Hurtful comments towards my appearance.

MelodyandBarbells

Krisstastic_ wrote: »

I guess i just cant wrap my head around the jealousy, i helped her lose the 15 pounds she wanted to lose, she weighs a few pounds less then i do. =/ so she had success too.. why be jealous of me?

I dunno. Competition? You don't both like the same guy, do you? Or going for the same job? Heh. Who knows.

But here's a weird one. Now I see you actually have some closer than just to say hello familiarity with this person. Is there any chance at all that this wasn't about your weight? I mean from wherever the hell far I sit, I think it was, but now I'm wondering.

Whitezombiegirl

I get told this all the time. If you just met them today they would accept you as you are. They are just going through a period of adjustment in how they see you.

Congratulations on the weight loss. I agree with the comments on the makeup though. Not that you need to change it but i agree that lighter eye liner ( maybe just top lid) a bit of sheer blush and lip colour (sheer coral red?) would be more flattering - but thats my taste and also an area of interest for me.

I changed my hair colour from dyed black to natural brown and had to overhaul my entire makeup. It was fun actually.

cnbbnc

I think you look great. I've gotten many of the same comments from people and as hard as I try to blow it off, it's still hurtful. I tend to be self conscious all on my own without commentary from others.....

I will say that the comparison pics you posted (phenomenal change btw!) show your face as being quite thin now. I think this is why they're using the word "gaunt". I have the same exact thing going on though as my face has gotten quite slim. It's just where we lost the weight girl, and there's nothing wrong with it. I think it just startles people seeing so much change, and...,people being people....they don't know when to keep their mouths shut.

chunky_pinup

You are beautiful. I'm sorry for the person who decided to take this opportunity to tell you to tan and change up your makeup...just one more person not to listen to!

Seriously though, the people saying these things might be so used to seeing you one way, that they don't know what to say. They may be saying these things because they are comparing your "new" face to your "old" one, and comparing the two there is a big difference. I think if you started out at this weight and lost 5 pounds, they wouldn't notice that dramatic a difference, but because the loss was so big (and awesome!) they may see it as a negative out of jealousy, or maybe even concern. Brush it off, look at your beautiful self in the mirror, and smile, because you look great!

Needtolosefive

You look gorgeous, OP. I have the same problem as you. Although I'm not at my goal weight yet (five pounds left) people tell me that my face is unattractive and gaunt and that I look "bony". Don't let it get to you.

Jackie_Paper

You look cute and not sick, they are probably either jealous or just not used to the comparison. But you're doing this for you, not coworkers

shmulyeng

I don't know your co-workers so I can't really comment if they're jealous. But it's very possible that they meant well (albeit, not very tactful about it). I'm commenting based on my experience losing lots of weigh. When certain people, who only see you a couple of days a week, see the huge change in your appearance, it's a huge shock. This change is many times associated with illness. This can lead them to think that something is wrong. After losing >100 pounds, I was approached by a co-worker, who I hardly ever spoke to, and she asked me if I'm feeling well. When I told her I've never felt better, she was visibly relieved. I think she really thought I was losing weigh because of an illness.

buckleten

You look absolutely great, I can only assume that anyone saying otherwise is jealous! Or insecure! X

minniemoo1972

Shana67 wrote: »

Krisstastic_ wrote: »

Thanks for the make up tips, i apologize for not being tanned? i dont really know how to respond to that comment.

You know... that was her 1st post ever? And please disregard HER comments as well as they were rude. You are not too skinny, you look lovely and your makeup is perfect. What a weirdo (her, not you!!).

Wonder if this is her rude person ???

sdelrie98

Do you feel well? Strong? Is your energy level up to par? Are you sleeping well? If you can answer yes to all of these, then counter their ah-hem "concerns" with this info. And don't let them get you down. Your picture is very cute. You are a very attractive young lady. It could be jealousy talking. Or (to give them benefit of the doubt) you could have been tired that day (it happens) and your coworkers could have misread tiredness for a "gaunt" look. Either way, just judging from your pics, I think you are a strong warrior, who has accomplished a great feat. I'm proud of and inspired by you! Stay healthy and strong!

djones209

You look fabulous. What you must try to tell yourself is that people you work with all day every day are used to seeing you the way that you were before. Because of this, they think that you are too skinny. With that said, they should not have said such comments to you, but they probably didn't realize how they came across. I have lost weight so many times.....every time I lose a lot of weight I have people make some of those kind of remarks to me. I realize that they think I am too thin because they are used to being around me when I was so heavy. Don't let it get to you. Honestly, if you work with people who are saying this, I would probably say something to let them know how hurtful this and hopefully clear the air.

jgnatca

It is such an accomplishment at your height to get to a healthy goal weight. Very few people will understand the amount of work that represents.

If this person feels free to comment on your general health again ask her to kindly keep those opinions to herself. You have time and experience on your side.

Treece68

You look great! You have done a fantastic job!

SweetP27

You're beautiful!! Great job - go look in the mirror and remind yourself just how awesome you are!

ksamp39

You look happy pretty and as you should proud ,what great determination and strength you had to get where you are now.Oh and if your described as pale then I must be a vampire! but hey we can just go sparkle with all the eyeliner and lipstick we can get on

singletrackmtbr

My neighbor is a nice guy, but heavy set. I've hung out at his house when his brothers come to visit. They have contests to see who can hit the highest number on the scale. I was laughed at once for playing and topping out at 174# (I'm currently 156). They told me that isn't what "a man should weigh."

Since then, 3 of them have had heart attacks and one needed open heart surgery. They're all in their early 40s.

Let them say what they want. You've got this.

leejoyce31

Krisstastic_ wrote: »

I took this photo July 13th 2016.

