Difficult husband?

DopeItUp

For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it. Needless to say he still drinks it. I don't take it away from him or nag until he throws it out.

I would full-force punch my wife in the face if she ever did that.

glovepuppet

For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it. Needless to say he still drinks it. I don't take it away from him or nag until he throws it out.

I would full-force punch my wife in the face if she ever did that.

congrats on being abusive.

kkzmom11

stardustziggy, i can only speak for myself. my response was due to what you typed in your opening statement. I am sure you didn't mean it to sound like you were treating him like a child. however, i can only respond to what you "said", i don't know how you meant it. so, if you feel like you are being attacked, then you will want to consider how you say things on this site in the future. just so they don't get misinterpreted. i agree with many, if you treat your husband like a child, then that is how he is going to act. my husband is very supportive of my weight loss efforts, but don't dare tell him what to eat and not eat. he is a grown man and will make his own decisions. I eat healthy, he likes what i make. we do the grocery shopping together.

ExcelWithMel

I'm amazed at how many people drink all the wrong things. My husband does drink water, but he also drinks lots of O.J., Coke, and Mixed Drinks full of sugar- Margaritas, Jack & Coke, etc. and of course beer almost daily.

I drink 1 cup of coffee, water until I'm floating away, and try to limit beer or wine to 2 nights a week. If I drank any calorie-laden drinks I'd gain 20 lbs. in no time.

I know you both want to get healthy, but in this case, I say let him drink what he wants and you drink what you want. We even have 2 kinds of milk in the house.

The way I see it, I'm his wife, not his mother - and since he is an adult (almost 45) let him drink what he wants and maybe if you keep doing what you want, he will see the positive changes in your life and want to come along. Until then, you can't force your husband to drink what you want to drink to be a healthier/lighter version of you.

rml_16

I'm amazed at how many people drink all the wrong things.

According to whom?

glovepuppet

I'm amazed at how many people drink all the wrong things.

According to whom?

food saints.

DopeItUp

For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it. Needless to say he still drinks it. I don't take it away from him or nag until he throws it out.

I would full-force punch my wife in the face if she ever did that.

congrats on being abusive.

Who said I was abusive? I've never even considered striking my wife in my entire life.

jojo86xdd

I don't want to be too rude but..you say he is more like a child. You also need to stop being his mother! He is his own person. If he wants to have 2% milk and bread then let him. A LOT of people drink milk and have bread and have lost weight and are in great shape.

Maybe he just wants to go about things a little differently then you. Maybe he needs to find out what works for him. Let him do that and learn on his own. I have learned from past experience, and pushiness of my part, that it doesn't work!

Ditto. I only drink whole milk (cant keep almond or skim milk down. yuk) and I eat bread (only whole grain). I have both these things literally every day and I have been losing consistently. If this is a lifestyle change, he has to make one that works for him. I know i cant go on almond milk and no bread for the rest of my life, therefore I don't do that. Just like I know I can't go without ice cream, chocolate, pizza etc for the rest of my life either, so I still eat them in moderation. If that works for you then more power to you, but your husband is a grown man. You need to do what works for you and he will do what works for him.

BeachIron

I'm amazed at how many people drink all the wrong things.

According to whom?

food saints.

If I drink Trappist beer does that make it okay?

Achrya

For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it. Needless to say he still drinks it. I don't take it away from him or nag until he throws it out.

I would full-force punch my wife in the face if she ever did that.

congrats on being abusive.

Who said I was abusive? I've never even considered striking my wife in my entire life.

I know what you mean. If my husband tried to speak a word about my tea consumption (And I drink a good amount, 3-4 cups a day) I'd have to chuck the pot at his head.

But he'd never do such a thing. So we continue to live a life where pots are never thrown.

glovepuppet

For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it. Needless to say he still drinks it. I don't take it away from him or nag until he throws it out.

I would full-force punch my wife in the face if she ever did that.

congrats on being abusive.

Who said I was abusive? I've never even considered striking my wife in my entire life.

because she never commented on your 4th soda.

UsedToBeHusky

For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it. Needless to say he still drinks it. I don't take it away from him or nag until he throws it out.

I would full-force punch my wife in the face if she ever did that.

congrats on being abusive.

Who said I was abusive? I've never even considered striking my wife in my entire life.

because she never commented on your 4th soda.

I think he probably meant if she were to take it out of his hand.

cebreisch

The only person you can control is yourself....ever heard the adage you can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink? Even though you know (and I bet he does too) that soda's and juice aren't the best things for you, it's not something he's ready to give up yet, even though you are.

I began my journey in April 2011. It was December 2011 before my husband joined me - although he had much less to lose than I still have to lose....He's at goal currently - or at least close enough to it to be able to get back with a little effort. Point is, I couldn't force him to do anything he didn't want to do. He had McDonald's happy meals about every day and *thought* he was being relatively healthy....that is until he started logging things on MFP.

