Working Out and Marriage

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kevinf2380
kevinf2380 Posts: 256 Member
in Chit-Chat
I was kind of wondering how often getting back in shape puts a stress on a marriage.

I know I'm going to get flamed for this but it's just reality. I know a lot of guys who got in shape after a lot of years being overweight. Usually, the spouse let themself go and physical attraction becomes a problem. So the guy gets better looking and libido increases but he can't find satisfaction in what he has at home. What's worse is he gets more attention from the opposite sex now because of his appearance. The guy usually gives into temptation and cheats on his wife.

This is no excuse for cheating on your spouse. I've just seen it happen. I was wondering how common this is. Is it more common than we think people just don't talk about it?
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  • CincyNeid
    CincyNeid Posts: 1,249 Member
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    kevinf2380 wrote: »
    I was kind of wondering how often getting back in shape puts a stress on a marriage.

    I know I'm going to get flamed for this but it's just reality. I know a lot of guys who got in shape after a lot of years being overweight. Usually, the spouse let themself go and physical attraction becomes a problem. So the guy gets better looking and libido increases but he can't find satisfaction in what he has at home. What's worse is he gets more attention from the opposite sex now because of his appearance. The guy usually gives into temptation and cheats on his wife.

    This is no excuse for cheating on your spouse. I've just seen it happen. I was wondering how common this is. Is it more common than we think people just don't talk about it?

    I think it's fairly common. I know my wife got jealous of me going to the gym, running, cycling and such. She was worried that I was going to run off and cheat on her with someone from the gym or local cycling club.
  • Lonestar5715
    Lonestar5715 Posts: 466 Member
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    My personal experience is it wasn't that I was less attracted to my spouse (she kept herself in good shape throughout our marriage) but getting in shape gave me greater confidence and I realized how tired I was of her verbal abuse. When I suggested a trial separation to help us sort things out she filed for divorce. Such is life.
  • NorthCascades
    NorthCascades Posts: 10,968 Member
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    kevinf2380 wrote: »
    I was kind of wondering how often getting back in shape puts a stress on a marriage.

    You're talking about a scenario where the wife was thin when the couple met, and put on weight during the marriage; it isn't clear when the husband became large but is getting in shape along during the marriage. There are a lot of other scenarios, of course. Couples who sweat together stay together.
  • kevinf2380
    kevinf2380 Posts: 256 Member
    edited July 2016
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    Cutaway_Collar, you're probably right. You have to make that decision, are you going to be the kind of guy that cheats on his wife? Or the kind that's faithful no matter what?

    Either way, I think people should be able to have conversations about it. Sure, no one wants to brag about cheating on their spouse but it does happen and I don't think people shouldn't instantly be crucified once it happens. Everyone's circumstances are different.

    I can't say your willpower is any better than mine without walking in your shoes and experiencing what you experience.
  • kevinf2380
    kevinf2380 Posts: 256 Member
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    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    ^

    Tres interessant.

    Are you looking to fool around, brah? What is it, self-therapy? :p

    Just like having conversations about things most people don't find easy to talk about:expressionless:
  • deadliftsandnoodles
    deadliftsandnoodles Posts: 312 Member
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    It's easier to stay single and do what the *kitten* you wanna do
  • cuckoo_jenibeth
    cuckoo_jenibeth Posts: 1,434 Member
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    I can't imagine the hurt of being accused of cheating! My husband says he doesn't worry...I never notice if I get hit on or flirted with! Lol! I always just think they are being nice!
  • cuckoo_jenibeth
    cuckoo_jenibeth Posts: 1,434 Member
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    mskessler89 wrote: »
    Idk, I'm not sure how common it is for a healthy relationship to get strained by one person starting to work out. If your relationship crumbles, the issues were already there. Losing weight and getting in shape just brings in new elements like self-confidence and interest from other people that puts the flaws in your relationship into sharper relief.

    Much wisdom here
  • Angela937
    Angela937 Posts: 514 Member
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    Every time I started losing weight my husband would accuse me of having an affair. He is the only person I've ever been with, but he is insecure and doesn't trust me.
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,182 Member
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    We're so old that anybody hitting on either of us is just kidding anyway. When she lost weight I bragged about my new hot sexy wife. When she gained it back I just resumed "Yes, Dear."
  • amandaeve
    amandaeve Posts: 723 Member
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    I have the opposite problem. My partner has gone up several sizes since we moved in together. He is less attractive, less confident and *certain activities* are not as comfortable as they used to be because our bodies fit differently now.
  • cdahl383
    cdahl383 Posts: 726 Member
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    Sounds like a lot of people are insecure. Working out is a good thing, it keeps you in shape, so you'll live a long healthy life. That should be supported in a marriage. There will always be temptations in life no matter where you go. If the person is going to cheat, they're going to cheat. If that happens, they probably weren't who you thought they were to begin with. You have to be able to trust each other. Without trust, things don't really work too well.
  • Angela937
    Angela937 Posts: 514 Member
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    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    Angela937 wrote: »
    Every time I started losing weight my husband would accuse me of having an affair. He is the only person I've ever been with, but he is insecure and doesn't trust me.
    Did you tell him you joined MFP and are assisting a dude who got punched in the nuts during boxing??

    Lol, no but we are currently separated now.

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