Dating since divorce or breakup

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ajr_nurse86
ajr_nurse86 Posts: 24 Member
in Chit-Chat
How has everyone handled dating since a change in events? How have you changed for the better and what part of the "new you" do you feel will attribute to a successful social life?
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  • ajr_nurse86
    ajr_nurse86 Posts: 24 Member
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    That is so great to hear on both accounts! Finding that inner peace was something I struggled with because I was always the "fixer" and i couldn't fix my marriage. I dedicate my time now to taking care of my body so I can be around for my kiddos. My mind is clearer and I have no doubts that the right man will come along when the time is right.
  • Hoohoohaa
    Hoohoohaa Posts: 48 Member
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    Took a much more relaxed attitude towards dating after getting divorced. Wanted to have a good time, have some new experiences, and see if I could be myself in front of someone I didn't know very well. It's been hit or miss, sometimes I find myself getting wound up. I think not caring what others think, I'm doing it for myself has worked dating and working out.
  • abadvat
    abadvat Posts: 1,241 Member
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    assume signing up at a gym and focusing on NSA open relationship(s) for a wee bit might not be the answer you were looking for?
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,575 Member
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    abadvat wrote: »
    assume signing up at a gym and focusing on NSA open relationship(s) for a wee bit might not be the answer you were looking for?

    Sure. Why not?
  • StrongAndHealthyMommy
    StrongAndHealthyMommy Posts: 1,255 Member
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    Changes sometimes aren't easy. it could be hard at the beginning, but I'm sure you will find someone who has better compatibility with you...
  • ajr_nurse86
    ajr_nurse86 Posts: 24 Member
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    I'm already a member at the gym and nothing is wrong with NSA.
  • StrongAndHealthyMommy
    StrongAndHealthyMommy Posts: 1,255 Member
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    Villae81 wrote: »
    I'm not divorced but IF it ever happens it'll be the last relationship I'm in coz I don't like anybody else's kids but mine and at the age of 35 most women at that age have children already won't and can't deal raising other peoples kids -.-

    My husband has a child previous our marriage. even though there is no drama, I wouldn't date someone with kids again lol...
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,575 Member
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    Villae81 wrote: »
    I'm not divorced but IF it ever happens it'll be the last relationship I'm in coz I don't like anybody else's kids but mine and at the age of 35 most women at that age have children already won't and can't deal raising other peoples kids -.-

    I know a lot of 35 year old men without kids...

    I'm 30 and no where near having children.
  • ncboiler89
    ncboiler89 Posts: 2,408 Member
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    arditarose wrote: »
    Villae81 wrote: »
    I'm not divorced but IF it ever happens it'll be the last relationship I'm in coz I don't like anybody else's kids but mine and at the age of 35 most women at that age have children already won't and can't deal raising other peoples kids -.-

    I know a lot of 35 year old men without kids...

    red-flag-right-300x241.jpg

  • StrongAndHealthyMommy
    StrongAndHealthyMommy Posts: 1,255 Member
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    Villae81 wrote: »
    arditarose wrote: »
    Villae81 wrote: »
    I'm not divorced but IF it ever happens it'll be the last relationship I'm in coz I don't like anybody else's kids but mine and at the age of 35 most women at that age have children already won't and can't deal raising other peoples kids -.-

    I know a lot of 35 year old men without kids...

    I'm 30 and no where near having children.

    Most women but going through the whole process of dating finding someone compatible with and dealing with others peoples baggage is such a drag I rather concentrate on me and the things that makes me happy instead of pleasing or making other people happy I'm just too old for that lol but that's just me and that's how I look at it right now and I'm still married so..... It could change hopefully not coz of the things I just posted

    you sound like my husband, when we got together he was: I will never get married again blah blah blah... so I couple years later, I told him: I'm ready to start my family, so its time for us to break up. I don't want to change you. I respect what you want, but you have to respect what I want. Next thing I know, he is proposing and I thought he was kidding lol
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,575 Member
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    Villae81 wrote: »
    And like I told my wife i only want one child I already have one if I date someone who doesn't have one somewhere down the line they'll want one and I'm not about to become a dad again

    Okay well...you're married anyway so...I don't know. Enjoy all that.
  • abadvat
    abadvat Posts: 1,241 Member
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    ajr_nurse86 wrote: »
    I'm already a member at the gym and nothing is wrong with NSA.

    problem solved then ;)
  • Thisnameischosen_
    Thisnameischosen_ Posts: 619 Member
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    I broke up with my ex at the end of last year. It was a fricken disaster towards the end. We were together for 7 years and had a baby together.
    It hasn't even been a year yet and between working and looking after our now 19 month old toddler I just don't have the time to meet anyone new. Also, having such a young child complicates things. For a start I would want to be with someone for at least 6 months before they even met my daughter and saying as how I have one free night a week I can't see that happening. I also moved away to a new area just after i broke up with my ex and it's soooo quiet. Everyone knows each other, I'm an outsider and I doubt I'd be anyones type anyway. I think they just view me as the weird lady from the city haha! I've been out on a few dates (friends of friends etc) but all its shown me is that I really want/need time to be on my own. I sort of feel like my brain is still unravelling from all the stress of my last relationship.
    So right now I'm concentrating on my self and my daughter and building a new life for us which has been pretty successful so far.
    I can't see how anyone is going to 'fit in' with my life now.
  • Tineeeeeka
    Tineeeeeka Posts: 12 Member
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    I separated from my children's father 3 years ago, and although at the time and for a long while it was painful, I look back now and I'm so much happier where I am after spending the whole 3 years dedicated to myself, my kids and rebuilding a career.
    I've gone from being walked all over, constantly put down, pushed around - literally - and not going out to work or going out with friends etc because he didn't want me to, to moving on and rebuilding my life and my self esteem. I moved into a lovely home, started working full time and recently got promoted, rebuilt my friendships and slowly started to realise my worth.

    I'm definitely open to dating and finding love, but I'm also at a place where I'm so content in my life right now that I'm not fussed if I don't :)
  • Riffraft1960
    Riffraft1960 Posts: 1,984 Member
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    I find it much easier to just not date. I go out to events with a fair number of people and just enjoy myself. No pressure, no expectations, just have a good time.
  • RainaProske
    RainaProske Posts: 636 Member
    edited July 2016
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    Widowed at age 27, I found the dating scene entirely annoying. After a short try, I gave up, because I saw I would be happier single, concentrating upon my two children. That lasted 9 years, then an old friend from my teens was widowed. Married him a year later.

    We ended up individually parenting our own children, while we each tried not to interfere, because our parenting styles were so different. Neither of us was willing to compromise in our parenting back then.

    For example, I would not spank, but he had. Fortunately, the children were all teens, so while spanking was not an immediate problem, the way the children had been reared was problematic anyway, because their resulting personalities clashed. Strongly. Well, for some of them, anyway.

    All the children suffered, but we did our best, in spite of strong outside forces from a cult we were in and a lot of resulting ignorance. I had this pair of "rose-colored glasses" that changed everything, making me very naïve of what was going on right in front of my face.

    Fortunately, our children all survived, but I wouldn't put a young person through that again. They are all in their forties now, with fantastic children of their own and marriages that are lasting. And they are all out of the cult, as are we.

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