Do people treat you differently?
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Yes, they do.
At 260, I was very much invisible. Also, for some reason, people are a bit nicer to me now, which is strange, as my personality hasn't really changed other than being a bit more confident. *shrug*salembambi wrote: »i lost 150 pounds and suddenly now i am visible to people
people treat me much better overall and honestly it pisses me off how *kitten* i was treated as a 300 pound women compared to now
Wow! Congratulations! That's a fantastic loss!!!0 -
Since I have lost weight I treat myself so much better and I have a better outlook on the world around me. To me, that's what matters the most.0
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Oh yes a lot changed when I lost the extra baggage.....
I was very unhappy and dare I say ashamed of how I looked and felt @ 278 lbs.....when I started walking I would always avoid public streets and opt for secluded tracks. I guess I wanted to be invisible.
Then I started to change, I got stronger and fitter way before noticeable weight loss and I started to feel proud of my accomplishments....and I decided to change my attitude and not give a damn what others thought of me pounding the streets. Let them judge. I felt better and that's what started to count most of all.
It is hard though to not feel pain for my old self....I was no less smart, caring or deserving of respect when I weighed my most than being @ 110 lbs now but I certainly have found that many interactions with others pan out very differently now than they would in the past....particularly when clothes shopping or dealing with business transactions.
Yeah people, men particularly treat me differently too even though I am 53.....it is a bit startling for me and I struggle to know how to respond....I'm flattered but also kind of insulted knowing that it is a superficial interest.....there have been far too many awkward moments where there are long looks up and down, even with my beloved by my side. He's stoked though, which is lovely as he says he's lucky to have such a "hottie" wife...lol.
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I agree with Triskele2. Being happy in your own skin gives you confidence & a confident person is more likely to make eye contact with others & appear more approachable in general (by their body language).0
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I am 6'5, 185 pounds. When I weighed 340, strangers never talked to me, ever. The cashiers said things like "How are you today?", but that was about it. Now I get people starting conversations with me like I'm their brother. I had a woman stop me at the grocery and say "My husband was a bean pole like you, then he got fat as he got older. You better watch out!". I have people tell me they like my shirt, never happened before.0
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I am pretty sure for most people it's due to increased confidence and approachability a lot more than to looking physically different... The last time I can remember anyone treating me badly for being fat was in middle school. Conversations, smiles, all that has been happening at a reasonable rate. My coworkers have always treated me according to my behaviour and results at work, and how I treated them.
That said, some of the çomments make me think may be it's due to the local mores too... Apparently in some parts of the world strangers think nothing of commenting on your body
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I actually get angry at men, ill be sat in a car saying "what are you staring at you wierdo?! Getting pretty angry , my husband is like. ... you.... staring at you. Then I feel bad for being a bi*ch!0
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The Halo Effect is a thing ~ what is beautiful is good.
What is The Halo Effect
When I was younger it used to bother me because I would rather be judged (either negatively or positively) on who I actually am rather who I am assumed to be. Now, I have become acclimatised to it more and it bothers me less.0 -
I feel as though I am treated differently now and I was not really that big before. The idea that I became more acceptable just with a difference of 13kgs is pretty horrifying to me.
I can't be sure that it is not me though - I certainly feel better and more confident - so people may just be responding to that.
People are more chatty at work and I suddenly intimidate the hell out of the men. They are not flirty, instead they seem... I dunno.. terrified. They don't look me in the eye, they stare at their shoes and they mutter a lot around me. I used to be "one of the boys", so it is amusing.
The woman are superficially jealous, but mostly it is just good natured ribbing and not real nastiness. For example, when noticing I was wearing a new work suit in a much smaller size today, one of the women said "NOW you are just showing off! Stop rubbing it in, we get it, we get it!" She said it with a twinkle in her eye and not in front of other people so I took it as good natured.
I get a lot of people commenting on my lunches - acting like I am some sort of saint. That part is really odd, as I eat what I feel like (in appropriate portions). Today I am having pumpkin pie for lunch and I will still get praised.0 -
I am still very uncomfortable around people, in person. I'm doing little things now to try to loosen up, but I progress slowly. That's okay, I figure I have until the day I die to get this all right.
