Please stop feeding my child junk!!
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I took my child to a birthday party and when the birthday cake was passed out a little boy loudly asked "is there food dye in this cake?" - his mother was mortified and all the kids looked at him like he was crazy. His mother explained to all the other moms that she is trying to teach him about eating healthy. I thought it was hilarious.
We teach our kids what is healthy. We eat healthy breakfast and dinners together and I pack healthy lunches with a small treat in their lunch. Do they still get extra treats at school? Just about every day! Cupcakes or candy because of birthdays or teachers who use a piece of candy as rewards for good behavior.
In the grand scheme of things it's a very small portion of their overall diet that it isn't something to stress over. I don't know how young your child is, but I don't want my kids to be made fun of at school because they bring weird things for lunch. I remember being that kid cause we didn't have much money and my mom was into holistic medicine. My mom would send a dill pickle in a sandwich bag for snack. I was so embarrassed.0 -
Ah, to be a young mother, full of optimism and hope for the future.
As my wise mother-in-law was so very correct in telling me, when they're small, you have small problems. When they're big, the problems grow just as fast as they do.
Hopefully, your children will understand how to continue making healthy choices, but you're not going to have a lot of luck stopping sleepovers, best friends, going to the movies and the malls and stuff. It's one thing to be a protective mom, showing your children what you feel are the right paths for them to take, but there will come a day when she's not old enough to be out on her own but too young to be under your wing 24/7 and will want to be with her friends constantly. The small issues you have with treats today are nothing and you need to be prepared for....dun, dun, dun.....TEENAGERS. They're voracious creatures, eating you out of house and home before you can get the groceries put away. Especially if they're boys. Best to just nod, tell them you love them and stay out of their way when it comes to food. (Just kidding. Kind of.)
I have 5 kids. My oldest is 25, youngest are 12-year-old twins. Three of them are boys. Miraculously, they're all fantastic, active kids that stay out of trouble and I don't have a ton of gray hair yet, but it doesn't get easier and the problems don't stay small. Food choices will be nothing but a smudge on your radar screen in the future. My 12-year old daughter is starting to go through puberty and we're going shopping this next weekend for bras and maxi-pads, so she will be prepared. I'd rather just give her an oreo, a grape soda and keep her small forever.
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I taught my kids that they were lucky to have "real" fruit instead of fruit-flavored stuff. Real cheese and crackers tastes better than cheese puffs. And many other similar lessons. There's NO reason for this "healthy = deprivation or punishment" attitude so many people have. Like the OP, I let my kids have party food when appropriate, but mostly they didn't even want it because they didn't really like most of it.
It's good to actually teach kids that "no, thank you" is a valid thing to say to an adult.8 -
OP. As a parent of two I 100% feel your pain. You have a young child and everyone SHOULD respect your wishes when it comes to the foods you'd like your child to eat. Especially if you have taken the time to pack the food you'd like your child to eat.
What goes into your kids SHOULD 100% be your choice.
However, I keep saying should because there will always be situations you can't control. For your child care provider, they are someone you employ. I see nothing wrong with finding a new daycare if the one you are at is acting outside of your wishes. My last daycare said that they were feeding my kids "healthy snacks" I'm sorry, but I don't believe a fruit and a whole grain to be equal to the cherry pop tart they were giving my kids. I moved my kids to a new daycare for several reasons, although the food was a huge part of it.
When it comes to family....there probably isn't a lot you can do. I know when my kids go to my in-laws house they will be fed garbage for the duration of their stay. I try to limit overnight visits because they always come home sick. Last time My mother in law picked them up from daycare on a Friday and brought them home on a Saturday night...They had mcdonalds for 3 meals that weekend. I'm not cool with that. One meal, yes...3 hells no. Then my mother in law wanted to know why my 4 year old puked on her rug. Duh.3 -
Those freshman fifteen are gonna be tough on your kid once you aren't there to severely regulate. I'm going the teach moderation route.
I have snacks for preschool this week. Time to figure out what junk I'm going to send.0 -
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MommyMeggo wrote: »
I dunno, I was leaning towards Oreos.0 -
Hehe my mum was the complete opposite to most grandma's mentioned here. When our kids went to stay they were packed full of veggies, homemade muesli and fruit baskets amongst other super healthy concoctions. But she always made these things taste delicious, my kids loved going to stay!
My childhood was the same, but it helped that my mum was a super awesome cook. Dessert was never really a thing in our house unless we had visitors, not because it was evil or unhealthy, no-one ever asked for it . We had take away probably once a month, and I still have fond excited memories of take away nights. We got stuff like froot loops once in a blue moon.
My point is, yes we still got to eat junk food, but it was a special treat, not an everyday or even every week occurrence. Both my parents worked full time, and never used being time poor as an excuse.
