28; never been on a date or had a boyfriend because of weight

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  • danhib
    danhib Posts: 290 Member
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    There's nothing wrong with your weight. It's all society & advertising that makes people feel bad about their bodies. Don't be worried about it, things just take time. I never had confidence growing up & never thought women would be attracted to me. It's getting easier dating & meeting someone suited for you. Online dating is a good example to find someone with the same interests as you. I've met a few women online & married the last one I met. We met 13 years ago. I don't like skinny women, I prefer bigger women. I don't care if my wife puts on weight & I've told her many times. Not everyone thinks the same just believe in yourself & best of luck!
  • AngelinaB_
    AngelinaB_ Posts: 563 Member
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    stuj79 wrote: »
    Anyone who calls you a pig is rotten inside and isnt worth your time...try not to let idiots get you down.

    Word.
    MarkusDarwath wrote: »
    A lot of fatties find love. (disclaimer: I use that term in a spirit of blunt honesty and self-acceptance. I accept no responsibility for butt hurt felt by hyper-sensitive readers.)

    :neutral: dude @MarkusDarwath. How charming of you to say that. *rolling my eyes*

    You know @GobletofFlames imagine you are thin and went out with a pig who call women pig... yeah?

    Guys in my opinion are not worth the time you are putting on them right now, but of course they are those few exceptions, possible like @stuj79 who really are worth it. I am gonna say something you probably heard from grandma already, do your thing, don't worry about guys, they will come.

    Why don't you want to lose weight tho?

  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,716 Member
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    GobletofFlames wrote: »
    I walked for 2 hours just now~ A few weeks ago I asked out the cashier at the grocery store and he rejected me, citing my weight as the reason, so now I'm too embarrassed to go back. It's strange because he was always very polite, which is why I was interested in him, so it took me aback when he called me a pig. I have never been asked out and have asked out and been rejected by over 50 guys in real life and over 50 guys online.

    Um, what??? And you let him live? That is terrible but keep in mind it speaks VOLUMES about him and NOTHING about you. Forget the numbers (50 guys, 100 guys, whatever). Clearly they weren't the right ones.

    Focus on YOU. Learning to love and appreciate ourselves is a struggle at times but you are the only one that can do it. Baby steps. Congrats on the walking but make sure you are eating properly. No amount of walking can out walk over eating.
  • TehLaughingDog
    TehLaughingDog Posts: 200 Member
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    Eh I wouldn't be worried about someone's opinion when they're a cashier... Clearly they're succeeding in life. :wink:

    Honestly, most people suck and they're not worth the time and effort to get to know or even date. Compliments are a dime a dozen but a true friendship is a treasure. And that's ultimately what a relationship is - a committed best friend you get perks with. :lol:

    I also think when someone's looking to get in a relationship they come across as desperate. Just enjoy your freedom and have fun. If someone good comes along then they will and if not then you'll be having a dank time living it up.
  • GobletofFlames
    GobletofFlames Posts: 113 Member
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    TehLaughingDog wrote: »
    Eh I wouldn't be worried about someone's opinion when they're a cashier... Clearly they're succeeding in life. :wink:

    Honestly, most people suck and they're not worth the time and effort to get to know or even date. Compliments are a dime a dozen but a true friendship is a treasure. And that's ultimately what a relationship is - a committed best friend you get perks with. :lol:

    I also think when someone's looking to get in a relationship they come across as desperate. Just enjoy your freedom and have fun. If someone good comes along then they will and if not then you'll be having a dank time living it up.

    I really like what you said about a true friendship being a treasure. I definitely come across as desperate because I usually ask out guys after knowing them for 5-15 minutes, but the thing is no guys have asked me out. I tried not asking guys out for 3 years since at the time I was really focused on work but again no guys asked me out. I wasn't living under a rock either, I was socially active and all that jazz.

