Do people treat you differently?
Replies
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I haven't really noticed a difference. Either because I'm not good at paying attention to these things or because I really am being treated the same. I know the 80-year old corner shop owner keeps telling me every time I visit the shop "don't you ever gain weight again, you look amazing"... every single time on repeat lol.0
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rhianna818 wrote: »I'm curious to know, if those of us who feel that there def is a difference in the way we are treated, and those who feel like there is no difference, what weight level we all started at.
Self confidence, or lack there of, doesn't seem to be what it is. We've had several people already squash that one.
Just like a few others have mentioned we most definitely are not invisible. I'm sure we sometimes wish we were. We get plenty of points and stares. Whispers and laughs. Going out we are treated like a personal freak show for strangers. It's enough to really cause some to want to never leave their house.
It's pretty *kitten* up honestly.
I started just inside healthy BMI, ended a bit below the middle of healthy BMI. Originally, I looked stocky. Now I look fairly athletic - and I am
I noticed a difference.
Strangers reacted to the way I carried myself. I wasn't happy about the way I looked or felt (which is why I decided to lose) and it showed. I'm an introvert - if I'm not feeling upbeat, I have less energy to be interacting with people I don't know and don't have a reason to be sociable around. Less unneccessary eye contact, fewer spontaneous 'hello's, more 'I'm on a mission' attitude. So, people were less friendly. No surprise.
My family was great. No complaints.
Friends and acquaintances treated me differently for a little while after I hit goal. Some of them acted like I'd performed a miracle *rolls-eyes*. It took talking to most people once or twice before they went back to their normal selves, as if they thought I was going to look down my nose at them because they still have some pudge/don't exercise/etc. I was myself, they figured out that if they didn't bring up my weight loss and exercise, I didn't bring up my weight loss and exercise (but that I was happy to answer questions) and everything went back to normal.0 -
The only other one is *sigh* my mom. At thanksgiving, my step-dad was asking me about my weight loss, I mentioned that my next goal was to buy myself some size 10's for christmas. My mom goes "what? NO!!"
as a "joke" I guess... I think thats the size she wears. Apparently ME being that size isn't allowed? I just shrugged it off as her attempt to make a joke at her own expense. But a week later when I actually DID get into some 10's I txted her a photo and said "sorry mom!" and She just gave me a speech about not "going overboard" and how a friend of hers lost so much weight that for a while she looked sick. I said "C'mon mom... don't be that guy. I'm literally ONE POUND inside my healthy weight range"
And she said "no you look great, just you know, don't get carried away." What the actual crap. 10s were something I NEVER in a million years thought i'd ever see, I finally see it, i'm nowhere near any kind of "unhealthy" weight (i'm 172 at 5'10", hell I was 173 actually when this conversation happened) and the first thing you do is rain on my parade? BAH.
I have a family member like this. The face that is made when my weightloss is complimented or I'm congratulated. I pity that person. How much energy it must take up to be that jealous & resentful.
I've felt envious of people I care about in the passed and it made me so disappointed in myself. I'm sure your Mom doesn't feel good about it.
Congrats on what you have achieved x0 -
rhianna818 wrote: »I'm curious to know, if those of us who feel that there def is a difference in the way we are treated, and those who feel like there is no difference, what weight level we all started at.
Self confidence, or lack there of, doesn't seem to be what it is. We've had several people already squash that one.
Just like a few others have mentioned we most definitely are not invisible. I'm sure we sometimes wish we were. We get plenty of points and stares. Whispers and laughs. Going out we are treated like a personal freak show for strangers. It's enough to really cause some to want to never leave their house.
It's pretty *kitten* up honestly.
My highest weight was 260 at 5'10". If people were whispering behind my back (as an adult), I thank them for being intelligent enough to never let me hear it. I got a lot of "you have such a pretty face" "you're the smart one in the family" stuff, but I didn't give that a negative twist, because c'mon, it'd be weird if people were saying "you have such a pretty BODY"
Though I also wasn't raised by people who really gave a crap about fitting in, fashion, or anything like that, and so I grew up for the most part not giving a crap about it either. There's a big difference between fitting in and being accepted for who you are, as you are, and I was lucky to mostly get the latter.
