Please stop feeding my child junk!!
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We have this problem with grandma (who by the way never ever let her kids eat anything unhealthy when they were young). She lives next door and loves to spoil the kids with cookies, candy and tons of homemade (and store bought) junk food. I've seen first hand that my kids bodies function better when they eat diets low in gluten, dairy and sugar (its hereditary on my side) but those are the primary food groups at Grandma's. Then my kids come home with terrible stomach aches and constipation. We've even had to limit the time they're allowed to spend there because they started purposely snubbing the meals I cooked them because they knew Grandma would fill them with baked goodies as soon as they went to her house. I hate that it's this way but we've spoken up and were just told that it's grandma's job to spoil them and basically told we're mean for depriving our children of treats (we don't - we just don't have them in our home because they get more than enough elsewhere). I really just don't understand.1
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First-time mom here AND my mother takes care of my son. She is also the most unhealthy eater I've ever met, so I think I can speak to this a bit. My son is two, and we too are trying to teach him healthy eating habits, especially since we eat as clean as possible.
Even though we had/have a lot of healthy snacks in the house, my mom chooses to buy him cheese curls, goldfish crackers, etc. Does it suck? Yes. Have I talked to her a million times? Yes. But it's going to happen, and when I finally just started to chill over it, things became better. I still keep healthy items in the house (I even try to get healthier versions of some of the snacks I know grandma loves to give him), he eats healthy meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and I pack healthy items when we go out, and if I catch someone trying to give him something I don't like, I do exactly what you did "I'd prefer if he have one of his snacks" and that is what I give him instead. However, one Oreo isn't going to hurt (so long as he doesn't have an allergy). If everyone else is having a cookie, I'm probably going to let my son have a cookie though.
Disrespecting your wishes and dismissing your concerns is the most frustrating, and it happens often to me as well, but the thing is when your child starts school or goes to a friend's house, you won't be able to control that. You can only hope that you are giving your child the knowledge he/she needs to make good choices, which is what you do with anything in life. You're doing the best you can, and I promise your child is going to know what's good for him/her. They aren't going to go for the ice cream and Cheeto bag for dinner every time because that's what grandma gave them the night before. They are with you the majority of the time, and they will learn the difference and will turn out just fine :-)2 -
On one hand, it's wonderful you want to establish good eating habits at a young age. On the other hand, Grandma should be able to give the kid a cookie without it being a national security incident.
Here's how I would handle it. Child care provider needs to be on the same page. I would look for a place that serves the same food to all the kids. They should give you menus so you know what is being served. Someone upthread said they take turns sending in snacks. I like that if everyone is on the same page.
What you do at home should cover everything else.
No. Grandma can read the memo that she is not the parent of her grandchild, and she can follow the child's parents' instructions, or Grandma can start referring to her grandchild as "the grandchild I don't get to see because I can't follow simple instructions".
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ClosetBayesian wrote: »On one hand, it's wonderful you want to establish good eating habits at a young age. On the other hand, Grandma should be able to give the kid a cookie without it being a national security incident.
Here's how I would handle it. Child care provider needs to be on the same page. I would look for a place that serves the same food to all the kids. They should give you menus so you know what is being served. Someone upthread said they take turns sending in snacks. I like that if everyone is on the same page.
What you do at home should cover everything else.
No. Grandma can read the memo that she is not the parent of her grandchild, and she can follow the child's parents' instructions, or Grandma can start referring to her grandchild as "the grandchild I don't get to see because I can't follow simple instructions".
There's no one that is going to love your kid like their grandparents. It's special and unique. Kids who have that are lucky. I wouldn't ruin that over food.10 -
serenityfrye wrote: »We have this problem with grandma (who by the way never ever let her kids eat anything unhealthy when they were young). She lives next door and loves to spoil the kids with cookies, candy and tons of homemade (and store bought) junk food. I've seen first hand that my kids bodies function better when they eat diets low in gluten, dairy and sugar (its hereditary on my side) but those are the primary food groups at Grandma's. Then my kids come home with terrible stomach aches and constipation. We've even had to limit the time they're allowed to spend there because they started purposely snubbing the meals I cooked them because they knew Grandma would fill them with baked goodies as soon as they went to her house. I hate that it's this way but we've spoken up and were just told that it's grandma's job to spoil them and basically told we're mean for depriving our children of treats (we don't - we just don't have them in our home because they get more than enough elsewhere). I really just don't understand.
