Difficult husband?

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  • stephaniemejia1671
    stephaniemejia1671 Posts: 482 Member
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    Just do what's best for yourself. It's his choice to eat/drink what he does, if he sees no result he should understand why. He will slow you down if you attempt to drag him with you. At this point he is just dead weight when it comes to your weight loss goals. Leave him be. Let him find his own way.
  • rhinesb
    rhinesb Posts: 204 Member
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    I haven't read all the posts and I know that there are probably a lot of them bashing you. But see I am thinking that this is early in your marriage and if it is not then shame on you...LOL...sorry had to say that. See you can't force your husband and he can't force you to diet or exercise the way the other wants you to.

    My husband runs to lose weight and he thinks I should and that if I do then I'll be able to lose weight quicker. For me I have not and never will be a runner. I would rather strength train only. My hubby likes to eat protein only. Me...not so much. I gave up soda and when I did hubby did, though he's still been drinking the occasional beer.

    You are going to have to be the example of how well what you are doing is working. If he really wants it let him have it. My husband got fit before me. But his way is just not for me.

    As far as dairy goes get skim for yourself and get 2% for him.

    You have to have the strength to have bad stuff in the house and NOT eat it. So let him have his bread and whole milk. Right now I have jelly beans in the cabinet to occasionally give my kids and I hide them out of my sight and I hardly ever think about them. That really helps.


    Also don't treat your hubby like a child. If you want let him know how you plan to lose weight and then do it. If there is something that he likes that is just too much of a temptation for you then ask him to put it somewhere out of sight so that you are not constantly tempted.
  • rhinesb
    rhinesb Posts: 204 Member
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    double post
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
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    Just a thought...and I may be waay off base here...but is the frustration you feel towards your husband's lack of resolve misdirected?...I'm saying this because in earlier posts you said that his attitude sometimes makes you want to go back to the habits you are trying to break (paraphrasing here, of course).

    Could just be growing pains ya know.
    Hang in there.

    Making new diet habits made me cranky as hell.
    It gets better. :wink:
  • TheBitSlinger
    TheBitSlinger Posts: 621 Member
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    i can't think of anything that would make me want a 5th soda more than someone needing to comment on my 4th.

    I wasn't going to buy a ticket and attend the circus, but this... most hilarious, and yet true, statement I've read in ages.
  • elainecroft
    elainecroft Posts: 595 Member
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    This is hard. But I agree that you can't control someone else, and if you want them to stop being a child, stop acting like a mom.

    I want my husband to eat healthy too, but he doesn't want to. So, I've realized I can only control what I do. For example, when I grocery shop, I buy skim milk. If he wants 2% he can buy it and drink it. When I cook, I generally make something healthy. The problem (as I see it) is that he will eat the healthy food, then eat 500+ calories of snacks on top of dinner. I don't yet know how to resolve this issue. Best thing I have found so far is to portion out EVERYTHING in our cupboard - it doesn't stop his (or my) snacking, but keeps it to more reasonable portions. Portion size is something I can control, another person's actions are not.

    Good luck with this.
  • Mokey41
    Mokey41 Posts: 5,769 Member
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    This is hard. But I agree that you can't control someone else, and if you want them to stop being a child, stop acting like a mom.

    I want my husband to eat healthy too, but he doesn't want to. So, I've realized I can only control what I do. For example, when I grocery shop, I buy skim milk. If he wants 2% he can buy it and drink it. When I cook, I generally make something healthy. The problem (as I see it) is that he will eat the healthy food, then eat 500+ calories of snacks on top of dinner. I don't yet know how to resolve this issue. Best thing I have found so far is to portion out EVERYTHING in our cupboard - it doesn't stop his (or my) snacking, but keeps it to more reasonable portions. Portion size is something I can control, another person's actions are not.

    Good luck with this.

    My husband to a T. He'll eat a nice supper then as soon as I leave the room get a cereal bowl full of ice cream and dump syrup on it! I gave up a long time ago and just made sure all the insurance and bank accounts are in order for when he finally eats himself to death. I can't make him do better, I just do what I do and he does what he does. Who knows, I may keel over from a heart attack while running and he merrily lives on eating ice cream!
  • shadow2soul
    shadow2soul Posts: 7,692 Member
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    Just set a good example, do what you need to do for you and maybe he will come around eventually. If not, well he is allowed to make that choice.