    I was thinking instead of giving myself a hard time for putting on weight (for years my weight was 77-86 lb) to 97 lb (which makes me uncomfortable to be 10 lb heavier than how you used to be for years), I should actually be kinder to myself. OK so I haven't lost the weight. Well I am extremely lonely, while other people are holding hands and talking to their partners, I am sitting here by myself. I should be proud of myself and patting myself on the back for the fact that I have managed to stay under 100 lb in spite of being so lonely and excluded from a societal thing that others experience. And I haven't stayed under 100 lb by not eating either just to be clear; I eat normally but I walk over 10 miles a day uphill. When my weight was 77-86 lb in the past I was eating 2,000-3,000 calories a day, I just walked 10-20 miles a day because I am addicted to exercising.
  • mamadon
    mamadon Posts: 1,422 Member
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    Just keep in mind the old saying, " good health is done in the gym, weight loss is done in the kitchen.' Exercise is a great thing, but in order to lose weight, you need to eat less then you burn. Figure out your correct calorie deficit, and count your calories.
  • mazarasltm
    mazarasltm Posts: 205 Member
    edited June 2016
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    A woman asking a guy out would blow me away! Its a testament to the general crappiness and lack of honor of my gender in the USA that any guy you asked out turned you down. My sister is very happy with the guy she found on match and my niece (result of that marriage) is remarkably cute. It actually pisses me off that a guy would turn down a Sadie Hawkins type request. They deserve to stay single. Those guys would have dissappointed you once you got to know the real them or should I say you saw their true colors. It is possible to move fast in relationships and be successful, dont let the 28 get to you. Happiness in yourself is first. Relationship doesnt mean Happiness.
  • MarkusDarwath
    MarkusDarwath Posts: 393 Member
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    AngelinaB_ wrote: »
    MarkusDarwath wrote: »
    A lot of fatties find love. (disclaimer: I use that term in a spirit of blunt honesty and self-acceptance. I accept no responsibility for butt hurt felt by hyper-sensitive readers.)

    :neutral: dude @MarkusDarwath. How charming of you to say that. *rolling my eyes*

    Well, I AM a fatty myself, and I refuse to regard the fact as demeaning me in any way. The world would be a far better place if we all had thicker skin.

  • thiosulfate
    thiosulfate Posts: 262 Member
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    mazarasltm wrote: »
    A woman asking a guy out would blow me away! Its a testament to the general crappiness and lack of honor of my gender in the USA that any guy you asked out turned you down. My sister is very happy with the guy she found on match and my niece (result of that marriage) is remarkably cute. It actually pisses me off that a guy would turn down a Sadie Hawkins type request. They deserve to stay single. Those guys would have dissappointed you once you got to know the real them or should I say you saw their true colors. It is possible to move fast in relationships and be successful, dont let the 28 get to you. Happiness in yourself is first. Relationship doesnt mean Happiness.

    To be honest, there's nothing wrong with turning someone down. If you're truly not attracted to someone, don't play with them. This doesn't mean they have to say it like it a dick. It's okay to have preferences for a partner.
  • AngelinaB_
    AngelinaB_ Posts: 563 Member
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    MarkusDarwath wrote: »
    AngelinaB_ wrote: »
    MarkusDarwath wrote: »
    A lot of fatties find love. (disclaimer: I use that term in a spirit of blunt honesty and self-acceptance. I accept no responsibility for butt hurt felt by hyper-sensitive readers.)

    :neutral: dude @MarkusDarwath. How charming of you to say that. *rolling my eyes*

    Well, I AM a fatty myself, and I refuse to regard the fact as demeaning me in any way. The world would be a far better place if we all had thicker skin.

    "Fattie" is a diminishing term by itself! If you don't want to be demeaning heck don't use the term duh. Nothing to do with getting a thick skin.

    It's not the same to say that you are overweight than to say that you are a fattie. You can say fat. And then I would understand your point as fat is not diminishing but some people dislike the term.
  • AngelinaB_
    AngelinaB_ Posts: 563 Member
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    BZAH10 wrote: »
    ??? You're under 100 lbs, addicted to exercising and someone called you a pig? Totally confused now. OP, care to explain?

    Yes please
  • Psychgrrl
    Psychgrrl Posts: 3,177 Member
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    The book "121 First Dates: How to Succeed at Online Dating" by Wendy Newman might help you get out there and not continue to be held hostage by your weight. She emphasizes she's not the "ideal" body type. It's a great book!

    Please stop rejecting yourself--it's not others rejecting you, it's you! Put yourself out there. You can always find reasons why, but they're not really reasons, they're excuses. There's someone for everyone, regardless of size, shape, color or anything else.
  • solieco1
    solieco1 Posts: 1,559 Member
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    MarkusDarwath wrote: »
    It's not your weight. A lot of fatties find love. (disclaimer: I use that term in a spirit of blunt honesty and self-acceptance. I accept no responsibility for butt hurt felt by hyper-sensitive readers.) The fact that you present your weight as the cause of this issue suggests that perhaps you are sabotaging yourself with a negative self-image. Work on you, for our own satisfaction, rather than putting energy into finding fault with yourself.

    Allow me to point out that since you, in effect excused yourself for the term in your post immediately after using it, you knew it would be offensive. How about in those instances where your manners try to take over you let them and just change the word? It would would have taken far less effort to just say overweight or even fat. There's a reason you had to use it anyway and it has nothing to do with anyone else being over-sensitive.
  • Psychgrrl
    Psychgrrl Posts: 3,177 Member
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    Just read the rest of the posts. You're under 100 pounds! You don't need to lose weight unless you're 4 feet tall. Don't let someone else's rudeness become your problem. It was them, not you.

    Please consider seeing a licensed counselor to talk about your self-esteem issues! Love yourself!

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