had worked for me in other endeavors that took effort over time to weight loss).0 -
Everyone means it. I meant it every time I said it. I just didn't have the discipline / willpower whatever else to accomplish it, it just wasn't THAT important to me even though I THOUGHT it was. Once I actually started to get fit and lose weight, I realized what it meant to really want it and go for it. There were factors in my life that lead to me not being able to accomplish before, but in the end, I made it happen this time whether things were stressing me out, i was depressed, i had too much on my plate, whatever held me back before. It all comes down to your state of mind, and actually just doing it.0
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PeachyCarol wrote: »Answer this question... why are you fat?
Because I eat and drink more calories than I should on a routine basis.
Now, it's your turn. Didn't your mom ever tell you it's not nice to ask a question with a question?
Well, there's a lot of excuse making people who aren't ready to lose weight engage in.
That's just the first in a long line of questions. Generally, I can tell the people in my feed who just get down to business and do it, though. However, on the forums? There are a lot of tells, and if a lot of us more seasoned members got together, we could probably come up with a questionnaire that might come close to being predictive.
Next question: why do you eat and drink more calories than you need on a routine basis?
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lemurcat12 wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Talk is cheap----just do it. Then you'll be a success.
Exactly. Just do it. Research shows that talking about it and telling people your goals can be counter productive. Something about how getting praise for deciding to make a change rather than actually making a change.
It's best to keep quiet and let the results speak for themselves.
Can you link the research to which you refer? I've heard the opposite.
There's a TED talk on it: http://www.ted.com/talks/derek_sivers_keep_your_goals_to_yourself?language=en
It was discussed on a podcast I listen to, but I haven't actually listened, so have no opinion.
(I do find that telling people my goals generally doesn't help me. Making them concrete to myself does.)
I'm different with fitness goals. I'm okay discussing them. I've been more close-lipped about weight. I think it's because my fitness stuff is tied into my medical conditions/limitations somewhat.
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This is my question right here @PeachyCarol. This is where I think most people fail.
I eat and drink more than I need on a regular basis because it is soothing and makes me feel good while I'm doing it.
The question after that is How can you stop eating and drinking more calories than you need on a regular basis? Obvious answer is willpower, but I think this is where the big behavior change has to come in.0 -
DeguelloTex wrote: »I've got this!
One man's cockiness is another's confidence. Perception is everything.
I've got this too, even though I'm not at goal yet. I know I've formed habits and have skills in place should one or more of those habits need to fall by the wayside.
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Hi Cocates! I hesitated on responding. We used to be friends on here. I know many people have lots of friends but I always liked to keep my list to people who are continuously active and have the same perspectives on weight loss/maintenance that I do.
Honestly, it's for selfish reasons. They are the ones who keep me going and motivate me. I am very likely to slip and I need these people. I am sorry you are still having a hard time. I really am. To answer your question I have found those who are successful seem to:
-never miss a day of logging
-don't talk about cleanses, fasting, diet pills, herbalife etc...
-Do not eat at huge deficits, then binge after 3 days because they are famished.
-Oddly, are not as "vocal" on my newsfeed. All of the sudden I see their progress and check out their diaries and they are stellar.
-have open diaries.
-no time line to their weight loss
_those who say no more sugar, or no carbs etc...
"The less mental /emotional energy it takes up, and the more mindlessly we can do it, the easier it is to persist. Hence why so many people can sit motionless in front of the tv for hours on end, watching trashy reality shows ;D If we can make our weight-maintaining routine as mindless as that, then we will be able to do it practically forever
this is very true. Logging my daily calories takes no time at all. For me, it has become mindless
Anywho, I hope you are well and get where you want to be someday.
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The ones who I see fail, or quit, or... whatever... are the ones who haven't made their health a priority. The ones who think waiting 6,12,18,24 months is too long to lose the weight (whether its 20 pounds or 200 pounds). These are the same ones who (typically but not always) 'try' time and time again, but who let excuses stop them. Whether its money, or moving, or a death in the family, or school, or work, or WHATEVER... impede them. They essentially don't take responsibility for their own well being.
On the flip side, I also see a lot of ones give up because they go SO gung ho at the beginning. Like someone else said, almost that 'cockiness'. Then their weight stalls or slows down and they lose steam and get depressed or start having cheat days or weeks or months and then.... poof... theyre gone.