    An example would be me and my husband. So here is the month to month break down of what has happened since we both decided to start working on our weight:

    March
    - Middle of March I decided to use MFP and start counting calories (lost about 8lbs that month)
    - Husband thought it was silly and a stupid idea *shrug* (weight didn't change)

    April
    - I got a HRM, so I could be more accurate when logging my calorie burns (lost about 8lbs that month)
    - Husband again thought it was a silly and stupid idea *shrug* (weight didn't change)

    May
    - I got a fitbit to get a better idea of my activity level and a body fat caliper (lost a little over 7 pounds that month)
    - Husband thought the fitbit was neat but unnecessary. He liked the idea of having a body fat caliper. He decided to buy a weight bench, barbell, and weights. (weight didn't change)

    June
    - I finally bought a kitchen scale at the beginning of June so I could be more accurate with my food logs(lost about 6.6lbs that month)
    - Husband made some drastic changes mid June. He started using MFP, the kitchen scale and even my HRM (which is pink). At the end of June he bought a fitbit as well.(lost about 4lbs)

    Point is, I made healthy changes for me and he followed eventually. It took me losing around 20lbs while his weight didn't change, even though he had been exercising daily, for him to come around. I've been drinking diet soda since I started MFP (with the occasional regular soda) and in June (although my husband said he would never drink diet soda) has started drinking some diet sodas (diet pepsi and diet dr pepper to be exact). Me and my husband both drink more water when we have things like crystal light around.

    So make the changes that you feel you need to make. Set an example for him and he just might come around. Then again, he might not, but trying to control him wouldn't be healthy for the relationship.
  • shadow2soul
    shadow2soul Posts: 7,692 Member
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    double post
  • shadow2soul
    shadow2soul Posts: 7,692 Member
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    triple post :grumble:
  • DopeItUp
    DopeItUp Posts: 18,771 Member
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    For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it. Needless to say he still drinks it. I don't take it away from him or nag until he throws it out.

    I would full-force punch my wife in the face if she ever did that.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
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    For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it. Needless to say he still drinks it. I don't take it away from him or nag until he throws it out.

    I would full-force punch my wife in the face if she ever did that.
    congrats on being abusive.
  • kkzmom11
    kkzmom11 Posts: 220 Member
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    stardustziggy, i can only speak for myself. my response was due to what you typed in your opening statement. I am sure you didn't mean it to sound like you were treating him like a child. however, i can only respond to what you "said", i don't know how you meant it. so, if you feel like you are being attacked, then you will want to consider how you say things on this site in the future. just so they don't get misinterpreted. i agree with many, if you treat your husband like a child, then that is how he is going to act. my husband is very supportive of my weight loss efforts, but don't dare tell him what to eat and not eat. he is a grown man and will make his own decisions. I eat healthy, he likes what i make. we do the grocery shopping together.
  • ExcelWithMel
    ExcelWithMel Posts: 192 Member
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    I'm amazed at how many people drink all the wrong things. My husband does drink water, but he also drinks lots of O.J., Coke, and Mixed Drinks full of sugar- Margaritas, Jack & Coke, etc. and of course beer almost daily.

    I drink 1 cup of coffee, water until I'm floating away, and try to limit beer or wine to 2 nights a week. If I drank any calorie-laden drinks I'd gain 20 lbs. in no time.

    I know you both want to get healthy, but in this case, I say let him drink what he wants and you drink what you want. We even have 2 kinds of milk in the house.

    The way I see it, I'm his wife, not his mother - and since he is an adult (almost 45) let him drink what he wants and maybe if you keep doing what you want, he will see the positive changes in your life and want to come along. Until then, you can't force your husband to drink what you want to drink to be a healthier/lighter version of you.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I'm amazed at how many people drink all the wrong things.

    According to whom?
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
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    I'm amazed at how many people drink all the wrong things.

    According to whom?
    food saints.
  • DopeItUp
    DopeItUp Posts: 18,771 Member
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    For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it. Needless to say he still drinks it. I don't take it away from him or nag until he throws it out.

    I would full-force punch my wife in the face if she ever did that.
    congrats on being abusive.

    Who said I was abusive? I've never even considered striking my wife in my entire life.
  • jojo86xdd
    jojo86xdd Posts: 202 Member
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    I don't want to be too rude but..you say he is more like a child. You also need to stop being his mother! He is his own person. If he wants to have 2% milk and bread then let him. A LOT of people drink milk and have bread and have lost weight and are in great shape.

    Maybe he just wants to go about things a little differently then you. Maybe he needs to find out what works for him. Let him do that and learn on his own. I have learned from past experience, and pushiness of my part, that it doesn't work!

    Ditto. I only drink whole milk (cant keep almond or skim milk down. yuk) and I eat bread (only whole grain). I have both these things literally every day and I have been losing consistently. If this is a lifestyle change, he has to make one that works for him. I know i cant go on almond milk and no bread for the rest of my life, therefore I don't do that. Just like I know I can't go without ice cream, chocolate, pizza etc for the rest of my life either, so I still eat them in moderation. If that works for you then more power to you, but your husband is a grown man. You need to do what works for you and he will do what works for him.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
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    I'm amazed at how many people drink all the wrong things.

    According to whom?
    food saints.

    If I drink Trappist beer does that make it okay?
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
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    For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it. Needless to say he still drinks it. I don't take it away from him or nag until he throws it out.

    I would full-force punch my wife in the face if she ever did that.
    congrats on being abusive.

    Who said I was abusive? I've never even considered striking my wife in my entire life.

    I know what you mean. If my husband tried to speak a word about my tea consumption (And I drink a good amount, 3-4 cups a day) I'd have to chuck the pot at his head.

    But he'd never do such a thing. So we continue to live a life where pots are never thrown.

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