Difficult husband?
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Two questions for you: 1) Why do you have to eat (or in this case) drink the same things? 2) Why do you have to control what he eats?
His needs are going to be different from yours anyways.
1. We don't.
2. I don't. I just want him to make better choices and try new (healthier) things he might actually like if he'd only try.
And to tobemotivated. Thank you for the kind words. No I don't mention it everyday/everytime.0 -
My post didn't post so I'm going to retype it out. You never answered my question if your problem is a shared grocery and budget problem so I'm going to jump ahead and assume it is by your post stating how you guys have the two percent milk and not the skim milk which you want. If this is the case then you guys need to sit down and you'll have to let him know a few compromises have to be made for your health and diet. You can start with the milk, if you guys are buying the gallon you can start buying one half gallon two percent and one half gallon skim milk, then move on to the soda and juice. Tell him he has to pick one or the other then in place of the item he doesn't pick you can use that to get an item you want for your diet and move on to each item like that. If he likes bread and you want to cut it out well still buy the bread but start to buy lean lunch meats like turkey, then he can have his sandwich with a healthier meat and you could maybe create some type of meat roll up without the bread. This will help your health and inversely it'll have him cut back on the foods you are worried about him overly consuming.0
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Let him do what he wants and when he figures out he can't lose weight drinking soda and juice he will make the change on his own.0
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you said yourself you need to comment if he has 4 sodas! i couldn't live with someone who did that. it IS nagging. that's not going to make him drink water, it's going to make him resent you. which is exactly why he digs his heels in and gets annoyed at you. so, if you really want to help him, why don't you listen to the advice and stop!if 20 people tell me i'm being unreasonable...
a may not agree with them, but i'll at least start to question my stance, looking at whether i'm really being as reasonable as i thought i was.
I'm perfectly fine with everyone saying let him do his own thing. What I don't like is being attacked for something I know I don't do and even someone going as far as saying "just break up." to my husband.
seriously, for the sake of his health and your relationship, just stop.0 -
Don't like 2% milk and would rather drink skim. Just cut your 2% milk 50/50 with water. There, problem solved. Let hubby drink his milk, you drink your water-down dairy.0
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My post didn't post so I'm going to retype it out. You never answered my question if your problem is a shared grocery and budget problem so I'm going to jump ahead and assume it is by your post stating how you guys have the two percent milk and not the skim milk which you want. If this is the case then you guys need to sit down and you'll have to let him know a few compromises have to be made for your health and diet. You can start with the milk, if you guys are buying the gallon you can start buying one half gallon two percent and one half gallon skim milk, then move on to the soda and juice. Tell him he has to pick one or the other then in place of the item he doesn't pick you can use that to get an item you want for your diet and move on to each item like that. If he likes bread and you want to cut it out well still buy the bread but start to buy lean lunch meats like turkey, then he can have his sandwich with a healthier meat and you could maybe create some type of meat roll up without the bread. This will help your health and inversely it'll have him cut back on the foods you are worried about him overly consuming.
Sorry, for some reason this site is really lagging for me and I am trying to reply but it's being weird. Anyway I run the finances and do all the shopping (his choice not mine, so I don't get attacked for controlling that too). True the budget comes into play when we have to buy his and hers so to speak so I usually just get what he likes to save some cash. We do talk about it and compromise on a lot so it is frustrating when some here just say that I am a nag or controlling when it's far from true. More often than not it's me giving into him.0 -
The reason I said it feels like he is a child because of how he reacts when I try to tell him things.
THIS - He'll get mad and or sulk and not even try to see where I am coming from.
I don't say it to nag or not let him have what he wants I just want him to be well. For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it. Needless to say he still drinks it. I don't take it away from him or nag until he throws it out.
Sorry, this made me laugh out loud. OP, from your responses in this thread so far, you are exactly the same as your DH. Take a step back, and reassess how you're approaching the issue. Because what you're doing isn't working - the two of you have made it into a control thing/power struggle and are both being stubborn, for the sake of not allowing the other to "win". So you've got yourself in a lose-lose scenario.
