Working Out and Marriage

Options
24

Replies

  • chunky_pinup
    chunky_pinup Posts: 758 Member
    Options
    Kimberly_Phillips wrote: »
    Once I started losing weight, my husband accused me of everything -- that I was only getting in shape for attention, and then accusing me of cheating. It's difficult to talk about, and I understand because I've been through this (good side and the bad side). But, when I started to receive more attention from men - of course I liked it - and it's nice, especially when your husband ignores you and makes you feel like you're worthless on a daily basis. He can't stand the attention/compliments I get, but I really don't care anymore. He doesn't even believe that I'm at the gym at 5am everyday. haha! He won't compliment me on my weight loss or recent progress recently. I used to let that affect me, and I turned to food as comfort when I was heavy and overweight. Once I changed my lifestyle and eating habits, I don't to cave into that mental/emotional abuse anymore....but it still affects me in other ways. Going to the gym is my stress relief and keeps my sanity...

    Why on EARTH are you staying with someone who makes you feel worthless on a daily basis??
  • EricNewark
    EricNewark Posts: 295 Member
    Options
    I totally agree with you..

    On that note I don't sneak around about it. I've always been open with her, my phone is an open book for her to go through and she knows and does now and then. She knows I add my food to a diary everyday.

    But I will totally and 110% agree it's communication. In some cases though (one of the posters above) even that doesn't work. But that was just obviously an unhealthy relationship to begi with (and no fixing that easily).

    I thinks it's awesome you have found a way to make it a couples thing (although separate too). I can only hope I get there some day soon! Lol
  • niblue
    niblue Posts: 339 Member
    Options
    My wife is fitter and better looking than me - so one reason I'm improving my fitness is to keep up with her! Although at the moment when we run together I'm a fair bit more running fit than her.
  • she800hunter2014
    she800hunter2014 Posts: 39 Member
    Options
    Kimberly_Phillips wrote: »
    Once I started losing weight, my husband accused me of everything -- that I was only getting in shape for attention, and then accusing me of cheating. It's difficult to talk about, and I understand because I've been through this (good side and the bad side). But, when I started to receive more attention from men - of course I liked it - and it's nice, especially when your husband ignores you and makes you feel like you're worthless on a daily basis. He can't stand the attention/compliments I get, but I really don't care anymore. He doesn't even believe that I'm at the gym at 5am everyday. haha! He won't compliment me on my weight loss or recent progress recently. I used to let that affect me, and I turned to food as comfort when I was heavy and overweight. Once I changed my lifestyle and eating habits, I don't to cave into that mental/emotional abuse anymore....but it still affects me in other ways. Going to the gym is my stress relief and keeps my sanity...

    Boy can I relate to your story, that sounds like my ex to a "T". You are definitely in a toxic relationship and need to be with someone who is supportive of everything you do especially getting into shape and becoming healthy. My current husband is so supportive of my weight loss and my exercise achievements. It only encourages him to do the same. This is a healthy relationship! As your body gets healthy maybe it will help with your mind too and make you realize that you can't spend the rest of your life living with someone who emotionally wants to destroy you. Your better than that and deserve so much better.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    Options
    deadliftsandnoodles wrote: »
    It's easier to stay single and do what the *kitten* you wanna do

    you have a distorted view of relationships. being with someone doesn't mean you can't do stuff anymore. if it does, you're in the wrong one.
  • kitkatlp
    kitkatlp Posts: 93 Member
    Options
    I've been with my wife for 16 years now. We have the three most amazing kids.

    On the jealousy/cheating suspicion side, we have always been very relaxed on this subject to the extent that I would get hit by some girl at a New Year's Day party blatantly in front of her that she would laugh and let me know afterwards. Because she trusts me and I'm in the same place. I trust her.

    If anything, I'd be offended by the other guy unless he didn't realize that we're together (we do not display a lot in public).

    Having said that, recently she made the comment for the first time.
    " Now, you're going to leave me for some girl..." although she was half-joking about it.

    Well, all it has to do is with her self-confidence and not that I have changed. I may have changed physically but it's more a reflection of her own inability to get into a healthier lifestyle (at the moment) rather than my so-called change. I think she knows it and I took the opportunity to ask her "what prevents you from eating the same thing than I do?", "we could go to the gym in turns" (we can't go together because we have three young kids at home). Now that I have the energy to motivate others, I'm happy to help her embarking into that journey.

