Seasoned MFPers: Clues on how you know someone says they will change their lifestyle and MEAN it?!

auddii

Kalikel wrote: »

Another thing: "I need friends to support me!" Support is wonderful to give and receive and I believe it's really helpful. Very pro on support. It's the "need" part.

Support is the icing on the cake, not the cake. If you actually need other people to "keep me motivated," that's a problem. Motivation can't be received, borrowed, bought or stolen. It has to come from within. If you're not motivated, you won't succeed. That goes for everything.

Support is wonderful, but don't count on that.

I think that's why posts saying, "I need friends to keep me motivated!" get the fewest responses. Everyone is pretty sure that person is not serious and that they destined to fail and nobody wants to be involved with it. Or maybe everyone has too many friends on their list and doesn't want another, lol. I dunno.

I never understood the "friend me" thing (although there is that one post that has like 1.2k posts looking for friends). My oldest friends I met when I joined a group of people with similar interests to me (stronglifts). As I started posting more on the forums, people I interacted with more would send friend requests. And I got a lot from running some challenges. Do I need the support from my friends?

Nope. Is it great that I get it? Absolutely.

I guess I don't really understand this post OP. I worry about myself, and don't really care if others are going to "do it" this time or not. I'll support them either way.

If you're looking for how to recognize in yourself if you actually going to do it this time? It really is a mentality. Sadly, I kind of view it like people seeing "the matrix" for the first time (ala, there is no spoon). So many people complain about falling off the wagon, blah, blah. There is no wagon. There is each and every day, and I must wake up and try to make myself and my life better. If I have a bad day, I need to pick up right where I left off the next day and wallow in pity. If I fail multiple days in a row, I need to be analyzing why I'm failing to hit my goals and implement a plan for handling similar problems in the future.

A lot of it is a passive mindset versus and active one. So many people see it as things happening to them; I see it as things that I am doing wrong (or right).

Need2Exerc1se

I tell anyone who wants to listen about my diet and fitness plans. I like when people ask me about it.

PeachyCarol

Someone touched earlier on the idea of people who make sustainable changes being most likely to succeed. I'd like to add that those I see forming healthy habits with food and fitness being most likely to as well.

If you go to the National Weight Control Registry, there are findings on successful losers and maintainers. They all have some factors in common. I think it's easy to spot people who are on the same path.

Another thing I'd like to touch on is an earlier post Tex made. Anyone who is saying that it's sugar, carbs, fat, bread, chocolate, soda? I know they're not there yet. They might think they are, but they're just putting band-aids on a disease. They haven't treated the source of the problem yet.

MarcyKirkton

Lifestyle change takes lifelong commitment.

ManiacalLaugh

I had so many late nights when I'd lay awake after deciding "I'm going to do it this time! I'm going eat (such and such), workout every day, get up early...!" etc. I'd hype myself up, end up staying awake for too long, and wake up late the next day, wanting to reach for the first thing in the kitchen because (such and such) was too inconvenient and I was too tired and hungry. I actually began my longest success when I, one random day, just decided I wasn't going to eat as much as I had been. No pronouncement, no hyped-up planning session with unreasonable expectations, just not eating as much.

I think a lot of new users and people new to losing weight start out using motivation as a crutch for success. But relying on the excitement of motivation is relying on an emotional high. Emotional highs are fickle things. That's the funny thing about any commitment (love, losing weight, our jobs, etc.). Sometimes we just don't want to do it anymore - that's where commitment comes in because we just keep doing it anyway.

So - I see all these threads like "Motivate me!", "Let's Motivate Each Other!", "I'm Excited! Let's Do This!" and, though I genuinely hope they do well, I get the impression they're going to quickly fall off the wagon. Chances are, we're seeing a moment in their lives when they're feeling the high, but if they kick-start on that high, IMO, they're going to be likely to fail once it disappears.

On the other hand, I feel as though posters who are posting with questions indicating they genuinely want help is a sign they might be ready for a long-term effort. People who ask questions, accept advice and criticisms regarding what they're doing - those are signs that the person really wants to learn, and if they're putting in the effort to become educated, then it's a better indication they're serious.

Kalikel

That's interesting because I'm cocky...

1. Normal BMI. Down 92 pounds and Yes, still have more to go.
2. Not trying to find a man online. Good God. No. Badgering? Rules? Do you think I'm someone I'm not?

Hate away. Online nastiness won't hurt me or stop me from accomplishing my goals.

MKEgal

When the person realizes that _they_ are the reason they're fat.
Not blaming it on medicine, or their spouse who likes to eat, or a hormone problem.
The only reason people gain weight is because someone eats more than they burn.
Period.
When someone admits that to him/herself, they will be successful at losing weight. (If that's what they want.)

Kalikel

UltimateRBF wrote: »

Kalikel wrote: »

Who can tell online? Cockiness is almost always a sure sign that someone will fail. Not confidence or even arrogance, but cockiness. "I've got this!" means they generally don't. Ditto the people who gain and lose repeatedly but swear that NOW they are doing it for real and THIS TIME they know everything and will never gain again. Maybe they're right, but maybe they're not. Refusing to consider that they might not be right...cocky, IMO.

I've been in a lot of situations where failure was possible for a group. The cocky ones - in the movies, they always triumph, but in real life, they're always the ones who fail and in their head it's always some excuse, some outside force that was beyond their control. But the truth is always that they didn't prepare, they didn't plan. They assumed what they were doing was good enough because it had worked so far...but it wasn't.

