SABOTAGE
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I'm not dieting because it's my lifestyle and medical reasons that led me to where I was 2 months ago and it's my new lifestyle that is now helping me get healthy. I do eat what I want within my calories and if I go over its because I chose to over eat.1
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queenliz99 wrote: »I have a friend who was trying to lose weight with her husband. It was more of a contest to see who could lose the weight the fastest. The husband cheated by replacing her protein powder with a weight gain protein powder. This is real SABOTAGE!!
What a horrible person!0 -
wandajnevills wrote: »Confidence and accountability are great, but some of these comments are just plain smug and condescending. By sabotage we are generally thinking of those people who *know* that we really struggle with eating healthy and resisting temptation (yes, some of us genuinely struggle with it in serious way) but they constantly go out of their way to temp us with "oh just try it, just one bite, look at it, smell it, it smells amazing, its so delicious, I made it myself you have to try it," etc. For some of us it takes an incredibly huge effort to resist in the first place, where with others it just doesn't take that much effort.
You seem to assume these people you're taking aim at haven't had these problems before and haven't had to learn how to build up willpower. I'd say everyone here who has successfully lost weight has had the same struggle, but you make it sound like you're part of special group of people who have had to struggle whilst everyone else has had an easy time - now that's condescending.
You're completely wrong. You're saying it's no harder for a person with an eating disorder to eat healthy. That's the same as saying it's no harder for a depressed person to get out of bed in the morning, or it's no harder for a person with dyslexia to learn to read, or its no harder for a person with social anxiety disorder to speak publically, or a person with no legs to learn how to walk. It's completely ignorant and arrogant. It is *not* the same for all of us. Arrogance doesn't make you right.0 -
SurfCityBeachGuy wrote: »You mean no one has ever offered you a piece of cake, cookies or a candy bar ? Desserts, Ice Cream or Fattening Foods ?
Sabotage is more dark and covert when someone secretly or continually tries to get you to go against your goals for the purpose of not reaching your goal.
By being offered a piece of cake or a dessert, the person can be seen as believing in you by offering you something that they know you can make a decision on that will fit your goals. You have the power to say yes or no and your friend believes you can & will make the right decision for yourself. That's acceptance and belief in your goals; not sabotage.
Sabotage can be using any means, including psychological manipulation to thwart someone else's efforts.0 -
wandajnevills wrote: »wandajnevills wrote: »Confidence and accountability are great, but some of these comments are just plain smug and condescending. By sabotage we are generally thinking of those people who *know* that we really struggle with eating healthy and resisting temptation (yes, some of us genuinely struggle with it in serious way) but they constantly go out of their way to temp us with "oh just try it, just one bite, look at it, smell it, it smells amazing, its so delicious, I made it myself you have to try it," etc. For some of us it takes an incredibly huge effort to resist in the first place, where with others it just doesn't take that much effort.
You seem to assume these people you're taking aim at haven't had these problems before and haven't had to learn how to build up willpower. I'd say everyone here who has successfully lost weight has had the same struggle, but you make it sound like you're part of special group of people who have had to struggle whilst everyone else has had an easy time - now that's condescending.
You're completely wrong. You're saying it's no harder for a person with an eating disorder to eat healthy. That's the same as saying it's no harder for a depressed person to get out of bed in the morning, or it's no harder for a person with dyslexia to learn to read, or its no harder for a person with social anxiety disorder to speak publically, or a person with no legs to learn how to walk. It's completely ignorant and arrogant. It is *not* the same for all of us. Arrogance doesn't make you right.
I'm confused. Your original comment calling people smug and condescending mentioned nothing about an eating disorder. The OP mentioned nothing about eating disorders either. You said that some people had a harder time resisting temptation while some seem to find it easier. No mention of eating disorders and specific challenges individuals with ED may be dealing with as they struggle to develop healthy habits.
Moving the goalposts to now imply that we aren't being respectful of those battling eating disorders and implying that we are disrespectful of other mental and physical challenges is particularly offensive...
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WinoGelato wrote: »wandajnevills wrote: »wandajnevills wrote: »Confidence and accountability are great, but some of these comments are just plain smug and condescending. By sabotage we are generally thinking of those people who *know* that we really struggle with eating healthy and resisting temptation (yes, some of us genuinely struggle with it in serious way) but they constantly go out of their way to temp us with "oh just try it, just one bite, look at it, smell it, it smells amazing, its so delicious, I made it myself you have to try it," etc. For some of us it takes an incredibly huge effort to resist in the first place, where with others it just doesn't take that much effort.
You seem to assume these people you're taking aim at haven't had these problems before and haven't had to learn how to build up willpower. I'd say everyone here who has successfully lost weight has had the same struggle, but you make it sound like you're part of special group of people who have had to struggle whilst everyone else has had an easy time - now that's condescending.
