Why wouldn't someone want to lose weight?!
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It just has to click for them. The way it clicked for you. The way it clicked for me and anyone else who made a conscious choice to change.
The best thing you can offer is encouragement and support. Oh and a good example. And if they're close to you... You should know the best way to approach them.
Wouldn't it be great if you could offer the word that made them want to change their life!? That's what I would love to do for someone.0 -
It didn't click for me until I happened upon MFP. Before then, I lived in pain and shame, trying to have a nice personality while struggling with the embarassment of not being able to keep up, having to call out of work after a day at six flags hoping to God I didn't have to ask an attendant to help me buckle into the rides (most of the time I did), having to take two bus seats to keep my butt and thighs out of other people's personal space, and so on and so forth. There was too much nonsense on the tv and internet about "calories don't count," "it's not your fault! It's genetic!," "surgery will fix it!" I couldn't sort through it all. It just seemed hopeless. In that situation, you make due with what you have. I had a big, fat, painful body and I accepted it. I still am fat, but I feel a billion times better, and I wish I had found MFP sooner to make me realize I'm not a victim of fate and carbs.0
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OP, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here and assuming you didn't make this post just to start ****.
And if that's the case: you need to study this in detail. Specifically the middle bit.
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Some people just don't (seem) to care about those things. I have very large family members who never make a serious decision to get healthy. They just don't seem to care/it doesn't seem to bother them. Not my problem though. I'm too busy whipping myself into shape to focus on someone else's weight.0
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kissedbythesunshine wrote: »Some people just don't (seem) to care about those things. I have very large family members who never make a serious decision to get healthy. They just don't seem to care/it doesn't seem to bother them. Not my problem though. I'm too busy whipping myself into shape to focus on someone else's weight.
Exactly.0 -
Yeah change is necessary but there can be a lot of reason for ones overweight.
I was to fat and never tried to lose weight due to busy schedule and hunger problems.
I started taking diet supplements that works in controlling my hunger, it help me in losing weight with my healthy diet plan and some sort of exercise.0 -
For me I got comfortable with my weight and never occurred to me how simple the process could be if I made effort. I just think you have to be ready to make a change if you want to make a change.
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booksandchocolate12 wrote: »How do you know that everyone who complains about being overweight is doing nothing about it? Have you questioned all of them, asked them to show you their food and exercise logs, gotten a detailed medical history?
I assume that you are a perfect size and weight. You might want to update your profile.
Please tell us all how easy it was to do. I'm sure you're an inspiration to us all.
Did ops question hit one of your nerves?0 -
Speaking only for myself... Two words- Laziness and lack of willpower. I enjoyed stuffing my face with all the foods I loved, and I didn't have the willpower to stop. After I got the 2 aforementioned things under control, losing weight was pretty simple.
Also, I had put on 20 something kgs, and I knew the more I put on the harder it would be and the longer it would take to get it off, that was really off putting too, so I nipped it in the bud before the idea of losing weight became too overwhelming..
As for your question of why wouldn't someone want to lose weight, that one has me stumped too. I can't imagine being 250-300lbs and being proud or happy with myself. Denial perhaps??0 -
There are some cultures who view being big as beautiful and desired. Lots of Pacific Island nations don't view being overweight as a bad thing.
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Therealobi1 wrote: »booksandchocolate12 wrote: »How do you know that everyone who complains about being overweight is doing nothing about it? Have you questioned all of them, asked them to show you their food and exercise logs, gotten a detailed medical history?
I assume that you are a perfect size and weight. You might want to update your profile.
Please tell us all how easy it was to do. I'm sure you're an inspiration to us all.
Did ops question hit one of your nerves?
it seems to for a few people. They respond so rudely like it's a personal insult to them. sheesh.0 -
ZBennyXOXO wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »booksandchocolate12 wrote: »How do you know that everyone who complains about being overweight is doing nothing about it? Have you questioned all of them, asked them to show you their food and exercise logs, gotten a detailed medical history?
I assume that you are a perfect size and weight. You might want to update your profile.
Please tell us all how easy it was to do. I'm sure you're an inspiration to us all.
Did ops question hit one of your nerves?
it seems to for a few people. They respond so rudely like it's a personal insult to them. sheesh.
Weird how people on a weight loss forum would think it's offensive to assume that everyone who is overweight is doing nothing about it.0 -
I know so many over weight people, mostly young, always complaining about not being able to find clothes that fit properly, complain about body pains, not being able to sleep in the same bed as their significant other because of their size etc etc, but yet they aren't doing anything about it? I know some people have medical conditions that can hold them back, but when you're sitting home when you can be going walking or at least slightly making a difference in your diet, you really have nothing to complain about. I'm rambling, but how is one so comfortable with that? I'm not saying everyone needs to be supermodel thin, but change is good...right?
