WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR APRIL 2016

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  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,229 Member
    edited April 2016
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    Katla - Miriam - That is exactly what the phrase coercive control means. The trouble is people often do not realise it is happening to them as a clever abuser can build up slowly, so you do not even know you are drowning. The Archers radio series did this brilliantly, but a number of people were disappointed with the overly dramatic outcome of her stabbing him. Yesterday's episode (it is on daily) was very good with the emergency services, police etc and the family's bewildered reactions. I guess any publicity is good publicity, but I am on the side of those who wish there had been another denouement.

    Alison - Good for you! Stick to your guns. <3

    Michele - I am very careful how I prepare the shiritaki noodles. I dry fry them in a non stick pan on a low heat for around 10 mins, adding salt and pepper and tossing as required. This avoids the rubbery texture. I served last night's with a tomato sauce with peas, that goes with the meatballs. The only other time I have them is in an Asian soup, when I just put them in after rinsing well and heat through. I have just ordered another 5 packets of Slim Pasta spaghetti from Amazon.

    Also from Amazon I have ordered some drops of vitamin D3 with K2 (MK7) I don't feel I need them, but I'm prepared to give it a go as I tend to avoid the sun and don't go outdoors as much as most people. I currently take 1000 cod liver oil and eat a lot of salmon. I also have been taking beetroot capsules, but haven't had my blood pressure taken to see if they are working. :ohwell:

    Will sow some seeds today and pick the first of the rhubarb for DH to cook. Hooray!

    This evening the W I is having a Bollywood Dance evening. :D:D:D Looking forward to it hugely! Hope my dodgy knee holds out!

    Penny - I will buy some Avon spray in case we go on an inland trip in southern Norway. Thanks for the info! :flowerforyou:

    Grits - I am having rabbit tonight - cooking a stew with cider.

    Heather UK
  • grammyx23
    grammyx23 Posts: 24 Member
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    Good morning all
  • nb1959
    nb1959 Posts: 97 Member
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    Hi, everyone. What a wonderful way to start a new day---reading your posts is like having coffee with good friends before work! You guy make me smile, LOL, and shed a tear for you sometime. I feel blessed to be in the company of such intelligent, warm, and determined people. Well, If you don't mind and want to read further, I can tell you a little about myself. I am a writer at Florida State University and live in a small, rural community near-by. I am blissfully married. We have three grown boys, 3 grandchildren, three dogs, five cats, and numerous beaver, alligators, wading birds, birds of prey, song birds, varmints, and things that slither and crawl. There are wild turkey, deer, and coyote here. When we are not here we are camping with my grampuppies or friends. I have RA, osteoporosis, degenerative disk disease, and osteoarthritis, but they don't have me! Since I can't exercise I need to manage my weight through diet, so that's why I am here, so happily with y'all. I hope everyone has good day today. Be kind to yourself by taking excellent care of yourself! Oh, and I ate 12 Hershey's Kisses last night, one right after another. But I did log Day 3 and look forward to Day 4. Please keep writing. I am finding strength here. Hugs to all. Noreen, Quincy, Florida
  • margaretturk
    margaretturk Posts: 5,058 Member
    edited April 2016
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    Lenora the secretary did not say that to the students. The students were so upset about their mom they heard what they wanted to hear. Because the adults were so upset instead of staying on the issue of truancy nothing got resolved. The students also witnessed adults struggling to communicate. The reason I told this story is I find myself in this pattern of defensiveness and blame. I am trying to learn alternatives because this pattern no longer serves me. Finding effective strategies when conflict occurs is my goal. Right now I am taking time to observe and reflect as part of that change . Hence the nature of my posts. Changing old habits is a process. My goal is to have healthier relationships with others and with myself. For me weight is just one of the markers of health.

