Do people treat you differently?

suziecue20

I think how you're treated as a fat person depends on the vibes you throw out - if you're mentally trying to 'hide' yourself you will be invisible to other people, if you exude 'confidence' you will appear approachable and people will acknowledge you.

I started out as obese and am now overweight, heading for 'normal'. I certainly have never felt invisible to other people [strangers]. I even get 'chatted up' [hit on lol] when I go to the supermarket - not bad for 66 lol

bluefish86

I get treated differently, but I think it has a lot to do with my own self-image. When I first lost weight, I was still really uncomfortable in my own skin. I was awkward and not very sociable. Since then, I've started working out and setting goals for myself... I've become much more confident. Even now, if I gain back some weight I still get lots of positive attention. I think it's because of my attitude, which is pretty much "F*** you. I'm awesome!".

mamadon

I lost 123 pounds almost two years ago, and yes I do think people treat me differently. I don't know if that's because they see me differently or because I do, or maybe both.

BodyByBex

Triskele2 wrote: »

I understand what people are saying about being treated differently pre-weight loss, but I believe at least part of it was my own fault.

Before I lost so much weight I was unhappy, introverted, and generally not a positive person. Upon losing weight I have become 200% more perky, upbeat, outgoing, energetic, positive, and generally more fun.

I wouldn't have wanted to see or be around me before either. While I don't think this accounts for ALL of the way overweight people are treated, I do believe it's a big part of it. I know at least two very overweight women who are extremely outgoing, happy, super fun people to be around and I watch people flock to be with them regardless of their weight.

Just something to think about.

I wouldn't say this is true of me because I've always been outgoing, gregarious, and fun. However, I have found that I am 1200% more likely to offer to help others or to speak out if I see injustice in the world. My confidence in what myself and my body is capable of is through the roof and I will take on almost anyone in debate over the mistreatment of other people. I am VERY outspoken now compared to where I was almost 50 pounds ago.
Sometimes it's a great thing. Other times....

kristen6350

I'm 5'11 and I lost 50lbs in 2012, kept it off within a few pounds.

I was invisible when I was larger and I'm invisible now. My mom always says that I be a great theif because I never get noticed anywhere, which is weird because I'm pretty tall. Actually when we go out, shopping or otherwise people will actually wreck into us walking. Some times I wonder if I'm some kinda ghost. LOL

Pawsforme

Triskele2 wrote: »

I understand what people are saying about being treated differently pre-weight loss, but I believe at least part of it was my own fault.

Before I lost so much weight I was unhappy, introverted, and generally not a positive person. Upon losing weight I have become 200% more perky, upbeat, outgoing, energetic, positive, and generally more fun.

I wouldn't have wanted to see or be around me before either. While I don't think this accounts for ALL of the way overweight people are treated, I do believe it's a big part of it. I know at least two very overweight women who are extremely outgoing, happy, super fun people to be around and I watch people flock to be with them regardless of their weight.

Just something to think about.

I'm not generally one to nitpick posts, but as a lifelong introvert the bolded bothers me just a bit. True introversion isn't something that changes with body size. Nor is it something that correlates with being unhappy or negative.

It doesn't mean what you seem to think it means.

abatonfan

I haven't noticed much of a change, but it might be because I left most of the people that I see everyday prior to my weight loss and haven't been back since (yay, the evils of high school). If I crashed the reunion or somehow ran into those people again, then it might be interesting to see if those people treat me differently.

Triskele2

I'm not generally one to nitpick posts, but as a lifelong introvert the bolded bothers me just a bit. True introversion isn't something that changes with body size. Nor is it something that correlates with being unhappy or negative.

It doesn't mean what you seem to think it means.

nice to see the forum police take the bait. Some things never change. Thanks for making my day!

lilbitoftrouble

People seem to be a bit more polite when I go shopping. They use to say watch it, do you mind, or just give me dirty looks, but now it's like, oh no problem your fine. They actually smile at me instead of glaring at me.