The only time I can remember anyone being a jerk to me about my weight was when I was a kid, aka, before I got so TALL, and even then I can only remember maybe three people saying anything about it, one was my dad (thinking he was being cute teasing me for eating goldfish crackers), my brother, who tortured me relentlessly regardless of subject, and one stupid little boy in middle school who never said a thing to me after that. For me I think it was self confidence PLUS an ability to not really care what *kitten* said to make me feel bad, partially because I did grow up with a sibling who was a hell spawn from the abyss.
I don't know if its because i'm from the south or what, but i'm shocked at some of the comments people say they've heard from people on this thread. I've never in my life heard anyone say horrible things out loud to someone else about their weight like that. The harshest thing I hear from my family (behind someones back) is "wow, she's gained so much weight this year and she was already obese, I hope she's doing ok." in regards to one of my cousins. That's pretty freaking gentle compared to some of the things i've read.
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rhianna818 wrote: »I'm curious to know, if those of us who feel that there def is a difference in the way we are treated, and those who feel like there is no difference, what weight level we all started at.
Self confidence, or lack there of, doesn't seem to be what it is. We've had several people already squash that one.
Just like a few others have mentioned we most definitely are not invisible. I'm sure we sometimes wish we were. We get plenty of points and stares. Whispers and laughs. Going out we are treated like a personal freak show for strangers. It's enough to really cause some to want to never leave their house.
It's pretty *kitten* up honestly.
My highest weight was 260 at 5'10". If people were whispering behind my back (as an adult), I thank them for being intelligent enough to never let me hear it. I got a lot of "you have such a pretty face" "you're the smart one in the family" stuff, but I didn't give that a negative twist, because c'mon, it'd be weird if people were saying "you have such a pretty BODY"
Though I also wasn't raised by people who really gave a crap about fitting in, fashion, or anything like that, and so I grew up for the most part not giving a crap about it either. There's a big difference between fitting in and being accepted for who you are, as you are, and I was lucky to mostly get the latter.
The only time I can remember anyone being a jerk to me about my weight was when I was a kid, aka, before I got so TALL, and even then I can only remember maybe three people saying anything about it, one was my dad (thinking he was being cute teasing me for eating goldfish crackers), my brother, who tortured me relentlessly regardless of subject, and one stupid little boy in middle school who never said a thing to me after that. For me I think it was self confidence PLUS an ability to not really care what *kitten* said to make me feel bad, partially because I did grow up with a sibling who was a hell spawn from the abyss.
I don't know if its because i'm from the south or what, but i'm shocked at some of the comments people say they've heard from people on this thread. I've never in my life heard anyone say horrible things out loud to someone else about their weight like that. The harshest thing I hear from my family (behind someones back) is "wow, she's gained so much weight this year and she was already obese, I hope she's doing ok." in regards to one of my cousins. That's pretty freaking gentle compared to some of the things i've read.
When my husband and I were dating, when we would go out to eat we would catch people looking. And ok maybe I can't count every look bc we don't know why they were looking, but usually you can see it in their facial expressions. But I also have a very vivid memory of going to the movies and seeing a police officers nudge his partner and point to us and laughing.
Now, my husband and I are both super obese, or death fat, as some call it. He was probably around 500 at his heaviest and I was 367. So we are both pretty big. Before I was w/ him I never paid any attention bc it doesn't matter to me what strangers think. I have a lot of self confidence and think I am pretty awesome, my weight only determines my clothing size. That didn't mean it didn't happen, I just don't care to waste my energy on the negative. My honey on the other hand is hyper-aware of the looks and such and takes them very personally. His self worth is associated w/ how he feels the public portrays him. And as a fat person he is labeled as lazy, unmotivated, a slob, stupid, etc. Its sad really.
I'm glad we are now working together to lose the weight and and I hope for him the weight loss gives him more confidence. He is really an awesome guy. So hard working and smart. I just wish he could see what I see.0 -
rhianna818 wrote: »I'm curious to know, if those of us who feel that there def is a difference in the way we are treated, and those who feel like there is no difference, what weight level we all started at.
