Please stop feeding my child junk!!
mell4now
Posts: 33 Member
Diabetes, heart attack, hypertension obesity and other diet related illnesses run in mine and my husbands family, so ever since my daughter started solid foods, I've been feeding her predominantly balanced and healthy food choices. Her diet includes lots of fresh fruits, veggies, cheeses, eggs, nuts, seeds, beans, yogurts whole grain bread/pasta/cereals I give her a mix of both lean and fatty cuts of meats because children NEED a certain percentage of animal fats in their diets. For beverages either whole milk, or home/made vegetable smoothies. She gets the occasional cookie or cracker every now and then, and we let her eat whatever she wants at birthday parties, holidays and special events. We might even go out for ice cream once every few weeks or so, but it is not an every day occurence The problem we are having is that whenever she is someone else's care or around other people despite having her own food people offer her JUNK! They know she loves to eat a banana dipped in peanut butter or a cup of yogurt with some raspberries and would intentionally give her a bag of cheese curls or a plate of cookies instead! She has a nice whole grain honey-oat cereal but has been given a commercial sugar-loaded bowl of junk. Of course after eating junk food for a day she has a bit of resistance when returning home and is offered a healthy dinner. I just don't understand why it gives people so much pleasure to feed my child junk food when she is accustomed to and LIKES her healthy eats?!? I recently interviewed a potential child care provider for when I return to work full-time and even after I just got done explaining to her that I like my daughter to eat healthy, she waved a cookie in my daughters face and asked if ok to give my daughter an Oreo along with the other kids...I thought it was a joke!! But absolutely nothing I said sunk in. I kindly said (as I pulled it out of the diaper bag) "I'd rather her have this whole grain snack bar instead"
Any tips on how to politely and effectively suggest that certain people stop doping up my kid on the junk food, or at least limit it?!
Any tips on how to politely and effectively suggest that certain people stop doping up my kid on the junk food, or at least limit it?!
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Replies
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The fact is some people are not open to what you're trying to tell them. And some, even family (or more so) think it's ok to just ignore your requests. Try to explain your logic and reasoning and provide your own snacks.
If it's an employee (nanny), they better adhere to your nutritional rules. Hopefully you'll find someone who, at the very least, is willing to learn and follow your standards.
Friends and family, you'll just have to pack your mountains of mommy-approved snacks and foods, or you'll run the risk of not having anything for your daughter.
Now, I'm all for the healthier varieties, and have done a lot of research to keep my home's food balanced and very low-to-none on some big ones like High fructose syrups, aspartame, food coloring a, nitrite/nitrate food, msg, too much sugar, even beauty stuff Lauryl/laureth free.... Etc... But, you won't change others, and if it's an occasional bday party or so, relax.
Good luck!2 -
Have you been experiencing this in the day care setting or the private care setting (baby sitting, small group home care, or nannying)? It sounds like this particular lady lost your business right when that cookie was offered to your daughter.
I would avoid using words like "healthy diet" when you interview care givers. That term means something different to everyone. Instead say,"I will be providing my child's snacks and meals during her care at this facility. It is extremely important to my family and I that my wishes regarding my child's nutrition are respected." Make sure the manager and or owner of the facility understands this too. If they go against your wishes, pull your business.4 -
I just want to chime and say awesome job on starting your daughter off on the right foot
I see far too many kids/toddlers guzzling coke like it's water, and think eating junk food everyday is the norm 
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Trying to respond to all...
The "junk food distributors" come in the form of family, friends and previously in a private home based daycare setting. I actually packed about a weeks worth of semi healthy non perishable snacks such as single serve veggie and fruit bowls, and bring a fresh lunch, fruit and cheese every day she visits
I phrase that I feed my child healthy foods and avoid the buzz word "diet". Her calories are never restricted just the sources she gets the food from.
Lol at the cola kid sightings A few weeks ago I saw this mother of 5 at Walmart lecture her kid that the "Little Debbie fudge brownies" she asked for were really bad, and that she should choose a healthier option like this "Entemans Raspberry Danish!!!" Lolol. Maybe some people are really misinformed!