If you want to change the results, change the way you interact. Instead of going head to head with him, use judo to redirect him where you want him to go. What motivates your DH? Would a weight-loss challenge work? Who can lose the greatest percentage of body weight over a specific timeframe, with a prize/reward to the winner? If he's not interested in getting healthier/eating better, then there's nothing you can do to MAKE him do it. Just do it yourself, and hope that when he sees you rocking it and leaving him in your dust, that he'll step up and try to catch up. Or maybe he's more emotional - tell him that you want to live a long and healthy life with him until you're old and grey - but you're afraid he's going to widow you too young. You know your DH best -TALK to him and LISTEN to what he has to say (not what you want to hear). What does it matter what path he takes so long as you both arrive at your destination together?0 -
*shakes fist at MFP's double posting*0
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even someone going as far as saying "just break up." to my husband.
The "just break up" comment is actually a board joke (you'll find it used in any number of posts, even in one's that don't discuss relationships). I can see being upset about that, though, not knowing it is more of an in-joke than any real advice. If it helps, it was likely not meant seriously.0 -
My post didn't post so I'm going to retype it out. You never answered my question if your problem is a shared grocery and budget problem so I'm going to jump ahead and assume it is by your post stating how you guys have the two percent milk and not the skim milk which you want. If this is the case then you guys need to sit down and you'll have to let him know a few compromises have to be made for your health and diet. You can start with the milk, if you guys are buying the gallon you can start buying one half gallon two percent and one half gallon skim milk, then move on to the soda and juice. Tell him he has to pick one or the other then in place of the item he doesn't pick you can use that to get an item you want for your diet and move on to each item like that. If he likes bread and you want to cut it out well still buy the bread but start to buy lean lunch meats like turkey, then he can have his sandwich with a healthier meat and you could maybe create some type of meat roll up without the bread. This will help your health and inversely it'll have him cut back on the foods you are worried about him overly consuming.
Sorry, for some reason this site is really lagging for me and I am trying to reply but it's being weird. Anyway I run the finances and do all the shopping (his choice not mine, so I don't get attacked for controlling that too). True the budget comes into play when we have to buy his and hers so to speak so I usually just get what he likes to save some cash. We do talk about it and compromise on a lot so it is frustrating when some here just say that I am a nag or controlling when it's far from true. More often than not it's me giving into him.0 -
if 20 people tell me i'm being unreasonable...
a may not agree with them, but i'll at least start to question my stance, looking at whether i'm really being as reasonable as i thought i was.
I'm perfectly fine with everyone saying let him do his own thing. What I don't like is being attacked for something I know I don't do and even someone going as far as saying "just break up." to my husband.
Yep. That is quite over the top.
I don't think people meant to attack you. I know I didn't. Sorry if you felt that way.
I think most people who responded just figured out the same thing that I did, when I finally got my act together and "got healthy". And that is, YOU have to want it. In this case the YOU is your husband. If he is not motivated to do the work, then it either wont happen at all, or he will revert back to old habits eventually and ultimately fail.
I lost 50 lbs and people kept asking both me and my husband "How did she/I do it?" The answer is, I decided I wanted it. For me. His response would be more along the lines of, "Oh, she watches what she eats and works out all the time", which is true, but there is more to it then that. I changed my life. Forever. If I want a cupcake, or a dish of ice cream, I have it. I just don't have it everyday. And, I work out harder to compensate for it.
We all have our vices. Mine used to be diet Pepsi. I drank it constantly. I would crack one open first thing in the morning. Now I might have 2 or 3 a week. Sometimes none at all. I seriously LOVE peanut butter. Like, I don't want to live in a world where peanut butter does not exist. So, I have it once in a while. Not reduced fat/calorie/sugar. Regular old Skippy peanut butter. I feel satisfied when I have it and I move on. Essentially, this is what I mean when I say, I changed my life. It's over 2 years now.
Good luck to both you and your DH. I'd like mine to get healthier too, but so far he would rather do his own thing.
MB0 -
It sounds like you need to let him be stubborn and worry about yourself. If you're truly committed you can do the changes yourself. I know it's easier to have someone doing it with you-but ultimately it's up to you!
