i just cant...
fishshark
Posts: 1,886 Member
not sure if its because I got 3 hours of sleep due to a sewage like breaking under my house haha buuut. I find the responses of "will power" and "self control" so aggravating. So when you gained weight you activly chose to over eat and gain weight. Those things are learned over time after trial and error of adapting CICO. Ive said it before, if it were as easy as self control then id just about assume no one on the planet would ever gain weight or fall victim to bad choices.
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Replies
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I didn't actively choose to do it, I just didn't actively choose not to do it.
If it's not self-control, what is it?
ETA: And I don't know of many people who say it is "easy."0 -
DeguelloTex wrote: »I didn't actively choose to do it, I just didn't actively choose not to do it.
If it's not self-control, what is it?
just dont think its that easy especially for people just starting out. If there is guacamole in front of me iwill eat all of it. lack of self control probably. people that have spent years of over eating have a hard time just being like yea man self control.0 -
not sure if its because I got 3 hours of sleep due to a sewage like breaking under my house haha buuut. I find the responses of "will power" and "self control" so aggravating. So when you gained weight you activly chose to over eat and gain weight. Those things are learned over time after trial and error of adapting CICO. Ive said it before, if it were as easy as self control then id just about assume no one on the planet would ever gain weight or fall victim to bad choices.
Yes, I actively chose to overeat. Nobody held my mouth open and shoved food down my gullet. I did it all myself. Not my finest accomplishment but I did it all myself. Whether or not I did it to purposely gain weight (i.e., actively choosing to gain weight) or not, I chose to eat enough to gain weight. I made bad choices but I was not a victim.
Not sure why it's so aggravating to read the truth.0 -
DeguelloTex wrote: »I didn't actively choose to do it, I just didn't actively choose not to do it.
If it's not self-control, what is it?
just dont think its that easy especially for people just starting out. If there is guacamole in front of me iwill eat all of it. lack of self control probably. people that have spent years of over eating have a hard time just being like yea man self control.
Very few people say it's easy. That it's not easy doesn't make it wrong, does it?0 -
not sure if its because I got 3 hours of sleep due to a sewage like breaking under my house haha buuut. I find the responses of "will power" and "self control" so aggravating. So when you gained weight you activly chose to over eat and gain weight. Those things are learned over time after trial and error of adapting CICO. Ive said it before, if it were as easy as self control then id just about assume no one on the planet would ever gain weight or fall victim to bad choices.
Yes, I actively chose to overeat. Nobody held my mouth open and shoved food down my gullet. I did it all myself. Not my finest accomplishment but I did it all myself. Whether or not I did it to purposely gain weight (i.e., actively choosing to gain weight) or not, I chose to eat enough to gain weight. I made bad choices but I was not a victim.
Not sure why it's so aggravating to read the truth.
oh the truth isnt aggravating, but telling someone to have self control is an obvious statement. It is not helpful when they clearly know they lack in that department. When im watching football i should probably have self control when drinking beer but I dont because I enjoy it. I obviously know i should... and telling me to have it doesnt help me in anyway. Im sure there are many people on this site that lack self control in one aspect or another in their life.0 -
What, in your view, would be more helpful response?0
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not sure if its because I got 3 hours of sleep due to a sewage like breaking under my house haha buuut. I find the responses of "will power" and "self control" so aggravating. So when you gained weight you activly chose to over eat and gain weight. Those things are learned over time after trial and error of adapting CICO. Ive said it before, if it were as easy as self control then id just about assume no one on the planet would ever gain weight or fall victim to bad choices.
Yes, I actively chose to overeat. Nobody held my mouth open and shoved food down my gullet. I did it all myself. Not my finest accomplishment but I did it all myself. Whether or not I did it to purposely gain weight (i.e., actively choosing to gain weight) or not, I chose to eat enough to gain weight. I made bad choices but I was not a victim.
Not sure why it's so aggravating to read the truth.
oh the truth isnt aggravating, but telling someone to have self control is an obvious statement. It is not helpful when they clearly know they lack in that department. When im watching football i should probably have self control when drinking beer but I dont because I enjoy it. I obviously know i should... and telling me to have it doesnt help me in anyway. Im sure there are many people on this site that lack self control in one aspect or another in their life.