You're completely wrong. You're saying it's no harder for a person with an eating disorder to eat healthy. That's the same as saying it's no harder for a depressed person to get out of bed in the morning, or it's no harder for a person with dyslexia to learn to read, or its no harder for a person with social anxiety disorder to speak publically, or a person with no legs to learn how to walk. It's completely ignorant and arrogant. It is *not* the same for all of us. Arrogance doesn't make you right.
I'm confused. Your original comment calling people smug and condescending mentioned nothing about an eating disorder. The OP mentioned nothing about eating disorders either. You said that some people had a harder time resisting temptation while some seem to find it easier. No mention of eating disorders and specific challenges individuals with ED may be dealing with as they struggle to develop healthy habits.
Moving the goalposts to now imply that we aren't being respectful of those battling eating disorders and implying that we are disrespectful of other mental and physical challenges is particularly offensive...
My original point stands. It is indeed harder for some of us than others. It is indeed smug and condescending to demand official "special group" credentials, documentation that confirms a person suffers from a disability before you'll agree to simply be curteous or considerate enough to think first before shoving a donut in their face instead of just being respectful of a simple request and honoring a person's wishes when it creates no hardship for you whatsoever.
It's harder for some of us. That's true regardless of whether a person has actually been diagnosed with a disorder. I'm a binge eater. I crash diet and lose 20 or 40 pounds and binge eat and gain it back. It will always be a struggle to move away from those tendencies. For the sake of comparison I'll mention that I also have ADHD and sensory integration issues (think autism). My entire life I have been force fed BS about how I'm no different from everyone else and everything I do should be just as easy for me as it is for everyone else, and I didn't even know I was legitimately *different* until my 30s. It took seeing a therapist to realize you guys are just acting like jerks with no respect for other people's personal boundaries.
People shouldn't have to produce proof of a disability to be afforded respect and consideration.0 -
Furthermore, its demeaning and patronizing to deny a person respect and consideration because you *assume* they are no different from you, and making them tell the world "I have a disability" just so you'll consider their feelings, and then offering up your pity as if that's the same thing as empathy or respect for our feelings.0
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That's not inclusive. That's not having respect for anyone with any disability. That's calling people out as different and covertly shaming us. We shouldn't have to qualify as "disabled" for our feelings to matter.0
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wandajnevills wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »wandajnevills wrote: »wandajnevills wrote: »Confidence and accountability are great, but some of these comments are just plain smug and condescending. By sabotage we are generally thinking of those people who *know* that we really struggle with eating healthy and resisting temptation (yes, some of us genuinely struggle with it in serious way) but they constantly go out of their way to temp us with "oh just try it, just one bite, look at it, smell it, it smells amazing, its so delicious, I made it myself you have to try it," etc. For some of us it takes an incredibly huge effort to resist in the first place, where with others it just doesn't take that much effort.
You seem to assume these people you're taking aim at haven't had these problems before and haven't had to learn how to build up willpower. I'd say everyone here who has successfully lost weight has had the same struggle, but you make it sound like you're part of special group of people who have had to struggle whilst everyone else has had an easy time - now that's condescending.
You're completely wrong. You're saying it's no harder for a person with an eating disorder to eat healthy. That's the same as saying it's no harder for a depressed person to get out of bed in the morning, or it's no harder for a person with dyslexia to learn to read, or its no harder for a person with social anxiety disorder to speak publically, or a person with no legs to learn how to walk. It's completely ignorant and arrogant. It is *not* the same for all of us. Arrogance doesn't make you right.
I'm confused. Your original comment calling people smug and condescending mentioned nothing about an eating disorder. The OP mentioned nothing about eating disorders either. You said that some people had a harder time resisting temptation while some seem to find it easier. No mention of eating disorders and specific challenges individuals with ED may be dealing with as they struggle to develop healthy habits.
Moving the goalposts to now imply that we aren't being respectful of those battling eating disorders and implying that we are disrespectful of other mental and physical challenges is particularly offensive...
My original point stands. It is indeed harder for some of us than others. It is indeed smug and condescending to demand official "special group" credentials, documentation that confirms a person suffers from a disability before you'll agree to simply be curteous or considerate enough to think first before shoving a donut in their face instead of just being respectful of a simple request and honoring a person's wishes when it creates no hardship for you whatsoever.
It's harder for some of us. That's true regardless of whether a person has actually been diagnosed with a disorder. I'm a binge eater. I crash diet and lose 20 or 40 pounds and binge eat and gain it back. It will always be a struggle to move away from those tendencies. For the sake of comparison I'll mention that I also have ADHD and sensory integration issues (think autism). My entire life I have been force fed BS about how I'm no different from everyone else and everything I do should be just as easy for me as it is for everyone else, and I didn't even know I was legitimately *different* until my 30s. It took seeing a therapist to realize you guys are just acting like jerks with no respect for other people's personal boundaries.
