The Sad Story of Ricky Naputi....Who was to blame?

tbetts23

Interesting. I did not watch the show. That being said, I lived in the same house as my dad for quite a few years. He was diabetic. We went to a seminar together. During his better days afterwards I tried not to bake etc and my kids went without homemade treats. He went out and bought crap at the store. When he was hospitalized, he badgered and berated my mom until the nurses suggested that she bring him what he wanted. It is NOT the caregivers fault. Walk a mile in her shoes.

siqiniq

I saw this last night. The story is about a 900 lb man, who was bedridden. TLC tried to stage an intervention with him and his wife, and even had doctors offering weight loss surgery provided he lose 150 lbs first. It never happened, and Ricky died at age 39.

He couldn't get up and walk. He could barely breathe right. However, according to his wife, she was feeding him 10K calories a day in food.

The question I pose is this:

Who is more to blame for this man's death: himself, his wife or the doctors who refused to help him unless he lost weight first?

There are many threads on here about spouses who do NOT support our weight loss. But what are your thoughts about spouses who enable the morbidly obese person to continue their destructive habits by bringing them endless amounts of food?

Should someone be charged with a crime here?

I await your responses!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/23/900-pound-man-race-against-time-video_n_3324332.html

Why do you feel the need to affix blame? The doctors were doing the right thing. The man was too heavy to be a good surgical risk. Ten thousand calories is not very much. If that's all the wife was giving him, she certainly didn't do anything wrong.

LBNOakland

Let me put my opinion another way. I think the wife should be smacked for providing Ricky with 10K calories a day.

I get where you're coming from, but! I can't even imagine how hard it is when someone you love is in that situation. Yes, you KNOW the right thing to do. However, if someone is cajoling, crying, black mailing, pleading ect - what do you do? Say no, close the door, ignore them, walk out the house?

YES!! Refuse to enable him! Hope that his mindset will change once he begins losing. That's my gut reaction. My common sense knows that once he was mobile, he would have gone back to eating without any help. Sad!

lessele

why does there have to be a blameworthy person. clearly this was a person who was very sick. I personally am apalled at some of the heartless mean responses that I have see to this post. No blame....no blame...no blame. Sad to see how quick others are to judge.

Tigg_er

Does anyone other than I wonder if maybe she preferred him to remain that way, just because she didn't want him to get better and therefore less dependent on her?

Is that what co-dependent and enablers do? I don't know.

Maybe she pulled off the perfect crime ?

MauraShufeldt

I watched this show, and his wife DID at one time say "what can I do? he demands these things from me, and he wears the pants in this relationship". Anyone who blames her obciously couldn't see that she was being manipulated and verbally abused. When Dr. Vuong went there and told Ricky that he wasn't being serious about taking care of himself, he was berated and ended up walking out of the house.
I don't know any of these people, but just from watching this program, I could tell that Ricky was a spoiled and manipulative person who expected his years of gluttony to just be erased with surgery. That is NOT how it works folks. The doctors and advocates can only HELP people that help themselves.
The wife wouldn't even go to his funeral... what does that tell you? It is a sad story folks, but you can't go blaming other people for self inflicted problems.

paulalay38

Just thought it was sad that the wife kept supplying him.with all that bad food.
Someone need to investigate her. Did she have life Insurance on him?
Why didn't she go to the funeral?. They should have done a autopsy as well.
That lame excuse as of why she kept feeding him, because of his whining.
So What! She could had fed him a salad, fruits and vegetables and left the room.
She is so suspect!

kulita

Just wanted ya'll to know that his marriage was failing. Go to his FB page> https://www.facebook.com/MASTER671

Cheryl was tired of dealing with all of his needs. She couldn't keep up anymore and wanted someone to woo her. I'm not saying it was right but she didn't care and she even said that on camera.

Also, I have been to Guam many times, and it is easy to gain weight on their native cuisine, Lots of rice, yucca, potatoes, Chicken. Hardly anything green except maybe fruit. Being that he had this diet, limited mobility, and an enforcer it is easy to see how he passed away. When I watched this show, I kept saying to myself that he needs a cook to drop off food for him

bluestarlight19

I feel sorry for him but....I feel sympathy for his wife.
I watched my father deteriorate over the last 3 years until he suddenly died in october from a hemoragic stroke. During those 3 years, he had breathing problems and ended up on oxygen. My mom turned into his primary caretaker. She got more depressed as he got worse and would bring him and make all his food, even if he didn't like the dinner she had already made, she would make him something seperate. Even getting disturbed at midnight or 3am to make him a snack. He actually had the opposite problem and was losing too much weight and muscle mass from being unable to get around. She worked full time so couldn't get him things during the day, but would pre make lunches and get special things for him. Just to make the pain of him being immobile somehow less. And my father would through some temper tantrums, but...he was very sick and a proud man who had worked hard his whole time to suddenly fall disabled. It can be very hard on everyone around them and sometimes people get stuck in that world and its hard to see it from the outside view.

qtgonewild

he is to blame. this was his life. he was the only one that needed to be in control of it. no one else is to blame.