I definitely let my little girl have anything she wants to eat at parties and other social events.3 -
Quite frankly, I think you are a little 'over the top' on the junk food thing. If your child regularly eats healthy foods at home, an infrequent McDonald's burger, fries, and a Coke with an Oreo and a bowl of ice cream for dessert will do no harm.
I love pizza, donuts, and practically anything deep fried; however, in my effort to control my weight, I avoid such. Not eliminate, just avoid.
The key word is occasional.
Occasional is not a problem.
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I would interpret your situation as a breach of trust. I don't understand people either: Why do people want to intentionally introduce and promote junk food in kids' diets? I have a baby at home and everyone keeps talking about how much they want to introduce him to ice-cream. I have NOTHING against an occasional scoop of ice-cream for older children, but there are so many other, more nutritious foods my son could eat instead right now to develop his palette. So frustrating.5
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First child?
Listen, I commend what you're trying to do but you might need to relax the grip a little. Your job is to teach your child healthy habits which will serve her well in the long term. If you put your child in a bubble, you risk her going hog-wild once she's old enough to realize she can make her own choices when you're not around. Children are smart, she will understand the difference between healthful foods and the occasional treat. Just the other day I asked my 5 year old son if he wanted to go for a slurpee....he responded no thank you. What five year old does that? One who has been taught what foods are healthy for his body and help him grow, and what is okay to eat as a treat once in a while, and that he doesn't need to stuff his face with treats whenever the opportunity presents itself. I currently have a bowl of easter treats (including his fave, chocolate) sitting openly on the counter which hasn't been touched in weeks. It's not taboo, therefore not interesting.
Oh and by the way, all bets are off when the munchkins are at the Grandparents' house. That's just part of the deal of having kids, the grandparents do whatever they want without consequence
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Quite frankly, I think you are a little 'over the top' on the junk food thing. If your child regularly eats healthy foods at home, an infrequent McDonald's burger, fries, and a Coke with an Oreo and a bowl of ice cream for dessert will do no harm.
I love pizza, donuts, and practically anything deep fried; however, in my effort to control my weight, I avoid such. Not eliminate, just avoid.
The key word is occasional.
Occasional is not a problem.
She does get the occasional treat. We do give her gher pizza, hot dog or chicken nuggets as part of her meal several times a month. She gets to have a cookie here and there. We let her have a small portion of her Easter basket ( from grandma bunny) after supper We just don't make a habit out of it because she( like any other person ) likes salty sweet refined fatty foods and after she has a couple unhealthy meals it's hard to get her back to eating healthy.
The Oreo thing was out of principle... I seriously just got done saying I like to give my daughter healthy snacks. It really bothered me that even in the interview the provider would not follow my request. I can only imagine what would get offered in my absence.5 -
If you look at countries where they don't issues with obesity, you'd likely find many families feeding their kids "processed" stuff like noodles, breads and sweets ALONG with fruits, vegetables and lean meats.
The issue for most kids in the US that they OVEREAT. And they learn that from the parents/guardians. Teach them a good lifestyle without having to so stringent on choices, yet learn how to eat in portions. Don't force feed them. What are you gonna do when your child wants to attend a birthday party and eat cake and ice cream? Say no? Many eating disorders happen due to image and issues where kids can't eat like other kids.
I've worked with kids who had weight issues and many just overate because their parents NEVER told them to stop or showed them how to portion their foods. Also force feeding (eating when not hungry) was common amongst them.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Others have already said most of what I would have to say (mostly, you are a bit over the top IMO, but I also understand your frustration). However, the part "she waved a cookie in my daughters face and asked if ok to give my daughter an Oreo along with the other kids" - how do you think your daughter would feel if everybody else got to have an Oreo and she didn't? Now, I don't really think they should be giving out Oreos anyway, but it is still worth considering how upsetting it would likely be for your daughter to not get to have what the other kids did.2
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mathandcats wrote: »Others have already said most of what I would have to say (mostly, you are a bit over the top IMO, but I also understand your frustration). However, the part "she waved a cookie in my daughters face and asked if ok to give my daughter an Oreo along with the other kids" - how do you think your daughter would feel if everybody else got to have an Oreo and she didn't? Now, I don't really think they should be giving out Oreos anyway, but it is still worth considering how upsetting it would likely be for your daughter to not get to have what the other kids did.
