Difficult husband?

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Replies

  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    We've only been married for 20 yrs. I tell him a couple of times & then let him do his own thing. Inevitably, he comes around to my way of thinking when his doesn't work...

    there's a lot of eye rolling that goes on & I keep telling the kids 'I swear, he was the hottest, coolest, most bad-*kitten* guy around when we were kids'...:blushing:

    Be patient :flowerforyou:

    Exactly! What is wrong with letting him know it's not the best choice???

    But if you have done that... what exactly are you looking for from this forum?
  • StardustZiggy
    StardustZiggy Posts: 25
    Someone else who could relate and give ideas, tips, recipes, anything that might be more appealing to him and make him want to eat healthier.
    We've only been married for 20 yrs. I tell him a couple of times & then let him do his own thing. Inevitably, he comes around to my way of thinking when his doesn't work...

    there's a lot of eye rolling that goes on & I keep telling the kids 'I swear, he was the hottest, coolest, most bad-*kitten* guy around when we were kids'...:blushing:

    Be patient :flowerforyou:

    Exactly! What is wrong with letting him know it's not the best choice???

    But if you have done that... what exactly are you looking for from this forum?
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
    The reason I said it feels like he is a child because of how he reacts when I try to tell him things. He'll get mad and or sulk and not even try to see where I am coming from. I don't say it to nag or not let him have what he wants I just want him to be well. For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it. Needless to say he still drinks it. I don't take it away from him or nag until he throws it out.

    How would you like it if he was drawing attention to your negative choices constantly?


    Or if he was posting them publicly on a website?
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I don't say it to nag or not let him have what he wants I just want him to be well. For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it.

    The definition of nagging.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    Exactly! What is wrong with letting him know it's not the best choice???
    But if you have done that... what exactly are you looking for from this forum?

    I believe she is looking for this:

    dog-patting-cat.gif
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    I hope you read the less dramatic responses, too. Whether you see it or not, people are actually trying to help.

    I do see them and appreciate it. It may not seem that way because I feel attacked for most part for something I don't even do.

    What I get from most of the posts is that as much as you want him to be healthier, the decision is his. I realise you know this, but what most posters are saying is the best thing you can do is lead by example. Trying to force the issue is going to make both of you unhappy. I don't think anyone actually thinks you're a horrible wife, lovely.

    When we get fired up about things, we want to share them with the people we care about. It's natural, especially when it is an improvement in our health and quality of life. Having said that, we can't expect others to be excited about something, just because we are. Think about when friends are planning their weddings, as an example. I know it's not the same thing, but there are similarities.

    Give him some time, and for the love of everything good in the world, do NOT try to replace spaghetti with spaghetti squash. That's just mean.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it.
    so you're blaming your bahaviour on him too, now?

    i can't think of anything that would make me want a 5th soda more than someone needing to comment on my 4th.
  • StardustZiggy
    StardustZiggy Posts: 25
    He's more than welcome to, but as I said a few times already I am not constantly saying it.

    How would you like it if he was drawing attention to your negative choices constantly?


    Or if he was posting them publicly on a website?
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
    Someone else who could relate and give ideas, tips, recipes, anything that might be more appealing to him and make him want to eat healthier.
    We've only been married for 20 yrs. I tell him a couple of times & then let him do his own thing. Inevitably, he comes around to my way of thinking when his doesn't work...

    there's a lot of eye rolling that goes on & I keep telling the kids 'I swear, he was the hottest, coolest, most bad-*kitten* guy around when we were kids'...:blushing:

    Be patient :flowerforyou:

    Exactly! What is wrong with letting him know it's not the best choice???

    But if you have done that... what exactly are you looking for from this forum?

    Oooh Dear...that comes from within.
    It's unfortunate, but you can't do it FOR him, he has to do it himself.

    Lead by example & be happy. My pediatrician once told me 'Leave him alone, I promise you, he won't be 30 and still sucking his thumb'...in reference to my 3 yr old son, not goofy husband :drinker:
  • StardustZiggy
    StardustZiggy Posts: 25
    I don't say it to nag or not let him have what he wants I just want him to be well. For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it.

    The definition of nagging.

    How so?
  • indygal76
    indygal76 Posts: 283 Member
    He is a grown man and will do what he wants to do! Give it up and work on getting your own self healthy! Do what is best for you!!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I don't say it to nag or not let him have what he wants I just want him to be well. For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it.