If you do things the right way and he sees you losing weight and he isn't that may be the "push" he needs to do the changes best for losing weight.0 -
I lost 40 lbs a couple of years ago. The first 20 - the "easier" half, I ate "clean" and gave up a lot of foods I loved. It absolutely sucked. So much so that I pretty much gave up and put on 10 lbs again.
The last 20 - or in this case, 30? I ate what I wanted - just less of it. It was glorious and came off almost as quickly as the original 20 lbs I lost.
The opposite happens with my wife - she goes on a fad diet every six months or so, loses 10-15 lbs, but is miserable. So miserable that she quits the diet and puts the weight right back on.
Translation: your husband - should he eat less of what he's eating now - will likely have better success and more happiness with his "diet" than you.0 -
If you were my wife I'd probably tell you to get the hell out of my face.
My husband drinks 4 cans of Dr. Pepper a day, on average. I will never say a word about this because A. He's a grown *kitten* man and B. It's his damn money. The minute I start going 'Well dear, all that soda is bad' I will probably find myself standing on the outside of our front door before I finish my sentence.
I drink 2% milk (sometimes whole milk. Depends on my mood) he likes skim. He can pry my 2%/whole milk from my cold dead hands, because that's my milk and I bought it; it isn't his place to get in my face.0 -
My post didn't post so I'm going to retype it out. You never answered my question if your problem is a shared grocery and budget problem so I'm going to jump ahead and assume it is by your post stating how you guys have the two percent milk and not the skim milk which you want. If this is the case then you guys need to sit down and you'll have to let him know a few compromises have to be made for your health and diet. You can start with the milk, if you guys are buying the gallon you can start buying one half gallon two percent and one half gallon skim milk, then move on to the soda and juice. Tell him he has to pick one or the other then in place of the item he doesn't pick you can use that to get an item you want for your diet and move on to each item like that. If he likes bread and you want to cut it out well still buy the bread but start to buy lean lunch meats like turkey, then he can have his sandwich with a healthier meat and you could maybe create some type of meat roll up without the bread. This will help your health and inversely it'll have him cut back on the foods you are worried about him overly consuming.
Sorry, for some reason this site is really lagging for me and I am trying to reply but it's being weird. Anyway I run the finances and do all the shopping (his choice not mine, so I don't get attacked for controlling that too). True the budget comes into play when we have to buy his and hers so to speak so I usually just get what he likes to save some cash. We do talk about it and compromise on a lot so it is frustrating when some here just say that I am a nag or controlling when it's far from true. More often than not it's me giving into him.
Then go through the groceries and cut back on some of his food and replace it with healthier options you enjoy, just don't go to extreme with it since that might make him completely miserable and hate dieting and could backlash. Just think of what you want for your diet and then think how it can be compromised or separated. He should be okay with this since you have the right as well to the foods you need.0 -
I'm the dieting hubby it is the long haired general who doesn't think portion control and eating healthy is a good idea0
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Hey,
I hear about this all the time. People are different and like to lose weight differently, right? Let your husband buy 2%, etc. my dad wouldn't even set his lips to almond milk, coconut milk, or whatever I drink!! Include him in the diet process and ask him to make a healthy salad however he wants it...maybe teach him a few things in the kitchen if he doesn't know how to cook?
I hate to say it, but when men lose control they tend to rebel. It's the truth.
Hope you're having a great week so far
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Wow, you attracted a lot of flack over this post! So here is some advice OTHER THAN "go *kitten* yourself"
I know its expensive but coconut water can be a real treat and very quenching for a sweet need. Make sure though you get the C2O, Amy & Brian's, Real coconut water, or any other that you might like. I didn't think I liked this stuff until I tried a good brand. Stay away from vita coco, and others made by big soda companies - they don't taste right.
Also, start making a big jug of water with added fruit. Good combos are fresh strawberries and lemon. lemon and cucumber. really any fruit with lemon will be good. Keep in the fridge and keep up on making the supply. Next you could try iced tea, its much better if you get good teas and make it your self, also much cheaper. Use stevia for sweetener if needed - I don't but it's better than sugar or soda.
