28; never been on a date or had a boyfriend because of weight

GobletofFlames

I'm 28 and have never been on a date or had a boyfriend because of my weight. I always remained optimistic that someday a man would accept me for who I am, but that hasn't happened and if I want to have children, I can't wait too much longer. So here I am...my goal is to not gain weight or even to lose weight, maybe 10 lb for now.

Sheri2016

Dating comes from within yourself and having a self confidence. You're not alone in this, I have a friend who has always been thin, she is 31 and still never been on a proper date or had a boyfriend. It will happen, just be happy with yourself. As far as the children thing goes many women are having children later in life and with the newer technologies it does not cause as many problems as it used to so keep your head up buttercup! If you need anyone to talk to let me know.

thiosulfate

All you have to do is have confidence in yourself. I'm currently 350 lbs and I've had multiple boyfriends. It would hurt a lot more if i were thinner and knowing that my current bf wouldn't have enjoyed being with me at my current weight.

GobletofFlames

Thanks for the tips For me I don't know if it's confidence, since people say I come off as happy and confident when they meet me~ I'm glad for you Thio and Sheri thank you I will message you.

TravisCole1

As Saulo Ribiero puts it. "It's never too late, it's never too bad, you're never too sick, and never too old to start from scratch once again"

vczK2t

If you don't believe in yourself, then no man is going to want to be with you. It's not about weight. it's about loving yourself. I am fat, i was fat when i met my now husband. His concern is my being healthy, not my weight.

Timshel_

GobletofFlames wrote: »

I always remained optimistic that someday a man would accept me for who I am, but that hasn't happened...

Make small changes to what you eat and add in some 15 minute walks. Stick with those every day for a month, then do a little more with each. Keep building on making good choices consistently every day. Give yourself a day here and there if you over eat or miss your exercise, but don't let it slip back into old habits You can do it slow and easy.

But realize that no number defines you unless you let it. You are not pounds, inches, waist size, bra size, IQ, dollars, or anything of the sort. You are already the person that you are, and that is AMAZING. Doesn't mean you can improve health and fitness, but be happy of who you are while working on being better in how you are.

Chinatot054

Take your time and love and pamper yourself first, and before you know it, when you are not expecting it, the right guy will come along.

GobletofFlames

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement. I am going to the gym today to walk on the treadmill to try to lose some weight~

Forty6and2

I think a large part of this is that you have to want to do it for you. Yes, it's nice to have guys interested in you but that will only motivate you so much, so I think it's better to have the motivation come from within. Set goals based on health and fitness (ie, eat the recommended amount of fruits/vegetables, exercise 15 minutes a day for ___ days, etc) instead of focusing on what you don't like about yourself.

Another thing I like to suggest is to take it slow. The weight isn't just going to come off instantly, you'll have to be in this long-term. I know a lot of people don't like hearing that, but I've used it as a good way to find myself especially when everything else in my life became *kitten*. But anything worth doing will take time, just trust that it is worth the time and effort you will put into it!

Best of luck and feel free to add me if you want! I can be pretty supportive during the summer but idk how I'll be friend-wise later in the year when I start grad school. But I can at least impart some of the things I've learned during a short period of time if you want!

mazarasltm

GobletofFlames wrote: »

I'm 28 and have never been on a date or had a boyfriend because of my weight. I always remained optimistic that someday a man would accept me for who I am, but that hasn't happened and if I want to have children, I can't wait too much longer. So here I am...my goal is to not gain weight or even to lose weight, maybe 10 lb for now.

I never though I would get married, niether did my wife or my sister (match.com). I met my wife in XRay class while trying to put my life together.
As someone who gave up, I feel your pain. My father also got married late, its not unusual. We all got married getting close to thirty. My sister was past thirty, said she never wanted kids. Lol.. I love my niece. Put yourself and your happiness first. Even though Im married 15+ years I tell you its been a very very rocky road (and 4 kids... ouch). No cake walk. I married my wife as a big girl. Now after 15 years of marriage she decided to lose weight. I followed her weight loss (100 lb) since I didnt want to be the big guy with the skinny wife .

mallygirl420

Setting small achievable goals are good! I'd start with 5 lbs at a time. Also, get yourself on some dating sites. Start doing coed group fitness classes. You have to put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable. It's scary, but what's the harm in trying? So someone says, "No." Big whoop - that's one person.

I'll piggyback on what others have said - this shouldn't be a weight loss journey, it should be a journey toward self love and maybe a little introspection about how you want to improve yourself (not how you think others want you to improve).

mickey2942

Sad but true. You deserve the best. I wish you luck. And stay away from men who use fat women. They think they have low self esteem and are starved for any scrap of attention.

magicpickles

I'm the same, but I think I'm picky... There have certainly been opportunities. Either your standards are too high or you want to be the best version of yourself so you can find the best possible partner.

LKMHardway

It's not about your weight at all, plenty of fat people date and have kids. I'm fat and i'm dating. It's wonderful you want to get healthy but you should do it for more then just wanting to date someone and pop kids out. You also(if you're ready for it) should get out there, dating sites or apps etc. and start talking to people and look for happiness regardless of your weight. Wish you luck and support with losing those ten pounds though.

GobletofFlames

I walked for 2 hours just now~ A few weeks ago I asked out the cashier at the grocery store and he rejected me, citing my weight as the reason, so now I'm too embarrassed to go back. It's strange because he was always very polite, which is why I was interested in him, so it took me aback when he called me a pig. I have never been asked out and have asked out and been rejected by over 50 guys in real life and over 50 guys online.

PeachesNcreamgal

What a two faced loser that cashier is! Maybe you should report him for calling you a pig. Btw, my story is the same as yours. I am also 28 and never been with a man because I have mental health problems for which I'm seeking treatment, both psychiatric and homeopathic. I am happy with myself and also I come from culture of arranged marriage and *kitten* so I'm hoping I'll meet a nice guy by 30 and I hope you do too coz you're still young and you need to concentrate on working on yourself! Good luck

stuj79

Anyone who calls you a pig is rotten inside and isnt worth your time...try not to let idiots get you down.

BoomstickChik

You'll find someone. You should lose weight for YOU. No one else.


Throughout my relationship with my husband, span of 15 years including when we were just friends, I've ranged from 145-234. And I'm very short.

I developed a lot of health issues that caused the gains.

A relationship shouldn't be based on how you look or your weight. A real guy, one who likes/loves you for you will love you no matter what!

I also sent a friend request

lithezebra

I'm NOT saying that something is wrong with you. Being shy, for example, is not a failing. However, obese people find partners. Being overweight is not what is stopping you from having a relationship.

12Sarah2015

To be honest my husband would not have married me if I wasn't thin. I got married at 33.