What I do find incredibly amusing are the bold individuals who come right up to me and let me know what they think of me. So far it has been mostly positive. I've had young people try to get me to pay them some attention by saying hello to me as they pass by with their friends, as I'm tunnel visioning in on my walks to and from my destinations.
I did have a passing stranger once rhetorically ask a few of his nearby friends if they'd also find it funny had he punched me in my face. The frequency of positive encounters have completely outweighed the negative, so far.
Many pounds ago, while I was out for a walk, I once watched a physically fit woman wearing very flattering clothing walk down a street by herself. She definitely had a lot of attention from the enraptured men passing by. She even managed to ask one of them to escort her to the end of the street, I'm assuming she felt unsafe alone. When she got to the end of the street, she thanked him, they parted, and she continued on to her destination.
I found it amazing to watch since I sometimes struggle with setting boundaries. I worry when smiling to strangers who let me know they liked looking at me are somehow leading people on. I prefer hiding still. Right now, I don't know if the comfort I get from anonymity ever has to change.
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I think how you're treated as a fat person depends on the vibes you throw out - if you're mentally trying to 'hide' yourself you will be invisible to other people, if you exude 'confidence' you will appear approachable and people will acknowledge you.
I started out as obese and am now overweight, heading for 'normal'. I certainly have never felt invisible to other people [strangers]. I even get 'chatted up' [hit on lol] when I go to the supermarket - not bad for 66 lol0 -
I get treated differently, but I think it has a lot to do with my own self-image. When I first lost weight, I was still really uncomfortable in my own skin. I was awkward and not very sociable. Since then, I've started working out and setting goals for myself... I've become much more confident. Even now, if I gain back some weight I still get lots of positive attention. I think it's because of my attitude, which is pretty much "F*** you. I'm awesome!".0
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I lost 123 pounds almost two years ago, and yes I do think people treat me differently. I don't know if that's because they see me differently or because I do, or maybe both.0
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I understand what people are saying about being treated differently pre-weight loss, but I believe at least part of it was my own fault.
Before I lost so much weight I was unhappy, introverted, and generally not a positive person. Upon losing weight I have become 200% more perky, upbeat, outgoing, energetic, positive, and generally more fun.
I wouldn't have wanted to see or be around me before either. While I don't think this accounts for ALL of the way overweight people are treated, I do believe it's a big part of it. I know at least two very overweight women who are extremely outgoing, happy, super fun people to be around and I watch people flock to be with them regardless of their weight.
Just something to think about.
I wouldn't say this is true of me because I've always been outgoing, gregarious, and fun. However, I have found that I am 1200% more likely to offer to help others or to speak out if I see injustice in the world. My confidence in what myself and my body is capable of is through the roof and I will take on almost anyone in debate over the mistreatment of other people. I am VERY outspoken now compared to where I was almost 50 pounds ago.
Sometimes it's a great thing. Other times....
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I'm 5'11 and I lost 50lbs in 2012, kept it off within a few pounds.
I was invisible when I was larger and I'm invisible now. My mom always says that I be a great theif because I never get noticed anywhere, which is weird because I'm pretty tall. Actually when we go out, shopping or otherwise people will actually wreck into us walking. Some times I wonder if I'm some kinda ghost. LOL0 -
I understand what people are saying about being treated differently pre-weight loss, but I believe at least part of it was my own fault.
Before I lost so much weight I was unhappy, introverted, and generally not a positive person. Upon losing weight I have become 200% more perky, upbeat, outgoing, energetic, positive, and generally more fun.
I wouldn't have wanted to see or be around me before either. While I don't think this accounts for ALL of the way overweight people are treated, I do believe it's a big part of it. I know at least two very overweight women who are extremely outgoing, happy, super fun people to be around and I watch people flock to be with them regardless of their weight.
Just something to think about.
I'm not generally one to nitpick posts, but as a lifelong introvert the bolded bothers me just a bit. True introversion isn't something that changes with body size. Nor is it something that correlates with being unhappy or negative.
