28; never been on a date or had a boyfriend because of weight
Replies
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GobletofFlames wrote: »I was thinking instead of giving myself a hard time for putting on weight (for years my weight was 77-86 lb) to 97 lb (which makes me uncomfortable to be 10 lb heavier than how you used to be for years), I should actually be kinder to myself.
WTF? You're not even fat, unless you're under 4 feet tall.
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GobletofFlames wrote: »TehLaughingDog wrote: »Eh I wouldn't be worried about someone's opinion when they're a cashier... Clearly they're succeeding in life.
Honestly, most people suck and they're not worth the time and effort to get to know or even date. Compliments are a dime a dozen but a true friendship is a treasure. And that's ultimately what a relationship is - a committed best friend you get perks with.
I also think when someone's looking to get in a relationship they come across as desperate. Just enjoy your freedom and have fun. If someone good comes along then they will and if not then you'll be having a dank time living it up.
I really like what you said about a true friendship being a treasure. I definitely come across as desperate because I usually ask out guys after knowing them for 5-15 minutes, but the thing is no guys have asked me out. I tried not asking guys out for 3 years since at the time I was really focused on work but again no guys asked me out. I wasn't living under a rock either, I was socially active and all that jazz.
I was thinking instead of giving myself a hard time for putting on weight (for years my weight was 77-86 lb) to 97 lb (which makes me uncomfortable to be 10 lb heavier than how you used to be for years), I should actually be kinder to myself. OK so I haven't lost the weight. Well I am extremely lonely, while other people are holding hands and talking to their partners, I am sitting here by myself. I should be proud of myself and patting myself on the back for the fact that I have managed to stay under 100 lb in spite of being so lonely and excluded from a societal thing that others experience. And I haven't stayed under 100 lb by not eating either just to be clear; I eat normally but I walk over 10 miles a day uphill. When my weight was 77-86 lb in the past I was eating 2,000-3,000 calories a day, I just walked 10-20 miles a day because I am addicted to exercising.
Whoa, I feel like we stepped into an episode of The Twilight Zone! Quite a plot twist there, OP!7 -
GobletofFlames wrote: »I walked for 2 hours just now~ A few weeks ago I asked out the cashier at the grocery store and he rejected me, citing my weight as the reason, so now I'm too embarrassed to go back. It's strange because he was always very polite, which is why I was interested in him, so it took me aback when he called me a pig. I have never been asked out and have asked out and been rejected by over 50 guys in real life and over 50 guys online.
You weigh under 100 lbs and he called you a pig?
Something doesn't add up...10 -
??? You're under 100 lbs, addicted to exercising and someone called you a pig? Totally confused now. OP, care to explain?7
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MarkusDarwath wrote: »AngelinaB_ wrote: »MarkusDarwath wrote: »A lot of fatties find love. (disclaimer: I use that term in a spirit of blunt honesty and self-acceptance. I accept no responsibility for butt hurt felt by hyper-sensitive readers.)
dude @MarkusDarwath. How charming of you to say that. *rolling my eyes*
Well, I AM a fatty myself, and I refuse to regard the fact as demeaning me in any way. The world would be a far better place if we all had thicker skin.
"Fattie" is a diminishing term by itself! If you don't want to be demeaning heck don't use the term duh. Nothing to do with getting a thick skin.
It's not the same to say that you are overweight than to say that you are a fattie. You can say fat. And then I would understand your point as fat is not diminishing but some people dislike the term.
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The book "121 First Dates: How to Succeed at Online Dating" by Wendy Newman might help you get out there and not continue to be held hostage by your weight. She emphasizes she's not the "ideal" body type. It's a great book!
Please stop rejecting yourself--it's not others rejecting you, it's you! Put yourself out there. You can always find reasons why, but they're not really reasons, they're excuses. There's someone for everyone, regardless of size, shape, color or anything else.2 -
MarkusDarwath wrote: »It's not your weight. A lot of fatties find love. (disclaimer: I use that term in a spirit of blunt honesty and self-acceptance. I accept no responsibility for butt hurt felt by hyper-sensitive readers.) The fact that you present your weight as the cause of this issue suggests that perhaps you are sabotaging yourself with a negative self-image. Work on you, for our own satisfaction, rather than putting energy into finding fault with yourself.