Now that you have some good beverage ideas the trick is to drink it yourself a lot and still buy a little of the soda and milk that he wants... He has to see you loosing weight and loving it! He can see that you have "fun" choices and are really benefiting from it. Right now he has you *****ing at him on how to be. No one like their free will impinged on so all you can do is hope he will make the good decisions when he doesn't have you trying to make them or him. I would put money on the fact that if you do your thing and feel good/look good he wont want to be left behind.
Lastly, GO PALEO! I've lost 35 lbs on Paleo and it taught me how I should feel when eating good. Also use the paleo community to be educated on what and what your diet means for your body and overall vitality.
PLEASE DO NOT BUY YOUR HUSBAND DIET SODAS!!!!!!!!!! Who ever said that was very very MISINFORMED!!!! He is better off with the sugar than the chemicals. If you go paleo you will eliminate dairy and so many other things. Your husband can eat your paleo dinners and get a feel for it and then decide for himself. I will say I stayed overweight for a long time because i could not go on my own and break away from the foods my husband wanted to have.Once I did I lost weight and he followed.
Lifestyle change is hard, so you need to feel good while doing it to keep motivated until it becomes a habit whether or not he chooses to participate. Good luck.0 -
My husband was once like that too. However in our 'quest' to live and be healthier I started looking up and researching the ingredients on the back of labels that I couldn't pronounce and/or didn't know what they were. Also I looked up a list from the whole foods market called Unacceptable Ingredients for Food.
http://wholefoodsmarket.com/about-our-products/quality-standards/unacceptable-ingredients-food
Learning what some of these ingredients were and what other things they are used for was enough to sway him. Try having him look up TBHQ, BHT, or BHA. Those were the 3 that convinced my husband to look into other food options. The paleo diet is good it has interested me as well however it's not like you have to follow it to a T, you can compromise a little here and there to have it better fit into your life. There are breads out there that are actually healthy w/o all the added extra crap you just have to look for them.
In the end though it is his decision but if anything at least you can say you tried to educate him about the foods that he doesn't want to give up.0 -
Hey,
I hear about this all the time. People are different and like to lose weight differently, right? Let your husband buy 2%, etc. my dad wouldn't even set his lips to almond milk, coconut milk, or whatever I drink!! Include him in the diet process and ask him to make a healthy salad however he wants it...maybe teach him a few things in the kitchen if he doesn't know how to cook?
I hate to say it, but when men lose control they tend to rebel. It's the truth.
Hope you're having a great week so far
I agree we are different and he doesn't have to do it my way. Honestly it's all the sugar he consumes that worries me. Milk doesn't worry me as much. Hell if he reached for the 2% milk when he was thirsty instead of the soda I'd be a happy camper.
He doesn't know how to cook and has no desire to learn. He does like salads so I try to include one somehow in a lot of the meals I make. I even make extra in case he feels hungry later and wants something to much on.0 -
Just do what's best for yourself. It's his choice to eat/drink what he does, if he sees no result he should understand why. He will slow you down if you attempt to drag him with you. At this point he is just dead weight when it comes to your weight loss goals. Leave him be. Let him find his own way.0
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I haven't read all the posts and I know that there are probably a lot of them bashing you. But see I am thinking that this is early in your marriage and if it is not then shame on you...LOL...sorry had to say that. See you can't force your husband and he can't force you to diet or exercise the way the other wants you to.
My husband runs to lose weight and he thinks I should and that if I do then I'll be able to lose weight quicker. For me I have not and never will be a runner. I would rather strength train only. My hubby likes to eat protein only. Me...not so much. I gave up soda and when I did hubby did, though he's still been drinking the occasional beer.
You are going to have to be the example of how well what you are doing is working. If he really wants it let him have it. My husband got fit before me. But his way is just not for me.
As far as dairy goes get skim for yourself and get 2% for him.
You have to have the strength to have bad stuff in the house and NOT eat it. So let him have his bread and whole milk. Right now I have jelly beans in the cabinet to occasionally give my kids and I hide them out of my sight and I hardly ever think about them. That really helps.
