Setting goals
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I think you can work on many habits at once. I'm a user of Habitica as well (which turns habits into a game where you "level up" by doing the things you intend to do).
What I'd say, though:
1. Be specific. Set a crystal-clear target. For example, maybe "no more 5 ounces of wine per day" or "no more than 20 ounces of wine per week" or whatever it is for you.
2. Have a good reason, something that really motivates and drives you, behind the changes you want to make. Think about how these changes makes your life better - maybe it's setting a good example for your kids, or something else that really deeply resonates with you.
3. Keep track of how you're doing. Don't beat yourself up over failures, but analyze them. How could you have been successful? What strategies will you use next time you're tempted to break one of your desired habits?
4. Plan in advance on how you will meet your goals. If you aim to have 1400 calories or whatever per day, plan your meal the night before, make the math work, and don't eat one bite less than you intended. Planning is critical to successfully executing.0 -
rankinsect wrote: »I think you can work on many habits at once. I'm a user of Habitica as well (which turns habits into a game where you "level up" by doing the things you intend to do).
What I'd say, though:
1. Be specific. Set a crystal-clear target. For example, maybe "no more 5 ounces of wine per day" or "no more than 20 ounces of wine per week" or whatever it is for you.
2. Have a good reason, something that really motivates and drives you, behind the changes you want to make. Think about how these changes makes your life better - maybe it's setting a good example for your kids, or something else that really deeply resonates with you.
3. Keep track of how you're doing. Don't beat yourself up over failures, but analyze them. How could you have been successful? What strategies will you use next time you're tempted to break one of your desired habits?
4. Plan in advance on how you will meet your goals. If you aim to have 1400 calories or whatever per day, plan your meal the night before, make the math work, and don't eat one bite less than you intended. Planning is critical to successfully executing.
Again I wish there was a like button. Good advise0 -
But are you going to take any of it?
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Wine definitely substitutes for energy boost from food. Food would interfere with my buzz. lol (Like I said, recovering alcoholic here.)
I did crave sugar when I quit drinking. Hard candies helped.0 -
OP I know you said you've been talking to your therapist but did you share these goals with your family? When you drink wine does your husband usually drink with you? Does he know your struggles to reach a healthy amount of calories each day?
I think the more people you make yourself accountable to the better, especially if these people are around you every day and have a vested interest in you becoming the healthiest, happiest version of you that you can be...0 -
It typically takes at least three weeks for a new behavior or behavior change to become habitual. How about one every three weeks? One thing at a time, get it down solid and then build on it.0
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WinoGelato wrote: »OP I know you said you've been talking to your therapist but did you share these goals with your family? When you drink wine does your husband usually drink with you? Does he know your struggles to reach a healthy amount of calories each day?
I think the more people you make yourself accountable to the better, especially if these people are around you every day and have a vested interest in you becoming the healthiest, happiest version of you that you can be...
Ok this is hard to answer but since I have desided to stop being a jerk and be honest I will try. Does my husband drink wine with me. No. I normally have a glass or 2 while I cook dinner and clean up. It's my decompression time. No I do not want him to help . He is welcome to come and talk the kids normally do if they are around Not sure why or when it started but it's me time that includes them. Most other times it is all about them. Does my husband know I struggle to eat enough. No I am pretty sure he thinks I should loose weight and exercise more. As I think I mentioned before although I cook for everyone we do lot normally eat together and I very rarely eat what they eat. So that's it in a nut shell my husband is not really home very often. Think I saw him for 20 minutes today. He went with one kid I went with the other then I had a game he has a later game I will be sound asleep before he gets home and I will be at work before he gets up. He has to work a 24 tomorrow so he won't be home till Tuesday after I go to work. It sounds kinda crazy but it works0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »OP I know you said you've been talking to your therapist but did you share these goals with your family? When you drink wine does your husband usually drink with you? Does he know your struggles to reach a healthy amount of calories each day?