Today a couple of co workers told me that I looked Sick and Gaunt.
I had to google what that word meant as i had never heard it before.
They told me that my cheeks were thin and my eyes were sunken in and that i didn't look healthy.

I am 5 foot 3, 139.2 pounds and at my goal weight.
I cried after i was told this.. Losing 113 pounds, i feel very self conscious still about my body, as far as loose skin goes, etc, but i didn't think i looked that bad?

Please be honest, do i look ill?

I was leaving church yesterday morning and the lady said and I quote, "You need to gain some weight. You need to call your doctor. Seriously, you need to gain weight". At the time, I just smiled and kept walking. I have her phone number and texted her that I didn't appreciate it. She claimed concern, but I made it clear that I eat healthy and exercise and that I no longer have high cholesterol. I told her that she embarrassed me since several people were around. I could have been nasty to her when she did it, but I decided to be a better person than she was and address it in private. She apologized, but to be honest, I was still a little upset today. Then, I decided it's not worth the energy and effort. I would say also that you look fine to me.

What I have learned though is that people who knew me before are the ones that say those things. I think part of it is that they see the drastic change. But people that I meet who didn't know me before say that I look great.

You don't look gaunt. I have been told that as well. However, I will say that my clavicle bone is very noticeable and protrudes a lot now. I think that adds to the fact that people say I look gaunt. You don't seem to look boney or anything. If you are happy with your appearance, try to look pass what others say. But it can be annoying. No way would I cry because I look at it this way..... Everyone has something about their appearance that I could also comment about. So, who are they is what I tell myself.

BewitchedBelinda99

I really like your make up it suits you! Not that you asked for anyone's opinion on it!!!

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kgirlhart

You look fantastic. It is hard not to be hurt by comments like that. You certainly look a lot thinner than your before picture but not at all gaunt or too thin. And I think your eyeliner is cute. I know lots if young ladies who wear it like that. If it makes you look anything it makes you look young.

beachgal0626

You look absolutely adorable and should be proud of all of your accomplishments. You do not need to change a thing! You look happy and healthy, so continue to be YOU!

beachgal0626

MaryPoole1 wrote: »

First off, don't take other people's opinions too much to heart. ESPECIALLY if their comments are mean spirited or if these people are not super close to you. Second, I think you're a cutie. You look a little like my daughter actually. She is very small and skinny and has the same face shape. About your appearance- in this photo, you DO look a little pale or washed out to me. I think part of that may be due to your makeup. I think your liner is a too heavy and dark and your lips or cheeks could use a touch of subtle color- think lip balm with a little bit of a tint. it's also possible you may have some extra skin going on after the weight loss, and even if you're a healthy weight it could be making you look "wasted away". You do almost look hungry in this picture, but I think mostly you just look unsure of yourself. You don't need other people's approval, just your own. Congratulations on the weight loss and make sure you continue to get a well rounded diet that includes healthy fats- such as avocados, olives/olive oil, nuts, etc.

Is it just me, or does this sound very passive-aggressive?! "Sure, you are a cutie, BUT . . . . do this, this and
this . . . " She looks "hungry" in the picture?!!? smh

girl_inflames

You look GREAT. You look HEALTHY. Your co-workers may just not be used to seeing you at this weight. Don't be hurt by it, it may be hard for them to accept your transformation...but from an outsider looking in, you have nothing to be worried about

llbrixon

You look great!

WillpowerBurton

As nice as it is, all these people helping you figure out if there is truth to your dipshit coworkers' ridiculous comments, by giving you positive feedback from an objective point of view, YOU are the ONLY ONE who can make you feel or think a certain way. I know it is hard, and Im still practicing this myself, but taking responsibility for our own emotions is the only way to acquire real confidence. And yes it does take practice cuz its not easy.
Dont live and die by other people's compliments/insults. Learn to trust your own ability to evaluate what is reality-based and what is insecurity-based (both your's and others'). Cultivate, recognize and celebrate your worth.
PS AMAZING TRANSFORMATION!!!

tracykreczmer

How awesome are you!anyone that says anything about how u look..well who cares what they think! Look in that mirror girl and u see someone who kicked butt on your body! You are an inspiration..and a beautiful young lady! Well done how sad that people tear others down instead of building them up!

keegan2149

You've made amazing progress. Were the people that said it people that knew you before you lost weight? Sometimes people can start to resent your success, especially if they are a little overweight. You've literally transformed. You probably have a lot more energy, more confidence and more interest from the opposite sex. People will watch and wait for an opportunity to discourage you. It's partially self-preservation on their part. You have really kind eyes. You're probably a really nice person. Just try and think about where they're coming from and how petty and frustrated they must be to lie to you that way. You look wonderful and you should be proud of your hard work.

nancy1465

I dont know what I could say that hasnt already been said here. You should be very proud of yourself because it took alot of hard work for you to lose that kind of weight. I too have to lose ALOT of weight and you inspire me. I cant wait to post before and after pics as amazing as yours! You are very pretty and you look great. I also agree with some of our friends here that your co-workers are just jealous. I have friends who like to try to saboteur me in losing weight as well. Please listen to all of us here and hold your beautiful head up high and flaunt it! You deserve to!

snowey7

Girl, you look fabulous! It's very hard to ignore what others say, but ignoring it is as critical to your emotional progress as it is to your physical. You have every reason to be proud of your beauty. Have confidence that you achieved such an amazing goal! That is not easy with temptation and old habits constantly in your face. We often don't know what torments others to cause such hurtful words to spew out of their mouths. My colleague told me to "stop losing so much weight! You look like a bag of bones," four years ago. What she didn't know is that my husband had recently walked out on me. Words really do hurt. I'm sorry this was a recent experience for you, but don't let them bother you too much. We've got your back when you need us at MFP.