Yeah, if I was the only kid in the daycare being told "you can't have an Oreo, take this whole grain snack bar instead" that would be a quick path to misery.
But if they have Oreos every day as a snack it may just not be the right place. I remember going to after-school care as a kid and the first day was Oreo day...but it was only once a week and only enough Oreos to feel like we were getting a "treat", followed by plenty of outdoors time. Not enough context to pass judgment either way really.5 -
I feel sorry for your children. You sound powerless to help them. Certainly there are a number of steps you could take to protect what they are eating. Home schooling. Specific instructions to day care. Packing healthy lunches.1
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At my nephew's nursery (day care) he has a dessert with each lunchtime meal. He's perfectly healthy and a normal weight. If he's hungry he eats it, if not he doesn't. As others have said, at a young age kids should have the opportunity to eat everything as they shouldn't have learned over eating.3
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Diabetes, heart attack, hypertension obesity and other diet related illnesses run in mine and my husbands family, so ever since my daughter started solid foods, I've been feeding her predominantly balanced and healthy food choices. Her diet includes lots of fresh fruits, veggies, cheeses, eggs, nuts, seeds, beans, yogurts whole grain bread/pasta/cereals I give her a mix of both lean and fatty cuts of meats because children NEED a certain percentage of animal fats in their diets. For beverages either whole milk, or home/made vegetable smoothies. She gets the occasional cookie or cracker every now and then, and we let her eat whatever she wants at birthday parties, holidays and special events. We might even go out for ice cream once every few weeks or so, but it is not an every day occurence The problem we are having is that whenever she is someone else's care or around other people despite having her own food people offer her JUNK! They know she loves to eat a banana dipped in peanut butter or a cup of yogurt with some raspberries and would intentionally give her a bag of cheese curls or a plate of cookies instead! She has a nice whole grain honey-oat cereal but has been given a commercial sugar-loaded bowl of junk. Of course after eating junk food for a day she has a bit of resistance when returning home and is offered a healthy dinner. I just don't understand why it gives people so much pleasure to feed my child junk food when she is accustomed to and LIKES her healthy eats?!? I recently interviewed a potential child care provider for when I return to work full-time and even after I just got done explaining to her that I like my daughter to eat healthy, she waved a cookie in my daughters face and asked if ok to give my daughter an Oreo along with the other kids...I thought it was a joke!! But absolutely nothing I said sunk in. I kindly said (as I pulled it out of the diaper bag) "I'd rather her have this whole grain snack bar instead"
Any tips on how to politely and effectively suggest that certain people stop doping up my kid on the junk food, or at least limit it?!
When it comes to childcare, you need to figure out your priorities and of course your budget, and do your research. Not all preschools and daycares have the same rules and meal plans. And if what your child eats is important to you, then what is on the menu is something you need to consider. You cannot expect for example 5 kids eating oreos and yours being served granola, it would create lots of problems for the caregiver. If you decide to hire a sitter, nanny etc, it should be 100% expected that as employer and in your own home you decide what your child eats.
Now, when it comes to situations like grandma offering a cookie, the neighbour offering some chocolate or the cashier at the local bakery offering a biscuit, unless your child is allergic to something or the food is completely unsuitable for a child, teach your child to politely accept it and enjoy it, or you are crossing the line to paranoid. If you have such problems daily with people you currently use as babysitters (even family or friends), this is a case where you need to decide what is more important, leaving your kid with grandma, her aunt, your friend etc or controlling completely her diet. If it is the second, hire a sitter and make the rules clear. When you use family or friends as caregivers, you have some benefits but you also have to make some compromises. When it comes to professional babysitters, you get what you pay for when it comes to fine tuning the details.13 -
Oh my. Good luck is all I'm going to say
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OP, I completely get where you are coming from. I have been frustrated by this in the past. Considering the number of headlines, news stories, etc. that bemoan the obesity epidemic in the U.S., I was initially surprised and pretty shocked by how often people continued to give/offer candy/cookies/cupcakes/other treats to kids at school, church, bank, etc. It's absolutely everywhere--candy from the dance teacher, sucker from the bank teller, cupcake and a Hug drink at church choir immediately after church coffee/cookie time, etc.