After you finish your diet, you need to start focusing on being less judgmental.0 -
For me, I liked being comfortable a little lot more than being uncomfortable. I generally managed to include some form of exercise in my life since my teens till now, but I was not very consistent, and I would eat far too much for the amount of activity I would do. The desire to exercise dwindled because the lure of being comfortable as long as possible every day was too hard to resist. I would choose so many fast food/delivery options to avoid having to spend the time preparing food to cook and then cleaning pots pans and dishes afterwards. I made very little effort to keep myself physically fit.
Now, I seek to make myself a little uncomfortable every day. Life is always going to have the good and the bad, and one can't expect things to always be comfortable. I spend only a few hours a day moving around very actively, then the next 12+ hours either sitting around or laying around.
Oddly, I am more comfortable now than I was when I was 100+ lbs heavier.0 -
I am also of the school of thought that you should leave people alone and not call them out on their weight problems. Only when they recognize that they have a problem themselves will they be able to tackle it and perhaps not even then. If they never want to change that is ok too, what business is it of yours?
However - lets at least recognize that as a society we are inconsistent hypocrites when it comes to the way in which we approach self destructive behaviors in others. Being obese is physically harmful and shortens a persons life and a lot of the time makes them unhappy (they often don't admit it while they have the problem). Family are deprived of parents, siblings and friends too soon. Children lose play time and interaction with parents who don't have the energy for it and who are bitter and miserable because they are frustrated and hate themselves. Relationships suffer due to self-esteem and intimacy problems related to the abuse of food.
Alcohol abuse does these things too. Drug abuse does these things too.
When someone abuses alcohol or drugs interventions are held and people are called out on it. They are told in no uncertain terms that their behavior is harmful and unacceptable because it impacts more than just them. They are told to work toward change or face the rejection of their families if they do not. They are told they are selfish. They are strictly managed, even if they are not ready to change.
As an exercise, go back through this thread and replace food with alcohol and drugs. Try saying "if someone abuses alcohol or drugs it is none of your business, try being less judgmental". Or try saying "If they never want to change it would be ok too, what business is it of yours?". You might have liked me saying that in the first paragraph when you thought I was talking about obesity - but how do you feel about it now that you know I am also talking about drug abuse?
I am not sure why we are so paranoid about calling out this particular destructive behavior, when we rage openly and shame people about other destructive behaviors.
Please refer to the first paragraph if you think I am suggesting that we should shame the obese and hold interventions. This is not my view. I just think our thinking on this issue is interesting. Perhaps we should be kinder to alcoholics and drug addicts too. Perhaps we should leave them alone too.
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lynn_glenmont wrote: »ZBennyXOXO wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »booksandchocolate12 wrote: »How do you know that everyone who complains about being overweight is doing nothing about it? Have you questioned all of them, asked them to show you their food and exercise logs, gotten a detailed medical history?
I assume that you are a perfect size and weight. You might want to update your profile.
Please tell us all how easy it was to do. I'm sure you're an inspiration to us all.
Did ops question hit one of your nerves?
it seems to for a few people. They respond so rudely like it's a personal insult to them. sheesh.
Weird how people on a weight loss forum would think it's offensive to assume that everyone who is overweight is doing nothing about it.
oh lord. who has time to think about everyone.0 -
I am also of the school of thought that you should leave people alone and not call them out on their weight problems. Only when they recognize that they have a problem themselves will they be able to tackle it and perhaps not even then. If they never want to change that is ok too, what business is it of yours?
However - lets at least recognize that as a society we are inconsistent hypocrites when it comes to the way in which we approach self destructive behaviors in others. Being obese is physically harmful and shortens a persons life and a lot of the time makes them unhappy (they often don't admit it while they have the problem). Family are deprived of parents, siblings and friends too soon. Children lose play time and interaction with parents who don't have the energy for it and who are bitter and miserable because they are frustrated and hate themselves. Relationships suffer due to self-esteem and intimacy problems related to the abuse of food.
Alcohol abuse does these things too. Drug abuse does these things too.
When someone abuses alcohol or drugs interventions are held and people are called out on it. They are told in no uncertain terms that their behavior is harmful and unacceptable because it impacts more than just them. They are told to work toward change or face the rejection of their families if they do not. They are told they are selfish. They are strictly managed, even if they are not ready to change.
