Difficult husband?

StardustZiggy

You all mean to tell me you can sit back and watch the person you love do something you know is bad for them and say nothing??? So when he gets diabetes I should just say "That's okay honey...what's that? You want another soda, coming right up!"

I think you all need to realize you know nothing about me and my marriage other than what I posted. If that makes me a difficult wife, a nag, and a controller so be it.

LOL, When I was working the steps of AA with my sponsor, I was so mad at her for suggesting that I was responsible for the crap going on in my life and most of my frustrations and resentments were due to my need for control. If she would just let me explain it then she would understand that it was not me, but indeed everyone else.

NO ONE needs to know anything about your marriage to see that you are trying to control him. Let him be. You worry about you and get your healthy on. What generally happens either he will hop on board with you or he will start trying to sabotage you because he feels insecure. So I suggest having a little patience and see which way it is going to play out.

darkguardian419

I genuinely feel bad for your husband. If someone told me I wasn't allowed to do this, or not allowed to eat this, I'd laugh in their face and brush them off as a total idiot.

Moderation is your goal here, not restriction. If you are able to FORCE him into what you want, he's not going to be happy with you over that. I know for me personally it would cause a lot of problems.

happycauseIride

I am going on the assumption that you don't have any children in the house that you will have to keep food around for them as well or are you going to make them eat the paleo diet too? I buy healthy food for me, make healthy dinners for all of us when we are home, but I also let my husband and children eat what they want. I buy pop and chips and other junk that they like, but I also buy fruit and yogurt and such that they eat too.

Every person is different and you can't control him and what he eats or doesn't eat. Let him be.

StardustZiggy

I hardly mention it to him, that's why I was looking for advice on here and just someone who could relate. I wasn't aware I stumbled up the Stepford Wives. I'm done here.

He's an adult. You will NEVER change another person on the face of the Earth - unless they want it first. What incredible stress you will put on your marriage if you continue to make this such a huge issue. As others have said, do your own thing.

JaneDough_

OP: Please save us the time and start a new thread on how rude MFP users are...

Dark_Roast

Wow. Just Wow.

Marriage is about compromise. You are doing it wrong.

bsuew

Yes, (raising hand high!) my husband is diabetic and so needs to watch what he eats. He recently had surgery and lost 30 ish lbs. He's already put 10 back on. He doesn't drink regular soda or much fruit juice. But, can not live without breat, potatoes, and something sweet after meals. He said over the weekend that he didn't think he'd eaten that bad this past week, I just shook my head and he said what? I only said it wasn't that good either. I try but he's a grown man and is going to eat what he wants to eat. I ask him every evening if he wants to go for a walk (lately in between rain showers grrr) and the answer I get is no. I ask and try to fix healthy meals, but in the long run it's his choice not mine.

Contrarian

I hardly mention it to him, that's why I was looking for advice on here and just someone who could relate. I wasn't aware I stumbled up the Stepford Wives. I'm done here.

He's an adult. You will NEVER change another person on the face of the Earth - unless they want it first. What incredible stress you will put on your marriage if you continue to make this such a huge issue. As others have said, do your own thing.

You asked a question and you didn't like the responses you got. If it were me, right about now I would stop trying to defend myself, stop lashing out at the people who took the time to read my thread, and start taking a good, long look at myself. Maybe you are upset because you know there is at least an element of truth in these replies.

glovepuppet

the way you handle this thread gives a little indication of your personality.

after the initial ''that's not quite what i meant'' you might have thought ''meh! sod it! i screwed up how i worded it, so the thread is a dead loss. i'll quit while i'm behind.''
...but what you're actually doing is spending time telling everyone else why they should see it your way, which is the right way.

now, i like a good bicker. i find it theraputic! BUT i'm aware of what i'm doing and i don't do it in situations which are going to impact on my relationships. you seem to be a bickerer who needs to be right, but not aware of what you're doing.

^^i may have read that on a cornflake box.

boredlimodriver

strong backfire in this thread

Happymelz

Wow people...she wants advise...not crisicism.

My husband and I are both trying to lose weight. We both started using Weight Watchers together, but eventually I realized that I like MFP better for tracking calories, so I use the MFP app and he still does weight watchers.

We both gave up different things because we have different food weeknesses. He actually is the one that gave up sodas.

My husband only eats like 3 vegetables and he hates salads...so it his made his weight loss harder. But, like others have said. I'm not his mother. (actually...his mother allowed him to eat tons of processed crap growing up...so I blame her for his lack of vegetable experience.)

I can't force him to make good choices. I can only lead by example...because not husband likes to feel forced to do anything.

And sometimes...they come to the right conclusion on their own.

Fullsterkur_woman

What makes you all think I nag, because I asked on here? Most of the time I don't say anything, that's why I am on here asking what to do!

I think it's fine for you to ask what to do. The consensus seems to be that you should focus on controlling things that you have control over (your own behavior) and not on things that you have no control over (your husband's behavior). That is the absolute long and short of it. Trying to "trick" him into doing things your way is not fair to either one of you. It puts you in the role of the parent and him in the role of the child. Please see this from the perspective, not of one that says he has the right not to be treated like a child, but of one that says that you have the right not to be made responsible for something that you have no authority or control over.