It doesn't mean what you seem to think it means.0 -
I haven't noticed much of a change, but it might be because I left most of the people that I see everyday prior to my weight loss and haven't been back since (yay, the evils of high school). If I crashed the reunion or somehow ran into those people again, then it might be interesting to see if those people treat me differently.0
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I'm not generally one to nitpick posts, but as a lifelong introvert the bolded bothers me just a bit. True introversion isn't something that changes with body size. Nor is it something that correlates with being unhappy or negative.
It doesn't mean what you seem to think it means.
nice to see the forum police take the bait. Some things never change. Thanks for making my day!
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People seem to be a bit more polite when I go shopping. They use to say watch it, do you mind, or just give me dirty looks, but now it's like, oh no problem your fine. They actually smile at me instead of glaring at me.0
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I'm not generally one to nitpick posts, but as a lifelong introvert the bolded bothers me just a bit. True introversion isn't something that changes with body size. Nor is it something that correlates with being unhappy or negative.
It doesn't mean what you seem to think it means.
nice to see the forum police take the bait. Some things never change. Thanks for making my day!
I can understand both sides of this and I think you're both right. Introvert is one of those words that has a flexible meaning in the English language that strays from its primary definition. It's kind of like how people will describe a person who doesn't socialize much as antisocial when the word antisocial in textbook definition actually describes someone who is sociopathic.
In any case, I'm happy that @Triskele2 became more confident and sociable as they lost weight. Anything that can help you become your best self is an amazing thing.
@Pawsforme As someone who is painfully introverted, I feel you. People usually assume I'm stuck up due to it. Nothing in the world will change it regardless of my size.0 -
I have been of a normal weight and I have been underweight. The sexual attention I received when I was underweight was both aggressive and disturbing. It also tended to come from what I would call a "particular type of man" - a type I'm glad I can now more easily identify and avoid. Never again.0
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As an adult, I have been normal/healthy weight, overweight and just over the line into obese and back to overweight.
I haven't really noticed a difference in treatment or attention from strangers or acquaintances at my different weights.
I have noticed more of a difference in treatment/attention from family/closer friends.0 -
Yep. 40ish pounds down, now that I look like I lift I get treated like a "bro". It's kind of annoying considering the fact I've always embraced music art and culture, not football and beer.0
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I've noticed a lot of differences in how people treat me. Some of it is positive, some of it is negative.
People at my apartment building are more inclined to talk to me in the elevator or the hallway--just in passing, friendly stuff, and that's nice. People casually sit by me on a crowded Metro, whereas before you could always see in their face "oh great I have to sit by a fatty." I no longer feel like I'm being judged or gawked at when I'm in a restaurant, regardless of what I'm eating. I find that when I'm out somewhere "healthy" like a walking trail, or in my gym, or at an ice skating rink, people are friendly and there's lots of small talk, but that might just be because of the environment, not the way I look.
But a big negative is attention from men. I've been morbidly obese nearly all my life, and have been completely ignored by men. Now, I'm 29, I've lost nearly a hundred pounds, and while I still have 60 or so pounds to go, I am definitely getting attention. As an asexual with zero sexual/romantic experience, I find it very uncomfortable. Men will match my short stride and walk with me down city blocks. Men stop and make comments to me at restaurants or while I'm waiting for a bus. I do not appreciate the attention, and it's not like I'm out at a bar dancing or wearing a halter top or something. I haven't changed how I dress or where I go. It's just, now that I don't have this mountain of fat as armor, I feel like I'm being sized up as a sexual object, and I don't like it.
It's a really big change, and it's something I'm learning to cope with. I know that women like my sister, who weighs 90 pounds and is quite pretty, have to become very adept at fending off unwanted attention and have even been groped and harassed, but it's not something I've ever had to deal with before. It leaves me feeling exposed and vulnerable, something I never felt when I weighed 290. A woman was abducted from my apartment parking lot once, and my mother was all in a tizzy. I told her not to worry, fat women never get abducted, too much effort. Now, I just feel a lot more paranoid when I'm out alone (which is almost always, as I'm a loner).0 -
I have pretty much always been morbidly obese. I'm 5'2" and in junior high I was already 175. I have never known what its like to be hit on, or flirted with out in public. I can probably count on my hands how many times that has happened to me. I've never had a drink bought for me, or anything like that. Now I have always been in relationships and have a lot of friends but not what y'all are talking about.
