Seasoned MFPers: Clues on how you know someone says they will change their lifestyle and MEAN it?!
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PeachyCarol wrote: »lemurcat12 wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Talk is cheap----just do it. Then you'll be a success.
Exactly. Just do it. Research shows that talking about it and telling people your goals can be counter productive. Something about how getting praise for deciding to make a change rather than actually making a change.
It's best to keep quiet and let the results speak for themselves.
Can you link the research to which you refer? I've heard the opposite.
There's a TED talk on it: http://www.ted.com/talks/derek_sivers_keep_your_goals_to_yourself?language=en
It was discussed on a podcast I listen to, but I haven't actually listened, so have no opinion.
(I do find that telling people my goals generally doesn't help me. Making them concrete to myself does.)
I'm different with fitness goals. I'm okay discussing them. I've been more close-lipped about weight. I think it's because my fitness stuff is tied into my medical conditions/limitations somewhat.
I'm ok with talking about them, ie having everyday-type conversations. I think it's the people that get up and shout, 'LOOK WHAT IMMA DO ERRBODY!' that are less likely to succeed.
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I think those with "the buck stops here" mentality who haven't changed their environment and the foods they eat to make it as easy and effortless as possible to not gain weight have a much harder time of it in the long run.0
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How much work have they put in before posting the very first comment or question in this section? If they have done the work to research, they are not going to ask the same questions we see here almost daily nor are they going to complain about not losing before they have tightened up their logging issues. They have realistic expectations and they aren't looking for the "magic", just details on how to eat less and/or move more?0
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Pandapotato wrote: »The word "try" is a pretty big red flag. You don't have to TRY to lose weight, simply say you WILL lose weight if you're actually committed. (Also cant stand when people say they've "tried" everything. Diets aren't a pair of pants you put on and take off, you commit to them.)
^^^^This I LIKE.....the one's that fail are often in this mindset that they are doing the 'lifestyle change' and it's temporary....it isn't....it's forever and I think that for many that foreverness is daunting and overwhelming.
The glory of losing the weight fades into the just the daily grind of maintenance....people glorify being motivated like some pimped out fad diet guru....We readily buy into the scams of doing X for X amount of weeks losing X amount of weight and then what.....????
Then comes patience, persistence and daily commitment to the new you.
Whatever you do eating wise and exercise wise it has to be long-term ie life time sustainable, achievable and enjoyable....You also have to be able to be flexible. Your needs and desires change over time and as you age, you may face injury, life stresses and huge upheaval.
Lots of us here struggle with health problems that would make many cringe but that hasn't become an excuse to fail.....rather it has become a reason to shine, rise above the situation and be very bloody inventive particularly where exercise is concerned. All of these life events have to be dealt with without resorting to making them your next excuse as to why you failed and regained all, if not more weight.
Everyone bar non who is successful on MFP has found their way....they have either dealt with their demons beforehand, make a point to deal with said demons whenever they pop up (never using them as reasons to back away from their weight goals) and they do whatever they need to do to reach their goals and they do it EVERY SINGLE DAY.....does it get boring? Yeah sometimes. Is it hard? For sure....but none of them give up.
I see a very Amercian expression here often and it applies to all that are successful and you spot them a mile off and you know that they have "Got This".
You can too.
All the best.
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UltimateRBF wrote: »Well good for you. You sound very proud of yourself and you should be. And thanks for your empathy. I'll struggle on. Sigh.
Edit: I do think it's harder for some people than it is for me. I do put work into it and it rubs me wrong when you dismiss my comments as complaints and excuses.
This....isn't all about you.
Or about how easy it is.0 -
afatpersonwholikesfood wrote: »Wait, are we talking about success in terms of losing weight or maintaining that weight years (5-10) out? Losing weight, to me, isn't how success is defined - though it is still a hard won accomplishment. Just wondering based on some of the comments.
I'm talking about both.
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AlabasterVerve wrote: »I think those with "the buck stops here" mentality who haven't changed their environment and the foods they eat to make it as easy and effortless as possible to not gain weight have a much harder time of it in the long run.
I think the exact opposite. I live in a big, wide world that isn't going to change to accommodate me. I need to learn to deal with it. So does every other person with issues with food.