Lld320

Take responsibility for yourself. No one made him swallow food. People are always trying to blame someone else for their poor decisions, he made choices he suffered the consequence.

copselily

I think this is very sad and that he should have received guidance, especially from his partner who was preparing his meals, but unfortunately he still could have refused to eat it. No one is entirely to blame.

Chezzie84

But what if he couldn't get his own food? And when his wife was told to refuse to bring him food (by the doctors), and she didn't?

Is she an accomplice in his death?

Nobody made him eat it.
As far as I see it, he is the only one to blame.

gsager

He was responsible for himself.

PennyM140

IMO, unless he was force fed or mentally ill and incapable of making his own choices, it is his fault and his alone.

His wife may have been an enabler but I don't believe that is a criminal act. He ended up in a situation where he could not get his own food was by his own choices.

Yes, I probably sound harsh but I believe people are responsible for their own actions and therefore must be held accountable.

cheripugh1

Well I have seen morbidly obese ADULTS who always find a way to get the food... as with all of us we are to blame and we are the ONLY ONES who can fix US!

That said, morbidly obese children and they are out there, the parents are to blame! A child, especially one bedridden, is totally unable to access food without your checkbook! (cash, credit card etc) I saw a TLC where this teen boy who was morbidly obese was trying to lose and the mother (who was obese) was like "you didn't eat that other piece of pizza" she seriously was nagging him yet at the Dr. office she blamed the boy!

I believe there was a case where a 13 year old died from obesity (bedridden) and the mother was charged, sorry but I totally agree that she should have been!

fishgutzy

I would say both. But maybe more to the wife for being too weak to do what she had to know was right.
I would use my mother-in-law as an example.
At age 85, blind, declining into dementia, diabetic. Amputee; she lost the lower part of a leg to the diabetes.
Her children that lived closest to her came very close to expediting her departure because they were more concerned about pleasing their mom than making sure she took her medication and ate right.
When two of her children flew to PR to bring her to Boston, they were shocked at her condition. They brought her to a hospital in Boston to be evaluated for medicare. She admitted that night with a blood sugar over 600 and severely dehydrated. She was literally days from death.
Once stabilized she lived another 6 years. Taking care of her was challenging for those who took on the task. But it was also very rewarding for them. Every life has value. (Something lost of those who think the elderly should just be sent home with pain killers to die when they become "not economical to treat.")

The care taker does have a degree of responsibility when caring for a person that is not capable of making responsible decisions as the husband clearly was not.

The_GingerBeard_Man

that's like saying budweiser is to blame for drunk drivers.

It is closer to saying it is the fault of the bartender who served the intoxicated person when they got a DUI. That is a long standing fact that they can be held liable. The wife is no different than that bartender.

lamps1303

If you're old enough to decide what you put in your mouth, you're old enough to deal with the consequences, good or bad.

Pipsg1rl

I watched this show, and his wife DID at one time say "what can I do? he demands these things from me, and he wears the pants in this relationship". Anyone who blames her obciously couldn't see that she was being manipulated and verbally abused. When Dr. Vuong went there and told Ricky that he wasn't being serious about taking care of himself, he was berated and ended up walking out of the house.
I don't know any of these people, but just from watching this program, I could tell that Ricky was a spoiled and manipulative person who expected his years of gluttony to just be erased with surgery. That is NOT how it works folks. The doctors and advocates can only HELP people that help themselves.
The wife wouldn't even go to his funeral... what does that tell you? It is a sad story folks, but you can't go blaming other people for self inflicted problems.

i didn't watch the show but have read through the comments. This is the one i find most apt. Even though he EVENTUALLY could not leave his bed that does not mean he did not mentally (or even physically) abuse his wife.

Hopefully she can get some counseling and her next relationship is more uplifting.

claudie08

Very sad but he was to blame...but as a wife I would think she would have enough love to discuss her concerns with him if any before he got so out of control. I see many small children that are really overweight and that is where I blame the parents. I saw a lady ask a very small child if he wanted a big soda or candy he picked both (lol of course)...I was just shocked.

What was really painful and aggravating to watch was the way she reacted when the doctor told her outright that she was to STOP feeding him so much and to focus on helping him lose the weight. She got extremely annoyed by the doctor and stalked out of the room.

Yep she's a feeder! However, whether it's through issues surrounding; enabling, control, misguided feelings of "helping the person", or love who knows?, but at the end of the day he didn't get into that bed overnight & wake up the next day that size. Personal responsibility seems to be frowned upon these days.