I raised my kids the exact same way, and hopefully they will theirs.2 -
My situation is a little different because I'm divorced. When my little one has visitation with her dad, I have zero control over what she eats. When I went through therapy during the divorce my therapist was insistent that she would be okay with 6 days per month eating foods that I wouldn't approve of. I was really high anxiety about her spaghetti-o's, cake for breakfast there, and all these blue juices while I made everything myself - ketchup, BBQ sauce, vegetable infused everything. It was super controlled. 7 years later I'm much more relaxed about the whole thing. Her tastes are accustomed to our house. She eats her veggies and foods here and has her visitation with foods that I may not purchase.
Not a huge deal. That being said, her childcare provider should be following your instructions with anything reasonable, including food choices.3 -
My first thought is that the childcare provider who offered the oreo probably isn't a good fit for your family and needs. I would keep looking - my daughter's preschool has guidelines for snacks since we switch off providing for the whole class, and my other daughter's previous school had kids bring their own food, with only guidelines about allergy concerns. There are places out there that have philosophies similar to yours, and your description of your approach sounds pretty reasonable to me.
As for family, that can be a tough one. I would try just outlining your expectations for food when your child is visiting. I don't think that's an outlandish request, we usually send snacks with our kids when they stay with grandparents and have talked to our parents about our expectations with foods and portion sizes. I think the toughest part that I've encountered is that people tend to give kids what would be considered a reasonable portion size for an adult, and not thinking about what a reasonable portion is for a child relative to the rest of their diet. In my family, people seem to be pretty supportive of our requests with food once we explained our expectations.3 -
MommyMeggo wrote: »
I dunno, I was leaning towards Oreos.
How about both? Savory and sweet. Balance.0 -
I'm a nanny and i can't believe the crap some people feed their kids. Especially young kids - your kids will know all about junk by the time they start school - feed them nutritious food now!2
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On one hand, it's wonderful you want to establish good eating habits at a young age. On the other hand, Grandma should be able to give the kid a cookie without it being a national security incident.
Here's how I would handle it. Child care provider needs to be on the same page. I would look for a place that serves the same food to all the kids. They should give you menus so you know what is being served. Someone upthread said they take turns sending in snacks. I like that if everyone is on the same page.
What you do at home should cover everything else.
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Those freshman fifteen are gonna be tough on your kid once you aren't there to severely regulate. I'm going the teach moderation route.
I have snacks for preschool this week. Time to figure out what junk I'm going to send.
LOL 15? My son put on the freshman 25! OMG. When he was a baby, like under a year my daycare provider gave him pudding. I was mortified, I was mad that she put sugar in my baby's system! That was when I realized I had no control over what they fed my child when they were preparing the meals while he was in their care. We worked on things at home, I didn't give sweets often, no soda (but I wasn't the soda Nazi) (to this day neither of my kids drink soda and they are 17 and 20). I have had a weight problem my entire life due to poor eating habits. So I did the best I could to help my kids understand healthy as I learned what healthy was. We did it together. Back to my son...I freed Willy when he went to college, Taco Bell, Friendlies and pizza. Now he's got some work to do to lose the 25lbs!1 -
bellabonbons wrote: »I feel sorry for your children. You sound powerless to help them. Certainly there are a number of steps you could take to protect what they are eating. Home schooling. Specific instructions to day care. Packing healthy lunches.
I'm not trying to be rude but, did you read the OP? That's her frustration - she's packing healthy snacks and providing specific instructions as to how often she's allowed junk food and they're not being followed. So, what exactly is there to feel sorry for her kids about? How is she powerless? If you're paying someone to do a job, it's their responsibility to do that job. She may need to hire a nanny that comes to her home instead or that shares her good habits.4 -
Let me tell you my own experience as a child, and how you interpret it is up to you. I grew up on home cooked food, but I had access to sweets and chips which I could buy with my pocket money every day if I wanted to, and everything was sold as single serving packs. Because nothing was off limit, instead of soda at school I bought tomato juice because I liked it better, and would sometimes buy fruits if I didn't feel like having a candy bar. My parents had no issue with other people giving me sweets and such, so they weren't a big deal. Nuts, however, were too expensive at the time, and my parents discouraged me from taking any when offered. Things like soda were not bought frequently and we would buy a 1 liter bottle, everyone has a cup with the occasional pizza, and that's it. I wasn't denied soda, it just wasn't a big deal, it was available in the shops, but I associated it with certain occasional meals as a ritual in well defined portions. The portions for things like rice or olive oil were not, so I had as much of them as I wanted without any sense of what a proper portion looks like.
The aftermath:
- I love home cooked food and eat a lot of vegetables.