As an exercise, go back through this thread and replace food with alcohol and drugs. Try saying "if someone abuses alcohol or drugs it is none of your business, try being less judgmental". Or try saying "If they never want to change it would be ok too, what business is it of yours?". You might have liked me saying that in the first paragraph when you thought I was talking about obesity - but how do you feel about it now that you know I am also talking about drug abuse?
I am not sure why we are so paranoid about calling out this particular destructive behavior, when we rage openly and shame people about other destructive behaviors.
Please refer to the first paragraph if you think I am suggesting that we should shame the obese and hold interventions. This is not my view. I just think our thinking on this issue is interesting. Perhaps we should be kinder to alcoholics and drug addicts too. Perhaps we should leave them alone too.
its a really tricky subject this whole thing, as in the end you really have to want to change. What is important thought is having the right information and support around you to be able to make that change. I honestly think if i didnt come across this app i wouldnt have lost as much as i did. I was of the old school thinking you had to drink some silly tea, or cut out all the food you love to lose weight. I read enough commonsense stuff here to be able to get starting and keep on going.
Also whilst we are at it no one once told me i was putting on too much weight back in the day, but people are so open to tell me to stop losing weight. so if we are going to mind people's business lets be conisistent.0 -
I am also of the school of thought that you should leave people alone and not call them out on their weight problems. Only when they recognize that they have a problem themselves will they be able to tackle it and perhaps not even then. If they never want to change that is ok too, what business is it of yours?
However - lets at least recognize that as a society we are inconsistent hypocrites when it comes to the way in which we approach self destructive behaviors in others. Being obese is physically harmful and shortens a persons life and a lot of the time makes them unhappy (they often don't admit it while they have the problem). Family are deprived of parents, siblings and friends too soon. Children lose play time and interaction with parents who don't have the energy for it and who are bitter and miserable because they are frustrated and hate themselves. Relationships suffer due to self-esteem and intimacy problems related to the abuse of food.
Alcohol abuse does these things too. Drug abuse does these things too.
When someone abuses alcohol or drugs interventions are held and people are called out on it. They are told in no uncertain terms that their behavior is harmful and unacceptable because it impacts more than just them. They are told to work toward change or face the rejection of their families if they do not. They are told they are selfish. They are strictly managed, even if they are not ready to change.
As an exercise, go back through this thread and replace food with alcohol and drugs. Try saying "if someone abuses alcohol or drugs it is none of your business, try being less judgmental". Or try saying "If they never want to change it would be ok too, what business is it of yours?". You might have liked me saying that in the first paragraph when you thought I was talking about obesity - but how do you feel about it now that you know I am also talking about drug abuse?
I am not sure why we are so paranoid about calling out this particular destructive behavior, when we rage openly and shame people about other destructive behaviors.
Please refer to the first paragraph if you think I am suggesting that we should shame the obese and hold interventions. This is not my view. I just think our thinking on this issue is interesting. Perhaps we should be kinder to alcoholics and drug addicts too. Perhaps we should leave them alone too.
This is an interesting perspective on things! I don't know if I can speak for anyone other than myself, but I believe our culture is a bit more permissive of drug and alcohol abusers being the way they are as long as they don't start doing anti-social things. Drug and alcohol abuse is sometimes glamorized by our media; isn't there a new show that has started on television this season whose main protagonists are heavy drug and alcohol abusers?
Wasn't "heroin chic" a term used to describe a popular aesthetic? Can our permissiveness of drug and alcohol abuse have some link to the idea that there are some productive members of society who can manage their addictions? eg: the "workaholic" is often praised for their ability to devote themselves to their work, but people rarely hear of the workaholic that sacrifices everything else in their lives. May there be workaholics who can still manage their intense income-earning devotion with their personal lives?
Are there families who have the alcoholic mother/father who produce socially successful children?
I'd imagine some families with the workaholic parent have the resilience to cope with that addicted person providing less emotional support to the home ecosystem. Or maybe we should shame workaholics, because they're not being the kind of parents we think they should be.0 -
Protranser wrote: »Wasn't "heroin chic" a term used to describe a popular aesthetic? Can our permissiveness of drug and alcohol abuse have some link to the idea that there are some productive members of society who can manage their addictions? eg: the "workaholic" is often praised for their ability to devote themselves to their work, but people rarely hear of the workaholic that sacrifices everything else in their lives. May there be workaholics who can still manage their intense income-earning devotion with their personal lives?
Are there families who have the alcoholic mother/father who produce socially successful children?
