How to say no?

Ask yourself if you'll be happy you ate that tomorrow. Usually that works for me.

gia07 wrote: »

This might sound snarky and I do not mean for it to be that way... but (and here is the but)..

Just say no! Stop worrying about what anyone thinks except you! This person can care less or does not know you have decided to have a certain goal in mind with food..

I don't know about the OP but for me, personally, I really don't care what people think of me but I DO care about how I make people feel and it makes people feel good and happy to be generous with their food.

Food is often socially significant so, for me, that sort of social reciprocity is a part of eating healthfully even if the food itself isn't "healthy."

holothuroidea wrote: »

gia07 wrote: »

This might sound snarky and I do not mean for it to be that way... but (and here is the but)..

Just say no! Stop worrying about what anyone thinks except you! This person can care less or does not know you have decided to have a certain goal in mind with food..

I don't know about the OP but for me, personally, I really don't care what people think of me but I DO care about how I make people feel and it makes people feel good and happy to be generous with their food.

Food is often socially significant so, for me, that sort of social reciprocity is a part of eating healthfully even if the food itself isn't "healthy."

Are you talking about all foods, or foods that were made for special occasions? I'm with @MikaMojito re certain foods just not being worth the calories:

MikaMojito wrote: »

To me it depends WHAT is being offered to me. If my colleague offers me store-bought cookies, I'll say no because to my mind, the calories aren't worth it...

However, if my best friend offers me one of his homemade cinnamon-nut rolls, I take it. Because they are amazing and I'd rather go over once in a while than deny myself this pleasure. As long as it's a once in a while thing, it's ok to say yes.

kshama2001 wrote: »

Are you talking about all foods, or foods that were made for special occasions? I'm with @MikaMojito re certain foods just not being worth the calories:

MikaMojito wrote: »

To me it depends WHAT is being offered to me. If my colleague offers me store-bought cookies, I'll say no because to my mind, the calories aren't worth it...

However, if my best friend offers me one of his homemade cinnamon-nut rolls, I take it. Because they are amazing and I'd rather go over once in a while than deny myself this pleasure. As long as it's a once in a while thing, it's ok to say yes.

I think it's more about the intent than the food. I'll give some real life examples of situations I would accept the food:
-My 5 year old offers me a candy from her christmas stash because sharing is caring.
-A co-worker brings in food to share for a special occasion.
-A parent at a play date offers lunch or a snack.
-A receptionist offers a piece of candy.
-A non-immediate family member or friend cooks a meal for a special occasion (or as a treat) that contains food I would otherwise avoid.

Examples of food I would say "no" to:
-An immediate family member or close friend offers me food that they want but know I'm avoiding because they don't want to feel guilty about eating it alone.
-A co-worker brings in left over food just to get rid of it.

I also will not refuse to go to occasions where food will be served that I don't like or want to avoid. I eat mostly vegan for ethical reasons, but I still go to barbecues or to the steakhouse for a friend's birthday because it's their favorite place. I try to choose the best options available, but if there are no options that fit with my dietary goals I still go because participating in those things is more important to me than my diet.

I learned this lesson the hard way from experiencing firsthand the social impact of being a strict vegan. I think when we start diets, no matter how motivated we are, it's dangerous to underestimate how much social interaction involves food and how important those social interactions are for our overall wellbeing and the wellbeing of the people we care about.

You could just say, "No thanks, I'm still so full from breakfast/lunch/etc." That usually cuts it off. If they offer to leave it for you to eat later, just follow-up with, "And I'm trying to make healthier eating choices." Then if they continue to push it, you punch them in the face. (Maybe not that last part, but it's totally ok to just say no!)

holothuroidea wrote: »

kshama2001 wrote: »

Are you talking about all foods, or foods that were made for special occasions? I'm with @MikaMojito re certain foods just not being worth the calories:

MikaMojito wrote: »

To me it depends WHAT is being offered to me. If my colleague offers me store-bought cookies, I'll say no because to my mind, the calories aren't worth it...

