The Sad Story of Ricky Naputi....Who was to blame?

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CrazyTrackLady
CrazyTrackLady Posts: 1,337 Member
in Food and Nutrition
I saw this last night. The story is about a 900 lb man, who was bedridden. TLC tried to stage an intervention with him and his wife, and even had doctors offering weight loss surgery provided he lose 150 lbs first. It never happened, and Ricky died at age 39.

He couldn't get up and walk. He could barely breathe right. However, according to his wife, she was feeding him 10K calories a day in food.

The question I pose is this:

Who is more to blame for this man's death: himself, his wife or the doctors who refused to help him unless he lost weight first?

There are many threads on here about spouses who do NOT support our weight loss. But what are your thoughts about spouses who enable the morbidly obese person to continue their destructive habits by bringing them endless amounts of food?

Should someone be charged with a crime here?

I await your responses!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/23/900-pound-man-race-against-time-video_n_3324332.html
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Replies

  • brdnw
    brdnw Posts: 565 Member
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    that's like saying budweiser is to blame for drunk drivers.
  • Carnivor0us
    Carnivor0us Posts: 1,752 Member
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    No one should be charged with a crime.

    The person who was at fault has already paid the price.

    If people want to abuse their bodies, let them.
  • SkepticallyFit
    SkepticallyFit Posts: 71
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    Why in the world would you blame the doctors? They're not miracle workers.

    The wife may be partially to blame as she could have just stopped responding to his demands for 10K calories worth of food, but that's a lot to ask.

    The person who is actually to blame is the person who died.
  • CrazyTrackLady
    CrazyTrackLady Posts: 1,337 Member
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    But what if he couldn't get his own food? And when his wife was told to refuse to bring him food (by the doctors), and she didn't?

    Is she an accomplice in his death?
  • corgicake
    corgicake Posts: 846 Member
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    If at any point Ricky looked at his wife as caretaker and went 'feed me actual healthy things' and the wife neither followed through on this or ever reminded him that this conversation happened when he asked for Cheetos... well, this was a bedridden guy and she was functioning as caretaker.

    Otherwise, I say he asked for the food and results of that ensued.
  • Carnivor0us
    Carnivor0us Posts: 1,752 Member
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    But what if he couldn't get his own food? And when his wife was told to refuse to bring him food (by the doctors), and she didn't?

    Is she an accomplice in his death?

    I don't think she was. In these cases, the caretaker (or some people like the term "enabler") is actually fearful of the bedridden person. Psychological dominance can be a powerful thing.
  • chelcdub
    chelcdub Posts: 49 Member
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    Very sad but he was to blame...but as a wife I would think she would have enough love to discuss her concerns with him if any before he got so out of control. I see many small children that are really overweight and that is where I blame the parents. I saw a lady ask a very small child if he wanted a big soda or candy he picked both (lol of course)...I was just shocked.
  • CrazyTrackLady
    CrazyTrackLady Posts: 1,337 Member
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    Very sad but he was to blame...but as a wife I would think she would have enough love to discuss her concerns with him if any before he got so out of control. I see many small children that are really overweight and that is where I blame the parents. I saw a lady ask a very small child if he wanted a big soda or candy he picked both (lol of course)...I was just shocked.

    What was really painful and aggravating to watch was the way she reacted when the doctor told her outright that she was to STOP feeding him so much and to focus on helping him lose the weight. She got extremely annoyed by the doctor and stalked out of the room.
  • Iwishyouwell
    Iwishyouwell Posts: 1,888 Member
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    This happens with many extremely morbidly obese people. It takes a village to enable a man or woman to these kinds of enormous weights. I recall another 900-1000 lbs man being admitted to Andover, center specializing in treatment of morbid obesity, and watching his dense, thick *kitten* wife sneaking all kinds of junk in to him...IN THE HOSPITAL, after he had to be cut out of their home. She specifically said "if he's not worrying, I'm not worrying". He died in the hospital weeks later.

    But unless a person has severe mental incapacitation and is being force fed the food, no I don't think spouses are responsible. They are responsible for being horrendous life partners, but they aren't to "blame". Many people have unsupportive and sabotaging spouses, and still learn to say "no" and put their health first.
  • chubaway
    chubaway Posts: 1,645 Member
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    Everyone has to eat, so . . .

