How to say no?
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holothuroidea wrote: »kshama2001 wrote: »Are you talking about all foods, or foods that were made for special occasions? I'm with @MikaMojito re certain foods just not being worth the calories:MikaMojito wrote: »To me it depends WHAT is being offered to me. If my colleague offers me store-bought cookies, I'll say no because to my mind, the calories aren't worth it...
However, if my best friend offers me one of his homemade cinnamon-nut rolls, I take it. Because they are amazing and I'd rather go over once in a while than deny myself this pleasure. As long as it's a once in a while thing, it's ok to say yes.
I think it's more about the intent than the food. I'll give some real life examples of situations I would accept the food:
My 5 year old offers me a candy from her christmas stash because sharing is caring.
A co-worker brings in food to share for a special occasion.
A parent at a play date offers lunch or a snack.
A receptionist offers a piece of candy.
Examples of food I would say "no" to:
A family member offers me food that they want but know I'm avoiding because they don't want to feel guilty about eating it alone.
A co-worker brings in left over food just to get rid of it.
Don't most people that get offered food, already know you in some capacity?
Most people around me offering me food know me enough to approach me with food or not .. they know me enough to know what is going on in my life (my family, my kids, co workers,etc)..
Stangers offering me food, never happens, but if it does, that will always get a no from me, with no explanations other than "no thank you" or maybe later..
Or even a co worker that may not know me so well, just knows me as someone in the office, would also just get a polite no thank you...
My neighbor will never bring me a dish over, but if it did happen, I would accept it and say thank you..
there are tactful ways to approach this from all angles when dealing with people and food. Do they know you really well and it will depend on your personality, self esteem and how you let people affect you in this "no" scenrio.
If it bothers a person so bad to not say "no" there is no choice but to accept the food and move on. Whether you eat it or not, or what you do with the food is up to you!0 -
I guess I don't understand the issue. If someone offers me some food and I want it, I'll say, "thank you"; if I don't want it, I'll say, "no thank you". If someone's feelings get hurt because you don't want the food they've offered, they are much too sensitive, and that's not your issue. Now, I'm talking about someone at work offering me a cookie or something like that. If I'm invited to someone's house for lunch, I wouldn't refuse to eat just because the food offered isn't to my standards.0
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@gia07 I added a lot to that post for clarification.
I mean, yes, it depends on a lot of things. Bottom line, though, saying "no" is fine but it's not a sustainable thing to say "no" all the time, to everyone, for any extended period of time.
If you have very restrictive dietary goals (like me being an ethical vegan, or someone who wants to do a strict paleo or low-carb diet) and you make no exceptions, eventually important things in your life will fall away around you and you'll go back to the old patterns that got you in trouble in the first place. If you have a very active social life it will happen faster than someone who doesn't want or need to get out a lot, but it will happen to everyone eventually.
It's better to work those things into your new lifestyle if you want to make meaningful changes.
I'm not talking about a whole 30 or a 2-week "reset," I'm talking about long-term.0 -
I understand what you mean... when it is certain people. If my good friend at work bakes something and brings it over to my desk, it is really difficult to say no. That's why I don't. I find out what she made and log it.
But if you can't do that (and I have done this in the past), just say no thank you and that you are trying to eat a little better. Or just say no thank you.
In reality, if someone is upset that you won't eat something... they have issues like my good friend at work.0 -
I have been good with my diet for the past months. I am trying to have a clean diet with whole food. But I noticed that every time I "cheat" it is because someone has offered me something to eat (a cookie, a piece of chocolate, chips, etc). The thing is that I have issues with saying "no". I feel bad refusing and of course who wouldn't disagree if someone gives you free food? How do you deal with that?
Smile & say "No, thank you".
Repeat as necessary.0 -
holothuroidea wrote: »kshama2001 wrote: »Are you talking about all foods, or foods that were made for special occasions? I'm with @MikaMojito re certain foods just not being worth the calories:MikaMojito wrote: »To me it depends WHAT is being offered to me. If my colleague offers me store-bought cookies, I'll say no because to my mind, the calories aren't worth it...