While you can control your own environment, you can't control the world around you. I didn't need to change the foods I ate at all. The effort I needed to make was in changing how much of those foods I ate. I needed to learn to eat an amount that was appropriate for my age and the size I want to be. Super simple.
I changed, not the food.
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I was talking about both too.
You need to lose the weight before you can maintain the loss, after all.0 -
GBrady43068 wrote: »1) Figure out what your biggest "trigger" is and work on eliminating it from ready availability. Mine is ice cream...even if it's a 300 calorie hit...is way better than about 1000 for a whole pint.
2) Make SMALL changes that you can stick to and build on. Don't say "Tomorrow, I will work out for an hour, cut my calorie intake and drink more water." Say "I will not take the elevator this week at all and use the stairs instead." or "I will not have any day this week where I do no physical activity at all." As you make one thing a habit, add another.
3) Make use of the challenge threads here..they tend to be good motivators because they are short-term focus with a definite deadline. There are running challenges, step challenges, walking challenges...whatever you think you might be interested in doing there's probably a challenge for it.
4) When you do eat "bad" foods (I hate that term), meaning ones that are high in calories, savor them and truly enjoy them..work on not wolfing them down. That helps to lay better habits overall with food.
5) Come up with non-food rewards you can give yourself for meeting certain goals...whether it's climbing to your 4th floor job on the stairs without getting winded or losing your first 20 pounds...or being able to run a 5K..whatever it is. Mine was a pair of good (breathable and comfy) running shorts.
6) Don't drink your calories...it's an easy way to blow through your allotment for the day. I almost never drink soda these days and alcohol even more rarely. When I do drink them I enjoy them without guilt but they are definitely not routine fare. The soda I had at a church event this Sunday was probably the first I'd had in close to a month.
7) The one I'm really bad at: Taking pictures often so you can see the progress you're making that might not be readily apparent on the scale. (smaller neck, fewer chins, waist shrinking, clothes fitting better, etc.)
1-7 - great ideas!!!!!!
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@faurotann I think that what is being talked about here in relation to the ease of losing weight is that @shell1005 has found 'her' way....she hasn't implied anything of the type of broad brush stroke that you are taking offence to that losing weight is "Easy per se". @PeachyCarol found hers too....so did @DeguelloTex.
What she has talked about is what the OP asked for was seasoned MFP'ers to respond with how they manage to create their success.....Shell has pointed out repeatedly that she finds losing as easy as gaining and like all the other successful people here it was when she applied the right strategies and understood herself that losing weight became easy.
I had to do the very same things - apply myself diligently to the excuses I used as to why I got fat, how was I going to stop the madness and move forward. I did anything and everything to deal with my specific needs and situation to make that weight loss happen and make it permanent.
Understanding where you are coming from is fundamental.....there is not point projecting your frustrations onto someone else because that just leaves you with less energy to deal with YOUR situation.
You do you. All the seasoned successful ones here did that....they did THEMSELVES.
This is a great topic don't derail it.
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kshama2001 wrote: »Another thing: "I need friends to support me!" Support is wonderful to give and receive and I believe it's really helpful. Very pro on support. It's the "need" part.
Support is the icing on the cake, not the cake. If you actually need other people to "keep me motivated," that's a problem. Motivation can't be received, borrowed, bought or stolen. It has to come from within. If you're not motivated, you won't succeed. That goes for everything.
Support is wonderful, but don't count on that.
I think that's why posts saying, "I need friends to keep me motivated!" get the fewest responses. Everyone is pretty sure that person is not serious and that they destined to fail and nobody wants to be involved with it. Or maybe everyone has too many friends on their list and doesn't want another, lol. I dunno.
Yes, I think determination to lose weight has to come from within and that "I need friends to support me!" could be an indicator that the poster will struggle.
Agree with this.0 -
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UltimateRBF wrote: »Well good for you. You sound very proud of yourself and you should be. And thanks for your empathy. I'll struggle on. Sigh.
Edit: I do think it's harder for some people than it is for me. I do put work into it and it rubs me wrong when you dismiss my comments as complaints and excuses.
This....isn't all about you.
Or about how easy it is.
Or how hard it is.
I find it incredibly easy to lose weight too. I'm sorry you take that personally.
I think you need to sit back and maybe reflect on why other people's experience rubs you the wrong way so much. You might not be as ready to make a sustainable change as you think you are.