This isn't a race. In my case, it took me many years to creep up to 260 pounds, and as much as i would LIKE for it to all fall off quickly, with only 50 left to lose now... its much slower. And I'm totally cool with that cause I actually (most days) feel good about myself (now if only i could get over the whole body dysmophia thing and SEE what everyone else does LOL!) I've gone through 2 moves, 2 deaths (caring for grandparents essentially in hospice), working full time and owning a business, having a husband who is disabled and in severely failing health, a teenager (2 at one time- we had a foster for about a year) and a 9 year old and a zoo of 13 animals at last count. None of it - NONE OF IT- stopped me from doing what i NEEDED to do. BECAUSE I MAKE MYSELF A PRIORITY.
When I hear people say they are 'too busy' to count calories or exercise or whatever... I stop reading. Because if *I* can make time with the chaos that IS my life.... ANYONE.CAN.0 -
Another thing: "I need friends to support me!" Support is wonderful to give and receive and I believe it's really helpful. Very pro on support. It's the "need" part.
Support is the icing on the cake, not the cake. If you actually need other people to "keep me motivated," that's a problem. Motivation can't be received, borrowed, bought or stolen. It has to come from within. If you're not motivated, you won't succeed. That goes for everything.
Support is wonderful, but don't count on that.
I think that's why posts saying, "I need friends to keep me motivated!" get the fewest responses. Everyone is pretty sure that person is not serious and that they destined to fail and nobody wants to be involved with it. Or maybe everyone has too many friends on their list and doesn't want another, lol. I dunno.0 -
Another thing: "I need friends to support me!" Support is wonderful to give and receive and I believe it's really helpful. Very pro on support. It's the "need" part.
Support is the icing on the cake, not the cake. If you actually need other people to "keep me motivated," that's a problem. Motivation can't be received, borrowed, bought or stolen. It has to come from within. If you're not motivated, you won't succeed. That goes for everything.
Support is wonderful, but don't count on that.
I think that's why posts saying, "I need friends to keep me motivated!" get the fewest responses. Everyone is pretty sure that person is not serious and that they destined to fail and nobody wants to be involved with it. Or maybe everyone has too many friends on their list and doesn't want another, lol. I dunno.
right on!
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PeachyCarol wrote: »lemurcat12 wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Talk is cheap----just do it. Then you'll be a success.
Exactly. Just do it. Research shows that talking about it and telling people your goals can be counter productive. Something about how getting praise for deciding to make a change rather than actually making a change.
It's best to keep quiet and let the results speak for themselves.
Can you link the research to which you refer? I've heard the opposite.
There's a TED talk on it: http://www.ted.com/talks/derek_sivers_keep_your_goals_to_yourself?language=en
It was discussed on a podcast I listen to, but I haven't actually listened, so have no opinion.
(I do find that telling people my goals generally doesn't help me. Making them concrete to myself does.)
I'm different with fitness goals. I'm okay discussing them. I've been more close-lipped about weight. I think it's because my fitness stuff is tied into my medical conditions/limitations somewhat.
Telling people my fitness goals doesn't hurt me, but it doesn't seem to help either. I do it because it's fun to talk about with others, though. (Same with weight loss stuff re people here, but not because it keeps me accountable, but that it helps keep me thinking of it as fun.)
With weight loss offline I'm super private.
It kind of relates to drinking to me -- I promised people that I was quitting a number of times before I actually did (well, I stopped and then started again), and then when I actually did I figured I had no credibility so I just stopped without making any promises or representations other than to myself.
In fact, in all of these cases I made promises to myself, and that's what mattered ultimately, that and focusing on the specific steps in the plan for achieving them.
I think this is why I always find it puzzling when people talk about having an open diary so we can be accountable to each other, or some such. I'm not interested in others holding me accountable and others commenting on my eating choices doesn't help (or hurt, although depending on the specifics it can be annoying or flattering). But I am always accountable to myself.
In some ways announcing a plan and not achieving it would likely be worse for me than having something I was trying to accomplish and not feeling tied into doing it a specific way or being a failure. (I wonder if that's why telling goals can be counterproductive -- the sense that once you slip up at all you didn't do it so might as well give up?)0 -
Another thing: "I need friends to support me!" Support is wonderful to give and receive and I believe it's really helpful. Very pro on support. It's the "need" part.
Support is the icing on the cake, not the cake. If you actually need other people to "keep me motivated," that's a problem. Motivation can't be received, borrowed, bought or stolen. It has to come from within. If you're not motivated, you won't succeed. That goes for everything.
Support is wonderful, but don't count on that.
I think that's why posts saying, "I need friends to keep me motivated!" get the fewest responses. Everyone is pretty sure that person is not serious and that they destined to fail and nobody wants to be involved with it. Or maybe everyone has too many friends on their list and doesn't want another, lol. I dunno.
Yes, I think determination to lose weight has to come from within and that "I need friends to support me!" could be an indicator that the poster will struggle.
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