Self confidence, or lack there of, doesn't seem to be what it is. We've had several people already squash that one.
Just like a few others have mentioned we most definitely are not invisible. I'm sure we sometimes wish we were. We get plenty of points and stares. Whispers and laughs. Going out we are treated like a personal freak show for strangers. It's enough to really cause some to want to never leave their house.
It's pretty *kitten* up honestly.
My highest weight was 260 at 5'10". If people were whispering behind my back (as an adult), I thank them for being intelligent enough to never let me hear it. I got a lot of "you have such a pretty face" "you're the smart one in the family" stuff, but I didn't give that a negative twist, because c'mon, it'd be weird if people were saying "you have such a pretty BODY"
Exactly. I've always taken that positively and was actually surprised to know it offends some people.0 -
rhianna818 wrote: »rhianna818 wrote: »I'm curious to know, if those of us who feel that there def is a difference in the way we are treated, and those who feel like there is no difference, what weight level we all started at.
Self confidence, or lack there of, doesn't seem to be what it is. We've had several people already squash that one.
Just like a few others have mentioned we most definitely are not invisible. I'm sure we sometimes wish we were. We get plenty of points and stares. Whispers and laughs. Going out we are treated like a personal freak show for strangers. It's enough to really cause some to want to never leave their house.
It's pretty *kitten* up honestly.
My highest weight was 260 at 5'10". If people were whispering behind my back (as an adult), I thank them for being intelligent enough to never let me hear it. I got a lot of "you have such a pretty face" "you're the smart one in the family" stuff, but I didn't give that a negative twist, because c'mon, it'd be weird if people were saying "you have such a pretty BODY"
Though I also wasn't raised by people who really gave a crap about fitting in, fashion, or anything like that, and so I grew up for the most part not giving a crap about it either. There's a big difference between fitting in and being accepted for who you are, as you are, and I was lucky to mostly get the latter.
The only time I can remember anyone being a jerk to me about my weight was when I was a kid, aka, before I got so TALL, and even then I can only remember maybe three people saying anything about it, one was my dad (thinking he was being cute teasing me for eating goldfish crackers), my brother, who tortured me relentlessly regardless of subject, and one stupid little boy in middle school who never said a thing to me after that. For me I think it was self confidence PLUS an ability to not really care what *kitten* said to make me feel bad, partially because I did grow up with a sibling who was a hell spawn from the abyss.
I don't know if its because i'm from the south or what, but i'm shocked at some of the comments people say they've heard from people on this thread. I've never in my life heard anyone say horrible things out loud to someone else about their weight like that. The harshest thing I hear from my family (behind someones back) is "wow, she's gained so much weight this year and she was already obese, I hope she's doing ok." in regards to one of my cousins. That's pretty freaking gentle compared to some of the things i've read.
When my husband and I were dating, when we would go out to eat we would catch people looking. And ok maybe I can't count every look bc we don't know why they were looking, but usually you can see it in their facial expressions. But I also have a very vivid memory of going to the movies and seeing a police officers nudge his partner and point to us and laughing.
Now, my husband and I are both super obese, or death fat, as some call it. He was probably around 500 at his heaviest and I was 367. So we are both pretty big. Before I was w/ him I never paid any attention bc it doesn't matter to me what strangers think. I have a lot of self confidence and think I am pretty awesome, my weight only determines my clothing size. That didn't mean it didn't happen, I just don't care to waste my energy on the negative. My honey on the other hand is hyper-aware of the looks and such and takes them very personally. His self worth is associated w/ how he feels the public portrays him. And as a fat person he is labeled as lazy, unmotivated, a slob, stupid, etc. Its sad really.
I'm glad we are now working together to lose the weight and and I hope for him the weight loss gives him more confidence. He is really an awesome guy. So hard working and smart. I just wish he could see what I see.
You sound like a very nice and supportive couple. Not everyone can say that their partner supports their weigh loss goals, there is usually one person that is stubborn. I hope you both are successful and come out even stronger than when you started.0 -
No difference based on weight.