From my perspective, kids won't be kids forever. I'd rather not speak in absolutes to them where teaching moderation is an option, so we use these as teaching moments. No, they won't learn the first few times they get tummy aches from bingeing, but over time it will sink in. I've watched our 10 year old start to regularly self-moderate over the last couple of years. The alternative of preventing them from learning from personal experience deprives them of learning to say the words "no thank you" when we're not around. We all take different approaches to parenting, but that's mine.2 -
You do realize that your whole grain bar has more calories than an Oreo, right?
And your honey oat cereal probably has close to the same amount of sugar as the 'sugary loaded cereal' you're speaking of.
Also, I can't even start to think about how unhealthy it is to prevent your daughter from having a cookie if everyone else has one... Just wow...
Just going to say the same thing as that wise person before me... 'good luck with that'.15 -
ClosetBayesian wrote: »On one hand, it's wonderful you want to establish good eating habits at a young age. On the other hand, Grandma should be able to give the kid a cookie without it being a national security incident.
Here's how I would handle it. Child care provider needs to be on the same page. I would look for a place that serves the same food to all the kids. They should give you menus so you know what is being served. Someone upthread said they take turns sending in snacks. I like that if everyone is on the same page.
What you do at home should cover everything else.
No. Grandma can read the memo that she is not the parent of her grandchild, and she can follow the child's parents' instructions, or Grandma can start referring to her grandchild as "the grandchild I don't get to see because I can't follow simple instructions".
Wow, if you forbid your child's grandparents from seeing them over a cookie, that's pretty sad, man.
(if you were kidding, my apologies but it doesn't read that way.)
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Occasional treats I'm fine with. And we have lots of discussions about moderation. But in my case it's not 'forbidding the kids to see their grandma over a cookie ' it's the kids willfully choosing not to eat their healthy supper so they can go to Grandma's for cake most days of the week. If we remind grandma that they didn't eat dinner so perhaps they shouldn't have cake we hear "how can you say no to that sweet face" and the kids get cake. So we have to restrict trips to Grandma's to weekends even though she lives next door. We have comprised, however, by inviting Grandma to our house to join us in the meal we're eating on a more frequent basis which seems to be working well. Same goes with video game time. Playing for a bit on weekends at grandma's is fine, but throwing a tantrum and refusing to stop playing to leave grandma's at bedtime on a weeknight isn't going to cut it. Moderation is great but it seems like everywhere the kids go these days (school, church, parties, sports) they're being plied with sugary treats which leaves mehaving to be strict about healthy eating habits at home so they get any exposure at all.1
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ClosetBayesian wrote: »On one hand, it's wonderful you want to establish good eating habits at a young age. On the other hand, Grandma should be able to give the kid a cookie without it being a national security incident.
Here's how I would handle it. Child care provider needs to be on the same page. I would look for a place that serves the same food to all the kids. They should give you menus so you know what is being served. Someone upthread said they take turns sending in snacks. I like that if everyone is on the same page.
What you do at home should cover everything else.
No. Grandma can read the memo that she is not the parent of her grandchild, and she can follow the child's parents' instructions, or Grandma can start referring to her grandchild as "the grandchild I don't get to see because I can't follow simple instructions".
There's no one that is going to love your kid like their grandparents. It's special and unique. Kids who have that are lucky. I wouldn't ruin that over food.
My father-in-law fed one of my daughters a bite of peanut butter fudge at a family picnic when she was a baby because "one bite won't hurt"; he was holding my daughter, and he was too far away from me for me to stop him. We had not introduced peanut butter, and my father-in-law is very, very lucky my daughter did not have an allergic reaction (especially given that some of his other grandchildren do have severe food allergies). From then on, when my kids were little enough to be held, he wasn't allowed to hold them, because I do not trust him.MommyL2015 wrote: »ClosetBayesian wrote: »On one hand, it's wonderful you want to establish good eating habits at a young age. On the other hand, Grandma should be able to give the kid a cookie without it being a national security incident.