Ok, just curious.... what do you want to hear?0 -
i think i just take the "have self control" in a condescending way and that very could be my own perception and wrong.0
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In for the response.0
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not sure if its because I got 3 hours of sleep due to a sewage like breaking under my house haha buuut. I find the responses of "will power" and "self control" so aggravating. So when you gained weight you activly chose to over eat and gain weight. Those things are learned over time after trial and error of adapting CICO. Ive said it before, if it were as easy as self control then id just about assume no one on the planet would ever gain weight or fall victim to bad choices.
Yes, I actively chose to overeat. Nobody held my mouth open and shoved food down my gullet. I did it all myself. Not my finest accomplishment but I did it all myself. Whether or not I did it to purposely gain weight (i.e., actively choosing to gain weight) or not, I chose to eat enough to gain weight. I made bad choices but I was not a victim.
Not sure why it's so aggravating to read the truth.
oh the truth isnt aggravating, but telling someone to have self control is an obvious statement. It is not helpful when they clearly know they lack in that department. When im watching football i should probably have self control when drinking beer but I dont because I enjoy it. I obviously know i should... and telling me to have it doesnt help me in anyway. Im sure there are many people on this site that lack self control in one aspect or another in their life.
But what else are we supposed to do? The alternative is to say "You poor thing. You are a victim. Your overeating patterns and weight gain are due to no fault of your own. Attempting to control yourself is futile. A lifetime of obesity is inevitable. Give up now."0 -
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I don't think anyone says self control is easy. And when someone is overweight or gains unwanted weight because they do not know how much they are eating or how much they should eat, then I wouldn't call that a self control issue, it's a lack of knowledge issue. But when a person knows how much they should eat for their goals and then eats more than that, that is a self control issue. And it's not easy.0
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not sure if its because I got 3 hours of sleep due to a sewage like breaking under my house haha buuut. I find the responses of "will power" and "self control" so aggravating. So when you gained weight you activly chose to over eat and gain weight. Those things are learned over time after trial and error of adapting CICO. Ive said it before, if it were as easy as self control then id just about assume no one on the planet would ever gain weight or fall victim to bad choices.
Same here, I find that idea super annoying and offensive. Calorie counting isn't a natural state, tons of reasons people gain that have nothing to do with them being "weak". Eating without thinking and without knowledge (of nutrition & practical coping techniques) is enough 99% of the time in our society.
Yes to bolded, it just takes a while to figure out which macros to get to satiety on X calorie target, & how to reach them with things you love.0 -
DeguelloTex wrote: »
I think the way you said it sounds better than, "you just need to control yourself". One is empowering, the other one reminds me of my mom yelling at me in the bathroom at church for not sitting still in my seat.0 -
not sure if its because I got 3 hours of sleep due to a sewage like breaking under my house haha buuut. I find the responses of "will power" and "self control" so aggravating. So when you gained weight you activly chose to over eat and gain weight. Those things are learned over time after trial and error of adapting CICO. Ive said it before, if it were as easy as self control then id just about assume no one on the planet would ever gain weight or fall victim to bad choices.
Same here, I find that idea super annoying and offensive. Calorie counting isn't a natural state, tons of reasons people gain that have nothing to do with them being "weak". Eating without thinking and without knowledge is enough 99% of the time in our society.
Yes to bolded, it just takes a while to figure out which macros to get to satiety on X calorie target, & how to reach them with things you love.
when someone posts like man i couldnt walk away from that cheesecake.. thats a very honest a real life issue many of us have had. Just being like "your an adult have some self control" is very condescending to me.0 -
not sure if its because I got 3 hours of sleep due to a sewage like breaking under my house haha buuut. I find the responses of "will power" and "self control" so aggravating. So when you gained weight you activly chose to over eat and gain weight. Those things are learned over time after trial and error of adapting CICO. Ive said it before, if it were as easy as self control then id just about assume no one on the planet would ever gain weight or fall victim to bad choices.