However, if my best friend offers me one of his homemade cinnamon-nut rolls, I take it. Because they are amazing and I'd rather go over once in a while than deny myself this pleasure. As long as it's a once in a while thing, it's ok to say yes.
I think it's more about the intent than the food. I'll give some real life examples of situations I would accept the food:
-My 5 year old offers me a candy from her christmas stash because sharing is caring.
-A co-worker brings in food to share for a special occasion.
-A parent at a play date offers lunch or a snack.
-A receptionist offers a piece of candy.
-A non-immediate family member or friend cooks a meal for a special occasion (or as a treat) that contains food I would otherwise avoid.
Examples of food I would say "no" to:
-An immediate family member or close friend offers me food that they want but know I'm avoiding because they don't want to feel guilty about eating it alone.
-A co-worker brings in left over food just to get rid of it.
I also will not refuse to go to occasions where food will be served that I don't like or want to avoid. I eat mostly vegan for ethical reasons, but I still go to barbecues or to the steakhouse for a friend's birthday because it's their favorite place. I try to choose the best options available, but if there are no options that fit with my dietary goals I still go because participating in those things is more important to me than my diet.
I learned this lesson the hard way from experiencing firsthand the social impact of being a strict vegan. I think when we start diets, no matter how motivated we are, it's dangerous to underestimate how much social interaction involves food and how important those social interactions are for our overall wellbeing and the wellbeing of the people we care about.
Similarly, when I am in non-drinking phases, I have gone to bars and not drank alcohol in order to be social.
However, my vegan friends would turn down the candy unless they knew that the sugar used was not processed with bone char (charcoal made from animal bones).
http://www.vegsource.com/jo/qa/qasugar.htm
...Over half of the cane refineries in the United States use bone char (charcoal made from animal bones) as their activated carbon source. The bone char used in this filtering process is so far removed from its animal source that cane sugar processed in this method is deemed kosher pareve, which, according to Jewish dietary laws, means that it contains no meat or milk in any form as an ingredient. A number of vegans disagree with this perspective.
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I'm not vegan, but I do buy Florida Crystals or Morena/Zulka, which do not use bone char. This is more because I am opposed to unnecessary processing in order to make things whiter. I don't buy bleached flour either.0 -
kshama2001 wrote: »However, my vegan friends would turn down the candy unless they knew that the sugar used was not processed with bone char (charcoal made from animal bones).
http://www.vegsource.com/jo/qa/qasugar.htm
...Over half of the cane refineries in the United States use bone char (charcoal made from animal bones) as their activated carbon source. The bone char used in this filtering process is so far removed from its animal source that cane sugar processed in this method is deemed kosher pareve, which, according to Jewish dietary laws, means that it contains no meat or milk in any form as an ingredient. A number of vegans disagree with this perspective.
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I'm not vegan, but I do buy Florida Crystals or Morena/Zulka, which do not use bone char. This is more because I am opposed to unnecessary processing in order to make things whiter. I don't buy bleached flour either.
From an ethical perspective, if an animal product is used to produce the food then the food is not vegan. It's not just sugar, either. Another example is wines and beers filtered using isinglass. There are also plant products whose production for human consumption adversely affects the lives of animals, like palm oil. There are also ethical issues with trade, especially with tropical fruits, coffee, cocoa and tea (among other things), and how agriculture in undeveloped countries affects the local ecosystems and cultures. It's not just about what goes in your mouth, but how it gets there.
It is very challenging to eat ethically. I do my best.
