Difficult husband?

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  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    LMAO! This has actually turned laughable. I threw my husband under a bus and said how horrible he is? The food he eats does not make him who he is, it is just a poor choice. My husband is a damn good man and I never said otherwise. I never said I was perfect either, if I was I wouldn't even be here needing to lose weight. I wasn't even going to reply again but this just made my day. You all are so ridiculous.

    Yes. Yes it does.

    As I see it, you threw your husband under the bus by coming on here, presenting him in a negative light, and presenting yourself as the person who gets it right and needs to be in charge of changing him. Personally? I can't imagine coming on a website that's viewed worldwide and talking so negatively of my wife, no matter how many troubles she and I may have. From my point of view, it shows just how childish you actually are. So, Yes. Yes it does.

    There are such better ways to address your problems than asking the world to tell you how great you're doing, and how rotten your no good deadbeat husband is. You've got MFPals. Put a note out on your wall that only your MFPals can see, and ask them. If you keep good MFPals, they should all know you pretty well and be able to relate/help. Put it in a blog. You can control who reads your blog, and almost completely, the only people reading your blog are people who know you and take interest in you.

    In short, when you turn to your friends, you're looking for help. When you turn to the world, you're looking to have your hand held, your head patted, and somebody to tell you how much better you are than your miserable husband.

    If you want things with him to change, change yourself first.

    I hope you read the less dramatic responses, too. Whether you see it or not, people are actually trying to help.
  • kkzmom11
    kkzmom11 Posts: 220 Member
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    You need to take care of yourself, OP, and the plan YOU want to follow. Your husband is being supportive and making the changes he can. let him be on his own journey and plan. as long as he is supporting you and making changes he can handle, then you need to support him.
  • TKendall87
    TKendall87 Posts: 2
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    Both my husband and I agree that we need to lose weight, but that is where our agreement ends. I want to give up soda and most fruit juices and make water our main drink. The problem is my husband doesn't want to drink water at all. I've told him how important it is but he just brushes it off.

    I've tried not buying soda/juice but he just goes out and buys it if I don't.

    Dairy is our other problem, the best he will except for milk is 2%. He won't drink skim and when I suggest something like soy or almond milk he flat out refuses it.

    I've brought up the Paleo diet and am trying to learn more about it. I see one of the things is giving up bread. Again the husband loves his bread/sandwiches.

    Does anyone else have a husband (or wife) who they feel is more like their child sometimes?! Any tips (i.e. sneaky ways to trick him into eating and drinking what I want without him realizing it...what? It's for his own good. :blushing:)?

    Unfortunately, you cannot lose the weight for him. He has to want to do it for himself! You need to focus on doing it for you and you may find that he may follow suit down the road, but do not get discouraged if he does not. I have a problem in my house whereas my husband and children do not need to lose weight and can eat whatever they want. My husband has a high metabolism and is always working out at the gym. Therefore, there is always 2% milk, juice, soda, chips, ice cream, etc. in the house. I have to sometimes fight myself not to eat it. I have compensated though and purchase skim milk just for myself, I only drink water and will only occasionally indulge myself with some chips and ice cream. I have begun to cook better meals that include mostly vegetables and for the most part my family doesn't complain there. I am on my journey by myself in my house. For support I turn to those around me that struggle with the same issues. Although my husband is very encouraging, he doesn't quite understand what it is like to gain and have to lose. So I would just understand that you cannot make someone do something that they are not ready to do for themselves. Your husband may be dealing with some emotional baggage that he is not quite ready to deal with. Focus on you and your journey and you might see that your husband may come around after all. Have faith and keep strong in the knowledge that you are doing the right thing for yourself.
  • StardustZiggy
    StardustZiggy Posts: 25
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    I hope you read the less dramatic responses, too. Whether you see it or not, people are actually trying to help.

    I do see them and appreciate it. It may not seem that way because I feel attacked for most part for something I don't even do.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    Truth is by this point you'll see mostly responses from people who aren't reading any of your posts AFTER the initial post and are posting based on knee-jerk reaction rather than actually reading any clarification that has been given.