These are the people who, in college, were saying, "She didn't cover that in class!" and "There is too much to read!" and "This isn't math class! Why are doing so much math?!" and "I would've known what that slide was! She doesn't leave them up long enough!" ... but they had time to go out drinking or go to Mexico over break instead of studying. They make fun of the serious students for being so disciplined. They're so much cooler, going to parties. Then a pop quiz arrives and Egads! That's not fair!

In their heads, it's never their own fault. Colleges have classes designed to weed those people out. Organic Chem arrives and they drop like flies. Flunk, flunk, flunk.

Life weeds people out, too. "Good enough" often isn't.

Be serious. Plan for possibilities and failure. Do the very best you can. Good enough doesn't cut it when the going gets tough.

I mean no disrespect when I say I'm not really sure what you're talking about here. With your frequent references to loud cockiness it sounds a lot like you're attempting to call someone or a group of people out.

No. I don't call people out. I have no interest in getting into some insane online fight.

The people I'm generally thinking of are fly-bys. They don't hang around. They post this stuff...sometimes here, but usually in Getting Started and Introduce Yourself. I see it and think, "Doubtful" about their success. But, like I said, I don't know, I can't tell who will and won't succeed and I hope the very best for everyone.

I'm not thinking of any single person and was NOT referring to the little group here who likes to make fun of me. I don't have to call them out, lol. If I say anything at all, they insult it. No need for calling out, even were I to wish to get involved in a fight.

LivingtheLeanDream

No there are no clues as to whether a person saying it's different this time round, time will tell if so

I would say 80% of my mfp friends have not kept up the lifestyle and it's a vicious cycle of lose and gain.

For some of us the penny just drops, we get it, we want it bad enough to do what it takes and have patience. We have to form lasting habits that'll see us keep the weight off.

For me I'll always have to be mindful of how much I eat but I now move loads.

It really is as simple as calories in/ calories out.

I started my weight loss journey 3 years ago and have maintained my loss for 2 years+ now, to me that's success. But I won't just rest on my laurels, I will always be mindful and keep on running

999tigger

I really think some of them stick put like sore thumbs as to be more likely to fail as they display common traits.
In contrasts I'd put money on the ones who show other traits, such as knowing what they are doing and giving you an incling they have a measure realistic patient approach.

Ninkyou

Ask yourself if what you're doing is sustainable for the long term. Can I or will I eat this way for the rest of my life? If not, then the probability of being successful is slim.

Just my opinion though.
I've been on MFP for a little over 2 years. I lost 57 lbs and then got pregnant. Continued to log, had my baby, lost my pregnancy weight plus an additional 12. I've gone from losing, to maintaining, to gaining, to losing again. Everything I have done up until this point has been purposefully and sustainable. If life throws me a curveball, I just keep on keeping on. This isn't some temporary thing to be tossed away when I'm through with it; It's my life.

afatpersonwholikesfood

Wait, are we talking about success in terms of losing weight or maintaining that weight years (5-10) out? Losing weight, to me, isn't how success is defined - though it is still a hard won accomplishment. Just wondering based on some of the comments.

faurotann

girlwithcurls2 wrote: »

Kalikel wrote: »

Who can tell online? Cockiness is almost always a sure sign that someone will fail. Not confidence or even arrogance, but cockiness. "I've got this!" means they generally don't. Ditto the people who gain and lose repeatedly but swear that NOW they are doing it for real and THIS TIME they know everything and will never gain again. Maybe they're right, but maybe they're not. Refusing to consider that they might not be right...cocky, IMO.

I've been in a lot of situations where failure was possible for a group. The cocky ones - in the movies, they always triumph, but in real life, they're always the ones who fail and in their head it's always some excuse, some outside force that was beyond their control. But the truth is always that they didn't prepare, they didn't plan. They assumed what they were doing was good enough because it had worked so far...but it wasn't.

These are the people who, in college, were saying, "She didn't cover that in class!" and "There is too much to read!" and "This isn't math class! Why are doing so much math?!" and "I would've known what that slide was! She doesn't leave them up long enough!" ... but they had time to go out drinking or go to Mexico over break instead of studying. They make fun of the serious students for being so disciplined. They're so much cooler, going to parties. Then a pop quiz arrives and Egads! That's not fair!

In their heads, it's never their own fault. Colleges have classes designed to weed those people out. Organic Chem arrives and they drop like flies. Flunk, flunk, flunk.

Life weeds people out, too. "Good enough" often isn't.

Be serious. Plan for possibilities and failure. Do the very best you can. Good enough doesn't cut it when the going gets tough.

Did we go to college together?? I feel like I've been ratted out...

Seriously, this is all true. Plus, for me, I get complacent. I did the work, lost the weight, and maybe stopped working so hard. Or, I allow myself extra calories, but since I'm not logging, they are without a doubt more than I realize.

faurotann

Yes. College. It reminded me of when I was in college and some people didn't have to work at all to succeed. Same thing with dieting. It looks so easy for some people. Why do I have to work so hard?

lorrpb

Some posts are obvious "not too serious" red flags, but lots of others you can't really tell. It is a long journey and a lot can happen. I prefer to think the best of everyone's intentions. Good luck to all who are on this path.