I think the more people you make yourself accountable to the better, especially if these people are around you every day and have a vested interest in you becoming the healthiest, happiest version of you that you can be...
Ok this is hard to answer but since I have desided to stop being a jerk and be honest I will try. Does my husband drink wine with me. No. I normally have a glass or 2 while I cook dinner and clean up. It's my decompression time. No I do not want him to help . He is welcome to come and talk the kids normally do if they are around Not sure why or when it started but it's me time that includes them. Most other times it is all about them. Does my husband know I struggle to eat enough. No I am pretty sure he thinks I should loose weight and exercise more. As I think I mentioned before although I cook for everyone we do lot normally eat together and I very rarely eat what they eat. So that's it in a nut shell my husband is not really home very often. Think I saw him for 20 minutes today. He went with one kid I went with the other then I had a game he has a later game I will be sound asleep before he gets home and I will be at work before he gets up. He has to work a 24 tomorrow so he won't be home till Tuesday after I go to work. It sounds kinda crazy but it works
Well on the plus side, I notice that your posts; seem more adult like currently. In a previous post you did mention, that it was like you were 16 again & your previous posts; seemed as though they were written by a teenager.0 -
MondayJune22nd2015 wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »OP I know you said you've been talking to your therapist but did you share these goals with your family? When you drink wine does your husband usually drink with you? Does he know your struggles to reach a healthy amount of calories each day?
I think the more people you make yourself accountable to the better, especially if these people are around you every day and have a vested interest in you becoming the healthiest, happiest version of you that you can be...
Ok this is hard to answer but since I have desided to stop being a jerk and be honest I will try. Does my husband drink wine with me. No. I normally have a glass or 2 while I cook dinner and clean up. It's my decompression time. No I do not want him to help . He is welcome to come and talk the kids normally do if they are around Not sure why or when it started but it's me time that includes them. Most other times it is all about them. Does my husband know I struggle to eat enough. No I am pretty sure he thinks I should loose weight and exercise more. As I think I mentioned before although I cook for everyone we do lot normally eat together and I very rarely eat what they eat. So that's it in a nut shell my husband is not really home very often. Think I saw him for 20 minutes today. He went with one kid I went with the other then I had a game he has a later game I will be sound asleep before he gets home and I will be at work before he gets up. He has to work a 24 tomorrow so he won't be home till Tuesday after I go to work. It sounds kinda crazy but it works
Well on the plus side, I notice that your posts; seem more adult like currently. In a previous post you did mention, that it was like you were 16 again & your previous posts; seemed as though they were written by a teenager.
When I was 16 I stopped eating it was not a fun experience0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »OP I know you said you've been talking to your therapist but did you share these goals with your family? When you drink wine does your husband usually drink with you? Does he know your struggles to reach a healthy amount of calories each day?
I think the more people you make yourself accountable to the better, especially if these people are around you every day and have a vested interest in you becoming the healthiest, happiest version of you that you can be...
Ok this is hard to answer but since I have desided to stop being a jerk and be honest I will try. Does my husband drink wine with me. No. I normally have a glass or 2 while I cook dinner and clean up. It's my decompression time. No I do not want him to help . He is welcome to come and talk the kids normally do if they are around Not sure why or when it started but it's me time that includes them. Most other times it is all about them. Does my husband know I struggle to eat enough. No I am pretty sure he thinks I should loose weight and exercise more. As I think I mentioned before although I cook for everyone we do lot normally eat together and I very rarely eat what they eat. So that's it in a nut shell my husband is not really home very often. Think I saw him for 20 minutes today. He went with one kid I went with the other then I had a game he has a later game I will be sound asleep before he gets home and I will be at work before he gets up. He has to work a 24 tomorrow so he won't be home till Tuesday after I go to work. It sounds kinda crazy but it works
Some of this I can definitely relate to. I joke that my marriage is built on the concept of divide and conquer lately. Somebody the other day called it "calendar parenting". Between kid activities and a husband that travels a couple nights a week, I often feel like I don't have much time with my spouse.