We are trying to help you be free of an impossible-to-fulfill obligation that you have imposed on yourself.:flowerforyou:

juleszephyr

I think you have to make your own decisions and let your husband make his after all you are his wife NOT his mother...

Drink water, buy skimmed milk for yourself and if you do the cooking make sure it is healthy options and if he doesn't like it he can cook his own.

Maybe when he sees what fantastic results you are getting he will Man Up and find some motivation of his own but you can't give it to him...

summerrose36

My husband was the same way.. As I learned, you can never change a person around. I would complain on forums and Facebook that my husband refuses to do anything with me or incorporate good habits but as I learned the long hard way. Your husband has to do it for himself. Be a good example to him. If you continue the path of drinking nothing but water or crystal light(now and then) give up processed foods and make healthy meals at home and sees that you are loosing weight, then he may get the idea that he needs to shed a couple pounds himself.


It worked for me. My husband nows watches what he eats daily and takes walks with me. This is coming from a guy who refuses to part with his video games.

Lesa_Sass

You all mean to tell me you can sit back and watch the person you love do something you know is bad for them and say nothing??? So when he gets diabetes I should just say "That's okay honey...what's that? You want another soda, coming right up!"

I think you all need to realize you know nothing about me and my marriage other than what I posted. If that makes me a difficult wife, a nag, and a controller so be it.

LOL, When I was working the steps of AA with my sponsor, I was so mad at her for suggesting that I was responsible for the crap going on in my life and most of my frustrations and resentments were due to my need for control. If she would just let me explain it then she would understand that it was not me, but indeed everyone else.

NO ONE needs to know anything about your marriage to see that you are trying to control him. Let him be. You worry about you and get your healthy on. What generally happens either he will hop on board with you or he will start trying to sabotage you because he feels insecure. So I suggest having a little patience and see which way it is going to play out.

HAHA, way to go there, trying to turn the tables.

And you can watch him get diabetes with out handing him another soda.

Set an example for him.

Another option is to put all your expenses in quickbooks or something of the sort for home. When we show people in black and white how much they are spending on crap, it tends to make a difference.

We can not make people change before they actually want to make the change. Some people are seriously addicted to soda.

I tell you this, in my house, smiling and saying "if that is the choice you make, then so be it" and walking away works way better than trying to get him to do something AND vice versa.

Worry about you, start looking FINE and see how he reacts.

rekab11einalem

I can very much relate to this thread subject. I've gained 30 pounds in LESS than a year and I have very little support at home. My problem, though, is that I can't resist the crap my husband brings home. If it's there, I'll eat it. I don't know how to cope with that, especially when I self-medicate with food (or junk food). I some times get the feeling he doesn't even want me to lose weight and be healthy and happy. Am I being paranoid?

quirkytizzy

OP: Please save us the time and start a new thread on how rude MFP users are...

tekwriter

You can't make someone else change. My family has settled on 2% milk because that is the minimum that everyone will drink. If I go through a phase, I buy my own skim milk. As to the juice and soda as long as he counts it, it doesn't matter what he drinks. A lot of people won't drink water, I don't get it, but there it is. My oldest son doesn't drink water and he lost 100 pounds while he was unloading trucks out at Wally World with nothing but soft drinks and tea. If I try something Like Paleo, I do it for myself and just add the extra grain or rice that everyone else will eat with the meal. In essence give up trying to change him and just ork on you, he will come along or not. You best method is to lead by example not beating over the head.

rml_16

Wow people...she wants advise...not crisicism.

My husband and I are both trying to lose weight. We both started using Weight Watchers together, but eventually I realized that I like MFP better for tracking calories, so I use the MFP app and he still does weight watchers.

We both gave up different things because we have different food weeknesses. He actually is the one that gave up sodas.

My husband only eats like 3 vegetables and he hates salads...so it his made his weight loss harder. But, like others have said. I'm not his mother. (actually...his mother allowed him to eat tons of processed crap growing up...so I blame her for his lack of vegetable experience.)

I can't force him to make good choices. I can only lead by example...because not husband likes to feel forced to do anything.

And sometimes...they come to the right conclusion on their own.

I like how you started out criticizing us and then repeated exactly what we all already said ad nauseum.

Good job!

LoraF83

I hardly mention it to him, that's why I was looking for advice on here and just someone who could relate. I wasn't aware I stumbled up the Stepford Wives. I'm done here.

He's an adult. You will NEVER change another person on the face of the Earth - unless they want it first. What incredible stress you will put on your marriage if you continue to make this such a huge issue. As others have said, do your own thing.

LOLOLOLOLOL at thinking we're a bunch of Stepford Wives for letting our husbands make their own decisions.

I wasn't going to jump in to this quagmire, but this just caught my attention.


When I first started trying to lose weight, my husband agreed that he needed to do something about his weight too. I started cooking healthier and buying less junk, but I never told him he couldn't eat whatever he wanted. He cleaned up his diet quite a bit, but he still drinks Mt. Dew and eats fast food a few times a week. He's still lost weight though - simply because he's following my lead. But not because I demanded that he change or "laid down the law" for him.

He IS a grown up. Let him make his own choices. You worry about you.