    Welcome to the crazy that is the MFP forums.
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
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    We've only been married for 20 yrs. I tell him a couple of times & then let him do his own thing. Inevitably, he comes around to my way of thinking when his doesn't work...

    there's a lot of eye rolling that goes on & I keep telling the kids 'I swear, he was the hottest, coolest, most bad-*kitten* guy around when we were kids'...:blushing:

    Be patient :flowerforyou:
  • MyChange4Life
    MyChange4Life Posts: 19
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    LMAO! This has actually turned laughable. I threw my husband under a bus and said how horrible he is? The food he eats does not make him who he is, it is just a poor choice. My husband is a damn good man and I never said otherwise. I never said I was perfect either, if I was I wouldn't even be here needing to lose weight. I wasn't even going to reply again but this just made my day. You all are so ridiculous.

    Hun, you basically had referred to your husband as a child and as you found out a few post back, you don't like to be called a child yourself. Now if you are truly concern with his health and your own diet I'm sure there are lots of people who can give tips but don't expect people being all sweet to you when we see you insulting your significant other. For many people the child reference to spouses is insulting and belittlement and we couldn't see other selves using such terms on our love ones. I read your post you did a few post back where you made adjustments and I'm wondering is the problem you are facing is shared groceries and a money budget?
  • barbz2119
    barbz2119 Posts: 124 Member
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    You have some good advice on here that hopefully helps, and I would just ignore the unhelpful comments. I understand what you are trying to do, as I've done it myself. It doesnt make you controlling, but at the end of the day he will do what he wants to do and the best you can do is take care of yourself, and hope he follows.
    I have a husband who smokes and drinks to much and lives on junk. For years I've tried to change him, but realise now it will never happen. I stopped becoming an enabler. I shop but do not buy beer, cigarettes and limit the junk. If he wants it he goes gets it therefore HE is accountable for the rubbish he puts inside him not ME.
    Shop and cook healthy, if he's hungry he'll eat it, if not he can fix his own meal. Exercise and hope he follows when he sees how fantastic you are looking and feeling.
    Best of luck!
  • StardustZiggy
    StardustZiggy Posts: 25
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    We've only been married for 20 yrs. I tell him a couple of times & then let him do his own thing. Inevitably, he comes around to my way of thinking when his doesn't work...

    there's a lot of eye rolling that goes on & I keep telling the kids 'I swear, he was the hottest, coolest, most bad-*kitten* guy around when we were kids'...:blushing:

    Be patient :flowerforyou:

    Exactly! What is wrong with letting him know it's not the best choice???
  • StardustZiggy
    StardustZiggy Posts: 25
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    The reason I said it feels like he is a child because of how he reacts when I try to tell him things. He'll get mad and or sulk and not even try to see where I am coming from. I don't say it to nag or not let him have what he wants I just want him to be well. For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it. Needless to say he still drinks it. I don't take it away from him or nag until he throws it out.
    LMAO! This has actually turned laughable. I threw my husband under a bus and said how horrible he is? The food he eats does not make him who he is, it is just a poor choice. My husband is a damn good man and I never said otherwise. I never said I was perfect either, if I was I wouldn't even be here needing to lose weight. I wasn't even going to reply again but this just made my day. You all are so ridiculous.

    Hun, you basically had referred to your husband as a child and as you found out a few post back, you don't like to be called a child yourself. Now if you are truly concern with his health and your own diet I'm sure there are lots of people who can give tips but don't expect people being all sweet to you when we see you insulting your significant other. For many people the child reference to spouses is insulting and belittlement and we couldn't see other selves using such terms on our love ones. I read your post you did a few post back where you made adjustments and I'm wondering is the problem you are facing is shared groceries and a money budget?
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    We've only been married for 20 yrs. I tell him a couple of times & then let him do his own thing. Inevitably, he comes around to my way of thinking when his doesn't work...

    there's a lot of eye rolling that goes on & I keep telling the kids 'I swear, he was the hottest, coolest, most bad-*kitten* guy around when we were kids'...:blushing:

    Be patient :flowerforyou:

    Exactly! What is wrong with letting him know it's not the best choice???