Similarly with the wine... I love my wine as my username indicates. My husband doesn't drink anymore so its a solo thing for me too. I used to be the same as you, I would have a glass while I cooked, a glass while I ate dinner, and then I love having a glass after the kids go to bed and I finally get to sit down for the day. When I started on MFP and was trying to lose I realized that the wine cals were quickly adding up and with a 500 cal deficit I didn't have room for 3 glasses of wine a day. So I decided which glass I liked the most, and it was definitely the one at the end of the evening. I cut back to one/night. Now that I'm maintaining I have room for 2 again, sometimes 3... But it's never been an issue netting a reasonable amount of food calories first.
I really, really think you need to talk to your husband about all this. You are talking to your therapist and that's good, but the at home support network is critical if you are going to be changing your habits and want everyone to know why. You don't have to be alone in this. Be honest with your husband as you say you are finally being honest with yourself, with your therapist, and on these posts. You said your husband thinks you need to lose weight. If your stats are accurate you may have weight to lose, and people aren't telling you not to lose. They are telling you to do it in a healthy way, so that you don't continue your binge/restrict cycle. Start eating the same foods as your family. Tell your husband your goal is to lose weight but in a slow, sustainable, healthy way. Surely he will be supportive of you?0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »
I really, really think you need to talk to your husband about all this. You are talking to your therapist and that's good, but the at home support network is critical if you are going to be changing your habits and want everyone to know why. You don't have to be alone in this. Be honest with your husband as you say you are finally being honest with yourself, with your therapist, and on these posts. You said your husband thinks you need to lose weight. If your stats are accurate you may have weight to lose, and people aren't telling you not to lose. They are telling you to do it in a healthy way, so that you don't continue your binge/restrict cycle. Start eating the same foods as your family. Tell your husband your goal is to lose weight but in a slow, sustainable, healthy way. Surely he will be supportive of you?
Superhockeymom,
Great advise above in my opinion. If you are dealing with a professional, the next level of people to include should be your immediate family. They are your real life support, and should come well before the opinions of any of us here on MFP. Many here are being supportive in the way they know how, but we don't know you anything like your family knows you.
I'm 100% behind you getting this all under control, and I've avoided adding to the input for the simple reason that it seems to be a lot getting thrown at you at once. I get what you're saying... all the input in the world doesn't help you until you make up your own mind. There is nothing wrong at all with that, just keep the end game in sight and you will get there. Being you admit to being somewhat headstrong and you already have a professional involved, it might actually help you to focus on you and not let all this input from the forum influence your decisions.
Just my .02, and wishing you nothing but the best regardless of the path you choose to walk.0 -
robertw486 wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »
I really, really think you need to talk to your husband about all this. You are talking to your therapist and that's good, but the at home support network is critical if you are going to be changing your habits and want everyone to know why. You don't have to be alone in this. Be honest with your husband as you say you are finally being honest with yourself, with your therapist, and on these posts. You said your husband thinks you need to lose weight. If your stats are accurate you may have weight to lose, and people aren't telling you not to lose. They are telling you to do it in a healthy way, so that you don't continue your binge/restrict cycle. Start eating the same foods as your family. Tell your husband your goal is to lose weight but in a slow, sustainable, healthy way. Surely he will be supportive of you?
Superhockeymom,
Great advise above in my opinion. If you are dealing with a professional, the next level of people to include should be your immediate family. They are your real life support, and should come well before the opinions of any of us here on MFP. Many here are being supportive in the way they know how, but we don't know you anything like your family knows you.
I'm 100% behind you getting this all under control, and I've avoided adding to the input for the simple reason that it seems to be a lot getting thrown at you at once. I get what you're saying... all the input in the world doesn't help you until you make up your own mind. There is nothing wrong at all with that, just keep the end game in sight and you will get there. Being you admit to being somewhat headstrong and you already have a professional involved, it might actually help you to focus on you and not let all this input from the forum influence your decisions.