One truth about this whole weight loss thing? It's not for delicate types. You have to be able to have inner strength and resolve. If you're so easily offended by someone else's experience, where are you going to find the fortitude to resist moments of weakness when they happen? Where are you going to find the determination to reinvent yourself as a fit person with good eating habits?
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It's hard to tell.
But yeah, the 'needing friends', people complaining that others are sabotaging them, people in denial about how much they really eat (doh), people not really willing to do what it takes or that 'need motivation'... it's just probably not going to happen. Or the 'all or nothing' kind who go from eating 4000 calories a day to 1200 calories a day and exercising an hour a day... I'm not sure how long they'll actually be able to stick to that...
Heck, I was so determined when I started, it was 'so easy' for me too, but now even though I've been maintaining my loss for over a year, I'm still struggling a lot... so yeah, you probably need a dose of realism and realize that it might not always be that easy and you'll really need some willpower to go through the tough parts (or whatever life throws your way too).0 -
PeachyCarol wrote: »PeachyCarol wrote: »Answer this question... why are you fat?
Because I eat and drink more calories than I should on a routine basis.
Now, it's your turn. Didn't your mom ever tell you it's not nice to ask a question with a question?
Well, there's a lot of excuse making people who aren't ready to lose weight engage in.
That's just the first in a long line of questions. Generally, I can tell the people in my feed who just get down to business and do it, though. However, on the forums? There are a lot of tells, and if a lot of us more seasoned members got together, we could probably come up with a questionnaire that might come close to being predictive.
Next question: why do you eat and drink more calories than you need on a routine basis?
I stopped making excuses and started being accountable about 3 do-overs ago.
I like food and drink. No matter how you slice it, I enjoy eating and drinking. It tastes good. It comforts me. It it makes me happy. Then, it makes me aggravated and feel like a failure once I'm stuffed and tired. It's like an instant gratification. Fighting that urge is difficult and seems like Mt Everest to overcome. Does that make sense?0 -
enterdanger wrote: »This is my question right here @PeachyCarol. This is where I think most people fail.
I eat and drink more than I need on a regular basis because it is soothing and makes me feel good while I'm doing it.
The question after that is How can you stop eating and drinking more calories than you need on a regular basis? Obvious answer is willpower, but I think this is where the big behavior change has to come in.
Yep. Just read your response after I replied to Carol.0 -
PeachyCarol wrote: »UltimateRBF wrote: »Well good for you. You sound very proud of yourself and you should be. And thanks for your empathy. I'll struggle on. Sigh.
Edit: I do think it's harder for some people than it is for me. I do put work into it and it rubs me wrong when you dismiss my comments as complaints and excuses.
This....isn't all about you.
Or about how easy it is.
Or how hard it is.
I find it incredibly easy to lose weight too. I'm sorry you take that personally.
I think you need to sit back and maybe reflect on why other people's experience rubs you the wrong way so much. You might not be as ready to make a sustainable change as you think you are.
One truth about this whole weight loss thing? It's not for delicate types. You have to be able to have inner strength and resolve. If you're so easily offended by someone else's experience, where are you going to find the fortitude to resist moments of weakness when they happen? Where are you going to find the determination to reinvent yourself as a fit person with good eating habits?
+10000
It IS hard....at times. You have to be prepared for that and take it on the chin.
You have to be prepared to manage the different sets of "HARDS" that spring up through the course of losing weight, moving more, maintaining etc etc ALL within the scope of the hards that the rest of life is going to randomly toss at you.....and not let those random non weight related issues become just another reason to pack back on the pounds again and fail at the 'latest' attempt of the new lifestyle.
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farfromthetree wrote: »Hi Cocates! I hesitated on responding. We used to be friends on here. I know many people have lots of friends but I always liked to keep my list to people who are continuously active and have the same perspectives on weight loss/maintenance that I do.
Honestly, it's for selfish reasons. They are the ones who keep me going and motivate me. I am very likely to slip and I need these people. I am sorry you are still having a hard time. I really am. To answer your question I have found those who are successful seem to:
-never miss a day of logging
-don't talk about cleanses, fasting, diet pills, herbalife etc...
-Do not eat at huge deficits, then binge after 3 days because they are famished.