Here's how I would handle it. Child care provider needs to be on the same page. I would look for a place that serves the same food to all the kids. They should give you menus so you know what is being served. Someone upthread said they take turns sending in snacks. I like that if everyone is on the same page.
What you do at home should cover everything else.
No. Grandma can read the memo that she is not the parent of her grandchild, and she can follow the child's parents' instructions, or Grandma can start referring to her grandchild as "the grandchild I don't get to see because I can't follow simple instructions".
Wow, if you forbid your child's grandparents from seeing them over a cookie, that's pretty sad, man.
(if you were kidding, my apologies but it doesn't read that way.)
I tolerate zero crap from people who do not respect my decisions as a parent. This includes my in-laws as well as my father, and this includes decisions on food (or anything else).
If my children have a no-________ policy for their kids, I intend to respect their decision. "Grandparent" is not some magical title which absolves a person from respecting the decisions made by a child's parents.9 -
This hits so close to home. If a child likes white milk, why offer them chocolate milk? A kid gets excited about fruit, why offer candy? Heck, I felt this way in my 20's and now at the age of 42 with a toddler of my own, I still feel this way. It's so hard with toddlers because they become so picky. It can be texture, taste, or just plain refusal. It's hard enough with all the other issues, why do others need to complicate it more? We do the same as you. Trying to give a child the best nutrition to start his or her life is not a bad thing. Treats are just that, treats.
Better nutrition will help them fight infections, be active, cognitive function, etc. We only have a handle on a child's food intake for such a small fraction of their life. Why people don't understand this is beyond me.
OP Keep up the great work! We cannot control people but we sure can control what happens at home and still have our child experience the love for chicken nuggets, milkshakes and M&Ms lol.5 -
I agree your kids should eat what you want them to. Keep looking until you find a provider who will comply. I work in child care and feed the kids exactly how their parents ask because it's my job.
If it's family or your friends, stick to your guns or tell them your child won't be coming over any more without you. If you think it's important don't give up.1 -
ShrinkingSloth wrote: »First child. Ha ha ha ha ha! You'll soon get it.
I have three children and taught them to make healthier food choices their whole lives. My oldest is 20 and still makes great choices for the most part. My teenager is going through that 'eat every piece of junk she can find' phase right now but was always a decent eater and my 6 yr old loves veggies and fruits and whole foods. She will gobble up the veggies off her plate at every meal before eating anything else.
It is very possible to instill good food choices in your children from a young age. Will they always stick to it? Maybe not. But they will have that foundation that was set for them from a young age at least. But just flat out giving in and saying well they won't eat what I give them IF it's healthy and then giving them crap to take the easy way out is very wrong too.3 -
All of my children are now adults. When they were little, I tried very hard to keep them on a healthy diet and to not eat junk. It is hard, it looks like your child is still very small. It gets harder...stick to your guns and try to always give them healthy options-they will get used to it and expect healthy options through out everything they do. There will ALWAYS be people who want to give your child an Oreo when you want them to have a multigrain bar-One way I got around that at class parties and day care etc. is to make a healthy option type cookie at home and bring it in for all of the kids..I.e. Carrot, oatmeal cookies-when all the other kids think that what YOUR child has is a special treat, they will want it too. Makes your child feel special that you want them to be healthy. Easter Baskets and stockings had exotic fruit and pricy protein bars that they didn't normally get. My children never felt deprived because they didn't get junk. They all still come home and want the food that I make for them-vegetables and all! ;-)0
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kshama2001 wrote: »Your daughter probably gonna hate eating healthy when she's grown if she's deprive from junk food all her childhood life
My n=1 reflects the opposite - I was "deprived" of junk as a child and it made it really easy for me to return to healthy eating. I believe it positively affected my taste buds as well.
I wasn't "deprived of junk" as a child (it doesn't actually sound to me like OP's daughter is either). My mom cooked normal balanced meals with vegetables and expected us to eat them, but I would have been permitted to have sugary cereal for breakfast (my sister was), except that I hated it. We got to have snacks in moderation and if there was a class party or birthday party we were of course allowed to partake. Fast food was a rare thing, but an occasional thing, and my mom enjoys baking cookies and would sometimes.
