The Sad Story of Ricky Naputi....Who was to blame?

tbetts23

Interesting. I did not watch the show. That being said, I lived in the same house as my dad for quite a few years. He was diabetic. We went to a seminar together. During his better days afterwards I tried not to bake etc and my kids went without homemade treats. He went out and bought crap at the store. When he was hospitalized, he badgered and berated my mom until the nurses suggested that she bring him what he wanted. It is NOT the caregivers fault. Walk a mile in her shoes.

siqiniq

I saw this last night. The story is about a 900 lb man, who was bedridden. TLC tried to stage an intervention with him and his wife, and even had doctors offering weight loss surgery provided he lose 150 lbs first. It never happened, and Ricky died at age 39.

He couldn't get up and walk. He could barely breathe right. However, according to his wife, she was feeding him 10K calories a day in food.

The question I pose is this:

Who is more to blame for this man's death: himself, his wife or the doctors who refused to help him unless he lost weight first?

There are many threads on here about spouses who do NOT support our weight loss. But what are your thoughts about spouses who enable the morbidly obese person to continue their destructive habits by bringing them endless amounts of food?

Should someone be charged with a crime here?

I await your responses!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/23/900-pound-man-race-against-time-video_n_3324332.html

Why do you feel the need to affix blame? The doctors were doing the right thing. The man was too heavy to be a good surgical risk. Ten thousand calories is not very much. If that's all the wife was giving him, she certainly didn't do anything wrong.

LBNOakland

Let me put my opinion another way. I think the wife should be smacked for providing Ricky with 10K calories a day.

I get where you're coming from, but! I can't even imagine how hard it is when someone you love is in that situation. Yes, you KNOW the right thing to do. However, if someone is cajoling, crying, black mailing, pleading ect - what do you do? Say no, close the door, ignore them, walk out the house?

YES!! Refuse to enable him! Hope that his mindset will change once he begins losing. That's my gut reaction. My common sense knows that once he was mobile, he would have gone back to eating without any help. Sad!

lessele

why does there have to be a blameworthy person. clearly this was a person who was very sick. I personally am apalled at some of the heartless mean responses that I have see to this post. No blame....no blame...no blame. Sad to see how quick others are to judge.

Tigg_er

Does anyone other than I wonder if maybe she preferred him to remain that way, just because she didn't want him to get better and therefore less dependent on her?

Is that what co-dependent and enablers do? I don't know.

Maybe she pulled off the perfect crime ?

MauraShufeldt

I watched this show, and his wife DID at one time say "what can I do? he demands these things from me, and he wears the pants in this relationship". Anyone who blames her obciously couldn't see that she was being manipulated and verbally abused. When Dr. Vuong went there and told Ricky that he wasn't being serious about taking care of himself, he was berated and ended up walking out of the house.
I don't know any of these people, but just from watching this program, I could tell that Ricky was a spoiled and manipulative person who expected his years of gluttony to just be erased with surgery. That is NOT how it works folks. The doctors and advocates can only HELP people that help themselves.
The wife wouldn't even go to his funeral... what does that tell you? It is a sad story folks, but you can't go blaming other people for self inflicted problems.

paulalay38

Just thought it was sad that the wife kept supplying him.with all that bad food.
Someone need to investigate her. Did she have life Insurance on him?
Why didn't she go to the funeral?. They should have done a autopsy as well.
That lame excuse as of why she kept feeding him, because of his whining.
So What! She could had fed him a salad, fruits and vegetables and left the room.
She is so suspect!

kulita

Just wanted ya'll to know that his marriage was failing. Go to his FB page> https://www.facebook.com/MASTER671

Cheryl was tired of dealing with all of his needs. She couldn't keep up anymore and wanted someone to woo her. I'm not saying it was right but she didn't care and she even said that on camera.