Yes, I actively chose to overeat. Nobody held my mouth open and shoved food down my gullet. I did it all myself. Not my finest accomplishment but I did it all myself. Whether or not I did it to purposely gain weight (i.e., actively choosing to gain weight) or not, I chose to eat enough to gain weight. I made bad choices but I was not a victim.
Not sure why it's so aggravating to read the truth.
oh the truth isnt aggravating, but telling someone to have self control is an obvious statement. It is not helpful when they clearly know they lack in that department. When im watching football i should probably have self control when drinking beer but I dont because I enjoy it. I obviously know i should... and telling me to have it doesnt help me in anyway. Im sure there are many people on this site that lack self control in one aspect or another in their life.
But what else are we supposed to do? The alternative is to say "You poor thing. You are a victim. Your overeating patterns and weight gain are due to no fault of your own. Attempting to control yourself is futile. A lifetime of obesity is inevitable. Give up now."
I don't think so, I think the 3rd option is recognizing reasons for overeating in the past and planning to prevent that happening in future. I don't think of it in terms of "self-control" at all. Or maybe, in the sense that with knowledge and experience, you can minimize vulnerability.0 -
DeguelloTex wrote: »I didn't actively choose to do it, I just didn't actively choose not to do it.
If it's not self-control, what is it?
ETA: And I don't know of many people who say it is "easy."
I agree, I did not actively choose, it was a passive choice. To lose weight is very active choice. For some people it will be easier than others and some days it is easier than others.0 -
It is very hard to eliminate old habit patterns and I swear people who adapt their existing habits without trying to force a change are more successful. I found it very helpful to read about Hait's "rider and the elephant" and Duhigg's book on Habit.
I use a technique developed by Stanford for people with chronic conditions where I take a problem, troubleshoot solutions, try one for a week, and re-evaluate. By knowing myself I develop strategies, one by one and slowly over time, that gradually lead me to a healthier way of living.
Read, "Is Willpower a limited resource?"
So you build self-control and success by being kind to yourself, and building strategies that slowly builds your willpower over time. You can replenish your willpower by giving yourself a little joy.0 -
not sure if its because I got 3 hours of sleep due to a sewage like breaking under my house haha buuut. I find the responses of "will power" and "self control" so aggravating. So when you gained weight you activly chose to over eat and gain weight. Those things are learned over time after trial and error of adapting CICO. Ive said it before, if it were as easy as self control then id just about assume no one on the planet would ever gain weight or fall victim to bad choices.
Same here, I find that idea super annoying and offensive. Calorie counting isn't a natural state, tons of reasons people gain that have nothing to do with them being "weak". Eating without thinking and without knowledge is enough 99% of the time in our society.
Yes to bolded, it just takes a while to figure out which macros to get to satiety on X calorie target, & how to reach them with things you love.
when someone posts like man i couldnt walk away from that cheesecake.. thats a very honest a real life issue many of us have had. Just being like "your an adult have some self control" is very condescending to me.
Agree completely0 -
not sure if its because I got 3 hours of sleep due to a sewage like breaking under my house haha buuut. I find the responses of "will power" and "self control" so aggravating. So when you gained weight you activly chose to over eat and gain weight. Those things are learned over time after trial and error of adapting CICO. Ive said it before, if it were as easy as self control then id just about assume no one on the planet would ever gain weight or fall victim to bad choices.
Yes, I actively chose to overeat. Nobody held my mouth open and shoved food down my gullet. I did it all myself. Not my finest accomplishment but I did it all myself. Whether or not I did it to purposely gain weight (i.e., actively choosing to gain weight) or not, I chose to eat enough to gain weight. I made bad choices but I was not a victim.
Not sure why it's so aggravating to read the truth.
oh the truth isnt aggravating, but telling someone to have self control is an obvious statement. It is not helpful when they clearly know they lack in that department. When im watching football i should probably have self control when drinking beer but I dont because I enjoy it. I obviously know i should... and telling me to have it doesnt help me in anyway. Im sure there are many people on this site that lack self control in one aspect or another in their life.