Allow me to point out that since you, in effect excused yourself for the term in your post immediately after using it, you knew it would be offensive. How about in those instances where your manners try to take over you let them and just change the word? It would would have taken far less effort to just say overweight or even fat. There's a reason you had to use it anyway and it has nothing to do with anyone else being over-sensitive.3 -
Just read the rest of the posts. You're under 100 pounds! You don't need to lose weight unless you're 4 feet tall. Don't let someone else's rudeness become your problem. It was them, not you.
Please consider seeing a licensed counselor to talk about your self-esteem issues! Love yourself!4 -
I am such a sucker for these types of posts. OP just changed their age to 35. They trollin15
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Weighing as little as 78 lbs and walking daily for over 10 miles a day with your mindset doesn't seem too healthy. Also, why does your profile state you are 35 yrs old when you are supposedly 28?
If this isn't a troll post, you may want to consider help to address the various issues you seem to have which is negatively affecting your quality of life.7 -
AngelinaB_ wrote: »MarkusDarwath wrote: »
Well, I AM a fatty myself, and I refuse to regard the fact as demeaning me in any way. The world would be a far better place if we all had thicker skin.
"Fattie" is a diminishing term by itself!
Only if you let it be.If you don't want to be demeaning heck don't use the term duh. Nothing to do with getting a thick skin.
It has everything to do with a thick skin and not letting other people's opinions define your self-image, nor down yourself over realities that are basically neutral. Embracing a "negative" term is a way to say, "that crap don't matter!"It's not the same to say that you are overweight than to say that you are a fattie. You can say fat. And then I would understand your point as fat is not diminishing but some people dislike the term.
I generally do not alter my language to suit the likings of other people on the internet. I'm politically incorrect that way (among many others.)
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Allow me to point out that since you, in effect excused yourself for the term in your post immediately after using it, you knew it would be offensive. How about in those instances where your manners try to take over you let them and just change the word?
That would diminish the point of using the word. Yes, I knew that some (hypersensitive) people find it offensive. The tone of the OP seemed to be asking for a "tough love" or "in your face" approach. Some points are delivered more effectively with a little "shock" value.
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MarkusDarwath wrote: »
Allow me to point out that since you, in effect excused yourself for the term in your post immediately after using it, you knew it would be offensive. How about in those instances where your manners try to take over you let them and just change the word?
That would diminish the point of using the word. Yes, I knew that some (hypersensitive) people find it offensive. The tone of the OP seemed to be asking for a "tough love" or "in your face" approach. Some points are delivered more effectively with a little "shock" value.
FWIW I thought your comment was funny and it didn't occur to me anyone would find it offensive given that you referenced yourself when using that word. But, everyone reads the "tone' of posts differently, I suppose.
More importantly, I wish the OP would come back and explain what she's really talking about.4 -
MarkusDarwath wrote: »
Allow me to point out that since you, in effect excused yourself for the term in your post immediately after using it, you knew it would be offensive. How about in those instances where your manners try to take over you let them and just change the word?
That would diminish the point of using the word. Yes, I knew that some (hypersensitive) people find it offensive. The tone of the OP seemed to be asking for a "tough love" or "in your face" approach. Some points are delivered more effectively with a little "shock" value.
FWIW I thought your comment was funny and it didn't occur to me anyone would find it offensive given that you referenced yourself when using that word. But, everyone reads the "tone' of posts differently, I suppose.
More importantly, I wish the OP would come back and explain what she's really talking about.
Me too, but I get the feeling this was another 'social experiment'.
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Sometimes when people have mental disorders and negative self image they falsely interpret others interactions and conversations. The guy could have said she had curves as a compliment and she ran off crying thinking he considered her fat as a pig.4
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I didn't start dating until after i was 28 and a half that was just because the guy wanted to 'prove' to his family he was straight, my first experiance with a man wasn't consential it was only four months before i was28. no man wanted to touch a virgin . I've had two boyfriend's not counting the mistake one who thought he had to prove he was one way. I married my 2nd bf (both of my relationships i had in another country), i will be divorcing my husband due to be a violent man who thought nothing of sleeping with other women 15 years younger than i am but constantly accused me of cheating. he preventing me from exercising and fattened me up. I have been heavier than i am, loosing the weight he made me gain. You don't want to attract a controlling man, or a chubby chaser. I know people say you have to 'love yourself first' but once i got down below 70 kg men ie decent men started to talk to me, confidence i didn't have at the time, but i was 67 kg when i met the mistake , same weight when i met the first bf. Its also down to where you live, i have to learn to start again at 35. I lost 6 years of my life to my husband. A friend of mine in the uk has only just started to date and she turned 30 in may.