    I appreciate that it may actually raise tensions in a couple because of a pre-existing issue. ;)
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,996 Member
    Options
    chunky_pinup wrote: »
    Kimberly_Phillips wrote: »
    Once I started losing weight, my husband accused me of everything -- that I was only getting in shape for attention, and then accusing me of cheating. It's difficult to talk about, and I understand because I've been through this (good side and the bad side). But, when I started to receive more attention from men - of course I liked it - and it's nice, especially when your husband ignores you and makes you feel like you're worthless on a daily basis. He can't stand the attention/compliments I get, but I really don't care anymore. He doesn't even believe that I'm at the gym at 5am everyday. haha! He won't compliment me on my weight loss or recent progress recently. I used to let that affect me, and I turned to food as comfort when I was heavy and overweight. Once I changed my lifestyle and eating habits, I don't to cave into that mental/emotional abuse anymore....but it still affects me in other ways. Going to the gym is my stress relief and keeps my sanity...

    Why on EARTH are you staying with someone who makes you feel worthless on a daily basis??

    It can feel very difficult to leave an abusive relationship.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,996 Member
    Options
    kevinf2380 wrote: »
    I was kind of wondering how often getting back in shape puts a stress on a marriage.

    I know I'm going to get flamed for this but it's just reality. I know a lot of guys who got in shape after a lot of years being overweight. Usually, the spouse let themself go and physical attraction becomes a problem. So the guy gets better looking and libido increases but he can't find satisfaction in what he has at home. What's worse is he gets more attention from the opposite sex now because of his appearance. The guy usually gives into temptation and cheats on his wife.

    This is no excuse for cheating on your spouse. I've just seen it happen. I was wondering how common this is. Is it more common than we think people just don't talk about it?

    I'm female, and have never been on either side of this situation. I've previously done my getting back into shape after a breakup. I'm doing it within a relationship now, but am happy with our sex life and feel no need to cheat. If I wasn't happy with my sex life, I'd fix it. Cheating is a lazy way out.
  • revolutiontruth
    revolutiontruth Posts: 88 Member
    Options
    I think it's usually less about just one partner getting heavier and the other partner no longer being physically attracted to the other one. There are usually other factors that play rather than simple loss of attraction. Stress, lack of communication, the day to day of running a home, and getting careless in how you treat each other, etc. I gained quite a bit of weigh after we got married and my wife gained some as well. Our sex life slowed down a little, as is normal, but was still healthy. Recently we have both recently started losing weight again but our sex life is now nonexistent.
  • NorthCascades
    NorthCascades Posts: 10,968 Member
    Options
    There's also a set of expectations and beliefs that we all inherit from society at large. People should date and marry within their league, for example. When one half of the relationship changes their body (the way it looks, feels, and performs, plus the habits it carries out) especially when it's fairly drastic, the other half is going to feel some pressure even when it's not from their spouse.
  • revolutiontruth
    revolutiontruth Posts: 88 Member
    Options
    And it can be a vicious circle, the spouse who is gaining weight or not losing weight feels the pressure and loses confidence, which came make them less attractive.
  • thatdesertgirl777
    thatdesertgirl777 Posts: 269 Member
    Options

    bekim123 wrote: »
    I think it works both ways.

    I agree with this.

    But also if it does happen, I believe there were issues that were underlying to begin with.

  • kevinf2380
    kevinf2380 Posts: 256 Member
    Options
    revolutiontruth wrote: »
    Recently we have both recently started losing weight again but our sex life is now nonexistent.

    Why do you think that is? Do you still find yourself sexually attracted to
    other people?
  • Jezreel12
    Jezreel12 Posts: 246 Member
    Options
    Some one said earlier that "working out is just a catalyst to already an existing problem in the marriage."Another person above also said that "couples that workout together stay together." I totally agree with those thoughts and I think and feel that regardless of the other spouse emotions, one should always move ahead fort the better health and appearance, reminding the other that it's also for their benefit that you are changing. Assuring and talking and being loyal still has to be paramount above all else, since marriage is a covenant of blood and a sacred one above all else aside from G*d. ❤️
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
    edited July 2016
    Options
    My husband finally got in shape, after years of being a little overweight, and I'm happy about it. I don't think that means he's going to cheat on me, but if he does, I hope he tells me.

Categories