Just my .02, and wishing you nothing but the best regardless of the path you choose to walk.
Thank you,
I appreciate your .02.0 -
Well I am thinking I may just update my blog daily. It is open so if you want to know how I'm doing you can just go read it. Please do not judge me on what's already there. If you do not have access to a PC since you can't get to my blog on the app. You can always just ask me. I will answer.
Thanks you guys.0 -
Just wanted to add - today I am not as sure of this as I was yesterday but I am going through with it. I really need to.0
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superhockeymom wrote: »Just wanted to add - today I am not as sure of this as I was yesterday but I am going through with it. I really need to.
Look deep within yourself and tell us why you posted this?
Do you want us to agree that you should not do it?
Do you want us to encourage you and be cheerleaders "go Patti go!"
Do you need validation that your plan will work?
Do you just want to stir the pot and ruffle our feathers?
Think for 5 minutes, and then tell us why you posted this.0 -
PS I'm asking because many of us here really want to know what you need and how best we can help.0
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Why don't you make one of your goals : this week:
1. Talk to my husband about what's been going on lately and share my goals with him.
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superhockeymom wrote: »Just wanted to add - today I am not as sure of this as I was yesterday but I am going through with it. I really need to.
Look deep within yourself and tell us why you posted this?
Do you want us to agree that you should not do it?
Do you want us to encourage you and be cheerleaders "go Patti go!"
Do you need validation that your plan will work?
Do you just want to stir the pot and ruffle our feathers?
Think for 5 minutes, and then tell us why you posted this.
I already know I don't need 5 minutes I posted it because it makes it real. It was for me. It was just a thought I was having and for some reason putting it out there just made it real.
Do I want you to cheer me on? Not necessary. Validate my plan? No not really, think it's been pretty much discussed and figured out. Do I want you to agree that I should not do it? Definitely not! And I am so done ruffling feathers and stirring the pot not my intention at all.
It was just a thought, a feeling, a little hesitation. A feeling of being a little scared I can't. So I wrote it down guess maybe I shouldn't have. Sorry.0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »Why don't you make one of your goals : this week:
1. Talk to my husband about what's been going on lately and share my goals with him.
When and if I see him this week.0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »Just wanted to add - today I am not as sure of this as I was yesterday but I am going through with it. I really need to.
Look deep within yourself and tell us why you posted this?
Do you want us to agree that you should not do it?
Do you want us to encourage you and be cheerleaders "go Patti go!"
Do you need validation that your plan will work?
Do you just want to stir the pot and ruffle our feathers?
Think for 5 minutes, and then tell us why you posted this.
I already know I don't need 5 minutes I posted it because it makes it real. It was for me. It was just a thought I was having and for some reason putting it out there just made it real.
Do I want you to cheer me on? Not necessary. Validate my plan? No not really, think it's been pretty much discussed and figured out. Do I want you to agree that I should not do it? Definitely not! And I am so done ruffling feathers and stirring the pot not my intention at all.
It was just a thought, a feeling, a little hesitation. A feeling of being a little scared I can't. So I wrote it down guess maybe I shouldn't have. Sorry.
We're not saying don't post. We want to know how to help. Writing something down can make something seem more real. Unfortunately what you did was write down that you weren't "sure" of it anymore. So by writing that, did you make yourself more sure or less sure?0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »Just wanted to add - today I am not as sure of this as I was yesterday but I am going through with it. I really need to.
Look deep within yourself and tell us why you posted this?
Do you want us to agree that you should not do it?
Do you want us to encourage you and be cheerleaders "go Patti go!"
Do you need validation that your plan will work?
Do you just want to stir the pot and ruffle our feathers?
Think for 5 minutes, and then tell us why you posted this.
I already know I don't need 5 minutes I posted it because it makes it real. It was for me. It was just a thought I was having and for some reason putting it out there just made it real.