Huge differences based on how I dress and carry myself.0 -
You have to remember that most people who lose a fair amount of weight or who work out just generally feel better, have more energy, and have greater self esteem. Your changed attitudes about yourself may have as much or more to do with how you're being treated now as the body change itself.0
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My family treat me a lot differently, I get a lot of praise from my dad's sisters because one who was skinny always knew I hated my weight and is happy to see me happy losing weight, and the other who is bigger is happy because she knows how hard it is to be big. My mum's sister on the other hand who is rather weight obsessed stays very silent on my weightloss which surprised me, but that's because my cousin and I used to be very big, we're both losing but I've always been a little bit smaller than her and I guess to not make her daughter feel bad she stays quiet on my weightloss, which is a bit upsetting considering I used to be made fun of for being big and had people constantly try and make me diet in that side of the family, now I'm doing what they want they don't want to notice it until my cousin is slimmer. I'm also no longer considered the fat sister in my family, my older sister always used to bully me for my weight and suddenly she started gaining a lot of weight and stays very quiet about weight comments, haha!
I've been getting a lot more attention off men, more so when I was in the 170's mark. I don't know if that is because I was blonde at that weight or what
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I also get a lot of smile backs in the street, I always try to smile at people and now it's being recirprocated, not just the odd friendly person who wants to smile at a fat girl.0 -
@niajones95 My siblings (big family) are the same way. I was always the heaviest when we were younger. Now that we are grown up I'm the thinner one and no one has anything smart @** to say about it now!0
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GaleHawkins wrote: »Look what Google found from the past.
community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/90165/fat-people-are-invisible-somehow/p1
This thread, and the thread linked above, is really rather quite fascinating. Good reads! 0 -
Well I got my answer in a different form over the weekend. Went to the Xmas party of my old company (anyone who left in that calendar year was invited & so many people has been made redundant that it was 50% us ex-employees!).
My best friend from the job & I are still very close but I hadn't seen him in a month and I'd had quite the "whoosh" in that time. We are opposite sex, both straight, he's very much in love with his partner of 3 years and we are like siblings....or at least this is my take on it so you can appreciate my shock when he tried to kiss me & asked me if I wanted to "bang". When I asked him why in the hell he'd think this was a good idea he said I "seem different now"
I won't let it affect our friendship but it really shook me.0 -
Well I got my answer in a different form over the weekend. Went to the Xmas party of my old company (anyone who left in that calendar year was invited & so many people has been made redundant that it was 50% us ex-employees!).
My best friend from the job & I are still very close but I hadn't seen him in a month and I'd had quite the "whoosh" in that time. We are opposite sex, both straight, he's very much in love with his partner of 3 years and we are like siblings....or at least this is my take on it so you can appreciate my shock when he tried to kiss me & asked me if I wanted to "bang". When I asked him why in the hell he'd think this was a good idea he said I "seem different now"
I won't let it affect our friendship but it really shook me.
WTF. Wow what a reaction. I don't know if I could remain friends...That would bother me.0 -
rhianna818 wrote: »Well I got my answer in a different form over the weekend. Went to the Xmas party of my old company (anyone who left in that calendar year was invited & so many people has been made redundant that it was 50% us ex-employees!).
My best friend from the job & I are still very close but I hadn't seen him in a month and I'd had quite the "whoosh" in that time. We are opposite sex, both straight, he's very much in love with his partner of 3 years and we are like siblings....or at least this is my take on it so you can appreciate my shock when he tried to kiss me & asked me if I wanted to "bang". When I asked him why in the hell he'd think this was a good idea he said I "seem different now"
I won't let it affect our friendship but it really shook me.
WTF. Wow what a reaction. I don't know if I could remain friends...That would bother me.
It is bothering me a little but I am being selfish about this. Our friendship is important to me because it offers me a lot of light relief that I don't get from other relationships and also because we have had scarily similar up-bringings so he truly understands a lot of my neurosis. I choose to not deny myself that.