-Oddly, are not as "vocal" on my newsfeed. All of the sudden I see their progress and check out their diaries and they are stellar.
-have open diaries.
-no time line to their weight loss
_those who say no more sugar, or no carbs etc...
"The less mental /emotional energy it takes up, and the more mindlessly we can do it, the easier it is to persist. Hence why so many people can sit motionless in front of the tv for hours on end, watching trashy reality shows ;D If we can make our weight-maintaining routine as mindless as that, then we will be able to do it practically forever
this is very true. Logging my daily calories takes no time at all. For me, it has become mindless
Anywho, I hope you are well and get where you want to be someday.
Hi there! I value your opinion and am appreciative of you and your helpfulness. Thank you for your response. It seems to be in line with the majority of what others are saying as well. Here's to hoping logging becomes as mindless as watching trash tv for me!! I hope you are doing well. I'm always glad to see posts from you. 0 -
PeachyCarol wrote: »While you can control your own environment, you can't control the world around you.
This is so true. It was never the foods I kept at home that were an issue for me. It was the food at work and impulse purchases and restaurants I still go to, since a lot of my friends really like trying new restaurants and going back to our favorite local places. I had to learn how to deal.
I do think we have to think about how to make this easy on ourselves -- I did that -- but I can't isolate myself away from temptation.0 -
I tend to really beloieve people when they stop looking for "motivation", stop looking for external sources to give them a push, stop looking for quick fixes, extreme diets, supplements, snake oil and miracles and just commit to getting the job done.0
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PeachyCarol wrote: »PeachyCarol wrote: »Answer this question... why are you fat?
Because I eat and drink more calories than I should on a routine basis.
Now, it's your turn. Didn't your mom ever tell you it's not nice to ask a question with a question?
Well, there's a lot of excuse making people who aren't ready to lose weight engage in.
That's just the first in a long line of questions. Generally, I can tell the people in my feed who just get down to business and do it, though. However, on the forums? There are a lot of tells, and if a lot of us more seasoned members got together, we could probably come up with a questionnaire that might come close to being predictive.
Next question: why do you eat and drink more calories than you need on a routine basis?
I stopped making excuses and started being accountable about 3 do-overs ago.
I like food and drink. No matter how you slice it, I enjoy eating and drinking. It tastes good. It comforts me. It it makes me happy. Then, it makes me aggravated and feel like a failure once I'm stuffed and tired. It's like an instant gratification. Fighting that urge is difficult and seems like Mt Everest to overcome. Does that make sense?
Yes, it does make sense, so it sounds like you still have some digging and work to do. I used to tie food to my emotions too.
It took me some really deep thinking to realize that I was afraid of my emotions and a lot of digging into the past to realize why that was. It wasn't until I unraveled all of that that I was finally ready to really do this for good.
I'm in charge of my emotions, no longer afraid of my feelings, and don't feel the need to turn to food to feel or to numb feeling. I enjoy food, but it's not tied into my emotions any more.
I know this is sort of vague, but individual situations will vary.
I will take this opportunity to say that it's deep down reasons like this which get me annoyed with simplistic one-size fits all explanations for overeating. Emotional reasons are far too often overlooked, and they're quite common, at least among the women I know. They are also far more difficult to get to the root of and conquer, and they are quite challenging.
I wish anyone dealing with them the best.
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Whenever I see someone post about somebody else sabotaging them or not supporting them, I immediately think it is 99% likely that person is going to fail. They just aren't ready to take personal responsibility. Same thing when I see someone ask how to get motivated, or say they needs more friends on the site to help motivate them. Same thing when people get stressed out and upset about going to a restaurant with no calorie information....you can't sit in your own home 24/7 forever and must be able to improvise and adapt.
I also have serious doubts (although not 99%) about the people who refuse to exercise. Yes, you can lose weight without exercise. But I think if you are truly committed to your health, you would want to exercise regularly. And statistics show people who exercise are much more likely to maintain what they do lose, so the evidence seems to support my theory.
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Am I making it hard for you? I doubt it. It's those other factors that sometimes get in the way that make it hard. Not just for you but for everybody. And I'd say you're making quite a leap to say that I'm not putting the hard work in.Yes. College. It reminded me of when I was in college and some people didn't have to work at all to succeed. Same thing with dieting. It looks so easy for some people. Why do I have to work so hard?