Do I want you to cheer me on? Not necessary. Validate my plan? No not really, think it's been pretty much discussed and figured out. Do I want you to agree that I should not do it? Definitely not! And I am so done ruffling feathers and stirring the pot not my intention at all.
It was just a thought, a feeling, a little hesitation. A feeling of being a little scared I can't. So I wrote it down guess maybe I shouldn't have. Sorry.
We're not saying don't post. We want to know how to help. Writing something down can make something seem more real. Unfortunately what you did was write down that you weren't "sure" of it anymore. So by writing that, did you make yourself more sure or less sure?
I am sure. I am doing this.
I think a little part of me is just a little scared I will fail and that is not acceptable.
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superhockeymom wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »Just wanted to add - today I am not as sure of this as I was yesterday but I am going through with it. I really need to.
Look deep within yourself and tell us why you posted this?
Do you want us to agree that you should not do it?
Do you want us to encourage you and be cheerleaders "go Patti go!"
Do you need validation that your plan will work?
Do you just want to stir the pot and ruffle our feathers?
Think for 5 minutes, and then tell us why you posted this.
I already know I don't need 5 minutes I posted it because it makes it real. It was for me. It was just a thought I was having and for some reason putting it out there just made it real.
Do I want you to cheer me on? Not necessary. Validate my plan? No not really, think it's been pretty much discussed and figured out. Do I want you to agree that I should not do it? Definitely not! And I am so done ruffling feathers and stirring the pot not my intention at all.
It was just a thought, a feeling, a little hesitation. A feeling of being a little scared I can't. So I wrote it down guess maybe I shouldn't have. Sorry.
This is why people were telling you yesterday that 5 might be too many. Start with these:
1. Tell my husband what I've been struggling with in a serious, dedicated conversation. No phones, no kids, no distractions, no excuses.
2. Net 1200 cals excluding wine.
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My husband is not as in the dark as I may have made him out to be. We simply do not really see each other often and he is not that kinda guy. Honestly he would be very like "ok that's good". and that would be the end of it.
It's not a bad thing it is just the way he is.
What will make my husband happy is if he see's me actually doing what he knows I want to do and that is get in shape.0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »Just wanted to add - today I am not as sure of this as I was yesterday but I am going through with it. I really need to.
Look deep within yourself and tell us why you posted this?
Do you want us to agree that you should not do it?
Do you want us to encourage you and be cheerleaders "go Patti go!"
Do you need validation that your plan will work?
Do you just want to stir the pot and ruffle our feathers?
Think for 5 minutes, and then tell us why you posted this.
I already know I don't need 5 minutes I posted it because it makes it real. It was for me. It was just a thought I was having and for some reason putting it out there just made it real.
Do I want you to cheer me on? Not necessary. Validate my plan? No not really, think it's been pretty much discussed and figured out. Do I want you to agree that I should not do it? Definitely not! And I am so done ruffling feathers and stirring the pot not my intention at all.
It was just a thought, a feeling, a little hesitation. A feeling of being a little scared I can't. So I wrote it down guess maybe I shouldn't have. Sorry.
This is why people were telling you yesterday that 5 might be too many. Start with these:
1. Tell my husband what I've been struggling with in a serious, dedicated conversation. No phones, no kids, no distractions, no excuses.
2. Net 1200 cals excluding wine.
Cosigned.
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superhockeymom wrote: »My husband is not as in the dark as I may have made him out to be. We simply do not really see each other often and he is not that kinda guy. Honestly he would be very like "ok that's good". and that would be the end of it.
It's not a bad thing it is just the way he is.
What will make my husband happy is if he see's me actually doing what he knows I want to do and that is get in shape.