Thanks though - WTF was literally my reaction so I'm glad to see someone else react that way. I also was offended by him putting his totally out-of-order behaviour on me: You came on to me when you're practically married but it is because of me? Because I seem different to you now I am visible as a woman? F*cking do one.0 -
I've noticed it with getting the door held open for me. When I was at my gym towards the beginning of my weight loss, guys would hold the door open for a loooong time for a fit girl and then close it when I was only a few steps behind. This happened not once, not twice, but three times to me. Now at work, men go out of their way to hold the door for me. That didn't happen before. I guess I'll have to see if that ever happens to me at the gym...0
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upscalelifedownscalebutt wrote: »No difference based on weight.
Huge differences based on how I dress and carry myself.
Basically this.0 -
azulvioleta6 wrote: »azulvioleta6 wrote: »
I actually did get hit on when I weighed 300 pounds...but now it sometimes happens 5+ times/day instead of just every once in a while. Sometimes it is a bit overwhelming.
Good lord! I imagine this is that you exude confidence as well as both inner & outer beauty.
P.s fancy grabbing a bite sometime? lol
rankinsect wrote: »60 pounds down and I haven't noticed, but I am quite socially oblivious at times (it once took me about three months to realize someone was hitting on me...).
I don't really notice people treating me bad, either, apart from a few people who openly mocked me to my face. That at least I understood.
I wish I was more like you because at the end of the day, what does it matter as long as we treat ourselves & others in a way we can be proud of
I'm definitely not pretty, so I'm not sure what the heck I exude. I am a dancer, so I think that it may have something to do with moving well or being physically confident.
About 20% of the people who hit on me ARE women.
You are pretty.0 -
I am getting a LOT of male attention and compliments and cat calls, all the time. It's unnerving sometimes, and I don't take compliments gracefully, I just get really red and embarrassed and mumble thank you. I don't know if it's all because I've lost 60 pounds, however.
When I started gaining weight my self-esteem started dropping... plummeting would be more accurate. I hated what I saw in the mirror and I must have projected that onto those around me. I was introverted, shy, never made eye contact... So it's no wonder I never got attention, or hit on, or whatever you want to call it. I am much more confident and happy now. When I go shopping or am out and about I make eye contact with a lot of people. I hold my head up high and smile at everyone, so I know I exude 100% more confidence than I had previously.
So the attention is probably partly because I have lost weight, but I think part of it is also the newfound confidence. Confidence is sexy, regardless of your size.0 -
I went from always having been fit to being overweight. It was interesting that I became invisible. In general getting older and heavier really does make you a non entity to the general population.
This reminds me of a conversation I had with my mom when she started working in a retail shop at age 55-60. She said, "You don't know what it's like being an older woman -- it's like your invisible! Nobody notices you or wants to talk to you!"
I replied, "So it like being a man then."0 -
Lost all my friends.
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Definitely more attention from the opposite sex. Not sure if it's because of superficial reasons or that I carry myself more confidently. Probably a combination of both.0
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I've always been fat (I started somewhere above 275 at 5'4"), and as an adult I've always been confident. I wear bright colours, dress to be seen, smile and greet strangers, hold my head high, etc. I didn't have the negative experiences that so many fat women have, and I count myself lucky. But no matter how visible I made myself, people do see me more now. Overall I've been treated positively, now, and 100+ lbs ago.
But never once when I was fatter did random men think it was a good idea to whistle or make lewd comments as they walk past. I mean for pete's sake the other day I was picking up my dog's poop on a busy street, in the rain, wearing a big coat, in the dark, and I get a "hey sexy, looking good" from a passing stranger. And it just keeps happening. I gotta say, it's a dangerous idea to harass a lady with a bag full of dog feces in her hand. One of these days...
So basically, the positive interactions with strangers have continued, though they seem a little more frequent now and little kids talk to me more. The negative interactions have skyrocketed and I am not amused.1 -
Guys, I just have to drop this here.
You keep using the word introvert to mean "shy" or not outgoing. That's not what it means. That's like using the term narcissistic to describe your friend who looks in the mirror a lot. That's not what it means, it's actually referring to a dangerous and unhealthy personality disorder most commonly compared to sociopathy and psychopathy (Bundy, Manson, etc) and implying a damaged ability to have normal human empathy.