Also, I have been to Guam many times, and it is easy to gain weight on their native cuisine, Lots of rice, yucca, potatoes, Chicken. Hardly anything green except maybe fruit. Being that he had this diet, limited mobility, and an enforcer it is easy to see how he passed away. When I watched this show, I kept saying to myself that he needs a cook to drop off food for him

bluestarlight19

I feel sorry for him but....I feel sympathy for his wife.
I watched my father deteriorate over the last 3 years until he suddenly died in october from a hemoragic stroke. During those 3 years, he had breathing problems and ended up on oxygen. My mom turned into his primary caretaker. She got more depressed as he got worse and would bring him and make all his food, even if he didn't like the dinner she had already made, she would make him something seperate. Even getting disturbed at midnight or 3am to make him a snack. He actually had the opposite problem and was losing too much weight and muscle mass from being unable to get around. She worked full time so couldn't get him things during the day, but would pre make lunches and get special things for him. Just to make the pain of him being immobile somehow less. And my father would through some temper tantrums, but...he was very sick and a proud man who had worked hard his whole time to suddenly fall disabled. It can be very hard on everyone around them and sometimes people get stuck in that world and its hard to see it from the outside view.

qtgonewild

he is to blame. this was his life. he was the only one that needed to be in control of it. no one else is to blame.

Lld320

Take responsibility for yourself. No one made him swallow food. People are always trying to blame someone else for their poor decisions, he made choices he suffered the consequence.

copselily

I think this is very sad and that he should have received guidance, especially from his partner who was preparing his meals, but unfortunately he still could have refused to eat it. No one is entirely to blame.

Chezzie84

But what if he couldn't get his own food? And when his wife was told to refuse to bring him food (by the doctors), and she didn't?

Is she an accomplice in his death?

Nobody made him eat it.
As far as I see it, he is the only one to blame.

gsager

He was responsible for himself.

PennyM140

IMO, unless he was force fed or mentally ill and incapable of making his own choices, it is his fault and his alone.

His wife may have been an enabler but I don't believe that is a criminal act. He ended up in a situation where he could not get his own food was by his own choices.

Yes, I probably sound harsh but I believe people are responsible for their own actions and therefore must be held accountable.

cheripugh1

Well I have seen morbidly obese ADULTS who always find a way to get the food... as with all of us we are to blame and we are the ONLY ONES who can fix US!

That said, morbidly obese children and they are out there, the parents are to blame! A child, especially one bedridden, is totally unable to access food without your checkbook! (cash, credit card etc) I saw a TLC where this teen boy who was morbidly obese was trying to lose and the mother (who was obese) was like "you didn't eat that other piece of pizza" she seriously was nagging him yet at the Dr. office she blamed the boy!

I believe there was a case where a 13 year old died from obesity (bedridden) and the mother was charged, sorry but I totally agree that she should have been!

fishgutzy

I would say both. But maybe more to the wife for being too weak to do what she had to know was right.
I would use my mother-in-law as an example.
At age 85, blind, declining into dementia, diabetic. Amputee; she lost the lower part of a leg to the diabetes.
Her children that lived closest to her came very close to expediting her departure because they were more concerned about pleasing their mom than making sure she took her medication and ate right.
When two of her children flew to PR to bring her to Boston, they were shocked at her condition. They brought her to a hospital in Boston to be evaluated for medicare. She admitted that night with a blood sugar over 600 and severely dehydrated. She was literally days from death.
Once stabilized she lived another 6 years. Taking care of her was challenging for those who took on the task. But it was also very rewarding for them. Every life has value. (Something lost of those who think the elderly should just be sent home with pain killers to die when they become "not economical to treat.")

The care taker does have a degree of responsibility when caring for a person that is not capable of making responsible decisions as the husband clearly was not.

The_GingerBeard_Man

that's like saying budweiser is to blame for drunk drivers.

It is closer to saying it is the fault of the bartender who served the intoxicated person when they got a DUI. That is a long standing fact that they can be held liable. The wife is no different than that bartender.

lamps1303

If you're old enough to decide what you put in your mouth, you're old enough to deal with the consequences, good or bad.

Pipsg1rl

I watched this show, and his wife DID at one time say "what can I do? he demands these things from me, and he wears the pants in this relationship". Anyone who blames her obciously couldn't see that she was being manipulated and verbally abused. When Dr. Vuong went there and told Ricky that he wasn't being serious about taking care of himself, he was berated and ended up walking out of the house.
I don't know any of these people, but just from watching this program, I could tell that Ricky was a spoiled and manipulative person who expected his years of gluttony to just be erased with surgery. That is NOT how it works folks. The doctors and advocates can only HELP people that help themselves.
The wife wouldn't even go to his funeral... what does that tell you? It is a sad story folks, but you can't go blaming other people for self inflicted problems.

i didn't watch the show but have read through the comments. This is the one i find most apt. Even though he EVENTUALLY could not leave his bed that does not mean he did not mentally (or even physically) abuse his wife.

Hopefully she can get some counseling and her next relationship is more uplifting.