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Looks like this got off track.....0
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People always look incredulous when I turn down junk food. They ALWAYS follow up with "But its only 1, 1 won't hurt you, just have 1 blah blah blah" I get so p**sed off. (It's the hangry in me) But I don't want to eat something just for the sake of it because it's being passed around. PLUS I do eat junk food. I just choose when and where.0
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sc0rpi0gal wrote: »People always look incredulous when I turn down junk food. They ALWAYS follow up with "But its only 1, 1 won't hurt you, just have 1 blah blah blah" I get so p**sed off. (It's the hangry in me) But I don't want to eat something just for the sake of it because it's being passed around. PLUS I do eat junk food. I just choose when and where.
Exactly. I have no issue passing on the cookies that don't even look that good so I can have a piece of delicious chocolate at home later.. You have to decide what's worth it and what isn't. I love a good cupcake but if I'm not particularly craving a cupcake and someone offers one to me, I'll save those calories on something I want more, for example.0 -
Just say 'no thank you', so long as you're polite about it, it's fine!
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I have been good with my diet for the past months. I am trying to have a clean diet with whole food. But I noticed that every time I "cheat" it is because someone has offered me something to eat (a cookie, a piece of chocolate, chips, etc). The thing is that I have issues with saying "no". I feel bad refusing and of course who wouldn't disagree if someone gives you free food? How do you deal with that?
Say no thanks if you don't want it. People are not going to be destroyed if you politely decline food.
A totally "clean" whole foods diet may not be a sustainable diet for you. Think about if you can give up these foods for life. If you can't imagine no cookies, chocolate, chips, etc ever then you should just incorporate them into your regular diet occasionally and not view it as cheating. Eat a mostly whole foods diet instead.
None of these foods are ultra-rare expensive foods right? You can get them pretty much whenever you want if you want them. Remind yourself of that.0 -
You can say "no, I'm trying to be good!" or something like that. But if they are especially bringing it to you with a big, proud smile on their face then take it. Be excited and thankful. Then pass it off to someone else when they're not around.
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I think you should decide what is more important to you: to keep fit or to make people pleased. Actually if it was my best friend, I would try to explain why I can't take this food. And if it was a person that I appreciate a lot, I would take the treats and then give it to my friends or relatives. Good luck 0
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I'm going to college and this often occurs in the student lounge among my group of friends. It is difficult, but learning to say no is important. Also, if you bring a healthy sugary snack (i.e. bananas, apples) you can say "no, thankyou, I have bananas.. would you like one?" works well for me. 0
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Say no thanks it doesn't fit in my eating plan. Works for anyone except a young child.
If they don't respect that don't need the person in your life0 -
Never eat to be polite or because there is food to be eaten. Eat to meet your goals. Eat for yourself, no one else.0
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I have two methods here. It depends on my mood, how patient I'm feeling, how much I like the person offering me food. I always say no thanks, and usually, that's enough. However, if the person feels the need to push, ask why I'm not eating the food, or insist- either, I'm already at the end of the line, and because it is none of their business, I just say no, and let them know that it's not happening, and I'm not obligated to explain myself.
OR If I just say (if asked ) "I am trying to be very deliberate about what I put in my body" - this usually makes sense to people and they respect it. It's different from saying "I'm trying to lose weight" which is more personal and also presumes that one can't lose weight if they eat a cookie (you can!!)0 -
Just practice saying "No thank you". The more often you assert yourself the more confident you get. I don't yet have MY confidence back as far as saying no, I'm still feeling weak and vulnerable to temptation but I remember before being able to say "No thank you" to cake at a birthday party and crying tears of joy that night. I want to feel that again soon, and I'm sure you'll enjoy it as well.0
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If I want it, I eat it and log it. If I don't want it, I say "no thank you", or save it until I have room. I do not care if it's clean or not because my diet is balanced.0
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Just say "no thank you", most people will be fine. If they still insist and you feel uncomfortable, just leave it on the side, when they see it hasn't been eaten they won't insist again!0
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Shift your outlook: They are offering you calories that don't fit with your plan.0
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When you know those foods won't fit into your daily calories, don't worry about what they might think. Just politely say
But if you know you can work the offered food into your day then go ahead and say
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