It takes time but you will find someone.2 -
I did not bother writing my actual birth year in my profile because I didn't think it was relevant to wanting to participate in this community so I just skipped ahead.
My height is 5'3''. I also didn't bother writing my stats in the profile because I mainly wanted people to talk to who understood the struggle of being a higher weight than you are accustomed to or want to be.
I will be making another post talking about a guy that I met online last year and how that is going. (It is not going well
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This is me before I gained 10 lb
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GobletofFlames wrote: »This is me before I gained 10 lb
You look really healthy here. Were you eating clean?
Thanks! I think I eat pretty healthy
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At your height, being 77-86 lbs is extremely underweight. Even at 97 lbs, you're still technically underweight. Most bmi/height/small frame tables list between 105-111 lbs as the lowest.6
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Finding the right person is hard, take your time, work on yourself inside and out. Find hobbies, or activities that you are passionate about, this will put you in contact with more people who share simular intrests....which could lead to meeting someone. Focus on getting to know some one before even worrying about asking them out.
And make sure you know what you want in a partner, no one will be 100% of your wish list but know your must have qualities and your deal breakers
Ps 28 is not old , you have time 0 -
The world is insane. You are cute. The men you met are blind. Your perfect the way you are. Cast a wide net. The BMI thing is right. Plus or minus 10 lbs shouldnt make a differrence to a guy that likes her. My wife turned me down multiple times before she gave me a chance because a mutual friend convinced her. He told her I had potential. lol. 4 kids later no regrets. Isnt there some guy who likes you? Old childhood friend? high school? college? werk? Best friends brother? Girlfriends cousin?0
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Couple of things. Love is blind. That simple truth has stood the test of time because it's true. That fact won't change because of your weight but here's what might...the image we project when we aren't taking care of ourselves. READ: we don't care about ourself. So if I don't take care of me, how will I help you and be a great partner to you???
Most people have heard the saying "The only easy day was yesterday". It's the mantra of Navy SEALs...it's engraved on the top of the arch leading into the "grinder" (quarterdeck) where calisthenics are done every morning. It's a great saying. However, you don't hear much about the saying that's on the other side of the arch...and it's the one that truly applies to all of us that wish to change ourselves, physically, emotionally, and mentally.
"You don't have to love it, you just have to do it"
You walked tonight. That means you've agreed to take ownership. Don't stop, don't ever quit now. Die before you quit. You started. Never. Ever. Quit. You walk a little or you can walk a lot but don't you quit. Each day of DOING is a victory...your victory. Just. Do. It.
For you. Your body needs it for your mind and your mind needs it for your emotional health.
Everything will fall into place when you take care of you...
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GobletofFlames wrote: »TehLaughingDog wrote: »Eh I wouldn't be worried about someone's opinion when they're a cashier... Clearly they're succeeding in life.
Honestly, most people suck and they're not worth the time and effort to get to know or even date. Compliments are a dime a dozen but a true friendship is a treasure. And that's ultimately what a relationship is - a committed best friend you get perks with.
I also think when someone's looking to get in a relationship they come across as desperate. Just enjoy your freedom and have fun. If someone good comes along then they will and if not then you'll be having a dank time living it up.
I really like what you said about a true friendship being a treasure. I definitely come across as desperate because I usually ask out guys after knowing them for 5-15 minutes, but the thing is no guys have asked me out. I tried not asking guys out for 3 years since at the time I was really focused on work but again no guys asked me out. I wasn't living under a rock either, I was socially active and all that jazz.
I was thinking instead of giving myself a hard time for putting on weight (for years my weight was 77-86 lb) to 97 lb (which makes me uncomfortable to be 10 lb heavier than how you used to be for years), I should actually be kinder to myself. OK so I haven't lost the weight. Well I am extremely lonely, while other people are holding hands and talking to their partners, I am sitting here by myself. I should be proud of myself and patting myself on the back for the fact that I have managed to stay under 100 lb in spite of being so lonely and excluded from a societal thing that others experience. And I haven't stayed under 100 lb by not eating either just to be clear; I eat normally but I walk over 10 miles a day uphill. When my weight was 77-86 lb in the past I was eating 2,000-3,000 calories a day, I just walked 10-20 miles a day because I am addicted to exercising.
You weigh 100 pounds and say you are fat? You are addicted to exercise as well?