Despite that, it has never been hard for me to eat a healthful diet, and I have always (well, as an adult) enjoyed lots of stereotypically healthy foods, like almost all vegetables, and preferred eating a balanced diet and not had any kind of excessive desire for sugar (in fact, I dislike overly sweet things sometimes).
My sister of the sugary cereal breakfast actually likes sweet things less than I do now and really doesn't eat them (she just doesn't have a sweet tooth). She's never been overweight, I got overweight (although I am not anymore) eating mostly meals that would be considered healthy (but for the calories, sigh).
So eating some "junk" as a kid doesn't actually ruin one's palate or anything.0 -
All of my children are now adults. When they were little, I tried very hard to keep them on a healthy diet and to not eat junk. It is hard, it looks like your child is still very small. It gets harder...stick to your guns and try to always give them healthy options-they will get used to it and expect healthy options through out everything they do. There will ALWAYS be people who want to give your child an Oreo when you want them to have a multigrain bar-One way I got around that at class parties and day care etc. is to make a healthy option type cookie at home and bring it in for all of the kids..I.e. Carrot, oatmeal cookies-when all the other kids think that what YOUR child has is a special treat, they will want it too. Makes your child feel special that you want them to be healthy. Easter Baskets and stockings had exotic fruit and pricy protein bars that they didn't normally get. My children never felt deprived because they didn't get junk. They all still come home and want the food that I make for them-vegetables and all! ;-)
Most schools no longer allow homemade foods brought into classrooms (that will be shared ). Things must come in their original packages (we've been a part of several schools and that's been the rule at all of them).0 -
OP just took a look at your profile, and I am a bit confused.
You have a lot of weight to lose, so there is something wrong with what you all have been eating as a family, at least in the past, and the problem is not the occasional treat your kid gets from others. It is also surprisign your own diary contains daily treats, including the ones you do not want your kid to eat? Not saying that treats are bad, but when it comes to kids, lead by example. Learning good habits at home will not be undone by eating a cookie at school.
Rekt0 -
The schools here in my district also have a pre-approved list of packaged things we can bring in for the class. We can't even bring in bakery items from a grocery store. Homemade treats are always better in my opinion, but they do that for peanut allergy reasons.
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OP just took a look at your profile, and I am a bit confused.
You have a lot of weight to lose, so there is something wrong with what you all have been eating as a family, at least in the past, and the problem is not the occasional treat your kid gets from others. It is also surprisign your own diary contains daily treats, including the ones you do not want your kid to eat? Not saying that treats are bad, but when it comes to kids, lead by example. Learning good habits at home will not be undone by eating a cookie at school.
Rekt
Wait it's better, multiple entries for candy for days, nachos, etc., but the daughter can have pizza once a month?4 -
You do realize that your whole grain bar has more calories than an Oreo, right?
And your honey oat cereal probably has close to the same amount of sugar as the 'sugary loaded cereal' you're speaking of.
Also, I can't even start to think about how unhealthy it is to prevent your daughter from having a cookie if everyone else has one... Just wow...
Just going to say the same thing as that wise person before me... 'good luck with that'.
I think all of these judgement comments about the oreo are missing the point. The oreo was an example of someone blatantly disregarding/not comprehending the OP's wishes immediately after she had just explained it. She says in her OP that she does let her daughter have treats occasionally and at parties and on special occasions. Plus the child is a toddler and too young to read nutrition labels and is therefore being given a good head start through experience. So I assume that her point refers to right now in this phase of the child's growth. I don't see anything wrong with her wanting to get her child used to the taste of nutritionally dense foods at this early age. She isn't dictating her entire life, just this point in her development.
I agree with everyone who is saying that this is difficult terrain because when you are not around you can't really control what others feed her. You are doing a good job already by packing her food, looking for caregivers who will respect your wishes, and communicating your wishes to family who will care for her but I think you will get to a point where you have to pick your battles. I would have definitely left and not hired the caregiver who offered the cookie immediately after you just explained you didn't want her to eat like that.4 -
MommyL2015 wrote: »The schools here in my district also have a pre-approved list of packaged things we can bring in for the class. We can't even bring in bakery items from a grocery store. Homemade treats are always better in my opinion, but they do that for peanut allergy reasons.
Yep, it's because of allergies that homemade stuff can't be brought in here too.0
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