- I am satisfied with single portions of sweets and chips, and only crave them occasionally. When people call a serving of ice cream "sad" I still find it hard to understand because I'm often satisfied even with half a portion of ice cream.
- I drink soda only occasionally, and would only buy a 250 ml can because any larger than that feels too much.
- When I got my first paying job, I started buying copious amounts of nuts because they were no longer a taboo, but I never had the chance to develop a feel for what a healthy portion is.
- I continued adding too much olive oil to my food and very large amounts of home cooked food with no portion control.
- Despite not being a "junk food junkie" I managed to reach 300 pounds by consuming too many calories from nuts, oil and home cooked food. This lead me to near diabetes.0 -
perkymommy wrote: »AlabasterVerve wrote: »AlabasterVerve wrote: »kshama2001 wrote: »Your daughter probably gonna hate eating healthy when she's grown if she's deprive from junk food all her childhood life
My n=1 reflects the opposite - I was "deprived" of junk as a child and it made it really easy for me to return to healthy eating. I believe it positively affected my taste buds as well.
That was my experience as well. The reasons might be different (we didn't have the money to eat junk food regularly) but growing up eating proper meals made it easy and familiar to go back to eating a healthful diet. Being "forced" to eat healthy made me appreciate and enjoy those foods, not hate them.
Good for you @mell4now for limiting the junk - your daughter will appreciate it when she's older.
There's a big difference between "I ate healthy meals at home" and "I was shielded so much from treats that when every other child in my daycare program was eating an Oreo I was given a granola bar."
You can eat a healthy diet at home, learn how to eat properly, and still have an Oreo at snacktime after school every few days.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with the OP's view on junk food. Here's her stance again:
"She gets the occasional cookie or cracker every now and then, and we let her eat whatever she wants at birthday parties, holidays and special events. We might even go out for ice cream once every few weeks or so, but it is not an every day occurence"
That so many people think that's an unrealistic expectation or makes her some sort of overzealous new parent speaks volumes... just not about the OP.
I agree.
It's funny how as adults we are all here to try and change our eating habits so we can be healthier individuals but yet bashing a mother for trying to start her child out in life to make better food habits and choices from a much younger age.
Perhaps had we all started out the way this mother is doing with her child then we wouldn't have a need to be on this type of site? Just sayin.
I grew up in a very strict 'healthy' eating environment- all of my meals were made from scratch from my obese mother (I was home schooled all the way through too, so we literally ate every meal at home). The first time I went to a McDonald's was when I was 16 years old. We didn't eat 'junk' food, we had our own garden, we canned for the winter months, we raised our own meat/dad hunted etc etc. What kinds of food we ate didn't matter one bit, the quantity did.
I have a much different parenting philosophy than the OP and my kids are healthy and have a healthy relationship with all food. They also know how to read nutrition labels, what portion sizes are etc. I'm teaching them common sense tools that they'll be able to use into adulthood. But, to each their own!1 -
SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »chunky_pinup wrote: »Your child, your rules. If people you are trusting to care for your child don't follow those rules, then find someone else. You are allowed to tell someone - even family - no. My little girl has a severe dairy allergy...even the slightest amount triggers anaphylaxis...and it's in a TON of stuff...so my husband and I are very serious with no means no. Great grandma was dying to give her some chocolate pudding, but you are in charge of your childs' well being. Not others. If you don't want them feeding your kid junk, don't let them. It's really quite simple.
Not the same situation IMHO
It is sort of is the same situation. It's a parent saying no, plain and simple. My daughter has a dairy allergy and my mother did the same thing. Her specific words "Oh, a little bit won't hurt her!" Yes, it does. It causes her throat to swell and she starts coughing and wheezing - allergic asthma.
The problem is the thought process of those people not adhering to the parent's requests, regardless of whether it's a preference or an allergy. They think "one bite can't hurt" when actually it can. People are becoming more knowledgeable, but there are still those people that seem to think that they know more. So regardless of whether it's due to preference or an allergy, a parent making it clear what their rules are for their child, are GOLD.8 -
In my experience, sometimes there is no polite way. I know you catch more flies with honey then vinegar, but sometimes a little vinegar is what is required.Any tips on how to politely and effectively suggest that certain people stop doping up my kid on the junk food, or at least limit it?!
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Is your child overweight? We do try to balance what our kids eat, but I'm not going to put them on a no treat (or strictly limited) diet either. They eat a treat or two every day and are still thin and fit. I know there is a balance here and I get that some people think donuts, cookies and ice cream are the devil, but if your kid is otherwise eating a well balanced diet, gets plenty of exercise, and is fit, I would consider slacking up a bit. That said, I would expect people I pay to follow my rules. Period.1
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