    :heart: Margaret
  • grammyx23
    grammyx23 Posts: 24 Member
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    Don't know what happened to my earlier post. Spent 15 minutes typing it but when I hit post button the only thing posted was first line
  • miriamwithcats
    miriamwithcats Posts: 1,120 Member
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    Heather, yes, abusers are insidious. They start out being very attentive to your needs, but over time start criticizing every single thing you do, say or think. It is very like the frog in the water, gently heated until it is boiling and killed. I used to long for my former husband to be in a "hunting accident". Considering hunting required vast quantities of alcohol, it was a possibility. Once his best bud shot out the tire in his pickup on a mountain road as they were driving. I had wished the gun was pointing the other direction, at his head! But I never could harm another person myself.
  • drkatiebug
    drkatiebug Posts: 1,942 Member
    edited April 2016
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    grammyx23 wrote: »
    Don't know what happened to my earlier post. Spent 15 minutes typing it but when I hit post button the only thing posted was first line

    Grammy, that happened to me last night, too. I know it had to be something I hit on my iPad, but it was most annoying.

    I hit the little gear icon and edited mine, but it was a pain to type it all again. It usually happens to me with my exercise stats.
  • drkatiebug
    drkatiebug Posts: 1,942 Member
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    calefor wrote: »
    Hi Ladies! Wow, its a job keeping up with all of the posts and keeping everyone straight. Hope to do better soon.

    Connie
    Central Oregon

    Good luck with that one! I've been participating in this thread for a while, at least a year, maybe two, and I still have trouble keeping people straight. It's all good. I can't speak for the others, but I'm always flattered when people call me Katla.


  • GRITSandSLUTSandWINOS
    GRITSandSLUTSandWINOS Posts: 2,573 Member
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    Grits- that wasn't Taylor, it was a stunt double that took the fall[/quote]

    Yeah, I know that; but, still, having have done that myself ... it was like someone had been filming me. My trying to explain to family what had happened when nobody was here at the time; they could not visualize what I told them had happened to me. I'm not a stunt double; and my wrist got stuck between the belt and my body, which was wrapped around one of my dining room tables. I don't try to increase the rate of speed while on it (anymore). You can pump it up to a certain #; then the next time it jumps up by 5. I learned that the hard way.

  • Peach1948
    Peach1948 Posts: 2,473 Member
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    Sylvia ~ So sorry for your health problems and wishing you a complete recovery.

    Noreen ~ I had to look on a map to find Quincy, Fl. Very close to Tampa I see. Sounds like you are surrounded by wild life.

    Miriam ~ Sounds like your DH was a total loser/abuser. Glad you are no longer in that situation.

    Held my plank for another minute yesterday and am doing (a very few) floor exercises that seem to address the abs. Found this on You Tube. Looked up exercises for the torso.

    Carol


  • GRITSandSLUTSandWINOS
    GRITSandSLUTSandWINOS Posts: 2,573 Member
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    drkatiebug wrote: »
    I actually thought the word "brand" conveyed exactly what Kim was trying to say. I didn't see it as political correctness.

    I guess I've always heard it as an 'affliation'
  • margaretturk
    margaretturk Posts: 5,058 Member
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    Reflections on Anger at our Impossible Mothers Chapter.

    My relationship with my mom is different than the example the author used. Where I can relate were the times I tried to stand up for myself without my mother becoming defensive or laying on the guilt. Reading this woman's struggle helped me to put mine in perspective.

    I too tried to change my mother's thoughts and feelings on the matter and ended up frustrated and upset. The real issues hid behind this anger.

    Venting can be a signal that I am stuck and often times only gives temporary relief. For me I sometimes even feel worse after a vent because it intensifies the wounds.

    Positive changes started happening for the woman in the story when she started to clarify and stood firm in what she wanted without blaming or becoming defensive.

    I like what she said about independence. "We clearly define what our own selves want on important emotional issues without distancing ourselves emotionally."

    "Hit and run confrontation does not help us move towards independence."

    The woman's relationships became healthier because she was able to share her needs in a non blaming way and did not distance herself emotionally. She really did the work, and it took time and patience.

    When you are in the heat of the conflict it is okay to step back like Lenora said because speaking with clarity and not falling into defensiveness and blaming is very difficult.