People shouldn't have to produce proof of a disability to be afforded respect and consideration.
Wow this has escalated quickly. I'm not sure where the hostility is coming from but it seems completely misdirected in this thread. The most disrespectful and inconsiderate posts in the thread are the ones where you called posters smug, condescending and arrogant.
People posting about their own experiences and saying they use willpower is not disrespectful of anyone, eating disorders or otherwise.
No one is asking for people to label themselves I'm not sure who is shoving donuts in your face, but you should have this conversation with them about your situation.
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Luckily, no one. This has not always been true though.1
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If anyone is getting unwanted donuts shoved in their face, I'll PM you my address.
I
donuts. 
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Yes please send all unwanted donuts to me too! I'll gladly take them!5
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wandajnevills wrote: »Confidence and accountability are great, but some of these comments are just plain smug and condescending. By sabotage we are generally thinking of those people who *know* that we really struggle with eating healthy and resisting temptation (yes, some of us genuinely struggle with it in serious way) but they constantly go out of their way to temp us with "oh just try it, just one bite, look at it, smell it, it smells amazing, its so delicious, I made it myself you have to try it," etc. For some of us it takes an incredibly huge effort to resist in the first place, where with others it just doesn't take that much effort.
I somewhat agree with this. Obviously, sabotage implies some nefarious motive, so it's not necessarily the right word, but there are people out there who seem oblivious to the stress they are causing others when trying to lose weight.
Almost 5 years ago, I quit smoking. Getting over the nicotine was easy. After a few days, that urge was gone. The hard part was learning to adjust to a life without cigarettes. I would smoke when I was stressed. After eating. While driving, especially when sitting in traffic. In social situations where I was nervous. Adapting to not having cigarettes in those situations was the toughest part, because I basically had to create new behaviors and train myself to follow those. If I had a person offering me a cigarette at those time, especially in the early days, I'm not sure I would have been successful at quitting.
Adjusting to a diet is no different. You're training yourself to eat smaller portions, but it's not simply a matter of just eating less. In some cases, it's an even bigger change like not eating at restaurants, eating certain foods less frequently, or learning how to cope with social situations involving food. It can be learning how to handle stress at work without getting elbow deep into the candy dish, and engage in activities like watching TV or playing on the computer without also eating mindlessly.
Yes, individuals have to learn how to cope with challenging situations if they want to be successful in weight loss. I don't think anyone is handing over responsibility for themselves to others. But it is a bit perturbing when the people in your life, who are supposed to love and support you, continue to engage in behavior that makes someone trying to make a positive change even more of a struggle. Sometimes it takes people awhile to gain confidence in dieting to feel like they have a cookie or treat and stay on track, and it's not up to someone else to decide when they should be able to do it.
To put it in perspective - if you had a friend who was trying to quit smoking, and another friend continued to offer the person cigarettes and smoke right next to them, blowing smoke in their face, would you think that person was "being helpful by trying to strengthen the other friend's resolve," or would you think they were being a massive jerk?
I think most people would say latter- so why would it be any different with a person who continues to offer foods the other person struggles to moderate?3 -
Of course3
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zoeysasha37 wrote: »Yes please send all unwanted donuts to me too! I'll gladly take them!
You are 2 Funny ZoeySasha37. You just made me laugh. Will you be my Friend ?0 -
I agree with one of my Friends. They just do not want to admit that "It is" a Form of Sabotage. I found the Sabotage info in Dr. Phils Diet book. I think people can be Vulnerable at times with food because we tend to eat with our emotions at times when we are down & out or weak. I would say its a Red Flag when someone walks up with cookies, Candy Bar, Cake or Pie with Ice Cream & they say..." Just have a little bite... it wont hurt you " Red Flag...Red Flag...! LOL0
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wandajnevills wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »wandajnevills wrote: »wandajnevills wrote: »Confidence and accountability are great, but some of these comments are just plain smug and condescending. By sabotage we are generally thinking of those people who *know* that we really struggle with eating healthy and resisting temptation (yes, some of us genuinely struggle with it in serious way) but they constantly go out of their way to temp us with "oh just try it, just one bite, look at it, smell it, it smells amazing, its so delicious, I made it myself you have to try it," etc. For some of us it takes an incredibly huge effort to resist in the first place, where with others it just doesn't take that much effort.
You seem to assume these people you're taking aim at haven't had these problems before and haven't had to learn how to build up willpower. I'd say everyone here who has successfully lost weight has had the same struggle, but you make it sound like you're part of special group of people who have had to struggle whilst everyone else has had an easy time - now that's condescending.
You're completely wrong. You're saying it's no harder for a person with an eating disorder to eat healthy. That's the same as saying it's no harder for a depressed person to get out of bed in the morning, or it's no harder for a person with dyslexia to learn to read, or its no harder for a person with social anxiety disorder to speak publically, or a person with no legs to learn how to walk. It's completely ignorant and arrogant. It is *not* the same for all of us. Arrogance doesn't make you right.