I've lost 50 lbs so far and have already noticed the difference in how I am treated. At 367 lbs no one acknowledged me. I am a friendly extrovert so I don't try to be invisible. Men seemed to look right thru me. If I am not attractive to them, I do not exist.
This is honestly something I think about, how different I'm gonna be treated and one of the reasons my husband and I are doing this together. I worry it will affect our relationship.0 -
kthompson601 wrote: »I've noticed a lot of differences in how people treat me. Some of it is positive, some of it is negative.
People at my apartment building are more inclined to talk to me in the elevator or the hallway--just in passing, friendly stuff, and that's nice. People casually sit by me on a crowded Metro, whereas before you could always see in their face "oh great I have to sit by a fatty." I no longer feel like I'm being judged or gawked at when I'm in a restaurant, regardless of what I'm eating. I find that when I'm out somewhere "healthy" like a walking trail, or in my gym, or at an ice skating rink, people are friendly and there's lots of small talk, but that might just be because of the environment, not the way I look.
But a big negative is attention from men. I've been morbidly obese nearly all my life, and have been completely ignored by men. Now, I'm 29, I've lost nearly a hundred pounds, and while I still have 60 or so pounds to go, I am definitely getting attention. As an asexual with zero sexual/romantic experience, I find it very uncomfortable. Men will match my short stride and walk with me down city blocks. Men stop and make comments to me at restaurants or while I'm waiting for a bus. I do not appreciate the attention, and it's not like I'm out at a bar dancing or wearing a halter top or something. I haven't changed how I dress or where I go. It's just, now that I don't have this mountain of fat as armor, I feel like I'm being sized up as a sexual object, and I don't like it.
It's a really big change, and it's something I'm learning to cope with. I know that women like my sister, who weighs 90 pounds and is quite pretty, have to become very adept at fending off unwanted attention and have even been groped and harassed, but it's not something I've ever had to deal with before. It leaves me feeling exposed and vulnerable, something I never felt when I weighed 290. A woman was abducted from my apartment parking lot once, and my mother was all in a tizzy. I told her not to worry, fat women never get abducted, too much effort. Now, I just feel a lot more paranoid when I'm out alone (which is almost always, as I'm a loner).
I mentioned earlier in the thread that I didn't like the attention from men either, but I didn't state a reason why. I am asexual like you; I realized it at 28 and I'm 30 now. The past few years that I've spent alone have been the happiest of my life. It's what took away my depression and caused me to start taking care of my body. The only difference is that I do have romantic experience and it took me forcing myself into those experiences for me to realize I was asexual. So instead of it simply being unwanted attention from men, it brings me to a level of uncomfortable that I just don't know how to handle. Sometimes I get severe anxiety from it and I just want to escape. I do not like being viewed as a sexual object either. I do not mind if someone is fond of me because I can simply say I do not reciprocate the feeling, but to have a complete stranger or a coworker respond to my new body with such aggression is unsettling to say the least. It's almost as if they feel entitled to do so because they think I've decided to have a body that is sexually pleasing to them. If you have any advice on how to deal with it and the anxiety that comes with it, please let me know. I'm trying to cope with it, but it gets hard at times.0 -
Trying to be healthy my coworkers make fun of me a lot more. Whenever someone asks what I brought for lunch, one will always chime in with a mispronounced 'quinoa', or 'grass', while another constantly tells me I'm a bad fat friend and that I shouldn't be dieting. I take it all in stride, though. Working in IT, it's kind of rare for someone to eat healthy and be in shape. The stereotype is real! Other than that, not really. My boyfriend and I are more attracted to each other, though, as he's losing weight as well. Of course we were never unattracted, but you get it. 0
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I make new female friends more easily. Before, I was pretty talkative and confident but I've noticed at average weight (previously morbidly obese), women are more likely to ask me for my contact details and want me to come to events and things.
I've always gotten hit on, but now the guys are a lot different - less sweet & intellectual, much more aggressive and WAY cheesier "dudes". I'm married so it's not an issue really...but it's a bit alarming to me at times.0 -
Men are nicer. Women not so much. I guess it's a trade-off.0
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