    I am still trying to digest this chapter. It brought out to me my family's patterns of dealing with conflict did not come from a place of clarity. Without this base I know when I was younger I felt like a ship without a rudder and a compass. I am finding that rudder and compass as an adult to steer me towards a healthier me and healthier relationships.

    :heart: Margaret

  • KJLaMore
    KJLaMore Posts: 2,830 Member
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    Good morning all! Happy Tuesday! I am heading back into GR today to visit MIL. She has been moved to a rehab center. After wearing the EEG wires for 24 hours, they determined she is having a series of mini seizures. They have put her on a very low dose of meds that they use for epileptics. It seems to be working. Anywho...she is in rehab to build up strength to go home. They are thinking only a week or two. She just can't be released to her husband yet, because he is recovering from heart surgery and there is just no way he would be able to give her the amount of help she needs at this time. Along with visiting her today, I will be visiting the GRAM (Grand Rapids Art Museum). Also a little shop called Old World Olive Co. that sells balsamic vinegar and infused olive oils. Love their stuff and I know exactly what I am getting! We have a local V&O shop, but I don't like their flavors as much as the shop in GR.

    Chris- Sorry to hear about your mom. Hope she has complete and quick healing. Also, don't sweat the binge with the sweets. We all have days like that; just breathe, pick yourself up and start anew. Every minute (not every day) is a clean slate!
    Pip- Yes! I wondered if you were a barefoot runner from birth or a "trained" one. I have heard that about the vibram shoes. Everything I read in that book, supports what I always thought about our feet. In over protecting and over supporting; we have "babied" our feet and not let our foot muscles strengthen and do what they need to do to support us, HENCE causing our own foot problems! Good for you and easing into something that is better for your feet! You are my hero!
    Beth- I feel you on trying to get the water down, when it is cold and you really don't want it. Do you like hot teas? That is my kick starter when I am having a hard time with cold water. IF I drink a couple cups of tea in between the water, it makes it a little easier. PLUS YOu can count tea as water intake! Not coffee, though.

    Holy Crow! I have only read to page 12 and there is still more to read! No time right now, though. Off to the bigger city...I will catch up more later tonight! Love and hugs to you all!
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,229 Member
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    Noreen - sorry to hear about your bodily restrictions. Your environment sounds lovely. We were thinking of a holiday in Florida sometime. My DH loves nature, especially birds. We had thought about the Sarasota area. Do you have any suggestions?

    Heather UK
  • grammyx23
    grammyx23 Posts: 24 Member
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    Lunch today will be a challenge. Have to work at mom's house clearing it. There's no frig or microwave so have to do fast food. Arby nearby so may get a junior. I'll have to consult fast food list.

    A little background on my mother. She is 87 & lived in this house 35+ yrs. She also is a hoarder. Every cubic foot of space is occupied with stuff. My sister-in-law & I work 2 days a week on it. We can't just start throwing boxes/bags out. Every item/paper must be handled. Yes, we have a lot of trash, a lot for Goodwill, items to go for auction. If family/friends have a use for items, they get it. We started on this house in September and not half through yet. And there are 2 large buildings in yard. The house needs to be sold. Maybe we can get it on the market in a year. She doesn't live in it, fortunately, otherwise NOTHING would go out the door.

    That's probably more than everyone wanted to know. Thanks for letting me vent ☺.

    Sioux in Tulsa
  • pipcd34
    pipcd34 Posts: 16,559 Member
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    morning my peeps -

    annr - good luck with whatever your family and your son decide. parmesan cheese and cheese bread is over rated anyway.

    calefor- glad you cleared that up, i was thinking the other PCP :0). The dreaded planks are awesome for core, make sure you do them right. leg kicks are another. laying on your back, raising your legs a bit off the floor and criss crossing them.. there are tons for core.

    grandmallie- :0)

    kjlamore - me a hero??? awww shucks mam...:::: as my head is down, hands clasped behind my back, kicking the carpet since there is no dirt here::::

    grammyx23 - that must be tuff, i'm sorry... look on the bright side, another opportunity for burning calories while you look at, pick up and move stuff.

