Is my marriage normal?

ashandloggiesmom

Hi, I'm new to MFP and don't know if this type of thread is allowed, but I have no friends and no one to talk to besides on here and I would like some input somewhere! I've been really focusing on my health and would like to work on me mentally also.

I'm married with kids, stay at home mom. I feel totally alone. My husband works hard at his job, I try to make him happy always. But he has no time for me and the kids. He sleeps as soon as gets home, and when he wakes up he is on his phone or the computer and I go to bed by myself. We don't talk too much and while we do the deed its not as much as either would like. I used to care about him not helping out at all with the kids but now I just want some attention! period. He sleeps weekends too, mostly cause he drinks then. I know he can't be too tired, cause if he wants to work on his truck or do something with friends, he does. He goes to the gym with me also. Are most husbands who work a physical job like this? I ask him and he just says I should try what he does all day and then see how I feel. Anyone else have this issue? Thanks.

_the_feniks_

Nothing normal about a guy who doesn't make time for his kids, let alone his wife. Physical job or not, he still has responsibilities as a father and husband.

MrsSenecal

Im sorry you are having these issues, and if you need to ask, you probably know yourself that this isnt normal. I was in a marriage where we always worked different shifts and never made time for eachother. I ended up having a affair and left him. I didnt leave him for who I had the affair with, I left because I knew if I could have a affair than something was very wrong in my marriage. You need to think to yourself, "Is this how I want to live my life forever?"

ashandloggiesmom

Yeah, I know it's its not probably normal, but I wonder how common it is... I feel bad, he's a good guy otherwise. It just stinks cause isn't that part of the reason we get married, to not be alone and to be around someone we love? Thanks guys

MrsSenecal

Thats exactly why. Someone who can be your life partner.

born2drum

SOunds like a staitway to misery. You need a social life as do your kids. COmmunication is important without it, your fuk'd.

Kai81109

It is probably something that happens to everyone.

Cp731

its quite common.
that's why most marriages end with Divorce.
one partner just doesnt meet the needs. blah blah

I feel bad for the kids.
your grown, talk to him and if his behavior doesn't change...sadly you'll need to walk away
he's grown, he knows what it takes to make you happy, clearly his role in his family is lost.

whierd

It is time to seek marriage counseling.

NormInv

I know so many such marriages. Hence, I am afraid to get married.

MyChocolateDiet

He just sounds really really super tired. :frown:

TeachTheGirl

It happens, but if it's an issue for you, it needs to be addressed. You can't keep yourself unhappy just because it might be normal 'for some'. You deserve to enjoy your marriage too. Chances are, he doesn't even know there's anything wrong.

Feel free to add me as a friend or shoot me a message if you need someone to vent to.

mockchoc

There is no such thing as normal firstly. Secondly it's not a reason to break up, marriage is about working things out so ignore anyone who says otherwise. Try everything you can first. Talk to him about it more and if it doesn't work suggest seeking help. The other thing is to find a life outside the relationship, he may just be exhausted for real but you can get on with your life and your friends/hobbies without him.

Achrya

He just sounds really really super tired. :frown:

Nope, Dbag. They should just break up



Edit: AmIdoingThisRight?

Karrie262

I'm sorry you're going through this. I would try a very careful approach. Try to get him to open up to you more about what's going on in his head and try to work a solution. If this doesn't work then, yeah, I'd say try marriage counseling. This is not an easy situation to be in and you do need your own social network. I hope it all works out for the best for your family!

Cp731

He sleeps weekends too, mostly cause he drinks then. I know he can't be too tired, cause if he wants to work on his truck or do something with friends, he does.

you also said he is on the phone or comp when he's awake. He sounds rather disconnected to me

SoViLicious

Not normal. I understand being busy and having a hectic life, but that is when we force ourselves to slow down and focus on the important people in our lives. I think you need to talk to him and if it does not work perhaps counseling.

Cp731

I know so many such marriages. Hence, I am afraid to get married.

too bad we arnt neighbors. we could sit on the front porch and watch everyone around us be unhappily married

ashandloggiesmom

Yeah I feel bad for all of us. I have tried talking to him, he thinks I'm just being a nag.

Cp731

Yeah I feel bad for all of us. I have tried talking to him, he thinks I'm just being a nag.

that's what he wants you to think so you'll leave him alone and let him continue to do as he pleases

Jagkat

It happens. Try doing nice things and giving him more attention like rub his feet, flirt, foreplay a longer time before doing the deed and go slow. Sometimes when you give they start giving back. Best thing is to go away for a night or 2 without the kids. You would be amazed how much that helps.