For me, the irritation stemmed from the idea that sweets like this should be treats. As in, have them once a twice a week and that's it. Plus, I wanted the chance to give her a treat sometimes but when a kid is offered cookies/candy/treats multiple times a day, they lose their treat status and are really nothing special. So my idea of a cookie from the bakery as a special treat or dessert at Sunday dinner as a treat went completely out the window.
What I have learned, though, is that these things being "no big deal" has been a really good way for my daughter to learn to regulate her intake of them. She is offered this stuff so much that most of it isn't something that attracts her at this point. She can take it or leave it, is what I mean. For example, she goes trick or treating, eats a couple of the little candy bars for 2, maybe 3 days max, and then the bucket of candy is completely forgotten/ignored. We end up throwing away a lot of Halloween candy every year for that reason. In another example, she likes Lindt chocolate truffles and recently had a Lindt milk chocolate truffle candy bar that took her, no exaggeration, three weeks to finish. She was like Charlie Bucket, nibbling a little, tucking it away, nibbling more a few days later, tucking it away again, etc. It has really been interesting to watch her end up like this because, in the past, I had such poor impulse control around candy and baked goods and would absolutely gorge myself on it. I now love it that she has such good self-regulation and her being offered treats doesn't bug me for the most part.12 -
I have two kids.
I believe that each parent should be able to make choices for their kids, and there is nothing wrong with your choices.
I do think that the way you present them, here in this post and to your provider, could be more effective if they were stated a little better. They seem a bit condescending. With respect to family, there will always be people who will treat your children the way they want to, with behaviors and food. Rather than explain why your "healthy" choices are the best, just ask them to respect your wishes as a parent that she eats what you pack. You don't have to explain how much of a supermom you are. Same with the daycare. Have a long talk about parental choices and determine whether they are willing to respect them. It wont' just be food. You'll have constant battles about discipline, potty training, etc. But also, you needn't say, "whole grain cereal bar" or "bowl of junk". Like you're a nutrition expert trying to educate them. Just say, these are the foods I would like my child to eat, please respect that.
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I have a mom friend that you remind me of. Poor kid and his melba toast with cheese while my kids enjoy their treats.
I understand her diet is important to you and disease runs in your family. You have a long time of teaching her the benefits of nutritional eating and balancing treats.
I mean, you're doing right by her. Good job!!
You can pack her what you want her to eat and you can tell others.
But if the majority of her meals come from you while at home or packed from home- then the amount of food not given by you is small...no?
Just wondering what do you think is going to happen if she eats some oreos occasionally as a child or eats a few non-whole grain snacks?
Anyway, you can NOT control everything despite your best efforts and pleas. I also believe that others should respect your wishes- but provide the alternatives when possible.
There will be way, way bigger fish to fry down the road. Id keep your priorities of course, but dont sweat the small stuff.
~Mom to 3 happy and healthy kids.4 -
I don't think you'll be able to protect her from ALL junk food. I was the same way with my kids, but learned that when they were at their grandparents' house, they would get sweets. I had to choose if them seeing their grandparents was worth me having to bite my tongue and watch them eat a cookie or two. To me, it was worth it. At daycare, I packed their food myself. When I switched to private childcare, I did the same. In the end, it's your child and you call the shots. That's my opinion.
Also, I want to echo the other reply who gave kudos for trying to train your child to eat healthy. Childhood obesity and diabetes are becoming more and more prevalent in this country. Good for you for taking a stand to protect your child!
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jessishort11 wrote: »Quite frankly, I think you are a little 'over the top' on the junk food thing. If your child regularly eats healthy foods at home, an infrequent McDonald's burger, fries, and a Coke with an Oreo and a bowl of ice cream for dessert will do no harm.
I love pizza, donuts, and practically anything deep fried; however, in my effort to control my weight, I avoid such. Not eliminate, just avoid.
The key word is occasional.
Occasional is not a problem.
From what I read, her question wasn't what others think about how she chooses to raise her child, it was about how to get others to respect it. Which, clearly, you know nothing about.
Forums offer more than the advice solicited. That's common knowledge.
But perhaps the people she is asking IRL arent "respecting" it because its over the top to them too?
I dunno.