    What if it wasn't food, but instead cigarettes? What if Ricky was a quadriplegic, and couldn't get his own smokes?

    Would his wife have the right to withhold the smokes from him? If she did give him the smokes, and lite them up for him, and they eventually killed him, is she to blame?

    I think ultimately he was to blame, but she did indeed enable him. I think to a lesser degree she contributed to his death.
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
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    Very sad but he was to blame...but as a wife I would think she would have enough love to discuss her concerns with him if any before he got so out of control. I see many small children that are really overweight and that is where I blame the parents. I saw a lady ask a very small child if he wanted a big soda or candy he picked both (lol of course)...I was just shocked.

    What was really painful and aggravating to watch was the way she reacted when the doctor told her outright that she was to STOP feeding him so much and to focus on helping him lose the weight. She got extremely annoyed by the doctor and stalked out of the room.

    Yep she's a feeder! However, whether it's through issues surrounding; enabling, control, misguided feelings of "helping the person", or love who knows?, but at the end of the day he didn't get into that bed overnight & wake up the next day that size. Personal responsibility seems to be frowned upon these days.
  • chubaway
    chubaway Posts: 1,645 Member
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    Let me put my opinion another way. I think the wife should be smacked for providing Ricky with 10K calories a day.
  • Carnivor0us
    Carnivor0us Posts: 1,752 Member
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    Let me put my opinion another way. I think the wife should be smacked for providing Ricky with 10K calories a day.

    Considering her husband is dead, I'm sure she's suffering adequately enough for you.
  • elizabethduncanheydary15
    elizabethduncanheydary15 Posts: 14 Member
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    Since I am currently studying for the bar exam, and I'm pretty up on crimes at the moment- husbands and wives owe each other a duty because of the nature of their relationship- therefore if the wife has breached that duty she can be charged with criminal negligence. Criminal negligence at one level can constitute involuntary manslaughter and if rises to a level of wanton disregard for life it could be depraved heart murder. Feeding someone 10,000k a day would definitely amount to criminal negligence or at the very least accomplice liability for encouraging him to essentially kill himself. Probably too legal an answer for this story, but it helped me apply what I've learned in a different way!
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
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    Let me put my opinion another way. I think the wife should be smacked for providing Ricky with 10K calories a day.

    I get where you're coming from, but! I can't even imagine how hard it is when someone you love is in that situation. Yes, you KNOW the right thing to do. However, if someone is cajoling, crying, black mailing, pleading ect - what do you do? Say no, close the door, ignore them, walk out the house?
  • chubaway
    chubaway Posts: 1,645 Member
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    Let me put my opinion another way. I think the wife should be smacked for providing Ricky with 10K calories a day.

    Considering her husband is dead, I'm sure she's suffering adequately enough for you.

    Nope
  • GrendlStig
    GrendlStig Posts: 55 Member
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    That's co-depence for ya.
  • mfanyafujo
    mfanyafujo Posts: 232 Member
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    that's like saying budweiser is to blame for drunk drivers.

    Not really. Budweiser is a manufacturer, and the OP's question doesn't involve food companies, just the man, his wife, and the doctors.

    I wouldn't blame the doctors. They tell people to lose weight all the time before surgery, to make it more safe and to judge how committed the patient is to a lifestyle change. After that, what's the point in blaming a dead man or his grieving wife? She's probably questioning everything she did anyways. There's no way to know if she could have saved his life or not.
  • lilbearzmom
    lilbearzmom Posts: 600 Member
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    But what if he couldn't get his own food? And when his wife was told to refuse to bring him food (by the doctors), and she didn't?

    Is she an accomplice in his death?

    This is something I have never understood about people who are so obese that they cannot get out of bed. Who is responsible for feeding them? They must scream and make life hell for the caregiver if they don't get what they want to eat.
  • chubaway
    chubaway Posts: 1,645 Member
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    Let me put my opinion another way. I think the wife should be smacked for providing Ricky with 10K calories a day.

    I get where you're coming from, but! I can't even imagine how hard it is when someone you love is in that situation. Yes, you KNOW the right thing to do. However, if someone is cajoling, crying, black mailing, pleading ect - what do you do? Say no, close the door, ignore them, walk out the house?

    No, you don't walk out of the house. You cut the amount of food to 7500 cal/day for a while, then 5000 cal/day a while more, etc. etc. Then you start walking out of the house.

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