Ricky and his wife should have received psychological help. The wife, although concerned about her husband, was enabling him and I'm very surprised that Angel (the advocate) did not recognize that co-dependancy, especially since she went through a similar experience herself. I felt like screaming at her and the doctors because Ricky and his wife were in desparate need of a therapist to help them through the mental, emotional and psychological aspects of this situation and none of the professionals did anything about that. How could they not see this?

LRoslin

But what if he couldn't get his own food? And when his wife was told to refuse to bring him food (by the doctors), and she didn't?

Is she an accomplice in his death?

I don't think she was. In these cases, the caretaker (or some people like the term "enabler") is actually fearful of the bedridden person. Psychological dominance can be a powerful thing.

This. I once watched a documentary about Patrick Deuel, who was 1000 pounds at one point, and he'd had bariatric surgery and was supposed to keep to a certain amount of food...well, they showed his wife at the store buying junk food and soda for him, and cooking up a whole pan of greasy eggs, and the interviewer kept asking how much food Patrick was supposed to eat, and whenever she'd try to answer Patrick would yell from the other room before she could answer. It was clear who was in control, even if he could hardly get out of his chair and she did all the food preparation. He admitted he could get "nasty" if people tried to tell him what to do. I can't imagine the hell of being that man's caretaker.

SkinnyBubbaGaar

10,000 calories a day seems like an astronomical amount to all of us but, in reality, at 900 lbs. it was probably giving him a caloric DEFICIT of around 2,600 - 4,400 calories per day.

If the basic math of 14-16 calories per pound of body weight hold up at that extreme weight then his MAINTENANCE caloric needs per day would have fallen in the 12,600 - 14,400 range daily.

So, even at 10K a day, the math should have been working out that he was actually loosing about 1 pound daily.

That said, at that extreme weight and under strict medical supervision, it could have been possible for him to target a much more aggressive caloric deficit.

Sad story all around and, in the best of all worlds, the caretaker could have had a bit more backbone about not enabling his poor (suicidal) decisions - however I would not put her in the criminal negligence realm.

Personal responsibility, and probably severe depression, is the real culprit.

Blacklance36

Maybe she wanted to be rid of him so thought that death by food was a humane way to murder him.

Who would want to have to look after someone like that? Can you imagine the bedpan issues? I'm not trying to be funny here as I could not look after someone like that.

fairygirlpie9

Your body, your life, your choice.

sweetiemamitoo

I think everyone is to blame because his family should've done something before he got bigger and as far as his wife is concerned I believe she is also to blame cause she fed him anything he wanted. She said he wore the pants in the family but sometimes you have to take that step and put your foot down and say no is no ; I saw the documentary and it broke my heart because he could've been saved. I see that she loved him but when she said that she didn't care - I got mad. I almost lost my ex husband at one point to his diabetes and when he was diagnosed I put my foot down and we changed his diet for his sake and our children. Now he goes to the gym and stays fit and takes care of diabetes. Ricky's widow should change her diet as well cause if not she can have health issues herself down the rode

TrailNurse

Why in the world would you blame the doctors? They're not miracle workers.

The wife may be partially to blame as she could have just stopped responding to his demands for 10K calories worth of food, but that's a lot to ask.

The person who is actually to blame is the person who died.

Agreed.

melissaw78

Unless she was spoon feeding him 10k cal/day, she does not bear the responsibility.
Just because someone serves you something, you are not obligated to eat.

Liftng4Lis

Sad as it is, it was his body, his choice!

bbolesta70

I think the wife got sick of it all. Listen to the 911 call. It's almost as if she isn't really sad, but more guilty feeling. Age says "I was just laying next to him. " Then her reaction "I dint care anymore, " when the doctor that was going to get it accomplished was there. Ricky is at fault, but so is his wife. She took him on and continued to feed him. I think she gave him something and he went to sleep. She wasn't doing CO on him and says she already knew he was not coming back. I can imagine it's hard to listen to him beg for food, but he was still mobile when they met! Maybe he'd have never gotten bedridden without Sheryl ' s care. He's so big and is easy to do no autopsy and rule it just death, but then she doesn't even attend his funeral.... come on, that SCREAMS she assisted his death! I think she was tired of caring for him. They wanted the easy way out. He was about to get surgery! Does anyone realize how easily 150 lbs. weight loss would be and how fast he'd lose it at his weight? Like 1 month tops. He could've been a rabbit for a damn month. He had no swelling like water retention. Even the doctor felt his health was great for someone of his size. His skin was intact, so she kept him clean and dry. I think she was just done and possibly afraid of a different life with him. Maybe she knew he would get well and didn't want kids with him. I DO NOT BLAME HER FOR ANY WAY SHE FELT, but I DO BLAME HER FOR HAVING NOT JUST LEFT HIM AND TELLING HIS FAMILY TO CARE FOR HIM. She can't be forced to stay. They separated rooms and all. The steps were being taken. She could have fed him and left him to eat it and avoided the begging and crying and abusive talk. He would have relented; what choice did he have, he couldn't walk#