Also don't treat your hubby like a child. If you want let him know how you plan to lose weight and then do it. If there is something that he likes that is just too much of a temptation for you then ask him to put it somewhere out of sight so that you are not constantly tempted.0 -
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Just a thought...and I may be waay off base here...but is the frustration you feel towards your husband's lack of resolve misdirected?...I'm saying this because in earlier posts you said that his attitude sometimes makes you want to go back to the habits you are trying to break (paraphrasing here, of course).
Could just be growing pains ya know.
Hang in there.
Making new diet habits made me cranky as hell.
It gets better.
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i can't think of anything that would make me want a 5th soda more than someone needing to comment on my 4th.
I wasn't going to buy a ticket and attend the circus, but this... most hilarious, and yet true, statement I've read in ages.0 -
This is hard. But I agree that you can't control someone else, and if you want them to stop being a child, stop acting like a mom.
I want my husband to eat healthy too, but he doesn't want to. So, I've realized I can only control what I do. For example, when I grocery shop, I buy skim milk. If he wants 2% he can buy it and drink it. When I cook, I generally make something healthy. The problem (as I see it) is that he will eat the healthy food, then eat 500+ calories of snacks on top of dinner. I don't yet know how to resolve this issue. Best thing I have found so far is to portion out EVERYTHING in our cupboard - it doesn't stop his (or my) snacking, but keeps it to more reasonable portions. Portion size is something I can control, another person's actions are not.
Good luck with this.0 -
This is hard. But I agree that you can't control someone else, and if you want them to stop being a child, stop acting like a mom.
I want my husband to eat healthy too, but he doesn't want to. So, I've realized I can only control what I do. For example, when I grocery shop, I buy skim milk. If he wants 2% he can buy it and drink it. When I cook, I generally make something healthy. The problem (as I see it) is that he will eat the healthy food, then eat 500+ calories of snacks on top of dinner. I don't yet know how to resolve this issue. Best thing I have found so far is to portion out EVERYTHING in our cupboard - it doesn't stop his (or my) snacking, but keeps it to more reasonable portions. Portion size is something I can control, another person's actions are not.
Good luck with this.
My husband to a T. He'll eat a nice supper then as soon as I leave the room get a cereal bowl full of ice cream and dump syrup on it! I gave up a long time ago and just made sure all the insurance and bank accounts are in order for when he finally eats himself to death. I can't make him do better, I just do what I do and he does what he does. Who knows, I may keel over from a heart attack while running and he merrily lives on eating ice cream!0 -
Just set a good example, do what you need to do for you and maybe he will come around eventually. If not, well he is allowed to make that choice.
An example would be me and my husband. So here is the month to month break down of what has happened since we both decided to start working on our weight:
March
- Middle of March I decided to use MFP and start counting calories (lost about 8lbs that month)
- Husband thought it was silly and a stupid idea *shrug* (weight didn't change)
April
- I got a HRM, so I could be more accurate when logging my calorie burns (lost about 8lbs that month)
- Husband again thought it was a silly and stupid idea *shrug* (weight didn't change)
May
- I got a fitbit to get a better idea of my activity level and a body fat caliper (lost a little over 7 pounds that month)
- Husband thought the fitbit was neat but unnecessary. He liked the idea of having a body fat caliper. He decided to buy a weight bench, barbell, and weights. (weight didn't change)
June
- I finally bought a kitchen scale at the beginning of June so I could be more accurate with my food logs(lost about 6.6lbs that month)
- Husband made some drastic changes mid June. He started using MFP, the kitchen scale and even my HRM (which is pink). At the end of June he bought a fitbit as well.(lost about 4lbs)
Point is, I made healthy changes for me and he followed eventually. It took me losing around 20lbs while his weight didn't change, even though he had been exercising daily, for him to come around. I've been drinking diet soda since I started MFP (with the occasional regular soda) and in June (although my husband said he would never drink diet soda) has started drinking some diet sodas (diet pepsi and diet dr pepper to be exact). Me and my husband both drink more water when we have things like crystal light around.
So make the changes that you feel you need to make. Set an example for him and he just might come around. Then again, he might not, but trying to control him wouldn't be healthy for the relationship.0 -
double post0
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triple post :grumble:0
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