Maxematics

Triskele2 wrote: »

I'm not generally one to nitpick posts, but as a lifelong introvert the bolded bothers me just a bit. True introversion isn't something that changes with body size. Nor is it something that correlates with being unhappy or negative.

It doesn't mean what you seem to think it means.

nice to see the forum police take the bait. Some things never change. Thanks for making my day!

I can understand both sides of this and I think you're both right. Introvert is one of those words that has a flexible meaning in the English language that strays from its primary definition. It's kind of like how people will describe a person who doesn't socialize much as antisocial when the word antisocial in textbook definition actually describes someone who is sociopathic.

In any case, I'm happy that @Triskele2 became more confident and sociable as they lost weight. Anything that can help you become your best self is an amazing thing.

@Pawsforme As someone who is painfully introverted, I feel you. People usually assume I'm stuck up due to it. Nothing in the world will change it regardless of my size.

toe1226

I have been of a normal weight and I have been underweight. The sexual attention I received when I was underweight was both aggressive and disturbing. It also tended to come from what I would call a "particular type of man" - a type I'm glad I can now more easily identify and avoid. Never again.

Lounmoun

As an adult, I have been normal/healthy weight, overweight and just over the line into obese and back to overweight.
I haven't really noticed a difference in treatment or attention from strangers or acquaintances at my different weights.
I have noticed more of a difference in treatment/attention from family/closer friends.

Jruzer

Relevant. Recently spotted on tumblr. Language cleaned up a bit...

joelo_83

Yep. 40ish pounds down, now that I look like I lift I get treated like a "bro". It's kind of annoying considering the fact I've always embraced music art and culture, not football and beer.

kthompson601

I've noticed a lot of differences in how people treat me. Some of it is positive, some of it is negative.

People at my apartment building are more inclined to talk to me in the elevator or the hallway--just in passing, friendly stuff, and that's nice. People casually sit by me on a crowded Metro, whereas before you could always see in their face "oh great I have to sit by a fatty." I no longer feel like I'm being judged or gawked at when I'm in a restaurant, regardless of what I'm eating. I find that when I'm out somewhere "healthy" like a walking trail, or in my gym, or at an ice skating rink, people are friendly and there's lots of small talk, but that might just be because of the environment, not the way I look.

But a big negative is attention from men. I've been morbidly obese nearly all my life, and have been completely ignored by men. Now, I'm 29, I've lost nearly a hundred pounds, and while I still have 60 or so pounds to go, I am definitely getting attention. As an asexual with zero sexual/romantic experience, I find it very uncomfortable. Men will match my short stride and walk with me down city blocks. Men stop and make comments to me at restaurants or while I'm waiting for a bus. I do not appreciate the attention, and it's not like I'm out at a bar dancing or wearing a halter top or something. I haven't changed how I dress or where I go. It's just, now that I don't have this mountain of fat as armor, I feel like I'm being sized up as a sexual object, and I don't like it.

It's a really big change, and it's something I'm learning to cope with. I know that women like my sister, who weighs 90 pounds and is quite pretty, have to become very adept at fending off unwanted attention and have even been groped and harassed, but it's not something I've ever had to deal with before. It leaves me feeling exposed and vulnerable, something I never felt when I weighed 290. A woman was abducted from my apartment parking lot once, and my mother was all in a tizzy. I told her not to worry, fat women never get abducted, too much effort. Now, I just feel a lot more paranoid when I'm out alone (which is almost always, as I'm a loner).

rhianna818

I have pretty much always been morbidly obese. I'm 5'2" and in junior high I was already 175. I have never known what its like to be hit on, or flirted with out in public. I can probably count on my hands how many times that has happened to me. I've never had a drink bought for me, or anything like that. Now I have always been in relationships and have a lot of friends but not what y'all are talking about.
I've lost 50 lbs so far and have already noticed the difference in how I am treated. At 367 lbs no one acknowledged me. I am a friendly extrovert so I don't try to be invisible. Men seemed to look right thru me. If I am not attractive to them, I do not exist.
This is honestly something I think about, how different I'm gonna be treated and one of the reasons my husband and I are doing this together. I worry it will affect our relationship.