Introversion is a temperament, not a moment of feeling shy, that means you need time alone to recharge after engaging in social situations. It doesn't make you shy during the social engagement, it doesn't mean you aren't bright and bubbly during the social engagement. It JUST means that socializing tires you out emotionally and you need time alone after the fact to recharge. It may also mean that you choose to socialize less often, and that you keep fewer friends that you have a close/deep relationship with rather than having many friends with which you are less intimate.
Extroversion is the opposite. An extrovert NEEDS other people's social interaction the same way the introvert needs time to recover from social interaction. Extraversion seeks out social environments, and when left alone, the extravert feels broken down and exhausted (which is how introverts feel when we are overstimulated socially). In short, extroverts get emotionally high from people, and introverts get emotionally high from chilling out alone.
You were not "introverted" while you were overweight. You were shy and lacking confidence. Introversion is not something that happens sporadically, it's a built in criteria of general feelings and behaviors. You did not "become" an extrovert when you lost the weight and got pretty, you were already extroverted in temperament and now you're able to fully engage in it since the confidence-killer weight (which caused shyness and self-esteem issues, not introversion) is gone. Similarly, someone who is introverted might lose weight and be irritated as all get out by the extra attention it brings them. It's also on a spectrum. Some people are 100% extrovert all the time and some people are sort of in the middle and can socialize most of the day before needing a break from people.
I'm not trying to crawl up anyone's butt about semantics or anything. I'm really not. But like, how would you feel if your friends let you stomp around your life saying "It's a doggie-dog world!" sounding ridiculous and uninformed when they could take two seconds and say "Hey man, the phrase is 'it's a dog-eat-dog world' and it describes the kill or be killed mentality of modern life. Don't be mad, I'm just watching your back cause look, here comes your high school crush;)"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/09/01/introvert-myths_n_3569058.html
This is a fun and funny article about it. See especially #'s 1 and 2.
ETA: https://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201207/introverts-extroverts
The above is a collection of articles referring to both introversion and extroversion for those who, like me, are completely in love with all things related to psychology and the science of the human mind:)1 -
back on topic: I've lost almost 25 lbs and my total loss will be 61 lbs. I've noticed some differences in other people's reactions to me, mostly men. Before, getting someone to hold a door open for me was a challenge best met by just asking them to. Now, I swear they will stand there holding it while I sort-of jog from the end of the parking lot to get there (awkward). I thought too, that putzing about the world with my two year old (bigger and more obvious than a wedding ring ha ha) would be the end of being hit on, and while I was at my heaviest, that was so true. But now, I get hit on as much with my kid as alone. My hubby is starting to get a little upset because male cashiers are super overly nice now.... right in front of him. And we're talking unnecessary niceties, not good customer service. Also, when I go to a "nice" clothing store now, security (everywhere around here has a cop or rent-a-cop at the door because of the holidays) ignores me entirely, whereas at my heaviest (while not pregnant), I usually caught them glancing back at me a lot like "why is the fat girl even here, she must be up to no good, cause this store only carries 0-5's". That has happened to me 2 times, once when shopping for fun as motivation, once when buying a gift for one of my extremely thin friends (they're all thin). I'll leave the store names out of it. It's not their fault a couple of overzealous security guards were weird at me.
ETA: I've gone from middle-high obese range to high overweight range.0 -
Now that myweight loss is more noticeable... The Asian ladies keep commenting on how"I'll finally be able to find a husband"
Lol I know they mean it in a good way... Ish... But lol oh asian ppl..0 -
Coffeencardio: as an actual introvert, I appreciate you pointing this out. Most misused word out there besides "literally"1
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I hope people can read this with good humor ;-)
Word Crimes by Weird AlAnd I thought that you'd gotten it through your skull
What's figurative and what's literal
Oh but, just now, you said
You literally couldn't get out of bed
That really makes me want to literally
Smack a crowbar upside your stupid head"0 -
I hope people can read this with good humor ;-)
Word Crimes by Weird AlAnd I thought that you'd gotten it through your skull
What's figurative and what's literal
Oh but, just now, you said
You literally couldn't get out of bed
That really makes me want to literally
Smack a crowbar upside your stupid head"
Lol you hero!0
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