About the only thing you can do is lead by example. I would still not buy the "unhealthy things" like the soda's and juice's. Buy stuff that's helpful for you. Even if you have to have your own designated "shelf in the pantry". (I have a snack-box, and my hubby has a "snack drawer" - that's our safety place to get something healthy to eat when we're a bit hungry and want something to eat.)

Stay focused. Pursue your goals. Hopefully, he'll come around eventually. Mine did.

glovepuppet

For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it. Needless to say he still drinks it. I don't take it away from him or nag until he throws it out.

I would full-force punch my wife in the face if she ever did that.

congrats on being abusive.

Who said I was abusive? I've never even considered striking my wife in my entire life.

because she never commented on your 4th soda.

I think he probably meant if she were to take it out of his hand.

then the acceptability of that depends entirely upon the brand of soda in question.

Mslmesq

First, I didn't mean to make it as controlling as it sounded. I just really worry about his health, probably more than my own. He drinks way to much soda and consumes a lot of sugar that no matter how you look at as me controlling him, it is not good.

I get that he is a grown man and we are different people, I'll be the first to admit we are different as night and day. I in no way want to be his mother but I also don't want to see someone I love make themselves sick.

Great book I read on this called Codependent No More. :-/

UsedToBeHusky

then the acceptability of that depends entirely upon the brand of soda in question.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

ohnstadk

Both my husband and I agree that we need to lose weight, but that is where our agreement ends. I want to give up soda and most fruit juices and make water our main drink. The problem is my husband doesn't want to drink water at all. I've told him how important it is but he just brushes it off.

I've tried not buying soda/juice but he just goes out and buys it if I don't.

Dairy is our other problem, the best he will except for milk is 2%. He won't drink skim and when I suggest something like soy or almond milk he flat out refuses it.

I've brought up the Paleo diet and am trying to learn more about it. I see one of the things is giving up bread. Again the husband loves his bread/sandwiches.

Does anyone else have a husband (or wife) who they feel is more like their child sometimes?! Any tips (i.e. sneaky ways to trick him into eating and drinking what I want without him realizing it...what? It's for his own good. :blushing:)?

You are freaking kidding right?????? I really hope you are kidding! Unless you want him to slowly lose respect for you, and drive a wedge in your relationship do not try to "trick" him into anything. His weight loss is personal to him, trying to force him to do anything wont do anything productive at all!!!! Focus on yourself - if you dont want soda dont drink it, if you want to eat better then eat better. Leave his weight loss to him.

Lyerin

You need to relax. Do your own thing, and let him do his own thing. If you are the primary meal-maker in your house, make healthy, good-tasting meals. Nagging a grown-up about drinking soda or 2% milk is a waste of energy. He is not a child, nor is he acting like one (at least from the description in the OP). You need to be an adult and make your own choices, as does he.

chelcdub

Personally, I'd let him have it his way. I've learned to avoid the things I don't want to eat and yet still keep them available for my husband and kids. When I consistently lose weight, my husband remains at a plateau.

Maybe your husband will be encouraged by seeing it work in you. Maybe seeing your progress and dedication will help him to see he doesn't need soda or juice on a regular basis and he'll join you when he's ready.

Awesome response! Don't worry about it, if he's ready to change he'll figure out what's best FOR HIM. You probably don't want those items in the house because they can be tempting...but that's something you'll overcome. I would only be a little down if he didn't work out with me from time to time.

DopeItUp

I'm amazed at how many people drink all the wrong things.

According to whom?

food saints.

If I drink Trappist beer does that make it okay?

Trappist beer is holy and therefore contains no calories.

irjeffb

I don't even understand what the problem is. Drinking soda and 2% milk will not necessarily cause you to fail at losing weight, so why stop him from doing that if it's important to him?

My wife and I have very different tastes for beverages, and we just buy some of each. I don't think either one of us ever considered it to be a problem.

If the issue is that he's just consuming too much and doesn't want to put the effort into losing weight, that shouldn't stop you from eating and drinking in ways that are healthy for you and improving your own health. If he needs a push to get him to do the healthy thing, seeing positive change in you will have far more impact than arguments about him drinking too much soda or 2% milk.

DopeItUp

For most part I don't mention it, but when he is on to his 4th soda in one day I can't help it, I have to comment to him on it. Needless to say he still drinks it. I don't take it away from him or nag until he throws it out.

I would full-force punch my wife in the face if she ever did that.

congrats on being abusive.

Who said I was abusive? I've never even considered striking my wife in my entire life.

because she never commented on your 4th soda.

I think he probably meant if she were to take it out of his hand.

All joking aside, it would have to be a scenario involving beer being taken from my hand before the situation would devolve into head strikes. Soda? That would just call for some half power body shots.

Katkamm77

Are you the kind of couple that has to do everything together? I haven't drank regular pop in over 20 years. My husband won't touch diet pop. So, I buy both. He won't eat fish so, I make him a different type of meat. Easy peasy.

BeachIron

I'm amazed at how many people drink all the wrong things.