Maxematics

kthompson601 wrote: »

I've noticed a lot of differences in how people treat me. Some of it is positive, some of it is negative.

People at my apartment building are more inclined to talk to me in the elevator or the hallway--just in passing, friendly stuff, and that's nice. People casually sit by me on a crowded Metro, whereas before you could always see in their face "oh great I have to sit by a fatty." I no longer feel like I'm being judged or gawked at when I'm in a restaurant, regardless of what I'm eating. I find that when I'm out somewhere "healthy" like a walking trail, or in my gym, or at an ice skating rink, people are friendly and there's lots of small talk, but that might just be because of the environment, not the way I look.

But a big negative is attention from men. I've been morbidly obese nearly all my life, and have been completely ignored by men. Now, I'm 29, I've lost nearly a hundred pounds, and while I still have 60 or so pounds to go, I am definitely getting attention. As an asexual with zero sexual/romantic experience, I find it very uncomfortable. Men will match my short stride and walk with me down city blocks. Men stop and make comments to me at restaurants or while I'm waiting for a bus. I do not appreciate the attention, and it's not like I'm out at a bar dancing or wearing a halter top or something. I haven't changed how I dress or where I go. It's just, now that I don't have this mountain of fat as armor, I feel like I'm being sized up as a sexual object, and I don't like it.

It's a really big change, and it's something I'm learning to cope with. I know that women like my sister, who weighs 90 pounds and is quite pretty, have to become very adept at fending off unwanted attention and have even been groped and harassed, but it's not something I've ever had to deal with before. It leaves me feeling exposed and vulnerable, something I never felt when I weighed 290. A woman was abducted from my apartment parking lot once, and my mother was all in a tizzy. I told her not to worry, fat women never get abducted, too much effort. Now, I just feel a lot more paranoid when I'm out alone (which is almost always, as I'm a loner).

I mentioned earlier in the thread that I didn't like the attention from men either, but I didn't state a reason why. I am asexual like you; I realized it at 28 and I'm 30 now. The past few years that I've spent alone have been the happiest of my life. It's what took away my depression and caused me to start taking care of my body. The only difference is that I do have romantic experience and it took me forcing myself into those experiences for me to realize I was asexual. So instead of it simply being unwanted attention from men, it brings me to a level of uncomfortable that I just don't know how to handle. Sometimes I get severe anxiety from it and I just want to escape. I do not like being viewed as a sexual object either. I do not mind if someone is fond of me because I can simply say I do not reciprocate the feeling, but to have a complete stranger or a coworker respond to my new body with such aggression is unsettling to say the least. It's almost as if they feel entitled to do so because they think I've decided to have a body that is sexually pleasing to them. If you have any advice on how to deal with it and the anxiety that comes with it, please let me know. I'm trying to cope with it, but it gets hard at times.

SuperheroSadie

Trying to be healthy my coworkers make fun of me a lot more. Whenever someone asks what I brought for lunch, one will always chime in with a mispronounced 'quinoa', or 'grass', while another constantly tells me I'm a bad fat friend and that I shouldn't be dieting. I take it all in stride, though. Working in IT, it's kind of rare for someone to eat healthy and be in shape. The stereotype is real! Other than that, not really. My boyfriend and I are more attracted to each other, though, as he's losing weight as well. Of course we were never unattracted, but you get it.

seltzermint555

I make new female friends more easily. Before, I was pretty talkative and confident but I've noticed at average weight (previously morbidly obese), women are more likely to ask me for my contact details and want me to come to events and things.

I've always gotten hit on, but now the guys are a lot different - less sweet & intellectual, much more aggressive and WAY cheesier "dudes". I'm married so it's not an issue really...but it's a bit alarming to me at times.

Mouse_Potato

Men are nicer. Women not so much. I guess it's a trade-off.