If a kid Im watching has his own snacks- sweet. But if mine is eating goldfish and they have to have granola- sheesh-and they are old enough to "want" the other person's snacks... wish me luck! LOL.
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Your child, your rules. If people you are trusting to care for your child don't follow those rules, then find someone else. You are allowed to tell someone - even family - no. My little girl has a severe dairy allergy...even the slightest amount triggers anaphylaxis...and it's in a TON of stuff...so my husband and I are very serious with no means no. Great grandma was dying to give her some chocolate pudding, but you are in charge of your childs' well being. Not others. If you don't want them feeding your kid junk, don't let them. It's really quite simple.4
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Your daughter probably gonna hate eating healthy when she's grown if she's deprive from junk food all her childhood life
My n=1 reflects the opposite - I was "deprived" of junk as a child and it made it really easy for me to return to healthy eating. I believe it positively affected my taste buds as well.8 -
chunky_pinup wrote: »Your child, your rules. If people you are trusting to care for your child don't follow those rules, then find someone else. You are allowed to tell someone - even family - no. My little girl has a severe dairy allergy...even the slightest amount triggers anaphylaxis...and it's in a TON of stuff...so my husband and I are very serious with no means no. Great grandma was dying to give her some chocolate pudding, but you are in charge of your childs' well being. Not others. If you don't want them feeding your kid junk, don't let them. It's really quite simple.
Not the same situation IMHO1 -
SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »chunky_pinup wrote: »Your child, your rules. If people you are trusting to care for your child don't follow those rules, then find someone else. You are allowed to tell someone - even family - no. My little girl has a severe dairy allergy...even the slightest amount triggers anaphylaxis...and it's in a TON of stuff...so my husband and I are very serious with no means no. Great grandma was dying to give her some chocolate pudding, but you are in charge of your childs' well being. Not others. If you don't want them feeding your kid junk, don't let them. It's really quite simple.
Not the same situation IMHO
No means no. It's not situational. No = no. If you don't want someone feeding your child something, it's your job as the parent to ensure that.8 -
OP just took a look at your profile, and I am a bit confused.
You have a lot of weight to lose, so there is something wrong with what you all have been eating as a family, at least in the past, and the problem is not the occasional treat your kid gets from others. It is also surprisign your own diary contains daily treats, including the ones you do not want your kid to eat? Not saying that treats are bad, but when it comes to kids, lead by example. Learning good habits at home will not be undone by eating a cookie at school.14 -
First child. Ha ha ha ha ha! You'll soon get it.8
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kshama2001 wrote: »Your daughter probably gonna hate eating healthy when she's grown if she's deprive from junk food all her childhood life
My n=1 reflects the opposite - I was "deprived" of junk as a child and it made it really easy for me to return to healthy eating. I believe it positively affected my taste buds as well.
That was my experience as well. The reasons might be different (we didn't have the money to eat junk food regularly) but growing up eating proper meals made it easy and familiar to go back to eating a healthful diet. Being "forced" to eat healthy made me appreciate and enjoy those foods, not hate them.
Good for you @mell4now for limiting the junk - your daughter will appreciate it when she's older.
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I think you may be looking at this wrong. Your daughter will spend a lifetime exposed to junk food. This is a perfect opportunity to teach her the word "no" and how she can apply it to her own life. If you don't start now (experience speaking here, I've raised three to adulthood) by the time she gets into school she will eat the worst crap ever. Some schools even have vending machines. Even if you homeschool like I did, she will be exposed because you can't control her entire environment every moment of every day. You don't say how old she is, but starting about age two her favorite word is (or was) "NO!" anyway. Good time to begin teaching her WHEN to say no and why!1
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Aside from being the enforcer of tough consequences, "letting go" is one of the hardest parts of parenting. Especially when it stems from fear regarding your child's well-being....and what parent doesnt have that?
But over-bearing controlling parents make it tough on their little ones though. All we want to do is our best- and do right by them.
Im 32 and still have to put my hand up and remind my sweet mother that Im an adult.
(She gives them Icees and a donut after school on occasion- totally ruins their appetite when she does that- so that night they eat plain cheerios/milk for dinner and go to bed happy- as do I.)
I pick my battles-and with 3 kids there are plenty to choose from!4
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