However, if my best friend offers me one of his homemade cinnamon-nut rolls, I take it. Because they are amazing and I'd rather go over once in a while than deny myself this pleasure. As long as it's a once in a while thing, it's ok to say yes.

I think it's more about the intent than the food. I'll give some real life examples of situations I would accept the food:

My 5 year old offers me a candy from her christmas stash because sharing is caring.

A co-worker brings in food to share for a special occasion.

A parent at a play date offers lunch or a snack.

A receptionist offers a piece of candy.

Examples of food I would say "no" to:

A family member offers me food that they want but know I'm avoiding because they don't want to feel guilty about eating it alone.

A co-worker brings in left over food just to get rid of it.

Don't most people that get offered food, already know you in some capacity?

Most people around me offering me food know me enough to approach me with food or not .. they know me enough to know what is going on in my life (my family, my kids, co workers,etc)..

Stangers offering me food, never happens, but if it does, that will always get a no from me, with no explanations other than "no thank you" or maybe later..

Or even a co worker that may not know me so well, just knows me as someone in the office, would also just get a polite no thank you...

My neighbor will never bring me a dish over, but if it did happen, I would accept it and say thank you..

there are tactful ways to approach this from all angles when dealing with people and food. Do they know you really well and it will depend on your personality, self esteem and how you let people affect you in this "no" scenrio.

If it bothers a person so bad to not say "no" there is no choice but to accept the food and move on. Whether you eat it or not, or what you do with the food is up to you!

@gia07 I added a lot to that post for clarification.

I mean, yes, it depends on a lot of things. Bottom line, though, saying "no" is fine but it's not a sustainable thing to say "no" all the time, to everyone, for any extended period of time.

If you have very restrictive dietary goals (like me being an ethical vegan, or someone who wants to do a strict paleo or low-carb diet) and you make no exceptions, eventually important things in your life will fall away around you and you'll go back to the old patterns that got you in trouble in the first place. If you have a very active social life it will happen faster than someone who doesn't want or need to get out a lot, but it will happen to everyone eventually.

It's better to work those things into your new lifestyle if you want to make meaningful changes.

I'm not talking about a whole 30 or a 2-week "reset," I'm talking about long-term.

jmh_90 wrote: »

I have been good with my diet for the past months. I am trying to have a clean diet with whole food. But I noticed that every time I "cheat" it is because someone has offered me something to eat (a cookie, a piece of chocolate, chips, etc). The thing is that I have issues with saying "no". I feel bad refusing and of course who wouldn't disagree if someone gives you free food? How do you deal with that?

Smile & say "No, thank you".

Repeat as necessary.

kshama2001 wrote: »

However, my vegan friends would turn down the candy unless they knew that the sugar used was not processed with bone char (charcoal made from animal bones).

http://www.vegsource.com/jo/qa/qasugar.htm

...Over half of the cane refineries in the United States use bone char (charcoal made from animal bones) as their activated carbon source. The bone char used in this filtering process is so far removed from its animal source that cane sugar processed in this method is deemed kosher pareve, which, according to Jewish dietary laws, means that it contains no meat or milk in any form as an ingredient. A number of vegans disagree with this perspective.

***********

I'm not vegan, but I do buy Florida Crystals or Morena/Zulka, which do not use bone char. This is more because I am opposed to unnecessary processing in order to make things whiter. I don't buy bleached flour either.

From an ethical perspective, if an animal product is used to produce the food then the food is not vegan. It's not just sugar, either. Another example is wines and beers filtered using isinglass. There are also plant products whose production for human consumption adversely affects the lives of animals, like palm oil. There are also ethical issues with trade, especially with tropical fruits, coffee, cocoa and tea (among other things), and how agriculture in undeveloped countries affects the local ecosystems and cultures. It's not just about what goes in your mouth, but how it gets there.

It is very challenging to eat ethically. I do my best.

People always look incredulous when I turn down junk food. They ALWAYS follow up with "But its only 1, 1 won't hurt you, just have 1 blah blah blah" I get so p**sed off. (It's the hangry in me) But I don't want to eat something just for the sake of it because it's being passed around. PLUS I do eat junk food. I just choose when and where.