    The definition of nagging.

    How so?
    You officially cannot be helped.
  • StardustZiggy
    StardustZiggy Posts: 25
    when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it.
    so you're blaming your bahaviour on him too, now?

    i can't think of anything that would make me want a 5th soda more than someone needing to comment on my 4th.

    Clearly everything I say is going to get attacked. Also if we are resorting to images, here is one for almost all of you.

    get-off-your-high-horse.jpg
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Exactly! What is wrong with letting him know it's not the best choice???
    But if you have done that... what exactly are you looking for from this forum?

    I believe she is looking for this:

    dog-patting-cat.gif

    I'm always looking for that. :-)
  • BreakingUpWithObesity2013
    BreakingUpWithObesity2013 Posts: 276 Member
    You can't expect him to want to do things EXACTLY like you. You have to eat what you want and he'll eat what he wants.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,149 Member
    when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it.
    so you're blaming your bahaviour on him too, now?

    i can't think of anything that would make me want a 5th soda more than someone needing to comment on my 4th.

    Clearly everything I say is going to get attacked. Also if we are resorting to images, here is one for almost all of you.

    get-off-your-high-horse.jpg

    This just gets better and better.
    jonstewartpopcorn_zps2dd56bbb.gif
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    Just promise us you wont come back in a few months complaining how unfair it is that he's lost weight faster than you and all he did was give up soda.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it.
    so you're blaming your bahaviour on him too, now?

    i can't think of anything that would make me want a 5th soda more than someone needing to comment on my 4th.
    Clearly everything I say is going to get attacked. Also if we are resorting to images, here is one for almost all of you.
    the irony is amusing.
  • StardustZiggy
    StardustZiggy Posts: 25
    My definition of nagging is to be on his case constantly which I am not. So sorry if I am beyond help.
    I don't say it to nag or not let him have what he wants I just want him to be well. For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it.

    The definition of nagging.

    How so?
    You officially cannot be helped.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it.
    so you're blaming your bahaviour on him too, now?

    i can't think of anything that would make me want a 5th soda more than someone needing to comment on my 4th.

    Clearly everything I say is going to get attacked. Also if we are resorting to images, here is one for almost all of you.

    get-off-your-high-horse.jpg

    Horsies are cute. :laugh: And if it's high horses we are speaking of, perhaps the person who wishes so badly to control what their partner is eating that they will sneak food into their partner's diet ought to dismount hers.

    But be careful. Looks like a long drop.
  • Szena
    Szena Posts: 11
    Oooh Dear...that comes from within.
    It's unfortunate, but you can't do it FOR him, he has to do it himself.

    Lead by example & be happy. My pediatrician once told me 'Leave him alone, I promise you, he won't be 30 and still sucking his thumb'...in reference to my 3 yr old son, not goofy husband :drinker:

    Best reply so far, Ignore the rest :D
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    I don't say it to nag or not let him have what he wants I just want him to be well. For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it.

    The definition of nagging.

    How so?
    You officially cannot be helped.

    ^ this.

    The only advice I have left is for the OP's husband, and that is "just break up."
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    if 20 people tell me i'm being unreasonable...

    a may not agree with them, but i'll at least start to question my stance, looking at whether i'm really being as reasonable as i thought i was.
  • oldbitty
    oldbitty Posts: 12
    my husband is one of those that can eat marshmallows and kit kats all day and look great. he sucks lol. he also used to have a high Dr Pepper addiction. all i can say, is make the changes in your self and hope he follows. if you insist on being his mother and treating him as a child, then set the example. and like most hard headed children, it will take time.

    they make crystal light flavor packets for water. that really helped my husband turn his soda issue around. i cook all the meals in the house. and he eats what i put before him. however when left to his own demise he will seek out junk. all i can do it make what is in the house good choices.
  • StardustZiggy
    StardustZiggy Posts: 25
    The sneaking food to him was a JOKE hence the "...what? it's for his own good" and the smiley...
  • RobynLB83
    RobynLB83 Posts: 626 Member
    Two questions for you: 1) Why do you have to eat (or in this case) drink the same things? 2) Why do you have to control what he eats?