But what else are we supposed to do? The alternative is to say "You poor thing. You are a victim. Your overeating patterns and weight gain are due to no fault of your own. Attempting to control yourself is futile. A lifetime of obesity is inevitable. Give up now."
I don't think so, I think the 3rd option is recognizing reasons for overeating in the past and planning to prevent that happening in future. I don't think of it in terms of "self-control" at all. Or maybe, in the sense that with knowledge and experience, you can minimize vulnerability.
yea i dont expect any one to coddle me or anyone else on this site... i just dont really like to see people stating the obvious when self control isnt as easy as snapping a finger.0 -
It is very hard to eliminate old habit patterns and I swear people who adapt their existing habits without trying to force a change are more successful. I found it very helpful to read about Hait's "rider and the elephant" and Duhigg's book on Habit.
I use a technique developed by Stanford for people with chronic conditions where I take a problem, troubleshoot solutions, try one for a week, and re-evaluate. By knowing myself I develop strategies, one by one and slowly over time, that gradually lead me to a healthier way of living.
Read, "Is Willpower a limited resource?"
So you build self-control and success by being kind to yourself, and building strategies that slowly builds your willpower over time. You can replenish your willpower by giving yourself a little joy.
this is an excellent post and i will for sure look into reading that thank you.0 -
Again, what's your alternative?not sure if its because I got 3 hours of sleep due to a sewage like breaking under my house haha buuut. I find the responses of "will power" and "self control" so aggravating. So when you gained weight you activly chose to over eat and gain weight. Those things are learned over time after trial and error of adapting CICO. Ive said it before, if it were as easy as self control then id just about assume no one on the planet would ever gain weight or fall victim to bad choices.
Same here, I find that idea super annoying and offensive. Calorie counting isn't a natural state, tons of reasons people gain that have nothing to do with them being "weak". Eating without thinking and without knowledge is enough 99% of the time in our society.
Yes to bolded, it just takes a while to figure out which macros to get to satiety on X calorie target, & how to reach them with things you love.
when someone posts like man i couldnt walk away from that cheesecake.. thats a very honest a real life issue many of us have had. Just being like "your an adult have some self control" is very condescending to me.
0 -
DeguelloTex wrote: »
I think the way you said it sounds better than, "you just need to control yourself". One is empowering, the other one reminds me of my mom yelling at me in the bathroom at church for not sitting still in my seat.
They both say the same thing. You need to control yourself. You're the only one who can.0 -
not sure if its because I got 3 hours of sleep due to a sewage like breaking under my house haha buuut. I find the responses of "will power" and "self control" so aggravating. So when you gained weight you activly chose to over eat and gain weight. Those things are learned over time after trial and error of adapting CICO. Ive said it before, if it were as easy as self control then id just about assume no one on the planet would ever gain weight or fall victim to bad choices.
Yes, I actively chose to overeat. Nobody held my mouth open and shoved food down my gullet. I did it all myself. Not my finest accomplishment but I did it all myself. Whether or not I did it to purposely gain weight (i.e., actively choosing to gain weight) or not, I chose to eat enough to gain weight. I made bad choices but I was not a victim.
Not sure why it's so aggravating to read the truth.
oh the truth isnt aggravating, but telling someone to have self control is an obvious statement. It is not helpful when they clearly know they lack in that department. When im watching football i should probably have self control when drinking beer but I dont because I enjoy it. I obviously know i should... and telling me to have it doesnt help me in anyway. Im sure there are many people on this site that lack self control in one aspect or another in their life.
But what else are we supposed to do? The alternative is to say "You poor thing. You are a victim. Your overeating patterns and weight gain are due to no fault of your own. Attempting to control yourself is futile. A lifetime of obesity is inevitable. Give up now."
I don't think so, I think the 3rd option is recognizing reasons for overeating in the past and planning to prevent that happening in future. I don't think of it in terms of "self-control" at all. Or maybe, in the sense that with knowledge and experience, you can minimize vulnerability.
yea i dont expect any one to coddle me or anyone else on this site... i just dont really like to see people stating the obvious when self control isnt as easy as snapping a finger.