So if you sat down with your husband and said, "honey, I need to talk to you. I've really been struggling with trying to be healthy in both body and mind. I have a lot of issues with having unrealistic expectations for myself, I'm very down on myself, I've been eating less than 1000 calories a day and a good portion of those come from wine. I feel overwhelmed and I often share these feelings with the MFP community and they've urged me to eat more, seek help from a therapist, stop with the self loathing, and be more open with you and the kids about the goals I have for myself so that you can help me reach all of them, and be there for me when I slip."
You're saying his response would be "ok honey whatever as long as you're happy?"
I think you are misunderstanding what I'm suggesting you talk to him about. Not getting in shape or your step goal. The fact that you feel like this is your outlet to share your insecurities and not him, that you are struggling with disordered eating and negative views of yourself. That's what you need to share with him. Not, "I'm going to try to drink more water".
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superhockeymom wrote: »My husband is not as in the dark as I may have made him out to be. We simply do not really see each other often and he is not that kinda guy. Honestly he would be very like "ok that's good". and that would be the end of it.
It's not a bad thing it is just the way he is.
What will make my husband happy is if he see's me actually doing what he knows I want to do and that is get in shape.
From my perspective, and do with it what you will, your "problem" isn't that you are having difficulties getting into shape. I think everyone here is suggesting you tell him what the real problem is and how he can help.
I know I'm just a dime store psychoanalyst, but your "problem" is something else. I don't know you, so all I can do is guess what it is. Deeply ingrained self esteem issues, depression, addiction, anxiety... I don't know. But whatever your "real issue" is, he CAN help. The outcome may be the strength to "get in shape," but right now I'm not too sure your weight is the thing I'd worry about the most.0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »My husband is not as in the dark as I may have made him out to be. We simply do not really see each other often and he is not that kinda guy. Honestly he would be very like "ok that's good". and that would be the end of it.
It's not a bad thing it is just the way he is.
What will make my husband happy is if he see's me actually doing what he knows I want to do and that is get in shape.
So if you sat down with your husband and said, "honey, I need to talk to you. I've really been struggling with trying to be healthy in both body and mind. I have a lot of issues with having unrealistic expectations for myself, I'm very down on myself, I've been eating less than 1000 calories a day and a good portion of those come from wine. I feel overwhelmed and I often share these feelings with the MFP community and they've urged me to eat more, seek help from a therapist, stop with the self loathing, and be more open with you and the kids about the goals I have for myself so that you can help me reach all of them, and be there for me when I slip."
You're saying his response would be "ok honey whatever as long as you're happy?"
I think you are misunderstanding what I'm suggesting you talk to him about. Not getting in shape or your step goal. The fact that you feel like this is your outlet to share your insecurities and not him, that you are struggling with disordered eating and negative views of yourself. That's what you need to share with him. Not, "I'm going to try to drink more water".
And honestly yes the answer I said he would give is what I would get. It might not be how he feels but it is what he would say. Then after that my life would be micro managed last thing I need is more stress. I will talk to him at a later date when I am ready. When I am already more confident. Right now it is sad to say but it would make things much harder.0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »My husband is not as in the dark as I may have made him out to be. We simply do not really see each other often and he is not that kinda guy. Honestly he would be very like "ok that's good". and that would be the end of it.
It's not a bad thing it is just the way he is.
What will make my husband happy is if he see's me actually doing what he knows I want to do and that is get in shape.
So if you sat down with your husband and said, "honey, I need to talk to you. I've really been struggling with trying to be healthy in both body and mind. I have a lot of issues with having unrealistic expectations for myself, I'm very down on myself, I've been eating less than 1000 calories a day and a good portion of those come from wine. I feel overwhelmed and I often share these feelings with the MFP community and they've urged me to eat more, seek help from a therapist, stop with the self loathing, and be more open with you and the kids about the goals I have for myself so that you can help me reach all of them, and be there for me when I slip."
You're saying his response would be "ok honey whatever as long as you're happy?"
I think you are misunderstanding what I'm suggesting you talk to him about. Not getting in shape or your step goal. The fact that you feel like this is your outlet to share your insecurities and not him, that you are struggling with disordered eating and negative views of yourself. That's what you need to share with him. Not, "I'm going to try to drink more water".