I'm confused. Your original comment calling people smug and condescending mentioned nothing about an eating disorder. The OP mentioned nothing about eating disorders either. You said that some people had a harder time resisting temptation while some seem to find it easier. No mention of eating disorders and specific challenges individuals with ED may be dealing with as they struggle to develop healthy habits.
Moving the goalposts to now imply that we aren't being respectful of those battling eating disorders and implying that we are disrespectful of other mental and physical challenges is particularly offensive...
My original point stands. It is indeed harder for some of us than others. It is indeed smug and condescending to demand official "special group" credentials, documentation that confirms a person suffers from a disability before you'll agree to simply be curteous or considerate enough to think first before shoving a donut in their face instead of just being respectful of a simple request and honoring a person's wishes when it creates no hardship for you whatsoever.
It's harder for some of us. That's true regardless of whether a person has actually been diagnosed with a disorder. I'm a binge eater. I crash diet and lose 20 or 40 pounds and binge eat and gain it back. It will always be a struggle to move away from those tendencies. For the sake of comparison I'll mention that I also have ADHD and sensory integration issues (think autism). My entire life I have been force fed BS about how I'm no different from everyone else and everything I do should be just as easy for me as it is for everyone else, and I didn't even know I was legitimately *different* until my 30s. It took seeing a therapist to realize you guys are just acting like jerks with no respect for other people's personal boundaries.
People shouldn't have to produce proof of a disability to be afforded respect and consideration.
Everyone has their own struggles for various reasons. I don't think anyone has said that it's easy, and to presume that your struggle is harder than everyone else's struggle is rather short-sighted based on insufficient data. If the people in your life are being this pushy about food after you have asked them not to continue this behaviour, then maybe you need some more supportive people in your life. It's interesting to see that you take the frustrations you are saying you have with the people in your life, and directing those frustrations at people here.
Calling people here jerks, without first delineating what your boundaries are, is fairly telling as to why you are having these types of issues with other people. If your boundaries are different from those of other people, you need to communicate what those boundaries are. People cannot read your mind as to what your boundaries are, so set your boundaries, and make them clear to the people around you. If they still don't respect them, cut them loose.
All people, with disabilities, or without deserve to be treated with respect. I would like to respectfully ask you to stop name-calling people here.6 -
SurfCityBeachGuy wrote: »I agree with one of my Friends. They just do not want to admit that "It is" a Form of Sabotage. I found the Sabotage info in Dr. Phils Diet book. I think people can be Vulnerable at times with food because we tend to eat with our emotions at times when we are down & out or weak. I would say its a Red Flag when someone walks up with cookies, Candy Bar, Cake or Pie with Ice Cream & they say..." Just have a little bite... it wont hurt you " Red Flag...Red Flag...! LOL
Sorry, I didn't really contribute much to the original point of the thread. I think that much of our society revolves around food. I see families visiting their loved ones in the hospital and one of the things that helps them feel better is bringing treats for their family member. Treats are a particularly big part of this. People love bringing in baked goods as a way to say "I like and appreciate you." They get a little boost of confidence to see someone eating their goods, and commenting on how much they like it and appreciate it. They aren't always aware of your goals to lose weight. Calling it sabotage is suggesting that they have ill intent. I know very few people who truly have interest in causing others harm. They are sharing something that is special to them, in an attempt to see others happy. Politely say "no thank you." You don't owe them an explanation. If they continue to push, "I'm full," "I have a fantastic lunch planned, and don't wish to spoil it," "I will have a little bit, but that's all," "It looks delicious, thank you." If they still continue to push, *evil eye* "I said, no. Thank you." If again, just stare at them until they are uncomfortable and leave you alone (it shouldn't get this far).2 -
queenliz99 wrote: »I have a friend who was trying to lose weight with her husband. It was more of a contest to see who could lose the weight the fastest. The husband cheated by replacing her protein powder with a weight gain protein powder. This is real SABOTAGE!!
This is a horrible story, and I feel a little guilty for giggling at it. At what point did she figure it out?1 -
nutmegoreo wrote: »queenliz99 wrote: »I have a friend who was trying to lose weight with her husband. It was more of a contest to see who could lose the weight the fastest. The husband cheated by replacing her protein powder with a weight gain protein powder. This is real SABOTAGE!!
This is a horrible story, and I feel a little guilty for giggling at it. At what point did she figure it out?
The contest was only one month long, so for one long month she ended up adding some weight not much but her husband dumped, I think, 11 or 12 pounds. She laughs about it now but when it happened she was pissed. The details are fuzzy, it was a long time ago. I will need to ask her when I talk to her again. An yes, they are still happily married 1
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