I suggest you get into counseling and treatment because it sounds like you have an eating disorder and severe body dysmorphia. Good luck.11 -
GobletofFlames wrote: »GobletofFlames wrote: »This is me before I gained 10 lb
You look really healthy here. Were you eating clean?
Thanks! I think I eat pretty healthy
So now you'll probably increase your 10 mile walks up hill to 20 mile walks, right? Will they be uphill though? And do you walk solo, or do you walk a dog? Sometimes walks are more tolerable when you bring a dog along. It might also assuage the loneliness you're feeling - poochies are so friendly.
I love the Baby Doll tee you're wearing. The bright pink actually matches that book on the table, which appears to be a food and exercise diary. Do you wear this ensemble during your walks? You might want to consider some L'Oreal Infallible Le Rouge Lipcolour in in Fearless Fuchsia to color coordinate with your tee and exercise diary. It would brighten up your appearance considerably, although I think you look just fine anyway.
Also, although the frames of your glasses match your complexion nicely in a cream tangerine palette, it might behoove you to purchase an alternate in pink - on the days when you want to accessorize with panache and true cosmopolitan flair.
Wasn't it a d&g shirt that she was waiting for in the mail?3 -
zoeysasha37 wrote: »GobletofFlames wrote: »GobletofFlames wrote: »This is me before I gained 10 lb
You look really healthy here. Were you eating clean?
Thanks! I think I eat pretty healthy
So now you'll probably increase your 10 mile walks up hill to 20 mile walks, right? Will they be uphill though? And do you walk solo, or do you walk a dog? Sometimes walks are more tolerable when you bring a dog along. It might also assuage the loneliness you're feeling - poochies are so friendly.
I love the Baby Doll tee you're wearing. The bright pink actually matches that book on the table, which appears to be a food and exercise diary. Do you wear this ensemble during your walks? You might want to consider some L'Oreal Infallible Le Rouge Lipcolour in in Fearless Fuchsia to color coordinate with your tee and exercise diary. It would brighten up your appearance considerably, although I think you look just fine anyway.
Also, although the frames of your glasses match your complexion nicely in a cream tangerine palette, it might behoove you to purchase an alternate in pink - on the days when you want to accessorize with panache and true cosmopolitan flair.
Wasn't it a d&g shirt that she was waiting for in the mail?
It was. Navy blue with white polka dots and sheer gauze long sleeves. Chloe ring. I'm not going to go as far as to say she's low renting, because she hasn't yet admitted to appearing out in public with this get up. The shoes would be of the utmost importance considering the length of the walks. We'll have to wait and see what she says.
You are correct!
I also seem to remember a boyfriend that asked her to stop calling him or something of that nature.0 -
zoeysasha37 wrote: »zoeysasha37 wrote: »GobletofFlames wrote: »GobletofFlames wrote: »This is me before I gained 10 lb
You look really healthy here. Were you eating clean?
Thanks! I think I eat pretty healthy
So now you'll probably increase your 10 mile walks up hill to 20 mile walks, right? Will they be uphill though? And do you walk solo, or do you walk a dog? Sometimes walks are more tolerable when you bring a dog along. It might also assuage the loneliness you're feeling - poochies are so friendly.
I love the Baby Doll tee you're wearing. The bright pink actually matches that book on the table, which appears to be a food and exercise diary. Do you wear this ensemble during your walks? You might want to consider some L'Oreal Infallible Le Rouge Lipcolour in in Fearless Fuchsia to color coordinate with your tee and exercise diary. It would brighten up your appearance considerably, although I think you look just fine anyway.
Also, although the frames of your glasses match your complexion nicely in a cream tangerine palette, it might behoove you to purchase an alternate in pink - on the days when you want to accessorize with panache and true cosmopolitan flair.
Wasn't it a d&g shirt that she was waiting for in the mail?
It was. Navy blue with white polka dots and sheer gauze long sleeves. Chloe ring. I'm not going to go as far as to say she's low renting, because she hasn't yet admitted to appearing out in public with this get up. The shoes would be of the utmost importance considering the length of the walks. We'll have to wait and see what she says.
You are correct!
I also seem to remember a boyfriend that asked her to stop calling him or something of that nature.
Wasn't there a stabbing? Or am I thinking of a different laundry thief watching, Burberry coat washing, makeup lover?3 -
Yes I also remember the stabbing.
The laundry thief and the coat!3 -
I guess I'm just wondering if they ever caught the laundry room thief or not.
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