"Self-control" is easier for some people than others for a HOST of very individual biological and psychological and environmental reasons. Have a problem with blood sugar, PCOS, thyroid, whatever? It's going to be different for you, and it's only by learning different practical strategies that "self-control" is going to be possible.
Great thoughts & links, @jgnatca0 -
Think of will-power/self-control as a muscle you have to exercise. If I told you right now to go run a 5k, you may or may not be able to do it. But if I told you in 2 months I'll be back to tell you to run a 5k, you will have ample time to work at it. Same with self control. And I think a lot of this has to do with the mentality of weight loss. You didn't get where you are overnight. Many of us have habits that have been engrained in us for years. Most of us will not wake up tomorrow and be able to say no to everything. You can have your beer and cheesecake, just have it in moderation. Make it fit your calories
Watching football all day yesterday, I saw MANY commercials for the new Boss Wrap at Taco Bell, and it looked awesome. I didn't eat breakfast, had a reasonable lunch, and then went and got a single item from Taco Bell that was 870 cals. And I enjoyed every bite. I was a tad hungry later, and didn't eat anything, because I was at my calories for the day. I've been working on self-control for a few months, and its definitely getting easier! So just keep at it. Start small, and it will get easier each time! And if you slip up, just remember that YOU are making the choice, and don't blame it on habits.
The formula of weight loss is easy. Doing it, on the other hand, is the challenge. 0 -
DeguelloTex wrote: »DeguelloTex wrote: »
I think the way you said it sounds better than, "you just need to control yourself". One is empowering, the other one reminds me of my mom yelling at me in the bathroom at church for not sitting still in my seat.
They both say the same thing. You need to control yourself. You're the only one who can.
They don't say it in the same way. There is a reason people chose to use language in different ways. You can convey the same message multiple ways.
I could tell someone:
"I would like you to shut up right now."
OR
"Can we please talk about this later?"
They say the same thing, but one is inflammatory.0 -
Does being easier for some people than others rule out "self-control" as what needs to happen?not sure if its because I got 3 hours of sleep due to a sewage like breaking under my house haha buuut. I find the responses of "will power" and "self control" so aggravating. So when you gained weight you activly chose to over eat and gain weight. Those things are learned over time after trial and error of adapting CICO. Ive said it before, if it were as easy as self control then id just about assume no one on the planet would ever gain weight or fall victim to bad choices.
Yes, I actively chose to overeat. Nobody held my mouth open and shoved food down my gullet. I did it all myself. Not my finest accomplishment but I did it all myself. Whether or not I did it to purposely gain weight (i.e., actively choosing to gain weight) or not, I chose to eat enough to gain weight. I made bad choices but I was not a victim.
Not sure why it's so aggravating to read the truth.
oh the truth isnt aggravating, but telling someone to have self control is an obvious statement. It is not helpful when they clearly know they lack in that department. When im watching football i should probably have self control when drinking beer but I dont because I enjoy it. I obviously know i should... and telling me to have it doesnt help me in anyway. Im sure there are many people on this site that lack self control in one aspect or another in their life.
But what else are we supposed to do? The alternative is to say "You poor thing. You are a victim. Your overeating patterns and weight gain are due to no fault of your own. Attempting to control yourself is futile. A lifetime of obesity is inevitable. Give up now."
I don't think so, I think the 3rd option is recognizing reasons for overeating in the past and planning to prevent that happening in future. I don't think of it in terms of "self-control" at all. Or maybe, in the sense that with knowledge and experience, you can minimize vulnerability.
yea i dont expect any one to coddle me or anyone else on this site... i just dont really like to see people stating the obvious when self control isnt as easy as snapping a finger.
"Self-control" is easier for some people than others for a HOST of very individual biological and psychological and environmental reasons. Have a problem with blood sugar, PCOS, thyroid, whatever? It's going to be different for you, and it's only by learning different practical strategies that "self-control" is going to be possible.