Yep and yep. I see those things too (thank you for broadening my perspective) and I agree. Perhaps the societal rules are more subtle?
You can abuse food, alcohol and drugs as long as you don't make the rest of us feel uncomfortable by being all obviously revolting and out of control in front of us. You can be a bulimic model as long as we don't notice any rotten teeth. You can consume large quantities of drugs and alcohol and be sharp at work and witty at parties as long as you are not losing control of your bladder in public and sleeping on the street. You can abuse food as long as you are not bed ridden and dragging around an oxygen tank.
Those excesses embarrass us. It is those awkward moments we don't want to tolerate - everything leading up to that is fine as it can be neatly put away or hidden.
I once told a smug fit friend that we are all "one pay-check away from chubby or broke". It is easy to sit on the sidelines and be horrified when people take it too far, because it reminds those of us who are fat but not obese, or heavy drinkers but not alcoholics, what a thin line we walk.
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Protranser wrote: »Wasn't "heroin chic" a term used to describe a popular aesthetic? Can our permissiveness of drug and alcohol abuse have some link to the idea that there are some productive members of society who can manage their addictions? eg: the "workaholic" is often praised for their ability to devote themselves to their work, but people rarely hear of the workaholic that sacrifices everything else in their lives. May there be workaholics who can still manage their intense income-earning devotion with their personal lives?
Are there families who have the alcoholic mother/father who produce socially successful children?
Yep and yep. I see those things too (thank you for broadening my perspective) and I agree. Perhaps the societal rules are more subtle?
You can abuse food, alcohol and drugs as long as you don't make the rest of us feel uncomfortable by being all obviously revolting and out of control in front of us. You can be a bulimic model as long as we don't notice any rotten teeth. You can consume large quantities of drugs and alcohol and be sharp at work and witty at parties as long as you are not losing control of your bladder in public and sleeping on the street. You can abuse food as long as you are not bed ridden and dragging around an oxygen tank.
Those excesses embarrass us. It is those awkward moments we don't want to tolerate - everything leading up to that is fine as it can be neatly put away or hidden.
I once told a smug fit friend that we are all "one pay-check away from chubby or broke". It is easy to sit on the sidelines and be horrified when people take it too far, because it reminds those of us who are fat but not obese, or heavy drinkers but not alcoholics, what a thin line we walk.
I really like what you wrote here. Thank you
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Because there is a whole lot more to it than just over eating for most overweight people.0
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I got to be overweight as a kid after a year of heavy medication for health issues. Then when I was 13, I was deathly ill and one test found that I was processing very few calories because my digestive system wasn't working right. This, alongside living in an overweight family (with one family member who would diet, gain it back and then complain it was so hard) subconsciously gave me the message that it was next to impossible to lose weight.
I was also not unhappy fat. I loved myself (still do) and never had any reason to base my happiness, or self worth on how my body looked. I met my husband fat, and he loved my body, so it wasn't even an issue then. It only became an issue after we married and I realised I didn't ever want to put any potential babies at a higher risk during pregnancy because I was obese. I also saw family members have health problems that likely could have been avoided if they were at a healthy weight. I didn't want that for myself, and so I made the choice to try to lose the weight, and prevent things.
That's me. I'm happy with my choice and while I'm happy to help and support others, I cannot judge them or their choices.0 -
clgaram720 wrote: »OP, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here and assuming you didn't make this post just to start ****.
And if that's the case: you need to study this in detail. Specifically the middle bit.
Haha trust me, I don't care enough. I just wanted to see how others feel0 -
I do me.0
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MorganMoreaux wrote: »Jennloella wrote: »people complain about a lot of things that they never try to change - relationships, job, where they live, etc. Everyone has a point they need to cross before they step up. It's not your problem.
I've never checked in with my weight on here, I doubt I'm the only one.
Actually, it does become my problem when my health rates increase and tax money is going to fund the healthcare system because it is expensive to fund the health costs of obese and morbidly obese people who are not adequately insured. Not trying to be mean, just pointing out that it can affect other people.
Also, as someone who has never been obese, I have often pondered the same question as the OP asked, out of curiosity. Obesity is a growing global problem, and not an issue I can directly relate to aside from seeing obese people when I go out. It's interesting to read the answers because it helps me understand.
About your first point, it can be argued that taking care of health issues of elderly people costs us more than what an obese person who will die 10 years younger will ultimately cost us. Just a thought.