    But if you have done that... what exactly are you looking for from this forum?
  • StardustZiggy
    StardustZiggy Posts: 25
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    Someone else who could relate and give ideas, tips, recipes, anything that might be more appealing to him and make him want to eat healthier.
    We've only been married for 20 yrs. I tell him a couple of times & then let him do his own thing. Inevitably, he comes around to my way of thinking when his doesn't work...

    there's a lot of eye rolling that goes on & I keep telling the kids 'I swear, he was the hottest, coolest, most bad-*kitten* guy around when we were kids'...:blushing:

    Be patient :flowerforyou:

    Exactly! What is wrong with letting him know it's not the best choice???

    But if you have done that... what exactly are you looking for from this forum?
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
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    The reason I said it feels like he is a child because of how he reacts when I try to tell him things. He'll get mad and or sulk and not even try to see where I am coming from. I don't say it to nag or not let him have what he wants I just want him to be well. For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it. Needless to say he still drinks it. I don't take it away from him or nag until he throws it out.

    How would you like it if he was drawing attention to your negative choices constantly?


    Or if he was posting them publicly on a website?
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I don't say it to nag or not let him have what he wants I just want him to be well. For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it.

    The definition of nagging.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    Exactly! What is wrong with letting him know it's not the best choice???
    But if you have done that... what exactly are you looking for from this forum?

    I believe she is looking for this:

    dog-patting-cat.gif
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    I hope you read the less dramatic responses, too. Whether you see it or not, people are actually trying to help.

    I do see them and appreciate it. It may not seem that way because I feel attacked for most part for something I don't even do.

    What I get from most of the posts is that as much as you want him to be healthier, the decision is his. I realise you know this, but what most posters are saying is the best thing you can do is lead by example. Trying to force the issue is going to make both of you unhappy. I don't think anyone actually thinks you're a horrible wife, lovely.

    When we get fired up about things, we want to share them with the people we care about. It's natural, especially when it is an improvement in our health and quality of life. Having said that, we can't expect others to be excited about something, just because we are. Think about when friends are planning their weddings, as an example. I know it's not the same thing, but there are similarities.

    Give him some time, and for the love of everything good in the world, do NOT try to replace spaghetti with spaghetti squash. That's just mean.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
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    when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it.
    so you're blaming your bahaviour on him too, now?

    i can't think of anything that would make me want a 5th soda more than someone needing to comment on my 4th.
  • StardustZiggy
    StardustZiggy Posts: 25
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    He's more than welcome to, but as I said a few times already I am not constantly saying it.

    How would you like it if he was drawing attention to your negative choices constantly?


    Or if he was posting them publicly on a website?
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
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    Someone else who could relate and give ideas, tips, recipes, anything that might be more appealing to him and make him want to eat healthier.
    We've only been married for 20 yrs. I tell him a couple of times & then let him do his own thing. Inevitably, he comes around to my way of thinking when his doesn't work...

    there's a lot of eye rolling that goes on & I keep telling the kids 'I swear, he was the hottest, coolest, most bad-*kitten* guy around when we were kids'...:blushing:

    Be patient :flowerforyou:

    Exactly! What is wrong with letting him know it's not the best choice???

    But if you have done that... what exactly are you looking for from this forum?

    Oooh Dear...that comes from within.
    It's unfortunate, but you can't do it FOR him, he has to do it himself.

    Lead by example & be happy. My pediatrician once told me 'Leave him alone, I promise you, he won't be 30 and still sucking his thumb'...in reference to my 3 yr old son, not goofy husband :drinker:
  • StardustZiggy
    StardustZiggy Posts: 25
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    I don't say it to nag or not let him have what he wants I just want him to be well. For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it.

    The definition of nagging.

    How so?

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