Great thoughts & links, @jgnatca0 -
DeguelloTex wrote: »
Again, what's your alternative?not sure if its because I got 3 hours of sleep due to a sewage like breaking under my house haha buuut. I find the responses of "will power" and "self control" so aggravating. So when you gained weight you activly chose to over eat and gain weight. Those things are learned over time after trial and error of adapting CICO. Ive said it before, if it were as easy as self control then id just about assume no one on the planet would ever gain weight or fall victim to bad choices.
Same here, I find that idea super annoying and offensive. Calorie counting isn't a natural state, tons of reasons people gain that have nothing to do with them being "weak". Eating without thinking and without knowledge is enough 99% of the time in our society.
Yes to bolded, it just takes a while to figure out which macros to get to satiety on X calorie target, & how to reach them with things you love.
when someone posts like man i couldnt walk away from that cheesecake.. thats a very honest a real life issue many of us have had. Just being like "your an adult have some self control" is very condescending to me.
instead of looking at "willpower" as a static thing, a mark of character & virtue, seeing it as a collection of learnable behaviours that anyone can access. see @jgnatca 's post0 -
When I first started out running, it had been so long I had forgotten how. I was on a scenic back trail and thankfully alone. I remember having read Born to Run by McDougall and how he described running as a "controlled fall". So I leaned forward as far as I could and took my first running step in decades. MFP pointed me to C25K so I was able to gradually build up my endurance over the next eight weeks. How thrilling to see progress over those weeks!
It is a problem to tell people to have more "willpower" or to "eat less", "lift heavy" and "move more". These are all true. But for the uninitiated, the first step seems daunting. How exactly do they get from where they are now to this magical place? For those of us who have gone before, we've got the memories, experience, and confidence to know that we can make it. We know the texture, form, and process of "eating less" and all the rest.
Fill in the gaps a little. Put a little more information between A and B. People need to know that this is achievable. Baby steps.0 -
DeguelloTex wrote: »
Does being easier for some people than others rule out "self-control" as what needs to happen?not sure if its because I got 3 hours of sleep due to a sewage like breaking under my house haha buuut. I find the responses of "will power" and "self control" so aggravating. So when you gained weight you activly chose to over eat and gain weight. Those things are learned over time after trial and error of adapting CICO. Ive said it before, if it were as easy as self control then id just about assume no one on the planet would ever gain weight or fall victim to bad choices.
Yes, I actively chose to overeat. Nobody held my mouth open and shoved food down my gullet. I did it all myself. Not my finest accomplishment but I did it all myself. Whether or not I did it to purposely gain weight (i.e., actively choosing to gain weight) or not, I chose to eat enough to gain weight. I made bad choices but I was not a victim.
Not sure why it's so aggravating to read the truth.
oh the truth isnt aggravating, but telling someone to have self control is an obvious statement. It is not helpful when they clearly know they lack in that department. When im watching football i should probably have self control when drinking beer but I dont because I enjoy it. I obviously know i should... and telling me to have it doesnt help me in anyway. Im sure there are many people on this site that lack self control in one aspect or another in their life.
But what else are we supposed to do? The alternative is to say "You poor thing. You are a victim. Your overeating patterns and weight gain are due to no fault of your own. Attempting to control yourself is futile. A lifetime of obesity is inevitable. Give up now."
I don't think so, I think the 3rd option is recognizing reasons for overeating in the past and planning to prevent that happening in future. I don't think of it in terms of "self-control" at all. Or maybe, in the sense that with knowledge and experience, you can minimize vulnerability.
yea i dont expect any one to coddle me or anyone else on this site... i just dont really like to see people stating the obvious when self control isnt as easy as snapping a finger.
"Self-control" is easier for some people than others for a HOST of very individual biological and psychological and environmental reasons. Have a problem with blood sugar, PCOS, thyroid, whatever? It's going to be different for you, and it's only by learning different practical strategies that "self-control" is going to be possible.
Great thoughts & links, @jgnatca
"Planning " is a word & framework I prefer. For me the idea of "self-control" is loaded with a whack of moral baggage & judgement I personally find unhelpful. Some people do find it helpful & empowering, they should use that idea. But they shouldn't impose it on others if it's not helpful for them0
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