    well... my bike sold in less than 24 hours. she picked it up yesterday evening. we had a package that we bought for the bike that was free tune-ups (average 60-70 bucks not including any parts that you may need for it) for the life of the bike while you own it. she lives 4 houses down from me. I offered her a deal she couldn't refuse (or would have been dumb to). every time she needs a tune up, I will take it in so she gets advantage of my discount package (it package doesn't transfer to the new owner), so she pd me full price $225.00. I had 4 people interested within minutes of posting it. I'm glad it went to someone I know. she knows how I take care of my bike so she had no doubt she was getting something reliable. they know I have a scooter w/a side car and she told me to let her know when I am ready to sell that too.

    later peeps
  • Peach1948
    Peach1948 Posts: 2,473 Member
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    PIP ~ Good sale!
  • margaretturk
    margaretturk Posts: 5,058 Member
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    Sioux in Tulsa my brother hoarded in my mother's house. When the realtor came in she said she would put it on the market for 250,000. My brother who was the hoarder was livid. My other brother with his wife hired College Hunks and cleared it for $5000 dollars. Then then put in about $20,000 from my mom's savings in repairs and staged it. The house sold for $320000. Fortunately it was also in a very desirable location. When they cleared the home they did hold onto some things to stage it. My mom had all kinds of cat collectibles that she and others gave her over the years. They saved some of these and used them to give the home some cheer. I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to see my childhood home given that new life. ((Hugs)) Dealing with a hoarded home is never easy especially when it is your mother's. (((Hugs))) again.

    :heart: Margaret
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,229 Member
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    Doing my research on Guadeloupe. I've made an enquiry on a villa and found out about local car hire firms who meet you at the arrivals. :) Lot of helpful info on the Forum at TripAdvisor.

    My rabbit stew looks great. Will eat it early so it has a chance to digest a bit before the dancing! It's full of carrots, onions, celery and leeks. Two small potatoes for DH. Having it with spring cabbage.
    I had one of my chillies from my new chilli plant with my afternoon snack. It is HOT, HOT, HOT! :laugh:

    I've put in some beetroot seeds. :D Dug in some top soil and compost. Feeling a bit more inspired now that the weather is nicer. Got to weed the back garden now. :s

    Love Heather UK
  • ydailey
    ydailey Posts: 516 Member
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    Sioux - Congratulations on your success with the weight loss so far! Bet your friend's announcement in the church newsletter really gave you a boost in motivation to make it happen! Also, you mentioned that you are Lutheran and it reminded me that the Lutheran church in our small farming town is advertising something called "Polka Worship Service." I am not a church-going woman, but I'm so intrigued I may have to check it out!

    Penny - Your husband's photos are so beautiful! I would dearly love to see the Northern Lights. One year when we lived in the mountains of New Mexico, some fluke of weather made them visible there but I was never looking at the right time. I had high hopes for our Norway visit but we didn't see them there either.

    Anna - Best wishes with your house search! It is a pain in the behind, but house hunting can be fun and it's very fulfilling to have your own place and know you can do whatever you want with it.


    Shirley Webb is my inspiration this morning - she got tired of not being able to get out of her chair so she decided to change her life. Now at age 78, she can deadlift 225 pounds. Go, Shirley! The link to the story is here: http://60abc.com/grandma-aged-78-couldnt-get-out-of-chair-now-she-deadlifts-225lb-weights-in-the-gym/

    I came home Saturday with a bucket of loquats from a friend's house and spent several hours last night after work seeding and peeling them. Now my hands smell funny and I'm heartily sick of loquats, but it'll all be worthwhile when I have jars of pickled loquats, chutney, and jam.

    My husband and I have been enjoying refrigerator oatmeal lately - I put them in small canning jars so it makes a perfect grab-and-go breakfast for him. I hadn't realized until recently that you can do it with steel-cut oats! I have fun coming up with new flavors and add-ins. (Today's breakfast was chocolate banana oats with chia seeds for a little extra protein.)

    Happy Tuesday to all!

    -Yvonne in TX

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