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I know so many over weight people, mostly young, always complaining about not being able to find clothes that fit properly, complain about body pains, not being able to sleep in the same bed as their significant other because of their size etc etc, but yet they aren't doing anything about it? I know some people have medical conditions that can hold them back, but when you're sitting home when you can be going walking or at least slightly making a difference in your diet, you really have nothing to complain about. I'm rambling, but how is one so comfortable with that? I'm not saying everyone needs to be supermodel thin, but change is good...right?
Your profile says you need to lose 24lbs. Why did you wait to try and lose?0 -
I am also of the school of thought that you should leave people alone and not call them out on their weight problems. Only when they recognize that they have a problem themselves will they be able to tackle it and perhaps not even then. If they never want to change that is ok too, what business is it of yours?
However - lets at least recognize that as a society we are inconsistent hypocrites when it comes to the way in which we approach self destructive behaviors in others. Being obese is physically harmful and shortens a persons life and a lot of the time makes them unhappy (they often don't admit it while they have the problem). Family are deprived of parents, siblings and friends too soon. Children lose play time and interaction with parents who don't have the energy for it and who are bitter and miserable because they are frustrated and hate themselves. Relationships suffer due to self-esteem and intimacy problems related to the abuse of food.
Alcohol abuse does these things too. Drug abuse does these things too.
When someone abuses alcohol or drugs interventions are held and people are called out on it. They are told in no uncertain terms that their behavior is harmful and unacceptable because it impacts more than just them. They are told to work toward change or face the rejection of their families if they do not. They are told they are selfish. They are strictly managed, even if they are not ready to change.
As an exercise, go back through this thread and replace food with alcohol and drugs. Try saying "if someone abuses alcohol or drugs it is none of your business, try being less judgmental". Or try saying "If they never want to change it would be ok too, what business is it of yours?". You might have liked me saying that in the first paragraph when you thought I was talking about obesity - but how do you feel about it now that you know I am also talking about drug abuse?
I am not sure why we are so paranoid about calling out this particular destructive behavior, when we rage openly and shame people about other destructive behaviors.
Please refer to the first paragraph if you think I am suggesting that we should shame the obese and hold interventions. This is not my view. I just think our thinking on this issue is interesting. Perhaps we should be kinder to alcoholics and drug addicts too. Perhaps we should leave them alone too.
I was discussing this yesterday at my dermatologist. I was talking about the problems being overweight caused my skin, and how I had lost 60lbs. The nurse told me she was a binge eater. Her problem was so bad that she would throw food away across town to keep it out of her house, and then drive back and take it back out of the dumpster. She said people at work were constantly feeding her. She was distraught about it. She said "If I was a meth addict, would all these people be handing me meth?" She had a fantastic point. I told her about the woman in my office who would feed me, and I had to ask her to stop. This is a real problem for some of us. Not everyone, but some people struggle greatly.0 -
diannethegeek wrote: »There are probably as many reasons not to lose weight as there are people who aren't losing weight. Mental issues can be crippling. Self-doubt, depression, anxiety, etc. can make it hard to believe that you're worth the effort. Too many people have been brainwashed by the diet industry to believe that weight loss is complicated or requires giving up things they love. Some people think it's all expensive gym memberships and overpriced organic foods. Some people surround themselves with enablers or have a distorted view of their own body or what's normal.
You may not understand all of the reasons someone has, and they may not understand all of them themselves, but that shouldn't stop you from empathizing and supporting them when they're ready.
This--great way to put it.0 -
Addictive behaviors begin as a way to medicate issues we do not want to deal with. So until we break the cycle AND deal with the issues we are avoiding we cannot make successful permanent changes. For many, going back and dealing the pain we have been medicating with the behavior is too much to overcome - in others the pain of how we are now is not as bad as dealing the whatever got us there to begin with. for those folks (like me) it is only when the current pain gets worse than dealing with the past. In 12 step programs that is called hitting bottom.0
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I know so many over weight people, mostly young, always complaining about not being able to find clothes that fit properly, complain about body pains, not being able to sleep in the same bed as their significant other because of their size etc etc, but yet they aren't doing anything about it? I know some people have medical conditions that can hold them back, but when you're sitting home when you can be going walking or at least slightly making a difference in your diet, you really have nothing to complain about. I'm rambling, but how is one so comfortable with that? I'm not saying everyone needs to be supermodel thin, but change is good...right?
Your profile says you need to lose 24lbs. Why did you wait to try and lose?
I've been wanting to lose it since 2012, but life got in the way and the weight just kept coming. I basically support myself, so i chose work over getting healthy. Now I have time and I'm financially able to do what I need to do.0
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