According to whom?

food saints.

If I drink Trappist beer does that make it okay?

Trappist beer is holy and therefore contains no calories.

Yep. Beer always fits my macros. Except light beer. I'm pretty sure that stuff will kill you.

pamfm

OP, I think I understand what you're getting at, despite the unfortunate phrasing of your question that caused everyone to think you're being controlling.

I'd agree with most of the replies that I saw: take care of yourself, and let your husband do it his own way. Maybe he'll work out a plan that's right for him, or maybe he'll flounder a while, and catch up to you later when he sees that your plan is working. My husband and I both have healthy diets, and we eat the same things at home, but vastly differently on lunch breaks and when we go out. We also have different bodies, with different caloric and nutritional needs, so that's all just fine. Sometimes I suggest foods that he's dead set against, but when I buy them, and eat them, he usually gives it a try.

Example: I'd been eating muesli with low-fat yogurt for breakfast for about two weeks when my husband asked for a taste. Now he wants this for breakfast more often than I do, but he eats a nutty granola instead of the muesli.

Another example (and one that might be good for your household). We aren't really soda drinkers, but we do like to have an occasional Mexican Coca-Cola, and my husband does have a crazy sweet tooth. I started making my own soda by the glass, with a teaspoon of maple syrup, vanilla extract, and fizzy water. Sometimes I add a splash of juice. Sometimes I mix half juice, half fizzy water. My husband saw me making my soda, and said something along the lines of "Eww" or "weird". But I just replied that it was tasty, and he was welcome to try it, and he eventually did (and liked it).

But one last thing: Maybe portion-control is more difficult for you than eliminating certain foods, but maybe it'd the opposite for your husband. I drink whole milk, juice, beer, wine, and whiskey. I cannot stand 2% milk, let alone skim. Soy, rice, almond, and coconut milks are all delicious, though.

kellyf_83

OP- You POOR Thing.... Just ignore the negativity and remember why you're on this sight. For SUPPORT, ENCOURAGEMENT, and TO GET HEALTHY!! I admire a woman who has the desire to see her husband healthy. I want the same for my husband- but in a different way. My husband is VERY TALL- so I worry about his heart. But I don't dare tell him how to live his life, because I would rather share a million wonderful moments with us enjoying life, than a million of him agitated--especially if that agitation is provoked by me. Your husband is like 90% of the people in this world. Relationships with food are some of the hardest to sever. It may only take a doctor saying "hey- you're pre-diabetic, cut the sugar" for him to stop. And you know what, THAT may not even make him stop. I have a diabetic uncle who will purge and eat a box of donuts and them have to adjust his insulin so he doesn't go into shock. Even though he knows better- he still does it. Just know that YOU have support to get through whatever it is you need in order to reach YOUR goals. Your energy is best spent caring for yourself. Have faith. You found your way, he may surprise you and find his way soon, too. Encourage him to check out the site. Log in his calories for a few days so he can SEE the numbers. That's motivation right there. Offer him support and encouragement, not negativity and ultimatums (I'm in no way saying you have dine that- just saying it for sake of making a point ). I hope you can find a way to be successful in making a change with or without your husband joining you in the process. Don't give up, just fine tune your course of action.

ohnstadk

We've only been married for 20 yrs. I tell him a couple of times & then let him do his own thing. Inevitably, he comes around to my way of thinking when his doesn't work...

there's a lot of eye rolling that goes on & I keep telling the kids 'I swear, he was the hottest, coolest, most bad-*kitten* guy around when we were kids'...:blushing:

Be patient :flowerforyou:

Exactly! What is wrong with letting him know it's not the best choice???

What makes your way the best choice? Seriously paleo is not everyones best choice

jojo86xdd

One thing I've learned about men, nagging (definition: nagging, present participle of nag (Verb);Annoy or irritate (a person) with persistent faultfinding or continuous urging)...which is EXACTLY what you are doing...is that IT DOES NOT WORK . Just don't do it. The more you comment about something the more resistant he will be to it. Men are not talkers, they are doers, so if and when he sees that you are looking hot and he is getting flabbier(without you saying one damn word about it) he will put two and two together and jump on the damn wagon all by himself. Point in case, stop trying to make him eat what you want him to eat, stop looking for sneaky ways in which to make him eat what you want him to eat, stop commenting on his soda intake, stop fussing about his 2% milk. LET HIM BE! Have your soy milk in the a.m, do your paleo diet, stop complaining and bask in the results of your healthy lifestyle changes.

I'm done.

JenSD6

For the OP's husband who really likes his soda, have you considered looking into a Sodastream? Their regular flavours are a mix of Splenda and sugar, so the bottles don't say diet on them but the calorie load is a little lighter. And you don't have a house full of empty cans and bottles, which was the biggest draw for us.

Skrib69

It was all said on the first page. Stop being so controlling - it sounds like the problem is with you, not him! My wife is vegetarian; the kids and I will never give up meat. We work round it together.