Weight loss is easy for me. However, I also work really hard at it...and am dedicated to it. That is what makes it easy.
Nope. Sorry. Not buying it. It weight loss was easy for you you would never have gotten overweight. Becoming overweight is easy.
I don't really care what you buy or not. Losing weight is easy for me. Gaining weight is also easy. I stopped putting the hard work I referenced above into it. When I do the work....I lose the weight, like clockwork. It's easy. It's simple. It doesn't mean I always did the easy and simple since other factors sometimes get in the way of the easy and simple. But if you having to make it hard for me to explain your not putting the hard work in, that's cool. Whatever you gotta do.
@faurotann, I think you would enjoy reading this user's blog posts. He writes a lot about the challenges of weight loss beyond simply creating a calorie deficit.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/sidesteel0 -
Sidesteel makes my point much better than I do.
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UltimateRBF wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Talk is cheap----just do it. Then you'll be a success.
Yep. Less talking, more doing.
Yep - this ^^
For me, weight loss is just something I am doing right now. I'm also working, going to university, riding my bicycle, and getting dressed in the morning.
Maybe it also helps that I've been slender most of my life. A few times I've gained some weight ... and when it got to a certain point, I lost it again. Although losing weight has some difficult moments, it's really not that big of a deal. Much the same as when you need a new skill for work, you go back to school and get it. Doing that will likely have some difficult moments, but you get through them.
I'll add this ... right now the grad course I'm taking is WAY more difficult than losing weight. Losing weight is a walk in the park by comparison.
I am working on this course every single evening, 7 days a week, from about 7:30 pm to about 1:30 am, then I'm catching a few hours of sleep before I have to get up and go to work at my full-time job. The course contains material I only partially understand, so I have to go over and over and over it to try to get it ... and complete the assignments, quizzes, etc.
By comparison, losing weight involves eating foods I love (just less of them) and getting a very welcome bit of fresh air and exercise whenever I can squeeze it in.
If I can work my way through these grad courses ... I can lose weight.
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I'm not sure which point you're making here.PeachyCarol wrote: »UltimateRBF wrote: »Well good for you. You sound very proud of yourself and you should be. And thanks for your empathy. I'll struggle on. Sigh.
Edit: I do think it's harder for some people than it is for me. I do put work into it and it rubs me wrong when you dismiss my comments as complaints and excuses.
This....isn't all about you.
Or about how easy it is.
Or how hard it is.
I find it incredibly easy to lose weight too. I'm sorry you take that personally.
I think you need to sit back and maybe reflect on why other people's experience rubs you the wrong way so much. You might not be as ready to make a sustainable change as you think you are.
One truth about this whole weight loss thing? It's not for delicate types. You have to be able to have inner strength and resolve. If you're so easily offended by someone else's experience, where are you going to find the fortitude to resist moments of weakness when they happen? Where are you going to find the determination to reinvent yourself as a fit person with good eating habits?
It's so incredibly easy that you need to be strong, resolved and determined because...? I'd think "because it isn't incredibly easy," if it weren't for the first bit.
For me, it's both. Like most new endeavors, it's not as easy as it looks, but it's not as hard as it first seems. That's how it's been for me, anyway. Terribly difficult at first, lots of ups and downs, then - finally! - in a good place where it's not too tough. Still not "incredibly easy", but not too tough.
This is not to say I don't believe others find it incredibly easy. If they say so, I believe them. They're the lucky ones, though. For many of us, it's a long slog. For most people - with the exception of all the MFPers who will now say that losing weight is the easiest thing they ever did - it's not easy, much less incredibly easy. But I believe it IS for some people and am not calling anyone a liar.
I thought math was easy and have spent my whole life listening to people say it isn't. Different things are harder/easier for different people. I get that.
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I think the people who try to get by by changing their environment will have a much harder time of it in the long run because the rest of the world isn't going to change to accommodate their whims. Those who think the buck stops here can stop that buck regardless of what the rest of the world does or doesn't do.AlabasterVerve wrote: »I think those with "the buck stops here" mentality who haven't changed their environment and the foods they eat to make it as easy and effortless as possible to not gain weight have a much harder time of it in the long run.
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