    His needs are going to be different from yours anyways.
  • StardustZiggy
    StardustZiggy Posts: 25
    if 20 people tell me i'm being unreasonable...

    a may not agree with them, but i'll at least start to question my stance, looking at whether i'm really being as reasonable as i thought i was.

    I'm perfectly fine with everyone saying let him do his own thing. What I don't like is being attacked for something I know I don't do and even someone going as far as saying "just break up." to my husband.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    You all mean to tell me you can sit back and watch the person you love do something you know is bad for them and say nothing??? So when he gets diabetes I should just say "That's okay honey...what's that? You want another soda, coming right up!"
    I think you all need to realize you know nothing about me and my marriage other than what I posted. If that makes me a difficult wife, a nag, and a controller so be it.

    LOL, When I was working the steps of AA with my sponsor, I was so mad at her for suggesting that I was responsible for the crap going on in my life and most of my frustrations and resentments were due to my need for control. If she would just let me explain it then she would understand that it was not me, but indeed everyone else. :wink:

    NO ONE needs to know anything about your marriage to see that you are trying to control him. Let him be. You worry about you and get your healthy on. What generally happens either he will hop on board with you or he will start trying to sabotage you because he feels insecure. So I suggest having a little patience and see which way it is going to play out.

    HAHA, way to go there, trying to turn the tables.

    And you can watch him get diabetes with out handing him another soda.

    Set an example for him.

    Another option is to put all your expenses in quickbooks or something of the sort for home. When we show people in black and white how much they are spending on crap, it tends to make a difference.

    We can not make people change before they actually want to make the change. Some people are seriously addicted to soda.

    I tell you this, in my house, smiling and saying "if that is the choice you make, then so be it" and walking away works way better than trying to get him to do something AND vice versa.

    Worry about you, start looking FINE and see how he reacts.

    Or you can adopt my attitude. My husband eats like crap, isn't in the best of health, and yeah, I worry about his health. I also realize that he is a 56yo adult male, he has the right to make his own decision, both good and bad, and no matter how good my intentions, I cannot control his behavior. So if and when he kicks the bucket for whatever reason, I know if I follow through with me healthy habits, I will be the hottest widow in town.

    And for those of you who can't see the honesty in this and will flame me for not being a loving spouse, just tell me how becoming a controlling, nagging ***** will improve matters.
  • sabified
    sabified Posts: 1,035 Member

    dog-patting-cat.gif

    I see what you're doing there, but honestly... cutest pic ever.

    to OP:
    Sucks when people make assumptions on your life or try to tell you what you're doing wrong when that wasn't your question... But, bottom line is: do your own thing and maybe he'll come around.
    Yes, it sucks to see someone you love do things that are bad for them, but you're not them. You've said that you don't nag him but when he's on the 4th soda you have to say something.... does this happen every day? every other day? Nagging is when you repeat things to the point of being a broken record... does this sound familiar? If anything you say is starting to sound familiar.. then yes, it's turned in to nagging.
    I have a hard time with it too, but there comes a point when you have to zip it. It's hard, but so is weight loss. It's simply another thing to work on.
  • LB2812
    LB2812 Posts: 158 Member
    Your initial post may of rubbed some people wrong, but I think I do understand what you are looking for... which is ways to help your husband be healthier. I think one of the biggest tips is what many have already said, which is to lead by example and if he refuses or never catches on, then so be it. Also, watch the way you say things... for instance if I'm doing something I know I probably shouldn't be doing (going for another glass of wine or snack at night...) depending on HOW my husband points it out makes a big difference in if I get pissed and have more, or say "good point" and have less.

    Also, not everyone works the same way. Talk to him about "how" he wants to get healthier/lose weight. Some people are "all or nothing" while others work better with baby steps. Maybe instead of cutting out all soda/juice right away... just buy water, seltzer, juice and that's it... but if he wants to go out and get a soda don't say anything. Or ask him what things he would rather drink instead of soda. Somethings are just habit and it takes a while to change. If he sees you eating/drinking things let him try it and see where it goes.

    My husband used to eat a terrible diet .... now he eats really healthy! He stopped drinking soda, loves almond milk, snacks on hummus and veggies.... does he still go for a box of cookies? yes, but after I see him chowing down usually a "you sure you want to finish those" brings him back to attention and he stops. But point is, he has to want to make those choices.

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