And honestly yes the answer I said he would give is what I would get. It might not be how he feels but it is what he would say. Then after that my life would be micro managed last thing I need is more stress. I will talk to him at a later date when I am ready. When I am already more confident. Right now it is sad to say but it would make things much harder.
If I knew you, I would tell him for you behind your back. I think it's THAT important that he knows. I'm deeply disturbed by your reluctance.0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »My husband is not as in the dark as I may have made him out to be. We simply do not really see each other often and he is not that kinda guy. Honestly he would be very like "ok that's good". and that would be the end of it.
It's not a bad thing it is just the way he is.
What will make my husband happy is if he see's me actually doing what he knows I want to do and that is get in shape.
So if you sat down with your husband and said, "honey, I need to talk to you. I've really been struggling with trying to be healthy in both body and mind. I have a lot of issues with having unrealistic expectations for myself, I'm very down on myself, I've been eating less than 1000 calories a day and a good portion of those come from wine. I feel overwhelmed and I often share these feelings with the MFP community and they've urged me to eat more, seek help from a therapist, stop with the self loathing, and be more open with you and the kids about the goals I have for myself so that you can help me reach all of them, and be there for me when I slip."
You're saying his response would be "ok honey whatever as long as you're happy?"
I think you are misunderstanding what I'm suggesting you talk to him about. Not getting in shape or your step goal. The fact that you feel like this is your outlet to share your insecurities and not him, that you are struggling with disordered eating and negative views of yourself. That's what you need to share with him. Not, "I'm going to try to drink more water".
And honestly yes the answer I said he would give is what I would get. It might not be how he feels but it is what he would say. Then after that my life would be micro managed last thing I need is more stress. I will talk to him at a later date when I am ready. When I am already more confident. Right now it is sad to say but it would make things much harder.
Then once again I think you aren't taking your health seriously enough. This is about more than losing weight, getting in shape, being more confident. How are you going to gain confidence if you don't have the support of your partner? This is exactly why you need to tell him all this.
In summary I have two words for you:
Couples Therapy
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superhockeymom wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »My husband is not as in the dark as I may have made him out to be. We simply do not really see each other often and he is not that kinda guy. Honestly he would be very like "ok that's good". and that would be the end of it.
It's not a bad thing it is just the way he is.
What will make my husband happy is if he see's me actually doing what he knows I want to do and that is get in shape.
So if you sat down with your husband and said, "honey, I need to talk to you. I've really been struggling with trying to be healthy in both body and mind. I have a lot of issues with having unrealistic expectations for myself, I'm very down on myself, I've been eating less than 1000 calories a day and a good portion of those come from wine. I feel overwhelmed and I often share these feelings with the MFP community and they've urged me to eat more, seek help from a therapist, stop with the self loathing, and be more open with you and the kids about the goals I have for myself so that you can help me reach all of them, and be there for me when I slip."
You're saying his response would be "ok honey whatever as long as you're happy?"
I think you are misunderstanding what I'm suggesting you talk to him about. Not getting in shape or your step goal. The fact that you feel like this is your outlet to share your insecurities and not him, that you are struggling with disordered eating and negative views of yourself. That's what you need to share with him. Not, "I'm going to try to drink more water".
And honestly yes the answer I said he would give is what I would get. It might not be how he feels but it is what he would say. Then after that my life would be micro managed last thing I need is more stress. I will talk to him at a later date when I am ready. When I am already more confident. Right now it is sad to say but it would make things much harder.
If I knew you, I would tell him for you behind your back. I think it's THAT important that he knows. I'm deeply disturbed by your reluctance.
I'm sorry. Perhaps I will. It was not one of my goals this week and just thinking about it is stressing me out. I can hear the conversation now. Not good. Well i doubt I will see him before Friday so I guess I can relax a little bit for now0
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